Do you know what happens to kids raised in Hicksville? They become hick that get pregnant out of high school and marry their HS sweethear t and go and vote for Trump and Desantis.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are so many hostile people on this thread. I know so many people who decided they don’t like it here and they moved. It’s totally possible. If it was the DH who wanted to move, everyone would tell OP to give it a chance.

Exactly. It's ridiculous that the woman has to find the new home, find herself a new job, do a thorough finance analysis, find spouse a new job just to get him to consider moving. Total BS.

It's not ridiculous at all. She's the one who wants to make these changes. But not enough to actually put any real effort into it. She wants it handed to her on a silver platter.

Make a quarterly trip home to reset for now. It’ll help. You’ve got this.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I too hate where I live.
I am from rural Michigan and moved to Chicago after college for a change of scenery. Got married to a native Chicagoan. 15 years later I am just done. I hate it here, I hate the leftist crazies, I hate the identical "We Believe" signs in front of the identical houses, I hate having to socially navigate with the other insane parents around here. Every time we visit my home I cry on the way back because I want to stay so badly. My husband won't leave because he's comfortable here and he would feel guilty leaving his parents. My life is passing me by. My best friend from childhood has a lovely lakefront house that cost less than ours with lower taxes and my husband says "Maybe someday." He would never take the initiative to find a new job. We are both in healthcare and could work anywhere.
I chose to come here when I was young and stupid.

Take responsibility for your life and your decisions.

You want to buy a Michigan lake house and move there with your family. Sounds like a pretty good idea.

What actual planning have you done? Have you looked at areas and priced out Michigan lake houses? Would the numbers work? How long would it take to sell your current house and how much could you realistically net from the sale? If you have school age kids, where would they be going to school?

You say you and your spouse could work anywhere. Have you polished up your resume and actually started applying for jobs near where you would like to live? What kind of income could you expect and if less than now, what sacrifices are you prepared to make? Do you have 12 months worth of liquid savings just in case it's not so easy for your husband or you to find suitable work?

If your husband isn't on board,have you also looked at jobs that might be suitable for him? It doesn't sound like you've done anything at all to get him onboard with your plan except complain and whine. That doesn't work.

If you literally cry every time you come back from a visit, that's a signal that you need therapy to address some deep rooted emotional issues. You will not be ready to handle the stress of a major move until you can at least stop all the crying.

If you want to make things happen in your life, especially against opposition or friction, you have to get better control of yourself first.

DP. I’m in the same position as the pp. My husband and I also work in healthcare.
All of the stuff you are describing literally takes an afternoon. I have to give 90 days notice on my job, and I could have a new job lined up to start 90 days from now tomorrow. I could find one for DH too, and I have found many. I’ve called physician recruiters at specific hospitals where I know there is a job opening, and he hasn’t made time to talk to them.

He gives no reason. He says that he will do it, but doesn’t. Eventually, I make up an excuse so that I don’t look crazy and lose my ability to ever work there.

Looking for houses is easy and fun. I do this all of the time in my spare time.

We don’t *have* to go near my parents either. We have a child with autism and a normal IQ. We could live near a great school for him. There is literally NO REASON to live here other than DH being afraid of change.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok now that you've finally admitted where home is, OP, what is this really all about?

Princeton is 180 miles straight shot on I 95 to D.C. 3 hrs 16 minutes of you stay in the speed limit.

If you missed the fam that much you could leave RIGHT NOW and get there in time for lunch, easy.


Time to fess up. It's an old boyfriend or affair partner that you want to be closer to isn't it?

what is wrong with you? it's not just so easy for most people to drive 7 hours rt on any given day - and princeton is further once you factor in.... traffic! you are really a nasty piece of work

Also, Princeton and surrounds have beautiful countryside in multiple directions, nothing at all like Alexandria and anything near the beltway. If your kids and DH didn’t love it there, there’s something wrong with them!

Well yes Princeton is very nice. But it's just as expensive as where OP lives right now. The cost of living is not lower in Princeton.

So all four of her reasons don't make sense: it's not about family; it's not about traffic; it's not about cost of living; it's not about liking "snow."

That's why she's not getting any buy in from her spouse.

She's not telling him, or us, the real reason she wants to move back home.

Very few things would make someone want to uproot their entire family for these kinds of excuses when the two areas are largely comparable in almost every significant way, and so close that it's a simple trip up I 95 for a weekend visit now and then.

She complains she doesn't like her commute. Why does she think her commute would be any easier in the Princeton area? Has she tried, you know, looking for a job with a better commute where she is living now?

Look OP deliberately hid that it was Princeton until PP guessed it.

I beg to differ and so does this online COL calculator:

https://smartasset.com/mortgage/cost-of-living-calculator#HWWQyT6ltN

The housing stock in Princeton is much nicer:

https://www.realtor.com/realestateandhomes-detail/13-Cleveland-Rd-W_Princeton_NJ_08540_M69594-87559?from=srp-list-card

https://www.realtor.com/realestateandhomes-detail/1-Nelson-Ridge-Rd_Princeton_NJ_08540_M58280-22498?from=srp-list-card

https://www.realtor.com/realestateandhomes-detail/1-Coventry-Farm-Ln_Princeton_NJ_08540_M65480-13988?from=srp-list-card

https://www.realtor.com/realestateandhomes-detail/2-Chelsea-Ct_Princeton_NJ_08540_M66918-06294?from=srp-list-card

OP here, thank you for this. The people saying that Princeton is just as bad as it is in DC are making me think that they haven’t been to Princeton. Princeton is more reasonably priced and traffic isn’t nearly as bad.

Anonymous wrote:There are so many hostile people on this thread. I know so many people who decided they don’t like it here and they moved. It’s totally possible. If it was the DH who wanted to move, everyone would tell OP to give it a chance.

Exactly. It's ridiculous that the woman has to find the new home, find herself a new job, do a thorough finance analysis, find spouse a new job just to get him to consider moving. Total BS.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok now that you've finally admitted where home is, OP, what is this really all about?

Princeton is 180 miles straight shot on I 95 to D.C. 3 hrs 16 minutes of you stay in the speed limit.

If you missed the fam that much you could leave RIGHT NOW and get there in time for lunch, easy.


Time to fess up. It's an old boyfriend or affair partner that you want to be closer to isn't it?

what is wrong with you? it's not just so easy for most people to drive 7 hours rt on any given day - and princeton is further once you factor in.... traffic! you are really a nasty piece of work

Also, Princeton and surrounds have beautiful countryside in multiple directions, nothing at all like Alexandria and anything near the beltway. If your kids and DH didn’t love it there, there’s something wrong with them!

Well yes Princeton is very nice. But it's just as expensive as where OP lives right now. The cost of living is not lower in Princeton.

So all four of her reasons don't make sense: it's not about family; it's not about traffic; it's not about cost of living; it's not about liking "snow."

That's why she's not getting any buy in from her spouse.

She's not telling him, or us, the real reason she wants to move back home.

Very few things would make someone want to uproot their entire family for these kinds of excuses when the two areas are largely comparable in almost every significant way, and so close that it's a simple trip up I 95 for a weekend visit now and then.

She complains she doesn't like her commute. Why does she think her commute would be any easier in the Princeton area? Has she tried, you know, looking for a job with a better commute where she is living now?

Look OP deliberately hid that it was Princeton until PP guessed it.

I beg to differ and so does this online COL calculator:

https://smartasset.com/mortgage/cost-of-living-calculator#HWWQyT6ltN

The housing stock in Princeton is much nicer:

https://www.realtor.com/realestateandhomes-detail/13-Cleveland-Rd-W_Princeton_NJ_08540_M69594-87559?from=srp-list-card

https://www.realtor.com/realestateandhomes-detail/1-Nelson-Ridge-Rd_Princeton_NJ_08540_M58280-22498?from=srp-list-card

https://www.realtor.com/realestateandhomes-detail/1-Coventry-Farm-Ln_Princeton_NJ_08540_M65480-13988?from=srp-list-card

https://www.realtor.com/realestateandhomes-detail/2-Chelsea-Ct_Princeton_NJ_08540_M66918-06294?from=srp-list-card

The people insisting OP say where "home" is and then attacking it are just gaslighting.

It wouldn't matter if "home" was Baltimore or Hawaii -- if OP wishes she lived there, that's a valid feeling she's entitled to.

And OP, I get it -- this is an aspect of marriage that can be so hard. When one partner wants one life choice and the other wants another. And you can't always anticipate these differences in advance because often they are in response to having kids, changes in career, changes in your extended family, and aging.

If you'd told me 15 years ago when I met my DH that one day he'd be very attached to living in a city center and I'd be the one longing for a big garden in a less populated area with more quiet, I wouldn't have believed you. When we met, I was the citified careerist and he was the country boy unsure about city life. Now I literally dream about being in the woods with no one around and struggle with the feeling of concrete and buildings and people all around. But he's acclimated and thinks he'd be lonely if we move. It's really hard! No one is right or wrong, but it's tough that when you come to an impasse like this, the person who likes the status quo "wins" more easily because inaction gets them what they want.

That's what this is really about. You are the partner advocating for a change, he wants things to stay as they are. Since you can't agree, you stay where you are and he's happy but you aren't. This is such a classic couple problem. I wish you luck in figuring it out. Let me know how if you do!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok now that you've finally admitted where home is, OP, what is this really all about?

Princeton is 180 miles straight shot on I 95 to D.C. 3 hrs 16 minutes of you stay in the speed limit.

If you missed the fam that much you could leave RIGHT NOW and get there in time for lunch, easy.


Time to fess up. It's an old boyfriend or affair partner that you want to be closer to isn't it?

what is wrong with you? it's not just so easy for most people to drive 7 hours rt on any given day - and princeton is further once you factor in.... traffic! you are really a nasty piece of work

Also, Princeton and surrounds have beautiful countryside in multiple directions, nothing at all like Alexandria and anything near the beltway. If your kids and DH didn’t love it there, there’s something wrong with them!

I haven’t been to Princeton in years but I remember it as a picturesque charming small college town. I’m sure there are traffic and crime issues, but overall it is a very different feel than anywhere in the DC area.

While I am very happy in my DC exurb, I also completely understand those who can’t stand this area and yearn to leave. I’m not sure why people feel the need to gaslight OP about her feelings or claim she is seeking a long lost love. Many of my friends would be just an unhappy as OP if they were living in the DC area. It’s not for everyone.

+1

Princeton has a totally different feel from what the DMV has. The housing stock, infrastructure, school system, etc. are altogether different.

OP, I completely understand.

Anonymous wrote:I too hate where I live.
I am from rural Michigan and moved to Chicago after college for a change of scenery. Got married to a native Chicagoan. 15 years later I am just done. I hate it here, I hate the leftist crazies, I hate the identical "We Believe" signs in front of the identical houses, I hate having to socially navigate with the other insane parents around here. Every time we visit my home I cry on the way back because I want to stay so badly. My husband won't leave because he's comfortable here and he would feel guilty leaving his parents. My life is passing me by. My best friend from childhood has a lovely lakefront house that cost less than ours with lower taxes and my husband says "Maybe someday." He would never take the initiative to find a new job. We are both in healthcare and could work anywhere.
I chose to come here when I was young and stupid.

Take responsibility for your life and your decisions.

You want to buy a Michigan lake house and move there with your family. Sounds like a pretty good idea.

What actual planning have you done? Have you looked at areas and priced out Michigan lake houses? Would the numbers work? How long would it take to sell your current house and how much could you realistically net from the sale? If you have school age kids, where would they be going to school?

You say you and your spouse could work anywhere. Have you polished up your resume and actually started applying for jobs near where you would like to live? What kind of income could you expect and if less than now, what sacrifices are you prepared to make? Do you have 12 months worth of liquid savings just in case it's not so easy for your husband or you to find suitable work?

If your husband isn't on board,have you also looked at jobs that might be suitable for him? It doesn't sound like you've done anything at all to get him onboard with your plan except complain and whine. That doesn't work.

If you literally cry every time you come back from a visit, that's a signal that you need therapy to address some deep rooted emotional issues. You will not be ready to handle the stress of a major move until you can at least stop all the crying.

If you want to make things happen in your life, especially against opposition or friction, you have to get better control of yourself first.

OP where do you live in Alexandria?

I'm here for now too. Hate it. And before others chime in - no it's not the neighborhood or house. I hate the DMV area. Counting down the days until I can move.

Let's be friends. We can talk about how much we hate it here and then brainstorm ways we can get our husbands onboard to move. We can encourage each other to proactively work toward our goals.

Anonymous wrote:I too hate where I live.
I am from rural Michigan and moved to Chicago after college for a change of scenery. Got married to a native Chicagoan. 15 years later I am just done. I hate it here, I hate the leftist crazies, I hate the identical "We Believe" signs in front of the identical houses, I hate having to socially navigate with the other insane parents around here. Every time we visit my home I cry on the way back because I want to stay so badly. My husband won't leave because he's comfortable here and he would feel guilty leaving his parents. My life is passing me by. My best friend from childhood has a lovely lakefront house that cost less than ours with lower taxes and my husband says "Maybe someday." He would never take the initiative to find a new job. We are both in healthcare and could work anywhere.
I chose to come here when I was young and stupid.

If you could move anywhere next month, would you pick rural Michigan?

I too hate where I live.
I am from rural Michigan and moved to Chicago after college for a change of scenery. Got married to a native Chicagoan. 15 years later I am just done. I hate it here, I hate the leftist crazies, I hate the identical "We Believe" signs in front of the identical houses, I hate having to socially navigate with the other insane parents around here. Every time we visit my home I cry on the way back because I want to stay so badly. My husband won't leave because he's comfortable here and he would feel guilty leaving his parents. My life is passing me by. My best friend from childhood has a lovely lakefront house that cost less than ours with lower taxes and my husband says "Maybe someday." He would never take the initiative to find a new job. We are both in healthcare and could work anywhere.
I chose to come here when I was young and stupid.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are so many hostile people on this thread. I know so many people who decided they don’t like it here and they moved. It’s totally possible. If it was the DH who wanted to move, everyone would tell OP to give it a chance.

+1
OP has someplace great to go - not everyone has that!

This is true. I have an end goal of leaving when kids graduate but no location picked yet. I don't know where I want to go but it is awful for me to continue here. I'm in another part of the country now that is also highly desirable so it's difficult to know where I'd go next.

Anonymous wrote:Op should not respond to the angry fantastical posts full of stupid accusations. This was a nice thread to commiserate and discuss issues surrounding being stuck and what remedies help (not debating the merits of someone else's opinions on location).

Accusations of affairs and demanding op divorce and leave her kids are all idiotic and would leave op more miserable. Why are those trolls even on this thread?

Agree - the trolls that try to take over threads are so transparent. They need to die.