Anonymous wrote:I have not seen any formal research, but anecdotally I have heard this over and over from friends and coworkers-when they are most miserable, they tried to make their social media look as happy and enviable as possible. Part of it was to convince themselves, but sometimes it was to show an ex or abusive family member they are doing sooo well. I will say time and again when I see married coupled being all cutesy on social media I find out they are having problems and too many times within a few years of this they divorce.

I don't put photos on social media because I am better than you all-KIDDING! I just don't want to ever make somebody feel bad about their situation and it just feels uncomfortable to me. Plus, you never know what will happen to that photo-once you post, it is no longer yours. I have actually asked people to take down photos with me in them. I keep photo albums and treasure them, but I am not a public person.

You are the miserable one. You're projecting all of your unhappiness and insecurities onto others. Your little anecdote is called confirmation bias. You see what you want to see because you're full of seething rage and unhappiness at your own lot in life.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have not seen any formal research, but anecdotally I have heard this over and over from friends and coworkers-when they are most miserable, they tried to make their social media look as happy and enviable as possible. Part of it was to convince themselves, but sometimes it was to show an ex or abusive family member they are doing sooo well. I will say time and again when I see married coupled being all cutesy on social media I find out they are having problems and too many times within a few years of this they divorce.

I don't put photos on social media because I am better than you all-KIDDING! I just don't want to ever make somebody feel bad about their situation and it just feels uncomfortable to me. Plus, you never know what will happen to that photo-once you post, it is no longer yours. I have actually asked people to take down photos with me in them. I keep photo albums and treasure them, but I am not a public person.

This is like the posts where DH/DW are constantly posting (to the public, not to Each Other), "married my best friend" "babe I love you here are roses" - are the most likely to divorce within the year.

Sorry I read your PP too fast and you nailed it with the cutesy couples getting divorced already!

Anonymous wrote:I have not seen any formal research, but anecdotally I have heard this over and over from friends and coworkers-when they are most miserable, they tried to make their social media look as happy and enviable as possible. Part of it was to convince themselves, but sometimes it was to show an ex or abusive family member they are doing sooo well. I will say time and again when I see married coupled being all cutesy on social media I find out they are having problems and too many times within a few years of this they divorce.

I don't put photos on social media because I am better than you all-KIDDING! I just don't want to ever make somebody feel bad about their situation and it just feels uncomfortable to me. Plus, you never know what will happen to that photo-once you post, it is no longer yours. I have actually asked people to take down photos with me in them. I keep photo albums and treasure them, but I am not a public person.

This is like the posts where DH/DW are constantly posting (to the public, not to Each Other), "married my best friend" "babe I love you here are roses" - are the most likely to divorce within the year.

DCUM seems to be full of miserable loner strivers. No friends, often estranged from your (flyover state Mid-West) families, and status insecure, so you get on here and anonymously project all of your issues.

To distill this thread, middle aged women seething with envy that their peers seems to be *gasp* gregarious, having fun, being social, spending time with their beautiful family, and sometimes, taking vacations. The audacity to photo dump their normal healthy lives on the rest of us! Clutching my pearls!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have not seen any formal research, but anecdotally I have heard this over and over from friends and coworkers-when they are most miserable, they tried to make their social media look as happy and enviable as possible. Part of it was to convince themselves, but sometimes it was to show an ex or abusive family member they are doing sooo well. I will say time and again when I see married coupled being all cutesy on social media I find out they are having problems and too many times within a few years of this they divorce.

I don't put photos on social media because I am better than you all-KIDDING! I just don't want to ever make somebody feel bad about their situation and it just feels uncomfortable to me. Plus, you never know what will happen to that photo-once you post, it is no longer yours. I have actually asked people to take down photos with me in them. I keep photo albums and treasure them, but I am not a public person.

Anecdata.

Had no idea that was a word!

Anonymous wrote:I have not seen any formal research, but anecdotally I have heard this over and over from friends and coworkers-when they are most miserable, they tried to make their social media look as happy and enviable as possible. Part of it was to convince themselves, but sometimes it was to show an ex or abusive family member they are doing sooo well. I will say time and again when I see married coupled being all cutesy on social media I find out they are having problems and too many times within a few years of this they divorce.

I don't put photos on social media because I am better than you all-KIDDING! I just don't want to ever make somebody feel bad about their situation and it just feels uncomfortable to me. Plus, you never know what will happen to that photo-once you post, it is no longer yours. I have actually asked people to take down photos with me in them. I keep photo albums and treasure them, but I am not a public person.

Anecdata.

who is it for when you do that?

It's my choice to post whatever I want
YOU have to go to some trouble to see it

Anonymous wrote:I have not seen any formal research, but anecdotally I have heard this over and over from friends and coworkers-when they are most miserable, they tried to make their social media look as happy and enviable as possible. Part of it was to convince themselves, but sometimes it was to show an ex or abusive family member they are doing sooo well. I will say time and again when I see married coupled being all cutesy on social media I find out they are having problems and too many times within a few years of this they divorce.

I don't put photos on social media because I am better than you all-KIDDING! I just don't want to ever make somebody feel bad about their situation and it just feels uncomfortable to me. Plus, you never know what will happen to that photo-once you post, it is no longer yours. I have actually asked people to take down photos with me in them. I keep photo albums and treasure them, but I am not a public person.

+1

I have not seen any formal research, but anecdotally I have heard this over and over from friends and coworkers-when they are most miserable, they tried to make their social media look as happy and enviable as possible. Part of it was to convince themselves, but sometimes it was to show an ex or abusive family member they are doing sooo well. I will say time and again when I see married coupled being all cutesy on social media I find out they are having problems and too many times within a few years of this they divorce.

I don't put photos on social media because I am better than you all-KIDDING! I just don't want to ever make somebody feel bad about their situation and it just feels uncomfortable to me. Plus, you never know what will happen to that photo-once you post, it is no longer yours. I have actually asked people to take down photos with me in them. I keep photo albums and treasure them, but I am not a public person.

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Anonymous wrote:So it is offensive if I post a pic with my friends at dinner/concert/party/whatever? What if we haven’t seen each other in many months/years and rarely post such things?

I don’t think it’s offensive. I think some people are just wondering who is it for when you do that?

It could be for us?

It could be for our friends who couldn’t join us (maybe they live far away)?

I mean, who are pictures generally for? Aren’t they a way to capture a moment?

The reality of that moment exists only for the people who were there. When you share a pic publicly, the moment doesn’t belong to you anymore—it’s open to interpretation by anyone who can see it. Some might feel happy, some might feel jealous, some might mock it. Some might act like they’re happy about it, but silently mock it. You can’t feel bad about that though, because you put it out there.

And yes, you are deliberately participating in a platform whose addictive properties have been documented repeatedly. So even if you’re not addicted, you’re still part of a societal problem.

Cool. Now do alcohol. Let me guess, ThAt's DiFfeReNT!

Would you stand outside an AA meeting handing out cocktails?

Analogy fail. Your claim is that my drinking cocktails at home is harming alcoholics. Don't want to see my FB posts? Don't visit my FB page.

Again, if you’re participating in the platform, you’re part of the societal problem. No one cares if you drink cocktails at home or take pictures of your girls night out and just keep them for your own enjoyment.

Wait a second, so how is this only on the people posting but not on the people who are having adverse reactions? You don't like seeing stuff on Facebook? GET OFF IT!

10:19 again. This is what I'm talking about. Obviously people who are scrolling Facebook and feeling lonely are scrolling Facebook *because* they are lonely. People go on these platforms to connect -- that's literally what they are advertised as.

I'm not saying people shouldn't post but I don't understand why there isn't a bit more empathy here for people who are struggling.

Even if you've never had one of these adverse reactions to social media, it doesn't seem that hard to understand why some people do have them and to at least acknowledge that social media has this negative impact. I mean, there are studies that show, on average, people feel worse after viewing social media than they did before. So this is a widespread issue.

I’m empathetic. But get off social media. Don’t tell others to get off.

It’s like alcoholics telling people that have no alcohol problem to stop drinking wine.

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:So it is offensive if I post a pic with my friends at dinner/concert/party/whatever? What if we haven’t seen each other in many months/years and rarely post such things?

I don’t think it’s offensive. I think some people are just wondering who is it for when you do that?

It could be for us?

It could be for our friends who couldn’t join us (maybe they live far away)?

I mean, who are pictures generally for? Aren’t they a way to capture a moment?

The reality of that moment exists only for the people who were there. When you share a pic publicly, the moment doesn’t belong to you anymore—it’s open to interpretation by anyone who can see it. Some might feel happy, some might feel jealous, some might mock it. Some might act like they’re happy about it, but silently mock it. You can’t feel bad about that though, because you put it out there.

And yes, you are deliberately participating in a platform whose addictive properties have been documented repeatedly. So even if you’re not addicted, you’re still part of a societal problem.

Cool. Now do alcohol. Let me guess, ThAt's DiFfeReNT!

Would you stand outside an AA meeting handing out cocktails?

Analogy fail. Your claim is that my drinking cocktails at home is harming alcoholics. Don't want to see my FB posts? Don't visit my FB page.

Again, if you’re participating in the platform, you’re part of the societal problem. No one cares if you drink cocktails at home or take pictures of your girls night out and just keep them for your own enjoyment.

Wait a second, so how is this only on the people posting but not on the people who are having adverse reactions? You don't like seeing stuff on Facebook? GET OFF IT!

10:19 again. This is what I'm talking about. Obviously people who are scrolling Facebook and feeling lonely are scrolling Facebook *because* they are lonely. People go on these platforms to connect -- that's literally what they are advertised as.

I'm not saying people shouldn't post but I don't understand why there isn't a bit more empathy here for people who are struggling.

Even if you've never had one of these adverse reactions to social media, it doesn't seem that hard to understand why some people do have them and to at least acknowledge that social media has this negative impact. I mean, there are studies that show, on average, people feel worse after viewing social media than they did before. So this is a widespread issue.

Citation?

Authentic drive to share joy? It can be. I'm not on FB but I see it used, by some, as a kind of diary. I did this today. This will be remembered. It's an easy way to chronicle events, and know the dates they happened. Be reminded in the future. If you want to look, go ahead. That's on you.

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:So it is offensive if I post a pic with my friends at dinner/concert/party/whatever? What if we haven’t seen each other in many months/years and rarely post such things?

I don’t think it’s offensive. I think some people are just wondering who is it for when you do that?

It could be for us?

It could be for our friends who couldn’t join us (maybe they live far away)?

I mean, who are pictures generally for? Aren’t they a way to capture a moment?

The reality of that moment exists only for the people who were there. When you share a pic publicly, the moment doesn’t belong to you anymore—it’s open to interpretation by anyone who can see it. Some might feel happy, some might feel jealous, some might mock it. Some might act like they’re happy about it, but silently mock it. You can’t feel bad about that though, because you put it out there.

And yes, you are deliberately participating in a platform whose addictive properties have been documented repeatedly. So even if you’re not addicted, you’re still part of a societal problem.

Cool. Now do alcohol. Let me guess, ThAt's DiFfeReNT!

Would you stand outside an AA meeting handing out cocktails?

Analogy fail. Your claim is that my drinking cocktails at home is harming alcoholics. Don't want to see my FB posts? Don't visit my FB page.

Again, if you’re participating in the platform, you’re part of the societal problem. No one cares if you drink cocktails at home or take pictures of your girls night out and just keep them for your own enjoyment.

Wait a second, so how is this only on the people posting but not on the people who are having adverse reactions? You don't like seeing stuff on Facebook? GET OFF IT!

10:19 again. This is what I'm talking about. Obviously people who are scrolling Facebook and feeling lonely are scrolling Facebook *because* they are lonely. People go on these platforms to connect -- that's literally what they are advertised as.

I'm not saying people shouldn't post but I don't understand why there isn't a bit more empathy here for people who are struggling.

Even if you've never had one of these adverse reactions to social media, it doesn't seem that hard to understand why some people do have them and to at least acknowledge that social media has this negative impact. I mean, there are studies that show, on average, people feel worse after viewing social media than they did before. So this is a widespread issue.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is strange to me that so many posters think that social media posts are intended to provoke jealousy. I want my friends and family to have good things in their lives. Someone else's nice house, vacation, or dinner doesn't take anything away from me.

People who aren't happy in their own lives don't want other people to be happy either.

Do some people post on social media because they're trying to provoke jealously? Absolutely. I think anyone would be a fool to say that never happens. As with anything, sometimes people's motives aren't pure, but that doesn't mean everyone else who engages in that activity also has bad motives.

OP's question asked about grown women as if they're a monolith. They're not. Some people post because they're thirsty and need validation. Some people post for other reasons. Acting like there is one answer is silly. I don't post on social media and I feel like I can discern the posts done for bad reasons and posts done for good reasons. You can react accordingly, including scrolling on by or muting those people.

I agree with your second and third paragraphs but disagree with the statement that unhappy people don't want other people to be happy. I think that's really reductive and just not accurate.

Unhappy people want to be happy. Lonely people want to feel connected and feel like they belong. I think when people have these negative reactions to social media, it's due to the nature of social media, not some deep meanness in them that wants other people to be miserable. Usually when people feel sad or upset by social media posts, it's because they wish they had whatever it was for themselves, or they feel excluded from a group they'd really like to belong to. That's not a desire for others to be unhappy. That's them wanting to be happy.

I don't understand why so many in this thread want to vilify people who are lonely, feel left out, or lack social connections. Obviously they just want what others have, and for good reason. We don't have to be mean about it. I truly do not get the meanness.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So it is offensive if I post a pic with my friends at dinner/concert/party/whatever? What if we haven’t seen each other in many months/years and rarely post such things?

I don’t think it’s offensive. I think some people are just wondering who is it for when you do that?

It could be for us?

It could be for our friends who couldn’t join us (maybe they live far away)?

I mean, who are pictures generally for? Aren’t they a way to capture a moment?

The reality of that moment exists only for the people who were there. When you share a pic publicly, the moment doesn’t belong to you anymore—it’s open to interpretation by anyone who can see it. Some might feel happy, some might feel jealous, some might mock it. Some might act like they’re happy about it, but silently mock it. You can’t feel bad about that though, because you put it out there.

And yes, you are deliberately participating in a platform whose addictive properties have been documented repeatedly. So even if you’re not addicted, you’re still part of a societal problem.

Cool. Now do alcohol. Let me guess, ThAt's DiFfeReNT!

Would you stand outside an AA meeting handing out cocktails?

Analogy fail. Your claim is that my drinking cocktails at home is harming alcoholics. Don't want to see my FB posts? Don't visit my FB page.

Again, if you’re participating in the platform, you’re part of the societal problem. No one cares if you drink cocktails at home or take pictures of your girls night out and just keep them for your own enjoyment.

Wait a second, so how is this only on the people posting but not on the people who are having adverse reactions? You don't like seeing stuff on Facebook? GET OFF IT!