Op here. By my quick calculation, in the years I have been part time, I have probably lost at least a million in income, plus the interest I would have earned by investing.

And it most certainly would have been more because I would have advanced to higher level positions.

I will have no shame taking his money.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, if you wanted to work on your marriage but DH just decided not to and there was no abuse or substance abuse and he did this while you were supporting kids and household, get as much as you can from him. Don't go gently

Yes op by all means be a leach. Or put on your big girl pants like I did and work hard for your own money. I can assure you it’s way more satisfying. -a divorcee that didn’t take handouts.

As some have already said, it can be both. A woman is not a leech when she collects what is due to her. Marital property is not a handout. Or if it is like you claim, why does a man want a handout? It's like saying please loan me 10K and I'll pay you back... and when it's time to pay back, it's don't be a leech I want all the money for myself! The man can "work hard for his own money" once he's divorced and doesn't get free household work and childrearing. In fact if money was so important, he shouldn't have gotten married in the first place. Sure, perhaps then he wouldn't have had the opportunity to have children either, but he'd have his money! See how that works?! You don't get kids raised to adults and then kick the woman out to the curb when the work is done.

You're arguing against a position nobody made.

Nobody said marital property is a handout. Most people support dividing marital assets. That's the $10,000 being repaid in your analogy.

The disagreement is over the additional the $100,000s paid over decades after the assets have already been divided and the marriage has already ended.

And your entire argument rests on an old stereotype: the selfless wife raising the children while the husband contributes little more than a paycheck.

That simply isn't reality for many families.

Millions of fathers work full time while also changing diapers, attending school events, coaching teams, helping with homework, cooking meals, cleaning the house, getting kids to appointments, and sharing custody after divorce. Pretending child rearing is something men merely receive from women is as outdated as claiming women belong in the kitchen.

Marriage isn't a pension plan. If two adults build a life together, they should divide the assets fairly when it ends. What many people object to is the idea that one capable adult is entitled to remain on the other's payroll for decades after the partnership is over.

By your logic, if money is so unimportant, why is lifelong access to someone else's income so important?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, if you wanted to work on your marriage but DH just decided not to and there was no abuse or substance abuse and he did this while you were supporting kids and household, get as much as you can from him. Don't go gently

Yes op by all means be a leach. Or put on your big girl pants like I did and work hard for your own money. I can assure you it’s way more satisfying. -a divorcee that didn’t take handouts.

As some have already said, it can be both. A woman is not a leech when she collects what is due to her. Marital property is not a handout. Or if it is like you claim, why does a man want a handout? It's like saying please loan me 10K and I'll pay you back... and when it's time to pay back, it's don't be a leech I want all the money for myself! The man can "work hard for his own money" once he's divorced and doesn't get free household work and childrearing. In fact if money was so important, he shouldn't have gotten married in the first place. Sure, perhaps then he wouldn't have had the opportunity to have children either, but he'd have his money! See how that works?! You don't get kids raised to adults and then kick the woman out to the curb when the work is done.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got ten years alimony after 25 year marriage in Maryland.

Were you working?

I worked the first 5 years and was home next 15. Worked last 5 years in retail. So not a big earner. He fought tooth and nail to give me as little as possible. I couldn’t fight back.

Sibling in MD got lifetime alimony..

How much per month?

No clue. Id never ask.
Her ex was loaded. Sure its a decent amount.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got ten years alimony after 25 year marriage in Maryland.

Were you working?

I worked the first 5 years and was home next 15. Worked last 5 years in retail. So not a big earner. He fought tooth and nail to give me as little as possible. I couldn’t fight back.

Sibling in MD got lifetime alimony..

Was the sibling employed and if so, what was the salary gap?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got ten years alimony after 25 year marriage in Maryland.

Were you working?

I worked the first 5 years and was home next 15. Worked last 5 years in retail. So not a big earner. He fought tooth and nail to give me as little as possible. I couldn’t fight back.

Sibling in MD got lifetime alimony..

How much per month?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got ten years alimony after 25 year marriage in Maryland.

Were you working?

I worked the first 5 years and was home next 15. Worked last 5 years in retail. So not a big earner. He fought tooth and nail to give me as little as possible. I couldn’t fight back.

Sibling in MD got lifetime alimony..

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, if you wanted to work on your marriage but DH just decided not to and there was no abuse or substance abuse and he did this while you were supporting kids and household, get as much as you can from him. Don't go gently

Yes op by all means be a leach. Or put on your big girl pants like I did and work hard for your own money. I can assure you it’s way more satisfying. -a divorcee that didn’t take handouts.

Kudos to you. Not everyone has guts to do it.

These aren't handouts. What would anyone give up assets they had a claim to? I know I certainly wouldn't.
And fyi, I was the breadwinner wife until I retired. And even then, I went on to start a business.

Yea- why would the wife give up her legal rights- for him and his next partner/their bio kids to enjoy the fruit of her free contractual labor ? He entered into legal contract/marriage if he was against the term he cools divorce her a long time ago

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, if you wanted to work on your marriage but DH just decided not to and there was no abuse or substance abuse and he did this while you were supporting kids and household, get as much as you can from him. Don't go gently

Yes op by all means be a leach. Or put on your big girl pants like I did and work hard for your own money. I can assure you it’s way more satisfying. -a divorcee that didn’t take handouts.

Kudos to you. Not everyone has guts to do it.

These aren't handouts. What would anyone give up assets they had a claim to? I know I certainly wouldn't.
And fyi, I was the breadwinner wife until I retired. And even then, I went on to start a business.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got ten years alimony after 25 year marriage in Maryland.

Were you working?

I worked the first 5 years and was home next 15. Worked last 5 years in retail. So not a big earner. He fought tooth and nail to give me as little as possible. I couldn’t fight back.

Anonymous wrote:I got ten years alimony after 25 year marriage in Maryland.

Were you working?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, if you wanted to work on your marriage but DH just decided not to and there was no abuse or substance abuse and he did this while you were supporting kids and household, get as much as you can from him. Don't go gently

Yes op by all means be a leach. Or put on your big girl pants like I did and work hard for your own money. I can assure you it’s way more satisfying. -a divorcee that didn’t take handouts.

Be the leach. He broke his vows now it's time to pay up.

Its "leech" you ignorant fools.
We get it, you're too stupid to earn your own money.

“It’s” not “Its” you ignorant fool. Hahaha. Classic.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, if you wanted to work on your marriage but DH just decided not to and there was no abuse or substance abuse and he did this while you were supporting kids and household, get as much as you can from him. Don't go gently

Yes op by all means be a leach. Or put on your big girl pants like I did and work hard for your own money. I can assure you it’s way more satisfying. -a divorcee that didn’t take handouts.

Kudos to you. Not everyone has guts to do it.

Yea, nobody wants to give up 50% of joint assets and legally guaranteed alimony by a legal contract. These are not “handouts”.

Op can get what’s due to her and still work after . One doesn’t exclude the other. She doesn’t need to make her life poorer or worse off financially out of some whimsical ethical considerations about her cheating stbx

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, if you wanted to work on your marriage but DH just decided not to and there was no abuse or substance abuse and he did this while you were supporting kids and household, get as much as you can from him. Don't go gently

Yes op by all means be a leach. Or put on your big girl pants like I did and work hard for your own money. I can assure you it’s way more satisfying. -a divorcee that didn’t take handouts.

Kudos to you. Not everyone has guts to do it.

Anonymous wrote:OP, if you wanted to work on your marriage but DH just decided not to and there was no abuse or substance abuse and he did this while you were supporting kids and household, get as much as you can from him. Don't go gently

Trust me. I am.

- OP