Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hear the men complaining about the waiting, but it is true that having sex with a guy too soon causes respect issues. If I don't care what a guy thinks of me, the reasons to delay sex are diminished.

As long as men associate a woman's value with her sexual availability, this will continue. Blame women all you want, but slut-shaming is forcing the behavior it is intended to discourage.

It's the man's fault women want to have their cake and eat it too. gotcha

It's the sexists' fault that women can't choose to have sex without being judged. Both men and women judge and slut-shame. If you engage in either, don't whine when it means you have to wait to get laid.

It's one thing to be free to have sex. It paints a different message while, simultaneously telling one guy he's important and "let's wait," you're out banging another guy. It's deceptive.

I agree that's deceptive, but I don't believe it actually happened to OP. It may happen everyday, but this story is a creation of OP's imagination. I'm just telling you why a woman would decide to wait with one guy and go ahead with another.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hear the men complaining about the waiting, but it is true that having sex with a guy too soon causes respect issues. If I don't care what a guy thinks of me, the reasons to delay sex are diminished.

As long as men associate a woman's value with her sexual availability, this will continue. Blame women all you want, but slut-shaming is forcing the behavior it is intended to discourage.

It's the man's fault women want to have their cake and eat it too. gotcha

It's the sexists' fault that women can't choose to have sex without being judged. Both men and women judge and slut-shame. If you engage in either, don't whine when it means you have to wait to get laid.

It's one thing to be free to have sex. It paints a different message while, simultaneously telling one guy he's important and "let's wait," you're out banging another guy. It's deceptive.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hear the men complaining about the waiting, but it is true that having sex with a guy too soon causes respect issues. If I don't care what a guy thinks of me, the reasons to delay sex are diminished.

As long as men associate a woman's value with her sexual availability, this will continue. Blame women all you want, but slut-shaming is forcing the behavior it is intended to discourage.

It's the man's fault women want to have their cake and eat it too. gotcha

It's the sexists' fault that women can't choose to have sex without being judged. Both men and women judge and slut-shame. If you engage in either, don't whine when it means you have to wait to get laid.

Anonymous wrote:I hear the men complaining about the waiting, but it is true that having sex with a guy too soon causes respect issues. If I don't care what a guy thinks of me, the reasons to delay sex are diminished.

As long as men associate a woman's value with her sexual availability, this will continue. Blame women all you want, but slut-shaming is forcing the behavior it is intended to discourage.

It's the man's fault women want to have their cake and eat it too. gotcha

^ UNdignified? LOL.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, dating for 6-8 weeks is not "seriously dating."

Um...yeah it is. I can only imagine, from a man's perspective, dating a girl I really like for 6-8 weeks, spending maybe $1000 or more on the dates, having her hint at LTR potential, then walk into a bar to see her flirting drunkenly with a "jock" type. it would be like a kick in the gut. She admitted to fucking him but he didn't need to hear it - he guessed it already. He spent $1000 on a woman he really liked, while she was getting fucked senseless by a man she has no feelings for. No man with an ounce of self-respect would date that woman again. And it's incredibly cold-hearted to spew "she can date whoever she wants" without understanding the feelings involved. OP must understand this is over and learn from her mistake. If I were guy #1 I might go for the bang, but I think I'd just cut off contact.

Can you do the rest of the men here a favor and get a registered account? That way we don't all get blamed for you posts.

He's partially right, though the monetary aspect does not help the case any.

If I'm dating a woman for two months and it seems like things are going well, I'm going to assume that, even if we aren't exclusive yet, she's not fucking somebody else during our dating. I've probably told all my friends about this great girl I've been seeing and then *voila*, there she is in a bar, dressed sexier than usual, with a jock, flirting, probably all over him, etc. Since I'm there with my buddies, I dare not go over there. I would never want to admit that "the great girl" I've been seeing is all over *that* guy. I'm either gonna hear jokes or be told she's fucking him, neither which is going to make me feel good. I realize "men don't have feelings," according to the women here, but there's no way to bounce back from that. It's deception from day 1.

Yes, ladies. She is ALLOWED to play and have sex with whomever she wants. I am not entitled to it. But I am entitled to be treated with dignity, and that does *not* include "*seeing* a future with me" while, at the same time, *feeling* the present with another guy.

Sorry. You are NOT ALLOWED to treat me in an indignified manner.

Guy 1 may have been sad and pouty, but handled it well. He could have called her a whore and ended things horribly. He did not.

I hear the men complaining about the waiting, but it is true that having sex with a guy too soon causes respect issues. If I don't care what a guy thinks of me, the reasons to delay sex are diminished.

As long as men associate a woman's value with her sexual availability, this will continue. Blame women all you want, but slut-shaming is forcing the behavior it is intended to discourage.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much do you have to spend on a woman before you're owed sex? Just curious.

It's not that you are owed anything, it's opportunity cost. All the time effort (and money) you spend pursuing the girl who isn't having sex w you is time and effort that could have been spent pursuing a willing sexual partner. And no sex isn't the only goal of a relationship, but is one of (if not the) most important facets. Just look at the relationship threads here. Many if not most are about too much or not enough (or bad) sex in LTRs.

Every guy has a maximum amt of opportunity cost they are willing to endure before moving on. It might be more for an especially desirable woman. It's going to drop precipitously in a situation like the OP describes. Doesn't make the guy a loser.

I guess those people who hold out for marriage are just resource drains.

If we really click in all other aspects and you put that on the table early on it would not be a dealbreaker for me though it would be for many men.

But I better not find out you've got a side piece!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much do you have to spend on a woman before you're owed sex? Just curious.

It's not that you are owed anything, it's opportunity cost. All the time effort (and money) you spend pursuing the girl who isn't having sex w you is time and effort that could have been spent pursuing a willing sexual partner. And no sex isn't the only goal of a relationship, but is one of (if not the) most important facets. Just look at the relationship threads here. Many if not most are about too much or not enough (or bad) sex in LTRs.

Every guy has a maximum amt of opportunity cost they are willing to endure before moving on. It might be more for an especially desirable woman. It's going to drop precipitously in a situation like the OP describes. Doesn't make the guy a loser.

I guess those people who hold out for marriage are just resource drains.

Anonymous wrote:NP here, and a woman.

Multi-dating is completely different from sleeping with multiple people. I'm not one for slut-shaming and OP is free to date and fuck whomever she likes, but I agree that when you are pursuing a potential relationship, both sides are likely to assume that neither party is sleeping with anyone else. If one of you is, that changes the picture significantly and it makes sense that he'd feel betrayed.

OP, in the future save the sex for a monogamous relationship or be upfront with all of your dates that you're polyamorous/sleeping with someone else. Some men won't care (they won't be the ones looking to settle down though...) and you'll be able to hold your head high knowing you were honest and transparent. You can't expect that from anyone else until you're willing to offer it.

I am one for "slut-shaming", but otherwise you are completely correct.

Anonymous wrote:How much do you have to spend on a woman before you're owed sex? Just curious.

It's not that you are owed anything, it's opportunity cost. All the time effort (and money) you spend pursuing the girl who isn't having sex w you is time and effort that could have been spent pursuing a willing sexual partner. And no sex isn't the only goal of a relationship, but is one of (if not the) most important facets. Just look at the relationship threads here. Many if not most are about too much or not enough (or bad) sex in LTRs.

Every guy has a maximum amt of opportunity cost they are willing to endure before moving on. It might be more for an especially desirable woman. It's going to drop precipitously in a situation like the OP describes. Doesn't make the guy a loser.

NP here, and a woman.

Multi-dating is completely different from sleeping with multiple people. I'm not one for slut-shaming and OP is free to date and fuck whomever she likes, but I agree that when you are pursuing a potential relationship, both sides are likely to assume that neither party is sleeping with anyone else. If one of you is, that changes the picture significantly and it makes sense that he'd feel betrayed.

OP, in the future save the sex for a monogamous relationship or be upfront with all of your dates that you're polyamorous/sleeping with someone else. Some men won't care (they won't be the ones looking to settle down though...) and you'll be able to hold your head high knowing you were honest and transparent. You can't expect that from anyone else until you're willing to offer it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you "really liked" #1, and saw long-term potential, why did you allow yourself to get fucked, repeatedly, by a guy you don't like much and recently met? have you heard of herpes? AIDS?

#1 hopefully fucked you and then chucked you. You've shown (by spreading your legs for two guys who are not your boyfriends) that you're trash and not LTR worthy.

You sound like an awful person. Adults do not become "trash" because they enjoy casual, consensual sex. OP's mistake was not being clear with Guy 1 whether they were exclusive or not.

She wasn't clear because she wanted him to think they were exclusive and to see her as a marriage prospect - while she was getting fucked every which way by a guy she had no feelings for. She wanted her cake and eating it too. Luckily guy #1 found out what kind of girl she really is. A woman who fucks men she just met and has no feelings for is, by definition, not a LTR prospect.

Interesting. Where does this definition come from? Are the men who have casual sex also by definition not LTR prospects?

Men =/= women. We have our own rules to live up to, actually many more than women do. Women don't have to do much other than stay in shape, be friendly, and not fuck everyone in town.

I'm a guy - you^ are a chucklehead.

next time I'll explain things more in depth for the slower males among us...

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, dating for 6-8 weeks is not "seriously dating."

Um...yeah it is. I can only imagine, from a man's perspective, dating a girl I really like for 6-8 weeks, spending maybe $1000 or more on the dates, having her hint at LTR potential, then walk into a bar to see her flirting drunkenly with a "jock" type. it would be like a kick in the gut. She admitted to fucking him but he didn't need to hear it - he guessed it already. He spent $1000 on a woman he really liked, while she was getting fucked senseless by a man she has no feelings for. No man with an ounce of self-respect would date that woman again. And it's incredibly cold-hearted to spew "she can date whoever she wants" without understanding the feelings involved. OP must understand this is over and learn from her mistake. If I were guy #1 I might go for the bang, but I think I'd just cut off contact.

Dude, no wonder you're so bitter -- stop spending so much money on women when you're not even dating seriously yet. I don't know if I spent $1000 if the first year I was dating my wife.

I've never spent that much, but if they were dating 8 weeks, maybe 10-15 times total...ok, maybe more like $400-500. the money spent isn't the main issue. Bitterness to you is just my ability to empathize with someone else's situation. If after two months of you dating your wife you found out she'd been fucking someone else the whole time, I'm sure you would have broken it off.

How much do you have to spend on a woman before you're owed sex? Just curious.