Anonymous wrote:My DH makes enough money for me not to work right now. I quit a job that I hated last year and haven't looked for a new one. My kids are in school all day now. I'm enjoying for the first time in 20 years a chance to just decompress.
Over the weekend, my ILs came over to babysit. My MIL, half-jokingly, asked me when I was going to stop "sitting around like a sadsack." I don't know if she thinks I'm depressed and that's why I don't work or what, but it was really offensive and caught me off guard in the moment. As background - she is a retired lawyer and so is her husband. She worked all the time and values that in a person so I imagine my choosing not to work is foreign and lazy for her to comprehend.
I sat with it for a few days and then emailed her to say that I was hurt by her remarks and that I'm enjoying some much-needed time off.
She hasn't responded yet but I'm still fuming. My DH said he understood my feelings but that working and ambition is very important to his mother, she worked hard to get where she was and that's where she was coming from.
My MIL is not on this forum I don't think (she's way too busy for that) so here I am venting about it...

Anonymous wrote:Many of us think you don’t just get to take time off work (like months) to rest and recover, unless you’re seriously physically ill. Like, it’s not allowed. That sounds lazy and self-indulgent to me. And yes, I know what I’m saying is judgmental. I would never say this out loud. Out loud I would say, “good for you!” But there you have it.

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Anonymous wrote:My DH makes enough money for me not to work right now. I quit a job that I hated last year and haven't looked for a new one. My kids are in school all day now. I'm enjoying for the first time in 20 years a chance to just decompress.
Over the weekend, my ILs came over to babysit. My MIL, half-jokingly, asked me when I was going to stop "sitting around like a sadsack." I don't know if she thinks I'm depressed and that's why I don't work or what, but it was really offensive and caught me off guard in the moment. As background - she is a retired lawyer and so is her husband. She worked all the time and values that in a person so I imagine my choosing not to work is foreign and lazy for her to comprehend.
I sat with it for a few days and then emailed her to say that I was hurt by her remarks and that I'm enjoying some much-needed time off.
She hasn't responded yet but I'm still fuming. My DH said he understood my feelings but that working and ambition is very important to his mother, she worked hard to get where she was and that's where she was coming from.
My MIL is not on this forum I don't think (she's way too busy for that) so here I am venting about it...

When last year?

I mean, there's taking break, and then there's being lazy and a mooch.

So if it was like November or something, it's probably time to get with the job hunt. If it was March of April, you're into mooch territory and my guess is your DH is actually annoyed and said something to his mother.

I'm OP. Not planning to work for a while. My DH is fine with it. We can afford it. What do you mean by mooch territory? That's really offensive and in my mind anti-feminist! Wow. But I guess I know that my MIL is not alone in her mindset!

OP - a SAHM here - work in the home is not valued and not seen as honest work unless it’s hired help - at least by people like this poster. My family loves that everything is calm in our home, laundry done, house clean, I can come pick up from practice at a moments notice, can get things done for my husband during the day so he has more time later and still have time for myself to exercise and take care of my own health. It’s great. My kids are in high school and need me more than ever. I have a kid that has multiple practices after school - would I be my best self if I worked, tried to find a carpool, felt frazzled and stressed, picking up take-out all the time and always rushing?

A wise friend that went back to work told me the truth is you can’t be excellent at a job and also be an excellent mom. There is a trade-off.

The people that call this mooching are just jealous.

More sh#t insecure people say to make themselves feel better. If you must rag on someone elses choices you arent very secure in your own.

This is really wrong. You can be great at your job AND a great mom. I am not diminishing the work of a SAHM, but it’s a much easier lifestyle than being a WOHM once kids are in school. I can’t really relate to having no ambition at all, but ofc there are all sorts of different people out there. No one is jealous of you, trust me - most WOHMs would be bored, tending to housework/chores every day.

That said, this is not OP‘s situation. OP seems to be taking a well deserved sabbatical, something everyone should be able to do once in a while. MIL is a nasty women and I’d hate to have her in my life. Sorry, OP, but this woman needs to apologize sincerely, otherwise I’d be done with her.

Just curious - when do WOHMs get housework and chores done? Cooking and grocery shopping? While my kids are in school, I get these things done then they have my full attention when they come home, and they are never stuck running errands with me in the car. I think back on all the volunteering and organizing I’ve done in the community and at my kids’ schools and it’s the SAHMs getting it done. And NO I don’t think you can be a 5 star mom and a 5 star employee - something has to give. You end up prioritizing one over the other. Some people choose their kids and then they are just ok at their job. Some people choose their job and leave it to others to take care of their kids. So many working moms ask me to take their kid to practice. They call it a carpool but they don’t drive. No, go find another WOHM and figure it out.

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Anonymous wrote:My DH makes enough money for me not to work right now. I quit a job that I hated last year and haven't looked for a new one. My kids are in school all day now. I'm enjoying for the first time in 20 years a chance to just decompress.
Over the weekend, my ILs came over to babysit. My MIL, half-jokingly, asked me when I was going to stop "sitting around like a sadsack." I don't know if she thinks I'm depressed and that's why I don't work or what, but it was really offensive and caught me off guard in the moment. As background - she is a retired lawyer and so is her husband. She worked all the time and values that in a person so I imagine my choosing not to work is foreign and lazy for her to comprehend.
I sat with it for a few days and then emailed her to say that I was hurt by her remarks and that I'm enjoying some much-needed time off.
She hasn't responded yet but I'm still fuming. My DH said he understood my feelings but that working and ambition is very important to his mother, she worked hard to get where she was and that's where she was coming from.
My MIL is not on this forum I don't think (she's way too busy for that) so here I am venting about it...

When last year?

I mean, there's taking break, and then there's being lazy and a mooch.

So if it was like November or something, it's probably time to get with the job hunt. If it was March of April, you're into mooch territory and my guess is your DH is actually annoyed and said something to his mother.

I'm OP. Not planning to work for a while. My DH is fine with it. We can afford it. What do you mean by mooch territory? That's really offensive and in my mind anti-feminist! Wow. But I guess I know that my MIL is not alone in her mindset!

OP - a SAHM here - work in the home is not valued and not seen as honest work unless it’s hired help - at least by people like this poster. My family loves that everything is calm in our home, laundry done, house clean, I can come pick up from practice at a moments notice, can get things done for my husband during the day so he has more time later and still have time for myself to exercise and take care of my own health. It’s great. My kids are in high school and need me more than ever. I have a kid that has multiple practices after school - would I be my best self if I worked, tried to find a carpool, felt frazzled and stressed, picking up take-out all the time and always rushing?

A wise friend that went back to work told me the truth is you can’t be excellent at a job and also be an excellent mom. There is a trade-off.

The people that call this mooching are just jealous.

More sh#t insecure people say to make themselves feel better. If you must rag on someone elses choices you arent very secure in your own.

This is really wrong. You can be great at your job AND a great mom. I am not diminishing the work of a SAHM, but it’s a much easier lifestyle than being a WOHM once kids are in school. I can’t really relate to having no ambition at all, but ofc there are all sorts of different people out there. No one is jealous of you, trust me - most WOHMs would be bored, tending to housework/chores every day.

That said, this is not OP‘s situation. OP seems to be taking a well deserved sabbatical, something everyone should be able to do once in a while. MIL is a nasty women and I’d hate to have her in my life. Sorry, OP, but this woman needs to apologize sincerely, otherwise I’d be done with her.

Just curious - when do WOHMs get housework and chores done? Cooking and grocery shopping? While my kids are in school, I get these things done then they have my full attention when they come home, and they are never stuck running errands with me in the car. I think back on all the volunteering and organizing I’ve done in the community and at my kids’ schools and it’s the SAHMs getting it done. And NO I don’t think you can be a 5 star mom and a 5 star employee - something has to give. You end up prioritizing one over the other. Some people choose their kids and then they are just ok at their job. Some people choose their job and leave it to others to take care of their kids. So many working moms ask me to take their kid to practice. They call it a carpool but they don’t drive. No, go find another WOHM and figure it out.

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Anonymous wrote:My DH makes enough money for me not to work right now. I quit a job that I hated last year and haven't looked for a new one. My kids are in school all day now. I'm enjoying for the first time in 20 years a chance to just decompress.
Over the weekend, my ILs came over to babysit. My MIL, half-jokingly, asked me when I was going to stop "sitting around like a sadsack." I don't know if she thinks I'm depressed and that's why I don't work or what, but it was really offensive and caught me off guard in the moment. As background - she is a retired lawyer and so is her husband. She worked all the time and values that in a person so I imagine my choosing not to work is foreign and lazy for her to comprehend.
I sat with it for a few days and then emailed her to say that I was hurt by her remarks and that I'm enjoying some much-needed time off.
She hasn't responded yet but I'm still fuming. My DH said he understood my feelings but that working and ambition is very important to his mother, she worked hard to get where she was and that's where she was coming from.
My MIL is not on this forum I don't think (she's way too busy for that) so here I am venting about it...

When last year?

I mean, there's taking break, and then there's being lazy and a mooch.

So if it was like November or something, it's probably time to get with the job hunt. If it was March of April, you're into mooch territory and my guess is your DH is actually annoyed and said something to his mother.

I'm OP. Not planning to work for a while. My DH is fine with it. We can afford it. What do you mean by mooch territory? That's really offensive and in my mind anti-feminist! Wow. But I guess I know that my MIL is not alone in her mindset!

OP - a SAHM here - work in the home is not valued and not seen as honest work unless it’s hired help - at least by people like this poster. My family loves that everything is calm in our home, laundry done, house clean, I can come pick up from practice at a moments notice, can get things done for my husband during the day so he has more time later and still have time for myself to exercise and take care of my own health. It’s great. My kids are in high school and need me more than ever. I have a kid that has multiple practices after school - would I be my best self if I worked, tried to find a carpool, felt frazzled and stressed, picking up take-out all the time and always rushing?

A wise friend that went back to work told me the truth is you can’t be excellent at a job and also be an excellent mom. There is a trade-off.

The people that call this mooching are just jealous.

More sh#t insecure people say to make themselves feel better. If you must rag on someone elses choices you arent very secure in your own.

This is really wrong. You can be great at your job AND a great mom. I am not diminishing the work of a SAHM, but it’s a much easier lifestyle than being a WOHM once kids are in school. I can’t really relate to having no ambition at all, but ofc there are all sorts of different people out there. No one is jealous of you, trust me - most WOHMs would be bored, tending to housework/chores every day.

That said, this is not OP‘s situation. OP seems to be taking a well deserved sabbatical, something everyone should be able to do once in a while. MIL is a nasty women and I’d hate to have her in my life. Sorry, OP, but this woman needs to apologize sincerely, otherwise I’d be done with her.

Just curious - when do WOHMs get housework and chores done? Cooking and grocery shopping? While my kids are in school, I get these things done then they have my full attention when they come home, and they are never stuck running errands with me in the car. I think back on all the volunteering and organizing I’ve done in the community and at my kids’ schools and it’s the SAHMs getting it done. And NO I don’t think you can be a 5 star mom and a 5 star employee - something has to give. You end up prioritizing one over the other. Some people choose their kids and then they are just ok at their job. Some people choose their job and leave it to others to take care of their kids. So many working moms ask me to take their kid to practice. They call it a carpool but they don’t drive. No, go find another WOHM and figure it out.

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Anonymous wrote:A "sad sack" sounds like you've been wallowing and complaining. Not just sitting around.

Have you been?

Get a routine, some goals, a rough plan towards achieving them. Spring is a great time for that every year. And keep enjoying your kids. Don't worry about MIL or her comment. She'll hopefully call you and apologize; she's probably more concerned about mental health than income or your resume.

Humans need routine and goals.

To me, "sad sack" sounds like MIL is an insufferable byotch.

+1

I would not let your MIL get to you, OP. She sounds rally judgmental and nasty. Why you are home (or not) is none of her business, and if this issue is raised again, you need to tell her just that.

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Anonymous wrote:I have a friend whose MIL judged her for NOT choosing to be a SAHM because that’s what she was.

Her comment could be two fold, 1) it’s her lived experience to be ambitious and work so maybe she has opinions about SAHMs, and 2) maybe she’s worried about her son bearing the weight of your family’s finances on his own and she’s not certain it’s what her son wants.

Your DH should talk to his mother and ask her what’s up and assure her he’s onboard with your current situation (assuming he is).

You’re not a SAHM when you don’t work and your kids are in school all day. You’re just a SAH and don’t want to work Mom. Your MIL is probably protective of her son who doesn’t have the luxury of just quitting his job and staying home. You shouldn’t have said it but her opinion isn’t wrong. If that were my DIL, I’d feel exactly the same way but I would never say it out loud.

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Anonymous wrote:This does not sound like a work vs not work thing.

It sounds like you are a 'sad sack'. Are you? Are you sad? Are you struggling with your new life?

I think you are, because if you are not, the comment would not bother you.

My mother use to say, if somebody calls you a duck do you think "am i a duck" no... because you know you are not.

If somebody says "you're fat, or ugly, or stupid" and you get upset, it's because you think it about yourself.

Wow, I just said something similar to my teenagers. If you know a description doesn't fit you, you think something is wrong with the other person's perception. But you are not sure, that's when start perservating.

So by this “logic,” what you two are saying is that no strong, beautiful Black woman should ever feel insulted if someone screams the N-word at her. Because after all, that word can only hurt her if that’s the way she feels about herself?

No gay couple should be hurt if someone screeches the “f-word” at them? They would only feel insulted or attacked if they secretly loathe themselves or each other for being gay?

That’s your logic? Really?

That's like saying I said, if your boyfriend said he's gonna kill you just ignore it, that is not what was said. Word of violence are different.

It's actually sad that you can't differentiate a rude comment from a violent comment.

Did OP think her MIL was being violent towards her?

You clearly don’t know the difference between what is LEGALLY DEFINED as distasteful speech vs. hate speech vs. threats. I doubt you are intelligent or self-aware enough to do the research you would need to do to understand those three things, so this is where I leave you.

Sit down Karen, You compared f*g and N-word to "sad sack".

No I didn’t, dear. The “logic” on the table was that the only way anyone can ever be insulted by anything is if they secretly believe it about themselves. “Logic” fail. Try harder.

You were wrong, you can't admit it. There is nothing logical about your hyperbole in this situation. Google why you should never use a hyperbole in a debate... educate yourself.

True or false: no one should ever be insulted by anything, and if they are, it shows that they overtly or secretly think that thing to be true about themselves? True or false. You can only pick one, so pick.

True, if you feel insulted you secretly think it to be true. That is 110% true.

True or false: Everybody in your life has to be perfect every minute of every day because you are so thin skinned one comment in 20 years can send you in a tail spin and therefore, nobody should ever, ever, ever say anything rude.

You can only pick one, so pick.

So if your Jewish kid comes home hurt be a someone hurled a slur at them, no need to report to the school.

Got. It.

If a Jewish kid is called a sad sack he should ignore it.

Hate language should be reported even if the Jewish kid doesn't care because he has a strong sense of self because it's hate language which is against school policy... which is very different than being called a sad sack.

Kida can be bullied with labels that aren't technicially hate language by those labels being applied frequently and inappropriately. Adults can be bullied by the same.

Being called a sad sack is not bullying.

It’s disrespectful to say and at her old age she should know better than to say it even kiddingly .

Maybe her son wants a mother at home for his kids because his own mother was absent . MIL wouldn’t like it if DIL said this but I bet this is the case here

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Anonymous wrote:My DH makes enough money for me not to work right now. I quit a job that I hated last year and haven't looked for a new one. My kids are in school all day now. I'm enjoying for the first time in 20 years a chance to just decompress.
Over the weekend, my ILs came over to babysit. My MIL, half-jokingly, asked me when I was going to stop "sitting around like a sadsack." I don't know if she thinks I'm depressed and that's why I don't work or what, but it was really offensive and caught me off guard in the moment. As background - she is a retired lawyer and so is her husband. She worked all the time and values that in a person so I imagine my choosing not to work is foreign and lazy for her to comprehend.
I sat with it for a few days and then emailed her to say that I was hurt by her remarks and that I'm enjoying some much-needed time off.
She hasn't responded yet but I'm still fuming. My DH said he understood my feelings but that working and ambition is very important to his mother, she worked hard to get where she was and that's where she was coming from.
My MIL is not on this forum I don't think (she's way too busy for that) so here I am venting about it...

When last year?

I mean, there's taking break, and then there's being lazy and a mooch.

So if it was like November or something, it's probably time to get with the job hunt. If it was March of April, you're into mooch territory and my guess is your DH is actually annoyed and said something to his mother.

I'm OP. Not planning to work for a while. My DH is fine with it. We can afford it. What do you mean by mooch territory? That's really offensive and in my mind anti-feminist! Wow. But I guess I know that my MIL is not alone in her mindset!

OP - a SAHM here - work in the home is not valued and not seen as honest work unless it’s hired help - at least by people like this poster. My family loves that everything is calm in our home, laundry done, house clean, I can come pick up from practice at a moments notice, can get things done for my husband during the day so he has more time later and still have time for myself to exercise and take care of my own health. It’s great. My kids are in high school and need me more than ever. I have a kid that has multiple practices after school - would I be my best self if I worked, tried to find a carpool, felt frazzled and stressed, picking up take-out all the time and always rushing?

A wise friend that went back to work told me the truth is you can’t be excellent at a job and also be an excellent mom. There is a trade-off.

The people that call this mooching are just jealous.

More sh#t insecure people say to make themselves feel better. If you must rag on someone elses choices you arent very secure in your own.

This is really wrong. You can be great at your job AND a great mom. I am not diminishing the work of a SAHM, but it’s a much easier lifestyle than being a WOHM once kids are in school. I can’t really relate to having no ambition at all, but ofc there are all sorts of different people out there. No one is jealous of you, trust me - most WOHMs would be bored, tending to housework/chores every day.

That said, this is not OP‘s situation. OP seems to be taking a well deserved sabbatical, something everyone should be able to do once in a while. MIL is a nasty women and I’d hate to have her in my life. Sorry, OP, but this woman needs to apologize sincerely, otherwise I’d be done with her.

Just curious - when do WOHMs get housework and chores done? Cooking and grocery shopping? While my kids are in school, I get these things done then they have my full attention when they come home, and they are never stuck running errands with me in the car. I think back on all the volunteering and organizing I’ve done in the community and at my kids’ schools and it’s the SAHMs getting it done. And NO I don’t think you can be a 5 star mom and a 5 star employee - something has to give. You end up prioritizing one over the other. Some people choose their kids and then they are just ok at their job. Some people choose their job and leave it to others to take care of their kids. So many working moms ask me to take their kid to practice. They call it a carpool but they don’t drive. No, go find another WOHM and figure it out.

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:My DH makes enough money for me not to work right now. I quit a job that I hated last year and haven't looked for a new one. My kids are in school all day now. I'm enjoying for the first time in 20 years a chance to just decompress.
Over the weekend, my ILs came over to babysit. My MIL, half-jokingly, asked me when I was going to stop "sitting around like a sadsack." I don't know if she thinks I'm depressed and that's why I don't work or what, but it was really offensive and caught me off guard in the moment. As background - she is a retired lawyer and so is her husband. She worked all the time and values that in a person so I imagine my choosing not to work is foreign and lazy for her to comprehend.
I sat with it for a few days and then emailed her to say that I was hurt by her remarks and that I'm enjoying some much-needed time off.
She hasn't responded yet but I'm still fuming. My DH said he understood my feelings but that working and ambition is very important to his mother, she worked hard to get where she was and that's where she was coming from.
My MIL is not on this forum I don't think (she's way too busy for that) so here I am venting about it...

When last year?

I mean, there's taking break, and then there's being lazy and a mooch.

So if it was like November or something, it's probably time to get with the job hunt. If it was March of April, you're into mooch territory and my guess is your DH is actually annoyed and said something to his mother.

I'm OP. Not planning to work for a while. My DH is fine with it. We can afford it. What do you mean by mooch territory? That's really offensive and in my mind anti-feminist! Wow. But I guess I know that my MIL is not alone in her mindset!

OP - a SAHM here - work in the home is not valued and not seen as honest work unless it’s hired help - at least by people like this poster. My family loves that everything is calm in our home, laundry done, house clean, I can come pick up from practice at a moments notice, can get things done for my husband during the day so he has more time later and still have time for myself to exercise and take care of my own health. It’s great. My kids are in high school and need me more than ever. I have a kid that has multiple practices after school - would I be my best self if I worked, tried to find a carpool, felt frazzled and stressed, picking up take-out all the time and always rushing?

A wise friend that went back to work told me the truth is you can’t be excellent at a job and also be an excellent mom. There is a trade-off.

The people that call this mooching are just jealous.

More sh#t insecure people say to make themselves feel better. If you must rag on someone elses choices you arent very secure in your own.

This is really wrong. You can be great at your job AND a great mom. I am not diminishing the work of a SAHM, but it’s a much easier lifestyle than being a WOHM once kids are in school. I can’t really relate to having no ambition at all, but ofc there are all sorts of different people out there. No one is jealous of you, trust me - most WOHMs would be bored, tending to housework/chores every day.

That said, this is not OP‘s situation. OP seems to be taking a well deserved sabbatical, something everyone should be able to do once in a while. MIL is a nasty women and I’d hate to have her in my life. Sorry, OP, but this woman needs to apologize sincerely, otherwise I’d be done with her.