Anonymous wrote:My 14-year-old had friends over to play video games while I was at work. This is not unusual. He is a trustworthy kid or typically is. I got in a bit earlier than normal, heard them laughing but then heard, "Man your mom is home" and the rattling of bottles...I went downstairs and immediately smelled beer and knew what was up. I have known all these kids since elementary. One kid couldn't stop laughing and then my son threw up. Made each kid stand up and found bottles in a bag. Texted each of their parents to come to my house to pick them up. I know the parents very well, everyone is mad and nobody is blaming me but it's MY house and they disrespected MY trust by doing this. Beer was from our basement -- son has never ever violated trust like this before. He began crying and apologizing. Is currently in his room while DH and I decide how to handle this. Am thinking grounding at minimum but I want this lesson to sink in. I just never expected this yet. Was wholly unprepared. Parents who have dealt with this how did you handle????

You may think the parents are not blaming you but they probably are. They won’t be sending their kids to your house anytime soon, and your son will probably not be welcome at theirs. That will also be your son’s punishment.

Anonymous wrote:I don't let my son have friends over when no one is home.

This was my custom when my kids were young teens. When they were in 11th and 12th grade, they would have 1 kid over when nobody else was around. My youngest is a senior next year and that continues to be the unwritten rule.

BTW, while not great, this isn’t something for you to be upset about. Hold him to consequences, don’t let him have guests over unsupervised, but don’t freak out. It’s totally normal and neither you nor he are “bad”.

Anonymous wrote:My 14-year-old had friends over to play video games while I was at work. This is not unusual. He is a trustworthy kid or typically is. I got in a bit earlier than normal, heard them laughing but then heard, "Man your mom is home" and the rattling of bottles...I went downstairs and immediately smelled beer and knew what was up. I have known all these kids since elementary. One kid couldn't stop laughing and then my son threw up. Made each kid stand up and found bottles in a bag. Texted each of their parents to come to my house to pick them up. I know the parents very well, everyone is mad and nobody is blaming me but it's MY house and they disrespected MY trust by doing this. Beer was from our basement -- son has never ever violated trust like this before. He began crying and apologizing. Is currently in his room while DH and I decide how to handle this. Am thinking grounding at minimum but I want this lesson to sink in. I just never expected this yet. Was wholly unprepared. Parents who have dealt with this how did you handle????

14-yr olds stealing a beer is not unheard of in this world. You need to be mature about this. Would you rather they tried this at your home or outside? Don't overreact and take it to a point where your child will actively hide things from you. Have a talk and then move on.

Anonymous wrote:You sound irresponsible OP and are therefore raising irresponsible children. I would not let my child near your house again for a very long time.

Ha Ha. There's just some real psychopaths on this board.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My friends and I started drinking when we were 12.

I miss the 70s.

Parents weren't crazy then.

You sound like a loser.

No, I was just raised in a time where people didn't over-react to everything. The Greatest Generation parents who raised us knew real trouble and had perspective.

Ground him, forbid friends coming over for however long, move on.

Anonymous wrote:My 14-year-old had friends over to play video games while I was at work. This is not unusual. He is a trustworthy kid or typically is. I got in a bit earlier than normal, heard them laughing but then heard, "Man your mom is home" and the rattling of bottles...I went downstairs and immediately smelled beer and knew what was up. I have known all these kids since elementary. One kid couldn't stop laughing and then my son threw up. Made each kid stand up and found bottles in a bag. Texted each of their parents to come to my house to pick them up. I know the parents very well, everyone is mad and nobody is blaming me but it's MY house and they disrespected MY trust by doing this. Beer was from our basement -- son has never ever violated trust like this before. He began crying and apologizing. Is currently in his room while DH and I decide how to handle this. Am thinking grounding at minimum but I want this lesson to sink in. I just never expected this yet. Was wholly unprepared. Parents who have dealt with this how did you handle????

You don’t know your son you raised a liar and he’s an early drinker which means you failef
Grounding does nothing

You failed to teach your child respect of himself and others grounding won’t fix that

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's past time for keeping accessible alcohol at home OP. Anything that's there needs to be locked up and I would keep the bare minimum locked up even then.

These responses are so weird to me. My mom doesn't drink at all, and my dad occasionally. But he had a fully stocked bar for entertaining. I drank in high school, but ot didn't even occur to me to take from my parents' bar. Who locks their liquor cabinet? So weird to me.

What kind of dork are you? raiding the liquor cabinet is what you do until you get caught and then resolve to get a fake id.

It’s stupid to not lock it up.

What kind of adult makes fun of ppl because they didn't do these things as kids? Same one I guess who comes on hee making fun of kids who are a little older that still want to do kid stuff.

Anonymous wrote:My 14-year-old had friends over to play video games while I was at work. This is not unusual. He is a trustworthy kid or typically is. I got in a bit earlier than normal, heard them laughing but then heard, "Man your mom is home" and the rattling of bottles...I went downstairs and immediately smelled beer and knew what was up. I have known all these kids since elementary. One kid couldn't stop laughing and then my son threw up. Made each kid stand up and found bottles in a bag. Texted each of their parents to come to my house to pick them up. I know the parents very well, everyone is mad and nobody is blaming me but it's MY house and they disrespected MY trust by doing this. Beer was from our basement -- son has never ever violated trust like this before. He began crying and apologizing. Is currently in his room while DH and I decide how to handle this. Am thinking grounding at minimum but I want this lesson to sink in. I just never expected this yet. Was wholly unprepared. Parents who have dealt with this how did you handle????

I would ground him for sure but most importantly, you need to have a long conversation about the dangers of alcohol and what could've happened if one of his friends had alcohol poisoning in your house and the liability you as a parent would have faced, etc. Bottom line, your son knows that what he and his friends did was wrong. Also, I think it's always a good practice to don't let your kid have friends over unless a parent is home. You just never know. Sure, you could've locked the alcohol as others stated, but this scenario could've happened even if the alcohol came from elsewhere. The bottom line is, this likely wouldn't have happened if an adult was there.

OP, consider yourself lucky they were caught red-handed; that’s truly a gift. We had a similar situation when my son was in middle school. It led to a meeting with all the parents, where we agreed the goal wasn’t to assign blame but to get the full story and align as a village. The kids stayed home that day; and let’s just say, they were sweating lol

In the end, it was a productive conversation. After a three-week grounding, our motto became “trust but verify”; we always checked with other parents to confirm an adult was in the house. Did they try to push boundaries again in high school? Of course. But they also learned that if a friend was in trouble, they should tell a trusted adult right away.

Talking openly with teens is essential. Not to be confused with lecturing! My brother and I have shared stories with the cousins over dinner - what not to do! Like a HS girl who tried gummies at Prom, she was so wrecked they had to call an ambulance. Or the kid who didn’t know he’s allergic to vodka. Watching some Netflix movies together to talk through dangers is also good- hey would you do that? Or what could they have done differently? Those are also good ways to spark convos.

According to the CDC, teens who feel they can talk to their parents are 40% less likely to engage in risky behaviors like alcohol, substance use or unsafe sex. And nearly 60% of teens say parents are the biggest influence on their decision-making—more than friends, media, or teachers.

Risky behavior is part of adolescence. What matters most is that they know they can come to you; even if they’re scared of getting in trouble. That’s what keeps them safe.

It sounds like you were naive up until now, it’s a wake up call, be vigilant but don’t be draconian. I don’t know who all these parents are that think that the only solution is to lock up the alcohol seriously if it’s not at your house it will be at somebody else’s place and it’s so easy for them to get access whether at a party or through older kids who have fake IDs l. Yes do lock up the guns while you’re at it, for crist sake start these conversations.

Good luck !

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's past time for keeping accessible alcohol at home OP. Anything that's there needs to be locked up and I would keep the bare minimum locked up even then.

These responses are so weird to me. My mom doesn't drink at all, and my dad occasionally. But he had a fully stocked bar for entertaining. I drank in high school, but ot didn't even occur to me to take from my parents' bar. Who locks their liquor cabinet? So weird to me.

What kind of dork are you? raiding the liquor cabinet is what you do until you get caught and then resolve to get a fake id.

It’s stupid to not lock it up.

Something OP hasn't answered yet.

What kind of beer was it exactly?

Anonymous wrote:14 is a bit early for this.

Clearly it's not.

Anonymous wrote:Really?

Yes even if she didn't hand it to them make alcohol easy access to kids isn't good. Should be locked up or your son shouldn't be aware.

Let’s see. Some teenagers found beer and drank it. In other news, water is wet.

From now on, teens don’t come over unless they are supervised. Also, hide or don’t keep alcohol or weed or any interesting Rx drugs in your house.

Anonymous wrote:It's past time for keeping accessible alcohol at home OP. Anything that's there needs to be locked up and I would keep the bare minimum locked up even then.

These responses are so weird to me. My mom doesn't drink at all, and my dad occasionally. But he had a fully stocked bar for entertaining. I drank in high school, but ot didn't even occur to me to take from my parents' bar. Who locks their liquor cabinet? So weird to me.