For those of you who say family is a better option, I have to say this obviously varies on a case by case basis. My mom offered to take care of DS instead of daycare, but for my sister and I growing up, she was the most mercurial, angry, frightening caretaker who constantly lost her temper and screamed at the drop of a hat. I decided that daycare would be a better option for DS.

Anonymous wrote:Okay- I'll feed the troll.

My kids have learned things in daycare that I never could have taught them as a SAHM. My control cases are my neices and nephews; other SAHM.

My kids accept diversity without question. Their caregivers and classmates are from all over the world and my kids have never asked me why so and so's skin is darker than their's. They don't care because they have grown up with people who don't look like them. They have been hugged and loved and cared for by people who are different. They do not fear difference in the world- they approach others with openness and curiosity, not fear.

My kids have learned independence. They have learned to navigate the world without Mommy and Daddy at their side. They have learned that other people can love you and take care of you, other than their parents.

My kids have learned to interact with their peers. They have learned to negociate disagreements. They don't just run to Mom or Dad to protest or negociate for them. My kids have learned how to handle disputes with their words.

Unless you are an arts and crafts whiz and a former teachers, they have been exposed to a richness of diverse opportunities to learn; express themselves through art and music. They were ready for school much before the kids of SAHMs. They understand routine and classroom management. They went to kindergarden writing, reading and doing math because they had learned so much. They accepted structure.

I would say the opposite. The kids from daycare tend to need constant stimulation. They are so used to having everything planned out for them that when given free time, don't seem to know what to do with it. While this is a general statement, I do see it often. Your statement is idealistic at best. I SAHM with three kids and I can say all of the above about my kids too. All three are doing great in school, are kind empathetic little guys. Life is what you make of it. I know that is is often easier to put down another person's choices to make yourself feel better so I get the arrogance in your statement

Anonymous wrote:I'm the OP. I would like to apologize to everyone for starting this thread. It wasn't my intention for it to turn out like this. I've read through all of the posts and even though there have been many nasty and hateful posts, lots of other posters make good points. I have been made aware of some POVs that I hadn't considered before.
I Googled the issue of daycare, and discovered that the latest review of the data (2010) concludes that there's no clear evidence that it's detrimental to kids.
I hope that we can put this thread to rest and, despite our opinions and preferences, agree that each mom is doing what she feels is best for her family.

Really OP? What was your intention then in starting this thread?

I have been fortunate enough to have my mother (who lives in DC) provide childcare for all of my children. It was her choice and we do pay her (but it's definitely not as much as a daycare would cost).

I have four children and had to leave them at the 6-week mark to go back to work. It was incredibly sad for me, but it made it easier to have my Mom around to provide care. I stayed home with my last daughter (who's 3) for her first 8 months. Now she's with grandma.

While I enjoyed being a SAHM, I didn't do anything extraordinary. It was mainly me watching TV, chilling out with my baby. I'm not really into playing patty-cake incessantly, doing crafts, etc so being a SAHM to my now 3 y/o would not work for me. I love her to pieces, but she'd have to do some sort of part-time preschool if we were to survive me SAHM.

My daughter is basically hanging out with Grandma right now. Not doing any crafts, just does a lot of TV watching. She's incredibly smart and has learned a lot. Knows her ABCs, recognizing all of her letters, numbers, colors and shapes. She's also learning to write numbers and is even picking up Spanish (she's a Dora fan). I plan to start her in preschool when she's closer to the 4 y/o mark..so closer to Sept. She could benefit from having a better schedule and I'd like her to have some interaction with other children.

Two of my older children are high school (11th grade) and middle school (7th). I *really* wish I could be home when they get out of school. Especially for my middle-schooler. She's not as disciplined when it comes to doing homework and I don't like them having the run of the house with no one there for 2-3 hours. I'm not setting the world on fire with my job (admin making $42k), but it helps towards our overall HHI of $104k, so quitting is not an option. I've been searching very aggressively for something PT and/or closer to home.

I greatly admire WOHMs who work out of necessity. It is incredibly difficult, for some, to leave their children in the capable hands of others. I would never fault them for their choice and I hope that their children experience great joy while at daycare.

Anonymous wrote:I just wanted to share my thoughts about the concept of daycare in general. I am wondering if anyone agrees with how I feel. It saddens me that so many of us put our kids in daycare. Daycare was my plan when I got pregnant with my first, but after a few weeks of it, I realized that I wanted to be the one raising DC and I quit my job. I am lucky that we were able to afford to get by on just DH's income. I understand that, in this country (especially in the DC area, and other metropolitan areas like it), both parents often have to work in order to be able to support their children. I'm not trying to insult any families that are doing that. My comments are more about the way we're living collectively in this country, where parents find it necessary to outsource the important task of raising their children to person or persons they barely know. Is daycare a common thing in other countries, I wonder (e.g., the Scandinavian countries, where standards of living and quality of life are reported to be so high?) It just seems so unnatural to me...the idea of having people we don't know that well spend more waking hours with our little ones than we do. Sometimes I wonder if it has something to do with the general degeneration of our society (in my opinion). Thanks for listening.

Sadly, you did not give it enough time. In the beginning, lots of hormones in your system so your feelings are extremely magnified. The ideal, would be to ease into daycare. Do short days or two / three days a week. Around 8 to 12 months, you will see how you child really thrives with the other kids and it is more about group social learning environment than being raised by another caregiver "replacing" you. In fact, what makes daycare so ideal, is that in the group environment, you child gets the love of the group of teachers and incredible social direct and indirect social interaction with the other kids. By maximizing the quality time you have after work and weekends with your child, you have not lost anything.

You will be able to meet many other parents on these boards who have had incredible experiences with day care and have wonderful children as a product of a balance dual-working family. You really should tap into it and learn from the incredible resource of these parents. It could make all the difference in your marriage, family and professional life to get the child care thing right in the beginning.

I swear by daycare, a balanced work schedule between both parents. There is nothing better.

If you guys stop looking at your belly button you'll realize that not everybody has a 9-5er (or 6-9er like some of you seem to have).

DH is not paying me to watch his children and he's not counting on strangers to watch his child. I'm his spouse, his loving partner, the mother of the child. Your little accusation means nothing, it really doesn't make any sense. He's not paying some stranger to to love his child. He's not relaying on a piece of paper or a 5 minute conversation at pick up to know what is going on during his child's day. He's either there watching it while he works from home or hearing first hand from me, his loving wife who has only this child's best interest in mind.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"My child doesn't know statistics. All she knows is that her mommy is there when she falls and gets hurt or when she's hungry for her milk. Not a complete stranger that is paid to "love" her and feed her on a schedule along with 4 other children (depending on the ration established by the state)."

But it's okay that daddy is not there?

Who said daddy is not there?

Sorry if your DH is absent. Mine is not.

So neither you nor your DH works outside the home??? You do realize that very, very few families can afford such an arrangement, right? You are unbelievable.

Who said my husband doesn't work? Lots of assumptions going on here, huh?

Not pp you're responding to, but you really are not so smart, huh? Your DH either doesn't work, or works at least as much as a wohm that you keep saying doesn't raise the kid or isn't parenting or is paying someone to love them. Every thing you are saying about the wohm is the same thing that you are saying about your working DH. Unless he doesn't work. That's what the pp was saying. No wonder you don't work. You are dumb.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"My child doesn't know statistics. All she knows is that her mommy is there when she falls and gets hurt or when she's hungry for her milk. Not a complete stranger that is paid to "love" her and feed her on a schedule along with 4 other children (depending on the ration established by the state)."

But it's okay that daddy is not there?

Who said daddy is not there?

Sorry if your DH is absent. Mine is not.

So neither you nor your DH works outside the home??? You do realize that very, very few families can afford such an arrangement, right? You are unbelievable.

Who said my husband doesn't work? Lots of assumptions going on here, huh?

Not pp you're responding to, but you really are not so smart, huh? Your DH either doesn't work, or works at least as much as a wohm that you keep saying doesn't raise the kid or isn't parenting or is paying someone to love them. Every thing you are saying about the wohm is the same thing that you are saying about your working DH. Unless he doesn't work. That's what the pp was saying. No wonder you don't work. You are dumb.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"My child doesn't know statistics. All she knows is that her mommy is there when she falls and gets hurt or when she's hungry for her milk. Not a complete stranger that is paid to "love" her and feed her on a schedule along with 4 other children (depending on the ration established by the state)."

But it's okay that daddy is not there?

Who said daddy is not there?

Sorry if your DH is absent. Mine is not.

So neither you nor your DH works outside the home??? You do realize that very, very few families can afford such an arrangement, right? You are unbelievable.

Who said my husband doesn't work? Lots of assumptions going on here, huh?

Only mother that is above reproach is the one who lives on a island and has her baby with her every single minute of the day, and her man is there beside her

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"My child doesn't know statistics. All she knows is that her mommy is there when she falls and gets hurt or when she's hungry for her milk. Not a complete stranger that is paid to "love" her and feed her on a schedule along with 4 other children (depending on the ration established by the state)."

But it's okay that daddy is not there?

Who said daddy is not there?

Sorry if your DH is absent. Mine is not.

So neither you nor your DH works outside the home??? You do realize that very, very few families can afford such an arrangement, right? You are unbelievable.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No it doesn't. You know a child is exponentially more likely to be harmed by a family meber tha a daycare worker, right?

It isn't luck. And again, please show me one scrap of evidence that children who go to daycare don't do as well as other children. There isn't any.

You keep rationalizing your choice by all means, whatever helps you sleep at night. Daycare or no daycare, it is all the same if other variables are constant.

My child doesn't know statistics. All she knows is that her mommy is there when she falls and gets hurt or when she's hungry for her milk. Not a complete stranger that is paid to "love" her and feed her on a schedule along with 4 other children (depending on the ration established by the state).

Spoken like a woman who couldn't be bothered to look into childcare options. Couldn't pay for it anyway, huh? I love this type of oh so stupid post. My kids are teenagers now; we have hundreds of thousands of dollars more than we would if one of us had SAH. And our kids are doing great! Looks like our "luck" paid off, eh?

If money is what you care about, seems like you got what you wanted. Good for you!$!$!$

Anonymous wrote:"My child doesn't know statistics. All she knows is that her mommy is there when she falls and gets hurt or when she's hungry for her milk. Not a complete stranger that is paid to "love" her and feed her on a schedule along with 4 other children (depending on the ration established by the state)."

But it's okay that daddy is not there?

Who said daddy is not there?

Sorry if your DH is absent. Mine is not.

I think daycare has been a good thing for our family. My son is learning to speak Spanish, which we could not have taught him at home (he knows all the colors, numbers up to 20, parts of the body). He has a good group of friends there who he seems happy to see. And they really seem to like him - when he arrives in the morning, all the kids say "[DS's name] is here!" as if he were a celebrity or something. It has also helped him understand sharing and taking turns.
I do think five days a week for the whole day is a lot, and really wish I could work 4 days a week. By Friday, I'm worn out, DS is worn out, and we could really use another day to spend together.

"My child doesn't know statistics. All she knows is that her mommy is there when she falls and gets hurt or when she's hungry for her milk. Not a complete stranger that is paid to "love" her and feed her on a schedule along with 4 other children (depending on the ration established by the state)."

But it's okay that daddy is not there?

I'm the OP. I would like to apologize to everyone for starting this thread. It wasn't my intention for it to turn out like this. I've read through all of the posts and even though there have been many nasty and hateful posts, lots of other posters make good points. I have been made aware of some POVs that I hadn't considered before.
I Googled the issue of daycare, and discovered that the latest review of the data (2010) concludes that there's no clear evidence that it's detrimental to kids.
I hope that we can put this thread to rest and, despite our opinions and preferences, agree that each mom is doing what she feels is best for her family.