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Anonymous wrote:What is the class division for all this?

I'm the Saturday donut person. We were UMC but first come first served. Is the behavior LMC? That's how my parents were raised.

We're also UMC and first come first serve. The idea being that there's always plenty of food around, so even if we run out of a particular food because somebody was extra hungry at dinner, it's NBD because the fridge and pantry are stocked, and things like pizza aren't such a rare and special treat that somebody would be devastated to miss out on any particular occasion.

It doesn’t seem very UMC to eat pizza frequently.

You're clearly not UMC then.

Wrong. The true UMC is obsessed with clean eating and whole foods. Constantly ordering greasy takeout belies LMC roots.

Op back not the PP. We’re probably considered solidly middle fwiw. UMC is what $200k salary? Definitely can see among my senior level coworkers a lot of folks ordering takeout regularly. Especially those commuting in. They even have Uber Eats accounts for their teens to order before they get home.

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:What is the class division for all this?

I'm the Saturday donut person. We were UMC but first come first served. Is the behavior LMC? That's how my parents were raised.

We're also UMC and first come first serve. The idea being that there's always plenty of food around, so even if we run out of a particular food because somebody was extra hungry at dinner, it's NBD because the fridge and pantry are stocked, and things like pizza aren't such a rare and special treat that somebody would be devastated to miss out on any particular occasion.

It doesn’t seem very UMC to eat pizza frequently.

You're clearly not UMC then.

Wrong. The true UMC is obsessed with clean eating and whole foods. Constantly ordering greasy takeout belies LMC roots.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is the class division for all this?

I'm the Saturday donut person. We were UMC but first come first served. Is the behavior LMC? That's how my parents were raised.

We're also UMC and first come first serve. The idea being that there's always plenty of food around, so even if we run out of a particular food because somebody was extra hungry at dinner, it's NBD because the fridge and pantry are stocked, and things like pizza aren't such a rare and special treat that somebody would be devastated to miss out on any particular occasion.

It doesn’t seem very UMC to eat pizza frequently.

You're clearly not UMC then.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is the class division for all this?

I'm the Saturday donut person. We were UMC but first come first served. Is the behavior LMC? That's how my parents were raised.

We're also UMC and first come first serve. The idea being that there's always plenty of food around, so even if we run out of a particular food because somebody was extra hungry at dinner, it's NBD because the fridge and pantry are stocked, and things like pizza aren't such a rare and special treat that somebody would be devastated to miss out on any particular occasion.

It doesn’t seem very UMC to eat pizza frequently.

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Anonymous wrote:Op here. I am definitely fascinated by the perspectives here.

Holiday PP yes that’s a great example, this would be a time where I may ask for someone to set aside my plate. Whereas another PP noted it should be a free for all for those in attendance when the meal is served. I’ve never been to a formal dinner party actually but Thanksgiving, Christmas dinner, Mothers Day brunch etc…

Ok, it’s annoying that you’re always asking people to “set aside a plate” for you.

Holiday pp here. We did it once, because we noticed MIL was happy to do so, several times, for perpetually and very late SIL. MIL took issue with doing it once for our small kids (not us, we were happy to stop at McDonalds, and we did. It was Christmas.) so, we never asked again.

DH mentioned that every night was a free for all at his house, because in spite of there being enough money, there was never enough food, and they were expected to eat chips or cereal to supplement.

OTOH, my family had less money growing up, but always had more than enough fresh, healthy food- mostly because of our gardens. It struck me as odd behaviors about food, when I met DHs family. DH agreed, once he met my family.

Are you really that shocked that your MIL ranks her own daughter above you? This plate saving business is so weird. Get to the dinner on time if it’s so important.

Wow. Okay, bitter MIL. You would refuse to feed your small grandchildren on a major holiday? And “rank” your kids/grandkids - like it is a military rank and file? Like a pack of dogs in the wild?

So gross! So telling! So primitive.

No way would that nonsense ever happen with food, in my parents or our house. We weren’t raised rich, but we were raised better.

Maybe get over your narcissistic, selfish, self centered, codependent, unhealthy, self. For shame.

Bitter MIL? Are you high? I'm not my MILs daughter and I don't expect her to be treated like that. Get to the dinner on time. What is the reason you can't do that? So weird. But your personality is really starting to shine through it's revealing.

You are correct. My personality is revealing that you are wrong and grossly selfish, and you don’t like it. Too bad.

If my DIL is late once to a holiday dinner, you better believe that not only are her kids having food saved for them by me, but also plates for their (gasp!) entire family.

Quel horreur!

You are totally weird. Why do several plates need to be lined up "saved"? Is there going to be a shortage of food at Thanksgiving or something? Why not just serve yourself from the leftovers when you get there? You're describing something very odd and not normal at a holiday dinner that special plates are set aside as if there won't be an abundance of food. If food is so short and scarce, what are you bringing to the dinner you can't be bothered to show up for on time?

My question is for the daughter who was late multiple times with her family. Why did one set of grandkids, who were late multiple times, get food set aside “several plates need to be lined up saved” (sic - as if PP was there, and actually knew what was saved for the daughter’s family. Huh.) and one set, the ones who were late one time, not given food? Since there was obviously not enough food.

That seems like a really, really cruel thing to do to little kids. Bet they asked about that on the way home from the visit.

That is the weird part. That, and PP being so very strangely being invested in this conversation.

Maybe some MILs enjoy drama, and teach exactly what not to do, thankfully.

Without the details how do we know? But WTF kind of Thanksgiving is this where nobody comes on time and there's not enough food? MIL likely at least knows her daughter well enough to know what kind of food she will eat. I don't need or want my MIL to make me a plate.

If the daughter can do no wrong, it sets that daughter up for failure. It is not about the food, at all. Take some Psych classes.

What is the relevant to this thread then? If she has MIL issues she should take it to another forum.

Because this thread has to do with familial food customs. Have you caught on yet?

Then your custom of not having a meal together and setting aside multiple plates to get cold is weird AF. Normal people help themselves when they get there.

.

You seem extremely over reactive.

If there is not enough food to begin with, there are no “multiple plates”.

Why do you keep going on about multiple plates? For little kids?

Because holiday PP wants plates for the whole family set aside. Or do you think they share 1 plate? This family situation is weird. Sorry you don’t agree.

I think you are the only one to ever claim that.

Claim what? That its weird to need to make separate plates because the food will run out if you aren't there at dinner time? Make more food cheapos. Holiday PP is mad plates weren't set aside. Why do you need to do that in the first place if there is plenty to go around?

Op here. You all already know my holiday situation but sometimes it maybe isn’t that enough isn’t made but that people go for certain dishes in droves and leave behind the undesirable
Ones. For example, I like canned cranberry sauce, there’s always canned cranberry sauce left. People will eat all of the ham and go for seconds and thirds of it all while leaving and not touching the dry turkey. I can see if someone makes you a plate early on, you get more of what you want than if it’s made later . So those having seconds and thirds are sometimes only taking one item and it’s not at an equal amount across what’s being served. Another one always left is corn pudding. I don’t eat it but if I was in charge of making someone a plate late in the evening, it would be on it.

Yeah, I just can't imagine telling somebody who is present, and wants more ham, that they cannot have any more ham because it must be saved for an absent family member. If you come late, you can make do with the leftovers that are available.

On a holiday?? If you routinely save for some and not others?? For real??

Don’t host if you don’t want to host some of your own kids! (If you don’t like your own kids, that tells me you hate a big part of yourself, no doubt)

There is nothing my kids could ever do that would make me feed one, and not feed another. My God.

PP. I don't hold back food for anybody.

Right, so presumably you (and mentally healthy parents) would have enough for everyone, even if someone is late once in many, many years.

Yes, there is always an overabundance of food. I don't get how people run out of food at holiday meals. How would that even work if everybody showed up on time?

I often have to work part of holidays. My family makes a nice plate for me of the mains. I miss out on the yummy apps. I also drop stuff off ahead sometimes or bring dessert. Everyone has a different dynamic.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't care how you were raised, I can't imagine gobbling up all of dinner knowing that my teen is going to be hungry when he gets home.

OP’s husband could be so simple minded in that he sees food and eats it, but in my mind, he 1) feels no responsibility for providing a replacement meal for his kid after eating it, and 2) takes no responsibility or cares about the consequences of his kid not eating on time. I guess that’s OP’s job. We have ravenous teens who come home from sports or whatever, and if dinner is delayed, then homework is delayed. If homework is delayed, then bedtime is delayed. If bedtime is delayed, then they have a sleep deficit.

Also, in some cultures, including mine, food = love. So we could never eat without first thinking about what our kids, or guests or whoever we care about, will eat. OP’s husband doesn’t see it this way, so I wouldn’t interpret this as “OP’s husband doesn’t care about his kids”. But I do think he doesn’t care about the consequences and extra work involved for his kids or OP when he eats all the food.

Op here. Bolding.This is interesting to me. Do you not do snacks in your home while your kids wait for dinner? My kids usually start as soon as they get in the door even if dinner is not ready.

Are other people doing this also? Dinner before homework?

Anonymous wrote:What is the class division for all this?

I'm the Saturday donut person. We were UMC but first come first served. Is the behavior LMC? That's how my parents were raised.

We're also UMC and first come first serve. The idea being that there's always plenty of food around, so even if we run out of a particular food because somebody was extra hungry at dinner, it's NBD because the fridge and pantry are stocked, and things like pizza aren't such a rare and special treat that somebody would be devastated to miss out on any particular occasion.

Anonymous wrote:I don't care how you were raised, I can't imagine gobbling up all of dinner knowing that my teen is going to be hungry when he gets home.

OP’s husband could be so simple minded in that he sees food and eats it, but in my mind, he 1) feels no responsibility for providing a replacement meal for his kid after eating it, and 2) takes no responsibility or cares about the consequences of his kid not eating on time. I guess that’s OP’s job. We have ravenous teens who come home from sports or whatever, and if dinner is delayed, then homework is delayed. If homework is delayed, then bedtime is delayed. If bedtime is delayed, then they have a sleep deficit.

Also, in some cultures, including mine, food = love. So we could never eat without first thinking about what our kids, or guests or whoever we care about, will eat. OP’s husband doesn’t see it this way, so I wouldn’t interpret this as “OP’s husband doesn’t care about his kids”. But I do think he doesn’t care about the consequences and extra work involved for his kids or OP when he eats all the food.

Anonymous wrote:Class issues and food issues!

Definitely. One can grow up poor and still have class, just as one can grow up rich and have none.

Class is how you treat other people.

Yes, imo, that “scarcity mindset” is lmc. I can’t believe how many Millenials and Gen Z don’t know to wait to eat until everyone is seated with their meals at a restaurant.
I shudder to think how they act in a more casual, family-type setting.

What is the class division for all this?

I'm the Saturday donut person. We were UMC but first come first served. Is the behavior LMC? That's how my parents were raised.

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Anonymous wrote:Op here. I am definitely fascinated by the perspectives here.

Holiday PP yes that’s a great example, this would be a time where I may ask for someone to set aside my plate. Whereas another PP noted it should be a free for all for those in attendance when the meal is served. I’ve never been to a formal dinner party actually but Thanksgiving, Christmas dinner, Mothers Day brunch etc…

Ok, it’s annoying that you’re always asking people to “set aside a plate” for you.

Holiday pp here. We did it once, because we noticed MIL was happy to do so, several times, for perpetually and very late SIL. MIL took issue with doing it once for our small kids (not us, we were happy to stop at McDonalds, and we did. It was Christmas.) so, we never asked again.

DH mentioned that every night was a free for all at his house, because in spite of there being enough money, there was never enough food, and they were expected to eat chips or cereal to supplement.

OTOH, my family had less money growing up, but always had more than enough fresh, healthy food- mostly because of our gardens. It struck me as odd behaviors about food, when I met DHs family. DH agreed, once he met my family.

Are you really that shocked that your MIL ranks her own daughter above you? This plate saving business is so weird. Get to the dinner on time if it’s so important.

Wow. Okay, bitter MIL. You would refuse to feed your small grandchildren on a major holiday? And “rank” your kids/grandkids - like it is a military rank and file? Like a pack of dogs in the wild?

So gross! So telling! So primitive.

No way would that nonsense ever happen with food, in my parents or our house. We weren’t raised rich, but we were raised better.

Maybe get over your narcissistic, selfish, self centered, codependent, unhealthy, self. For shame.

Bitter MIL? Are you high? I'm not my MILs daughter and I don't expect her to be treated like that. Get to the dinner on time. What is the reason you can't do that? So weird. But your personality is really starting to shine through it's revealing.

You are correct. My personality is revealing that you are wrong and grossly selfish, and you don’t like it. Too bad.

If my DIL is late once to a holiday dinner, you better believe that not only are her kids having food saved for them by me, but also plates for their (gasp!) entire family.

Quel horreur!

You are totally weird. Why do several plates need to be lined up "saved"? Is there going to be a shortage of food at Thanksgiving or something? Why not just serve yourself from the leftovers when you get there? You're describing something very odd and not normal at a holiday dinner that special plates are set aside as if there won't be an abundance of food. If food is so short and scarce, what are you bringing to the dinner you can't be bothered to show up for on time?

My question is for the daughter who was late multiple times with her family. Why did one set of grandkids, who were late multiple times, get food set aside “several plates need to be lined up saved” (sic - as if PP was there, and actually knew what was saved for the daughter’s family. Huh.) and one set, the ones who were late one time, not given food? Since there was obviously not enough food.

That seems like a really, really cruel thing to do to little kids. Bet they asked about that on the way home from the visit.

That is the weird part. That, and PP being so very strangely being invested in this conversation.

Maybe some MILs enjoy drama, and teach exactly what not to do, thankfully.

Without the details how do we know? But WTF kind of Thanksgiving is this where nobody comes on time and there's not enough food? MIL likely at least knows her daughter well enough to know what kind of food she will eat. I don't need or want my MIL to make me a plate.

If the daughter can do no wrong, it sets that daughter up for failure. It is not about the food, at all. Take some Psych classes.

What is the relevant to this thread then? If she has MIL issues she should take it to another forum.

Because this thread has to do with familial food customs. Have you caught on yet?

Then your custom of not having a meal together and setting aside multiple plates to get cold is weird AF. Normal people help themselves when they get there.

.

You seem extremely over reactive.

If there is not enough food to begin with, there are no “multiple plates”.

Why do you keep going on about multiple plates? For little kids?

Because holiday PP wants plates for the whole family set aside. Or do you think they share 1 plate? This family situation is weird. Sorry you don’t agree.

I think you are the only one to ever claim that.

Claim what? That its weird to need to make separate plates because the food will run out if you aren't there at dinner time? Make more food cheapos. Holiday PP is mad plates weren't set aside. Why do you need to do that in the first place if there is plenty to go around?

Op here. You all already know my holiday situation but sometimes it maybe isn’t that enough isn’t made but that people go for certain dishes in droves and leave behind the undesirable
Ones. For example, I like canned cranberry sauce, there’s always canned cranberry sauce left. People will eat all of the ham and go for seconds and thirds of it all while leaving and not touching the dry turkey. I can see if someone makes you a plate early on, you get more of what you want than if it’s made later . So those having seconds and thirds are sometimes only taking one item and it’s not at an equal amount across what’s being served. Another one always left is corn pudding. I don’t eat it but if I was in charge of making someone a plate late in the evening, it would be on it.

Yeah, I just can't imagine telling somebody who is present, and wants more ham, that they cannot have any more ham because it must be saved for an absent family member. If you come late, you can make do with the leftovers that are available.

On a holiday?? If you routinely save for some and not others?? For real??

Don’t host if you don’t want to host some of your own kids! (If you don’t like your own kids, that tells me you hate a big part of yourself, no doubt)

There is nothing my kids could ever do that would make me feed one, and not feed another. My God.

PP. I don't hold back food for anybody.

Right, so presumably you (and mentally healthy parents) would have enough for everyone, even if someone is late once in many, many years.

Yes, there is always an overabundance of food. I don't get how people run out of food at holiday meals. How would that even work if everybody showed up on time?

Agree. But I have seen (one host in particular) with the “too bad!” attitude, which is bizarre and hurtful. If there is a shortage, maybe don’t host. Some people have literally insane control issues about food - pretending there is enough when there clearly isn’t etc.

Class issues and food issues!

*same as me

Anonymous wrote:DH was raised in one of these types of families so when it comes to things like meals, or seating in the car for example, he feels no one has dibs on anything. So he’s not saving our teen a plate who went out to hang with friends, or setting aside the post-doctor appointment McDonalds lunch from the rest of the house if one kid is at school and one kid stayed home.

I’m an only child and this erks me to an extent because whenever I ask for someone to save me a plate whether in my home or at a party, I’ve noticed that some people truly won’t. It’s minor in the grand scheme of life but I never experienced someone eating the last slice of pizza growing up or cutting into my name on my birthday slice I set aside.

Are you someone who calls and supports a dibs system? Or a first come, first served type of person/household?

I like saving things for people and sharing but its just me. If someone else doesn't reciprocate, its no big deal. That being said, almost everyone in my life is the same.