I confronted DH's affair partner at her work. It was fantastic! Nothing else would have worked for me.

You know yourself. OP. Do what works for you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man these threads fire up the OW/APs out there.

Yes they do, the only thing better is reading their posts over Xmas when they are so sad and bitter their soul mate is with his wife and not answering her texts.

You spend your “happy family” Christmas day … reading DCUM posts of APs to take pleasure in their (imagined) sadness?

Wow, your cheating DH seriously screwed up your head. Good luck with that.

My husband doesn’t have an affair partner. And yes, sometimes I grab my phone and look at DCUM the two weeks I have off of Christmas. And the amount of.OW on this site during that time it’s freaking insane.

Don’t even get me started about New Year’s.

Super weird thing to be so intently focused on for someone whose husband doesn’t have an AP!

I’m sure plenty of happily married people with no experience involving affairs not only are *aware* of this rampant, holiday-season, pathetic-OW DCUM posting phenomenon, but annually return to this treasure trove of misery posts to read them with glee over their Christmas morning coffee. Then again on NYE.

AKA stop telling on yourself.

I do have 3 good friends who blew up
Their lives being an OW. It’s amazing to watch people spiral their lives out of control.

I don’t think it’s super weird to wonder why these women self destruct so badly.

I don’t “return annually” but I do notice the uptick of crazy.

OTOH, if you’ve never been an OW you seem very intent on framing my amazement in people throwing their lives away as some deviant voyeurism. Methinks YOU protest too much.

You have me confused with someone else. When did I say I wasn’t an AP?

I am absolutely the office mattress at work, and I get a thrill out of “forbidden” sex. To each their own!

Half of the posts in this thread are obvious trolls.

Yeah, but the number of troll responses is almost always proportional to the general stupidity of the thread. This one is up there.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know of one person who confronted the other woman - but the OW didn’t know he was married and was really young. My friend wanted to hear her side of the story and it helped her heal. She also became friendly with the other OW and that always bothered her husband. Since the girl didn’t realize he was married at the time, it was a different situation and she was embarrassed and regretful for her part (even unknowing).

So knowing that her husband was the only sleezeball in the story helped her heal, huh?

Interesting!

They had a sexless marriage and it’s mostly sexless years later so she seemed understanding of the affair (she doesn’t like sex while he does) and forgave him. They are both very religious and poor - staying together seemed the best option with two young kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ll chime in, because OP I don’t want you to get hurt. These things may not go the way you hope they will. I was the OW when I was in my mid 20s. (I’m a very different person now, so please don’t judge).

I broke up with the guy when his wife found out. She confronted me about a month later. I told her point blank “your husband told me that I gave him the single best sexual experience of his life. What do you imagine we did together?” She started to tear up and just walked away. Looking back on it, I feel horrible for what I did. So just please be careful OP. A confrontation may not go the way you want.

She was probably shocked and saddened and her husband’s horrible taste in ap, not aghast at your weird sexual dominance display, fyi.

Exactly. And, btw, men always say that. My husband and I didn’t leave the bed except to get water and whatever was in the cabinets for 3 days. We were insane. He could go several (4 times on our wedding night) times a night. There’s nothing we haven’t done in 20 years.

But, hey, a new body is just that: variety. A guy will always go on about that was the best blah blah blah. Fwiw, the only thing the AP said to me is “I was always so jealous of you”.

Yeah that would be a lie to make you feel better. Not sure why someone would be jealous of someone whose husband cheats on them. Nice that you had sex multiple x a night when you first met though.

Still did during the affair and still can do it even now. Sex life was always very good. He was a mess briefly in midlife- good friend died, dissatisfied with himself, and drinking too much. And, no, she wasn’t the type to say something to be nice. She had a mean steak and was angry at him for “using her” and treated her like a prostitute (her words). She was married too- she just wanted it to be with my husband, be her exit.

I think this is common, and that APs want to believe that they are "different" or "better" than the wife - when in fact, they will never be, because of all they do not have. Women need to know a man is not a plan, if their own mother did not love them enough to tell them so.

NP. I think the roots of the bold (with which I agree) are--for some women, at least--in the "soulmate" fantasy. I see posts on DCUM with women wondering if they should wait for a soulmate, or thinking they've found their soulmate, or asking if they should leave their BF or DH because it doesn't feel like he's their true soulmate, etc. etc. For women who have that inclination, the craving for a totally mythical, perfectly matched soulmate, it would be easy to fall into being an AP to a man who made them feel he was The One.

I'm not saying this is the case for all APs by any means. Just noting that when I read posts about women wanting soulmates, feeling dissatisfaction that's nebulous and not specific, etc., I get a feeling they might easily end up justifying to themselves that they are not merely APs or OWs at all--they are true romantics who simply must be with their soulmates, even if those men are already married or in relationships.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The way to truly heal is to leave your cheating husband. As long as you stay with him you will never heal.

I agree with this if the OP is not able to get over the affair. Confronting the AP likely won't help with that.

Disagree. Of course it will. AP did something terrible. On purpose. And is experiencing no consequences. She’s deserves to be called out. With any luck she’ll think twice before she does it again. Or another couple will think twice when they hear of the *h!t it stirs.

You have no idea if she experiences consequences. Odds are she has/does and they are very, very severe. Both internal and external.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Former OW here and I really never thought about the BW as a rival or wanted her life. If I thought about her it was mostly in an impersonal way thinking how different her inside vs outside lives were, and what it was like for her to know about us (we all knew about each other) and how she (and he) managed to compartmentalize to maintain their apparently very positive marriage and parenting alliance & luxury lifestyle. My involvement was with her DH not her. They are still married.

It looks crazy now when I look back on it but at the time he had emotional hooks into me long before it turned sexual, so I put up with the compromise. Learned a ton but at great cost.

Are you certain she knew? That’s a common lie told to APs- she knows and us ok with it, it’s an open marriage, etc. which is just another complete lie.

Absolutely certain, yes. She was never ok with it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The way to truly heal is to leave your cheating husband. As long as you stay with him you will never heal.

I agree with this if the OP is not able to get over the affair. Confronting the AP likely won't help with that.

Disagree. Of course it will. AP did something terrible. On purpose. And is experiencing no consequences. She’s deserves to be called out. With any luck she’ll think twice before she does it again. Or another couple will think twice when they hear of the *h!t it stirs.

Some women get addicted to the drama. It’s more exciting to fight, talk trash and make empty threats (and you can relive it on the phone with your girlfriends, wine in hand) than deal with the empty moral husk of a man you married.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The way to truly heal is to leave your cheating husband. As long as you stay with him you will never heal.

I agree with this if the OP is not able to get over the affair. Confronting the AP likely won't help with that.

Disagree. Of course it will. AP did something terrible. On purpose. And is experiencing no consequences. She’s deserves to be called out. With any luck she’ll think twice before she does it again. Or another couple will think twice when they hear of the *h!t it stirs.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ll chime in, because OP I don’t want you to get hurt. These things may not go the way you hope they will. I was the OW when I was in my mid 20s. (I’m a very different person now, so please don’t judge).

I broke up with the guy when his wife found out. She confronted me about a month later. I told her point blank “your husband told me that I gave him the single best sexual experience of his life. What do you imagine we did together?” She started to tear up and just walked away. Looking back on it, I feel horrible for what I did. So just please be careful OP. A confrontation may not go the way you want.

She was probably shocked and saddened and her husband’s horrible taste in ap, not aghast at your weird sexual dominance display, fyi.

pp is a human being. She has grown since then.

One should know better than to be so cruel in their twenties. She lacked empathy and kindness. But I’m glad she’s grown.

+1

Karma, man. I hope she’s done a million good deeds since then.

The best karma would be for her to be blindsided with an affair when she has multiple kids. She has no idea the trauma and pain that causes.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ll chime in, because OP I don’t want you to get hurt. These things may not go the way you hope they will. I was the OW when I was in my mid 20s. (I’m a very different person now, so please don’t judge).

I broke up with the guy when his wife found out. She confronted me about a month later. I told her point blank “your husband told me that I gave him the single best sexual experience of his life. What do you imagine we did together?” She started to tear up and just walked away. Looking back on it, I feel horrible for what I did. So just please be careful OP. A confrontation may not go the way you want.

She was probably shocked and saddened and her husband’s horrible taste in ap, not aghast at your weird sexual dominance display, fyi.

Exactly. And, btw, men always say that. My husband and I didn’t leave the bed except to get water and whatever was in the cabinets for 3 days. We were insane. He could go several (4 times on our wedding night) times a night. There’s nothing we haven’t done in 20 years.

But, hey, a new body is just that: variety. A guy will always go on about that was the best blah blah blah. Fwiw, the only thing the AP said to me is “I was always so jealous of you”.

Yeah that would be a lie to make you feel better. Not sure why someone would be jealous of someone whose husband cheats on them. Nice that you had sex multiple x a night when you first met though.

Still did during the affair and still can do it even now. Sex life was always very good. He was a mess briefly in midlife- good friend died, dissatisfied with himself, and drinking too much. And, no, she wasn’t the type to say something to be nice. She had a mean steak and was angry at him for “using her” and treated her like a prostitute (her words). She was married too- she just wanted it to be with my husband, be her exit.

I think this is common, and that APs want to believe that they are "different" or "better" than the wife - when in fact, they will never be, because of all they do not have. Women need to know a man is not a plan, if their own mother did not love them enough to tell them so.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ll chime in, because OP I don’t want you to get hurt. These things may not go the way you hope they will. I was the OW when I was in my mid 20s. (I’m a very different person now, so please don’t judge).

I broke up with the guy when his wife found out. She confronted me about a month later. I told her point blank “your husband told me that I gave him the single best sexual experience of his life. What do you imagine we did together?” She started to tear up and just walked away. Looking back on it, I feel horrible for what I did. So just please be careful OP. A confrontation may not go the way you want.

She was probably shocked and saddened and her husband’s horrible taste in ap, not aghast at your weird sexual dominance display, fyi.

Exactly. And, btw, men always say that. My husband and I didn’t leave the bed except to get water and whatever was in the cabinets for 3 days. We were insane. He could go several (4 times on our wedding night) times a night. There’s nothing we haven’t done in 20 years.

But, hey, a new body is just that: variety. A guy will always go on about that was the best blah blah blah. Fwiw, the only thing the AP said to me is “I was always so jealous of you”.

Yeah that would be a lie to make you feel better. Not sure why someone would be jealous of someone whose husband cheats on them. Nice that you had sex multiple x a night when you first met though.

Still did during the affair and still can do it even now. Sex life was always very good. He was a mess briefly in midlife- good friend died, dissatisfied with himself, and drinking too much. And, no, she wasn’t the type to say something to be nice. She had a mean steak and was angry at him for “using her” and treated her like a prostitute (her words). She was married too- she just wanted it to be with my husband, be her exit.

Oh and I actually said that exact line to her: “jealous of me? Jealous of someone whose husband is cheating”.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ll chime in, because OP I don’t want you to get hurt. These things may not go the way you hope they will. I was the OW when I was in my mid 20s. (I’m a very different person now, so please don’t judge).

I broke up with the guy when his wife found out. She confronted me about a month later. I told her point blank “your husband told me that I gave him the single best sexual experience of his life. What do you imagine we did together?” She started to tear up and just walked away. Looking back on it, I feel horrible for what I did. So just please be careful OP. A confrontation may not go the way you want.

She was probably shocked and saddened and her husband’s horrible taste in ap, not aghast at your weird sexual dominance display, fyi.

pp is a human being. She has grown since then.

One should know better than to be so cruel in their twenties. She lacked empathy and kindness. But I’m glad she’s grown.

+1

Karma, man. I hope she’s done a million good deeds since then.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ll chime in, because OP I don’t want you to get hurt. These things may not go the way you hope they will. I was the OW when I was in my mid 20s. (I’m a very different person now, so please don’t judge).

I broke up with the guy when his wife found out. She confronted me about a month later. I told her point blank “your husband told me that I gave him the single best sexual experience of his life. What do you imagine we did together?” She started to tear up and just walked away. Looking back on it, I feel horrible for what I did. So just please be careful OP. A confrontation may not go the way you want.

She was probably shocked and saddened and her husband’s horrible taste in ap, not aghast at your weird sexual dominance display, fyi.

Exactly. And, btw, men always say that. My husband and I didn’t leave the bed except to get water and whatever was in the cabinets for 3 days. We were insane. He could go several (4 times on our wedding night) times a night. There’s nothing we haven’t done in 20 years.

But, hey, a new body is just that: variety. A guy will always go on about that was the best blah blah blah. Fwiw, the only thing the AP said to me is “I was always so jealous of you”.

Yeah that would be a lie to make you feel better. Not sure why someone would be jealous of someone whose husband cheats on them. Nice that you had sex multiple x a night when you first met though.

Still did during the affair and still can do it even now. Sex life was always very good. He was a mess briefly in midlife- good friend died, dissatisfied with himself, and drinking too much. And, no, she wasn’t the type to say something to be nice. She had a mean steak and was angry at him for “using her” and treated her like a prostitute (her words). She was married too- she just wanted it to be with my husband, be her exit.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ll chime in, because OP I don’t want you to get hurt. These things may not go the way you hope they will. I was the OW when I was in my mid 20s. (I’m a very different person now, so please don’t judge).

I broke up with the guy when his wife found out. She confronted me about a month later. I told her point blank “your husband told me that I gave him the single best sexual experience of his life. What do you imagine we did together?” She started to tear up and just walked away. Looking back on it, I feel horrible for what I did. So just please be careful OP. A confrontation may not go the way you want.

She was probably shocked and saddened and her husband’s horrible taste in ap, not aghast at your weird sexual dominance display, fyi.

Exactly. And, btw, men always say that. My husband and I didn’t leave the bed except to get water and whatever was in the cabinets for 3 days. We were insane. He could go several (4 times on our wedding night) times a night. There’s nothing we haven’t done in 20 years.

But, hey, a new body is just that: variety. A guy will always go on about that was the best blah blah blah. Fwiw, the only thing the AP said to me is “I was always so jealous of you”.

Yeah that would be a lie to make you feel better. Not sure why someone would be jealous of someone whose husband cheats on them. Nice that you had sex multiple x a night when you first met though.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ll chime in, because OP I don’t want you to get hurt. These things may not go the way you hope they will. I was the OW when I was in my mid 20s. (I’m a very different person now, so please don’t judge).

I broke up with the guy when his wife found out. She confronted me about a month later. I told her point blank “your husband told me that I gave him the single best sexual experience of his life. What do you imagine we did together?” She started to tear up and just walked away. Looking back on it, I feel horrible for what I did. So just please be careful OP. A confrontation may not go the way you want.

She was probably shocked and saddened and her husband’s horrible taste in ap, not aghast at your weird sexual dominance display, fyi.

pp is a human being. She has grown since then.

One should know better than to be so cruel in their twenties. She lacked empathy and kindness. But I’m glad she’s grown.