I come from a nice town with excellent public schools. My parents were between middle class and upper middle class. I was fortunate enough to go to a very good college and a top professional school. I’ve had a great career run. But, I’m very uncomfortable flaunting wealth or success. If you were my friend or neighbor you wouldn’t know about my financial circumstances.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve paid for college, grad school and house down payments for my kids. And funded 529 plans for grandkids. However, there’s a line between being generous and overdoing it and taking away ambition. I don’t ever discuss my income or NW with my kids. Someday it’ll be a necessary conversation but until then I want everyone fully motivated.

IMO you have raised your kids incorrectly if by age 20 you are not fully discussing NW with them. If them knowing you are worth something makes the kid unmotivated there is a lot more at play

How many millions are you worth? 20 is pretty young to just reveal it all, especially if you're not a very spend heavy family.

+1. From a wealthy family but my parents never discuss money and even though my dad was a biglaw partner I was clueless what that meant and didn’t realize until I turned on the family computer when I was 17 and there was his tax return. I called my older sister in shock!

Do you never think to yourself of why some people are mentioned in history books? Kings, conquerors, business magnates like the Medici or Rockefeller. They had money, resources, power, and influence to mold the world as they please. You don’t do that by living off a pension or your squirreled away 401k to only last you 30 years

Some people want to become the next Medici clan. And that’s a perfectly good and ambitious goal. Most won’t. But human beings are built with the innate desire to conquer, go where nobody has gone before, always up for the next challenge. It’s in our bones. A less ambitious goal along that vein is making sure your clan is kept fed and safe, and I think of generational wealth as the step below being the next Alexander the Great

This is an important point: "Two things can happen at once. My DD is exhibit A. Her college and part of grad school is paid for. And she is a grateful kid and hard worker."

Your points are fair. If my kids had gone into medicine, art or science I would’ve had to take more responsibility for financial training. They picked law and finance and are more financially sophisticated than me in some ways. I learn more from them than they learn from me. One will soon pass me for NW if that hasn’t already occurred. It all depends.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve paid for college, grad school and house down payments for my kids. And funded 529 plans for grandkids. However, there’s a line between being generous and overdoing it and taking away ambition. I don’t ever discuss my income or NW with my kids. Someday it’ll be a necessary conversation but until then I want everyone fully motivated.

as a high net worth person you are doing your kids a huge disservice. My DH does our finances and brought our kids into them. when they were juniors in high school. My kids know how much we make, How much we spend, and how much we invest. My oldest is really into it and has his own investment account. it actually kinda freaks my college aged kid out because he’s thinking “holy crap I’ll never make that” They are both well aware now is what having a “working mom” when they were growing up meant and what a huge multiplier that has been for our family.

Finances are not a thing to hide from your children.

I hear you. But, my kids are highly successful, have great families and don’t need money from me. Mission accomplished. I had cousins who amounted to less than nothing by being handed too much and expecting more. That was a big influence for me.

Well i’ve pulled my kids into our finances since they were in high school. Both of my kids started investing in roths in HIGH school because we financially educated them. Of course people can be successful, but are they maximizing their success? Do they truly understand how to manage money? Did they go to college with a fundamental understanding of what LTV means? How to read and understand a Closing Disclosure Statement or HUD1? Do your kids know what a 1031x is and how that’s set up? Do your kids know how to negotiate interest rates and how to float a rate down without fees? Did your kids ask you to set up a custodial account to start investing in their roth when they were making money mowing lawns all spring summer and fall? Didnyour kids know the difference between small-cap bs large-cap before HS graduation? Did your kid when the iran conflict broke out scramble to buy XOM on a hunch?

I’m not enabling my kids I’m empowering them to move early and quickly in the direction away from w2 wage slave dependency. My DH and I did it and we have given them the blueprint to do it too and do it better. My advice to them heading into college has been to follow your passion, but whatever you do carefully put every dollar to work and with a purpose.

Anonymous wrote:If you grew up in poverty, stood in lines at food banks to get powdered milk and expired food, and never got to eat out or take a vacation, then your mindset is different. You don’t want that same childhood for your kid. Generational wealth can help you attend college and move away from the crime-ridden town.

Not always true. I wish people would stop saying this. Rich or poor, investing early and consistently simply seems the thing to do.
I grew up poor. Really wasn't a big deal. There were poorer people in my town and in the world.

If you grew up in poverty, stood in lines at food banks to get powdered milk and expired food, and never got to eat out or take a vacation, then your mindset is different. You don’t want that same childhood for your kid. Generational wealth can help you attend college and move away from the crime-ridden town.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve paid for college, grad school and house down payments for my kids. And funded 529 plans for grandkids. However, there’s a line between being generous and overdoing it and taking away ambition. I don’t ever discuss my income or NW with my kids. Someday it’ll be a necessary conversation but until then I want everyone fully motivated.

as a high net worth person you are doing your kids a huge disservice. My DH does our finances and brought our kids into them. when they were juniors in high school. My kids know how much we make, How much we spend, and how much we invest. My oldest is really into it and has his own investment account. it actually kinda freaks my college aged kid out because he’s thinking “holy crap I’ll never make that” They are both well aware now is what having a “working mom” when they were growing up meant and what a huge multiplier that has been for our family.

Finances are not a thing to hide from your children.

I hear you. But, my kids are highly successful, have great families and don’t need money from me. Mission accomplished. I had cousins who amounted to less than nothing by being handed too much and expecting more. That was a big influence for me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not obsessing over it, but it would give me joy to see my grandchildren have their college tuition paid for like I had mine paid for--by my grandparents.

My dad wants to pay our kids tuition. Nope we are good. He will go to the local cheap state college which we can afford and he will take some student loans.

Why? Put your ego down for a sec and let your dad give your kid the gift of not drowning in debt the moment he gets his diploma.

Anonymous wrote:I’ve paid for college, grad school and house down payments for my kids. And funded 529 plans for grandkids. However, there’s a line between being generous and overdoing it and taking away ambition. I don’t ever discuss my income or NW with my kids. Someday it’ll be a necessary conversation but until then I want everyone fully motivated.

as a high net worth person you are doing your kids a huge disservice. My DH does our finances and brought our kids into them. when they were juniors in high school. My kids know how much we make, How much we spend, and how much we invest. My oldest is really into it and has his own investment account. it actually kinda freaks my college aged kid out because he’s thinking “holy crap I’ll never make that” They are both well aware now is what having a “working mom” when they were growing up meant and what a huge multiplier that has been for our family.

Finances are not a thing to hide from your children.

tax evasion

I never set out to be wealthy. My goal was to be a respected professional, which I was. I get far more satisfaction from my professional success than my wealth. Not even close. I want the same personal success for my kids, and they’re achieving it. When you look back on your life, family, friends and achievement and success in your work are far more important than a bank account.

I had none to acquire. I am blessed and fortunate to have planned correctly throughout my career and my wife in her career to provide for our children.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not obsessing over it, but it would give me joy to see my grandchildren have their college tuition paid for like I had mine paid for--by my grandparents.

My dad wants to pay our kids tuition. Nope we are good. He will go to the local cheap state college which we can afford and he will take some student loans.

Pretty awful of you to start your kids out behind on life when it’s completely unnecessary.

Agree. Why would you KNOWINGLY start them in a financial hole? I paid for my college and grad school. While others were working and saving and investing, I was working and paying off loans. And don't give me BS about "working hard" and "earning it." Two things can happen at once. My DD is exhibit A. Her college and part of grad school is paid for. And she is a grateful kid and hard worker.

Shame on you.