Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I redshirted all my summer birthday boys because so much of male self esteem is derived from sports acumen. Things like strength, agility, coordination and quick twitch are linked to maturation. Being an entire school year younger then some of your teammates can be frustrating and defeating to young boys.

My late birthday boy is so big in the 1st grade, I find ithe idea ridiculous for him to be in kindergarten. He's one of the youngest, but one of the biggest, the strongest. It would be irresponsible for him to play with lighter, more fragile younger kids in K.

Also, my kid is smart. Not like, 100% on the dibels or anything, but he keeps up, and when he's older, that's when it's going to show.

The things that get me in these discussions:

- the idea that a child gets an advantage by being older (the kid is just older, not more intelligent, and he knows it).
- the idea that immaturity (temporary) is solved by a basically permanent parental decision at a point in time that eventual maturity is unknown!
-- as others have said, you are messing up the kid cohort. Either they are 4-5 or they are 4-5-6-7. It's ridiculous.

I have an emotional stake in this. I was held back, by my mother's decision. She was socially anxious (wanted me to reflect well upon her). I ended up being a whole year older than my friends, too tall too early, and also super high IQ. I had ADHD. I would have been much better off not having been held back, or better off not having her as a mother. My instinct, in these conversations, is to wonder which parents are consumed with their own egos, at expense of child.

OTOH, I know that lots of people want their late boys who are smaller to get the advantage. I'm angry because I was a girl, and we don't like to be older and taller than our friends! I told my mother all about how I felt, and cried every day for approx 365+365 days, and she did not give me any consideration. So, hold back if you must, but don't be a mentally ill, horrible parent, only concerned about your own self. It will be obvious to your kid eventually, and they will hate you, even if they managed to get a good life by their own wits.

Right. You post about your issues with your mom repeatedly on DCUM. Anyone who has read more than one redshirting thread here recognizes you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I redshirted all my summer birthday boys because so much of male self esteem is derived from sports acumen. Things like strength, agility, coordination and quick twitch are linked to maturation. Being an entire school year younger then some of your teammates can be frustrating and defeating to young boys.

My late birthday boy is so big in the 1st grade, I find ithe idea ridiculous for him to be in kindergarten. He's one of the youngest, but one of the biggest, the strongest. It would be irresponsible for him to play with lighter, more fragile younger kids in K.

Also, my kid is smart. Not like, 100% on the dibels or anything, but he keeps up, and when he's older, that's when it's going to show.

The things that get me in these discussions:

- the idea that a child gets an advantage by being older (the kid is just older, not more intelligent, and he knows it).
- the idea that immaturity (temporary) is solved by a basically permanent parental decision at a point in time that eventual maturity is unknown!
-- as others have said, you are messing up the kid cohort. Either they are 4-5 or they are 4-5-6-7. It's ridiculous.

I have an emotional stake in this. I was held back, by my mother's decision. She was socially anxious (wanted me to reflect well upon her). I ended up being a whole year older than my friends, too tall too early, and also super high IQ. I had ADHD. I would have been much better off not having been held back, or better off not having her as a mother. My instinct, in these conversations, is to wonder which parents are consumed with their own egos, at expense of child.

OTOH, I know that lots of people want their late boys who are smaller to get the advantage. I'm angry because I was a girl, and we don't like to be older and taller than our friends! I told my mother all about how I felt, and cried every day for approx 365+365 days, and she did not give me any consideration. So, hold back if you must, but don't be a mentally ill, horrible parent, only concerned about your own self. It will be obvious to your kid eventually, and they will hate you, even if they managed to get a good life by their own wits.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I redshirted all my summer birthday boys because so much of male self esteem is derived from sports acumen. Things like strength, agility, coordination and quick twitch are linked to maturation. Being an entire school year younger then some of your teammates can be frustrating and defeating to young boys.

My late birthday boy is so big in the 1st grade, I find ithe idea ridiculous for him to be in kindergarten. He's one of the youngest, but one of the biggest, the strongest. It would be irresponsible for him to play with lighter, more fragile younger kids in K.

Also, my kid is smart. Not like, 100% on the dibels or anything, but he keeps up, and when he's older, that's when it's going to show.

The things that get me in these discussions:

- the idea that a child gets an advantage by being older (the kid is just older, not more intelligent, and he knows it).
- the idea that immaturity (temporary) is solved by a basically permanent parental decision at a point in time that eventual maturity is unknown!
-- as others have said, you are messing up the kid cohort. Either they are 4-5 or they are 4-5-6-7. It's ridiculous.

I have an emotional stake in this. I was held back, by my mother's decision. She was socially anxious (wanted me to reflect well upon her). I ended up being a whole year older than my friends, too tall too early, and also super high IQ. I had ADHD. I would have been much better off not having been held back, or better off not having her as a mother. My instinct, in these conversations, is to wonder which parents are consumed with their own egos, at expense of child.

OTOH, I know that lots of people want their late boys who are smaller to get the advantage. I'm angry because I was a girl, and we don't like to be older and taller than our friends! I told my mother all about how I felt, and cried every day for approx 365+365 days, and she did not give me any consideration. So, hold back if you must, but don't be a mentally ill, horrible parent, only concerned about your own self. It will be obvious to your kid eventually, and they will hate you, even if they managed to get a good life by their own wits.

I’m pretty sure redshirting is the least of your problems.

Tell me more about your ideas.

Start your own thread.

I don't need to, I am on topic. Should you hold your child back? Do you want to be on a forum in 20 years defending your decision? Keep your kid on the school's grade level. I know this varies by state. May vary if public/private. Can see changing grades based on that - keep your kid with his peers.

I’m married to a very successful and well adjusted man who was redshirted decades ago. He doesn’t hate his mom. She’s a pretty nice lady too. They don’t all end up like you. Guess these anecdotes cancel each other out.

Anonymous wrote:If you’re planning to go to private school for a while, you are going to follow their rules. Someone mentioned that these school have “unofficial” cut offs and I completely agree with that. Redshirting is very common in private schools, at least the ones I’m familiar with. Not just with boys but also girls.

My own experience is that it’s either accept it or leave. And it is very unfortunate that this is such a big thing. If your child was a summer kid, their “immaturity” will be blamed on their birth month. But if your kid happens to be born between October-May, then their “immaturity” is considered age appropriate, because they’re just a kid, and they’re too old to be redshirted anyway. So they get a pass.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I redshirted all my summer birthday boys because so much of male self esteem is derived from sports acumen. Things like strength, agility, coordination and quick twitch are linked to maturation. Being an entire school year younger then some of your teammates can be frustrating and defeating to young boys.

My late birthday boy is so big in the 1st grade, I find ithe idea ridiculous for him to be in kindergarten. He's one of the youngest, but one of the biggest, the strongest. It would be irresponsible for him to play with lighter, more fragile younger kids in K.

Also, my kid is smart. Not like, 100% on the dibels or anything, but he keeps up, and when he's older, that's when it's going to show.

The things that get me in these discussions:

- the idea that a child gets an advantage by being older (the kid is just older, not more intelligent, and he knows it).
- the idea that immaturity (temporary) is solved by a basically permanent parental decision at a point in time that eventual maturity is unknown!
-- as others have said, you are messing up the kid cohort. Either they are 4-5 or they are 4-5-6-7. It's ridiculous.

I have an emotional stake in this. I was held back, by my mother's decision. She was socially anxious (wanted me to reflect well upon her). I ended up being a whole year older than my friends, too tall too early, and also super high IQ. I had ADHD. I would have been much better off not having been held back, or better off not having her as a mother. My instinct, in these conversations, is to wonder which parents are consumed with their own egos, at expense of child.

OTOH, I know that lots of people want their late boys who are smaller to get the advantage. I'm angry because I was a girl, and we don't like to be older and taller than our friends! I told my mother all about how I felt, and cried every day for approx 365+365 days, and she did not give me any consideration. So, hold back if you must, but don't be a mentally ill, horrible parent, only concerned about your own self. It will be obvious to your kid eventually, and they will hate you, even if they managed to get a good life by their own wits.

I’m pretty sure redshirting is the least of your problems.

Tell me more about your ideas.

Start your own thread.

I don't need to, I am on topic. Should you hold your child back? Do you want to be on a forum in 20 years defending your decision? Keep your kid on the school's grade level. I know this varies by state. May vary if public/private. Can see changing grades based on that - keep your kid with his peers.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I redshirted all my summer birthday boys because so much of male self esteem is derived from sports acumen. Things like strength, agility, coordination and quick twitch are linked to maturation. Being an entire school year younger then some of your teammates can be frustrating and defeating to young boys.

My late birthday boy is so big in the 1st grade, I find ithe idea ridiculous for him to be in kindergarten. He's one of the youngest, but one of the biggest, the strongest. It would be irresponsible for him to play with lighter, more fragile younger kids in K.

Also, my kid is smart. Not like, 100% on the dibels or anything, but he keeps up, and when he's older, that's when it's going to show.

The things that get me in these discussions:

- the idea that a child gets an advantage by being older (the kid is just older, not more intelligent, and he knows it).
- the idea that immaturity (temporary) is solved by a basically permanent parental decision at a point in time that eventual maturity is unknown!
-- as others have said, you are messing up the kid cohort. Either they are 4-5 or they are 4-5-6-7. It's ridiculous.

I have an emotional stake in this. I was held back, by my mother's decision. She was socially anxious (wanted me to reflect well upon her). I ended up being a whole year older than my friends, too tall too early, and also super high IQ. I had ADHD. I would have been much better off not having been held back, or better off not having her as a mother. My instinct, in these conversations, is to wonder which parents are consumed with their own egos, at expense of child.

OTOH, I know that lots of people want their late boys who are smaller to get the advantage. I'm angry because I was a girl, and we don't like to be older and taller than our friends! I told my mother all about how I felt, and cried every day for approx 365+365 days, and she did not give me any consideration. So, hold back if you must, but don't be a mentally ill, horrible parent, only concerned about your own self. It will be obvious to your kid eventually, and they will hate you, even if they managed to get a good life by their own wits.

I’m pretty sure redshirting is the least of your problems.

Tell me more about your ideas.

Start your own thread.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I redshirted all my summer birthday boys because so much of male self esteem is derived from sports acumen. Things like strength, agility, coordination and quick twitch are linked to maturation. Being an entire school year younger then some of your teammates can be frustrating and defeating to young boys.

My late birthday boy is so big in the 1st grade, I find ithe idea ridiculous for him to be in kindergarten. He's one of the youngest, but one of the biggest, the strongest. It would be irresponsible for him to play with lighter, more fragile younger kids in K.

Also, my kid is smart. Not like, 100% on the dibels or anything, but he keeps up, and when he's older, that's when it's going to show.

The things that get me in these discussions:

- the idea that a child gets an advantage by being older (the kid is just older, not more intelligent, and he knows it).
- the idea that immaturity (temporary) is solved by a basically permanent parental decision at a point in time that eventual maturity is unknown!
-- as others have said, you are messing up the kid cohort. Either they are 4-5 or they are 4-5-6-7. It's ridiculous.

I have an emotional stake in this. I was held back, by my mother's decision. She was socially anxious (wanted me to reflect well upon her). I ended up being a whole year older than my friends, too tall too early, and also super high IQ. I had ADHD. I would have been much better off not having been held back, or better off not having her as a mother. My instinct, in these conversations, is to wonder which parents are consumed with their own egos, at expense of child.

OTOH, I know that lots of people want their late boys who are smaller to get the advantage. I'm angry because I was a girl, and we don't like to be older and taller than our friends! I told my mother all about how I felt, and cried every day for approx 365+365 days, and she did not give me any consideration. So, hold back if you must, but don't be a mentally ill, horrible parent, only concerned about your own self. It will be obvious to your kid eventually, and they will hate you, even if they managed to get a good life by their own wits.

I’m pretty sure redshirting is the least of your problems.

Tell me more about your ideas.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I redshirted all my summer birthday boys because so much of male self esteem is derived from sports acumen. Things like strength, agility, coordination and quick twitch are linked to maturation. Being an entire school year younger then some of your teammates can be frustrating and defeating to young boys.

My late birthday boy is so big in the 1st grade, I find ithe idea ridiculous for him to be in kindergarten. He's one of the youngest, but one of the biggest, the strongest. It would be irresponsible for him to play with lighter, more fragile younger kids in K.

Also, my kid is smart. Not like, 100% on the dibels or anything, but he keeps up, and when he's older, that's when it's going to show.

The things that get me in these discussions:

- the idea that a child gets an advantage by being older (the kid is just older, not more intelligent, and he knows it).
- the idea that immaturity (temporary) is solved by a basically permanent parental decision at a point in time that eventual maturity is unknown!
-- as others have said, you are messing up the kid cohort. Either they are 4-5 or they are 4-5-6-7. It's ridiculous.

I have an emotional stake in this. I was held back, by my mother's decision. She was socially anxious (wanted me to reflect well upon her). I ended up being a whole year older than my friends, too tall too early, and also super high IQ. I had ADHD. I would have been much better off not having been held back, or better off not having her as a mother. My instinct, in these conversations, is to wonder which parents are consumed with their own egos, at expense of child.

OTOH, I know that lots of people want their late boys who are smaller to get the advantage. I'm angry because I was a girl, and we don't like to be older and taller than our friends! I told my mother all about how I felt, and cried every day for approx 365+365 days, and she did not give me any consideration. So, hold back if you must, but don't be a mentally ill, horrible parent, only concerned about your own self. It will be obvious to your kid eventually, and they will hate you, even if they managed to get a good life by their own wits.

I’m pretty sure redshirting is the least of your problems.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I redshirted all my summer birthday boys because so much of male self esteem is derived from sports acumen. Things like strength, agility, coordination and quick twitch are linked to maturation. Being an entire school year younger then some of your teammates can be frustrating and defeating to young boys.

My late birthday boy is so big in the 1st grade, I find ithe idea ridiculous for him to be in kindergarten. He's one of the youngest, but one of the biggest, the strongest. It would be irresponsible for him to play with lighter, more fragile younger kids in K.

Also, my kid is smart. Not like, 100% on the dibels or anything, but he keeps up, and when he's older, that's when it's going to show.

The things that get me in these discussions:

- the idea that a child gets an advantage by being older (the kid is just older, not more intelligent, and he knows it).
- the idea that immaturity (temporary) is solved by a basically permanent parental decision at a point in time that eventual maturity is unknown!
-- as others have said, you are messing up the kid cohort. Either they are 4-5 or they are 4-5-6-7. It's ridiculous.

I have an emotional stake in this. I was held back, by my mother's decision. She was socially anxious (wanted me to reflect well upon her). I ended up being a whole year older than my friends, too tall too early, and also super high IQ. I had ADHD. I would have been much better off not having been held back, or better off not having her as a mother. My instinct, in these conversations, is to wonder which parents are consumed with their own egos, at expense of child.

OTOH, I know that lots of people want their late boys who are smaller to get the advantage. I'm angry because I was a girl, and we don't like to be older and taller than our friends! I told my mother all about how I felt, and cried every day for approx 365+365 days, and she did not give me any consideration. So, hold back if you must, but don't be a mentally ill, horrible parent, only concerned about your own self. It will be obvious to your kid eventually, and they will hate you, even if they managed to get a good life by their own wits.

Anonymous wrote:I redshirted all my summer birthday boys because so much of male self esteem is derived from sports acumen. Things like strength, agility, coordination and quick twitch are linked to maturation. Being an entire school year younger then some of your teammates can be frustrating and defeating to young boys.

Anonymous wrote:Just remember that if you redshirt, you'll have an 18 year old adult to get through senior year of high school.

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Anonymous wrote:Our son has a late August birthday, and we are planning to enroll him in PK3 next year. He is very verbal and seems to be enjoying his current full-time daycare. I hadn't even considered holding him back until a few people asked me about it, and I see it mentioned here all the time. Are there specific things people look for when deciding to hold a kid (boys, especially) back? He's only 2.5 so there's only so much I can "judge" him on at this point haha but want to be sure I'm not missing or considering something. Thanks!

I'm a fan of redshirting. With what you describe, were it my son, I'd hold him a year.

What???!! There is nothing that OP Ava’s described other than the birth month that indicates she should redshirt. At 2.5 it’s way too early to make that determination. I’m not anti red shirting but seriously OP has not described one thing that says it is indicated. A highly verbal boy could be ready for K APM time!!

And if it is a great school, there is individualization in the curriculum. Redshirting is not solely about limited ability or developmental concern. Personally, it's just giving more time. With a late August birthdate, my son could have somewhere between 10-12 months less time than the oldest. So yes, without question, I would redshirt because I know at that age, school is not only about academics. And any parent knows, there is so much growth that happens between 36 months and 48 months. Precisely why the ASQs exist and are used by pediatricians. But hey, I personally don't care what another family chooses to do with their child. So yes, send your highly verbal boy whenever you deem fit.

Precisely because 2 years is a lifetime of development for a 2.5 year old is why I would STRONGLY recommend that OP not make this decision today. Her 4.5 year old will be a completely different kid than he is now. ESPECIALLY if there are no current signs of delay or immaturity. For some kids redshirting is beneficial, for other kids it is detrimental. It is too early to tell whether redshirting would help or hurt her kid. I would not commit my 2.5 year old to a course that could be detrimental when the decision could be made later.

Why are you so hysterical? OP says she's enrolling him next year in PK3. It's clear she's thinking down the road, thus for making a decision later. Calm down.

why are you so investing in redshirting that you are providing bad advice??

I'm not hysterical - i'm just saying it is a really bad idea to make the decision now.

Bad advice? Read the Op again. You’re not even answering the question.

I did and in previous posts i told OP things to look for and things to consider. In fact my previous posts were fairly favorable to redshirting for immature kids. I did not tell her "without question I would redshirt." That is TERRIBLE advice.

OP isn't even making a decision this year. The kid is staying on track. That's what makes your over the top response bizarre. She's not making any decision right now, so you really just need to calm down because you're not even understanding OP.

I have consistently said it is too early to tell. It is PP who is not reading OP and giving premature advice.

for the pp who are concerned about kids being too old - relative to their child - there are some benefits to being younger in terms of imitating more mature children.

https://www.educationnext.org/wp-content/uploads/2022/02/ednext_xvii_3_schanzenbach.pdf

OP knows it's too early. She's not asking if she should even start preschool next year. OP is obviously talking about the future and what to look for. The decision comes in a few years, she will either repeat PK4 or do 2 years of kindergarten. PPs advice doesn't change the timeline of the decision, this should be obvious. You're clearly against redshirting. But given the choice and having the means, most people will prefer their child being older rather than youngest. Most, not all.

I am not against redshirting. I have said it can benefit the immature child particularly behaviorally immature. If a year will help your kid sit still better and follow instructions and not be the behaviorally disruptive youngest go for it. Evidence is mixed on whether it helps or hurts kids with disabilities who may benefit more from appropriate supports aimed at their disability. It can hurt the child who will be bored which can also lead to behavioral issues. Some kids thrive being the youngest. The only thing I’m against is redshirting all august birthdays without regard to the individual child.

I think parents know their kids best and a lot of these so called fears are unfounded.

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our son has a late August birthday, and we are planning to enroll him in PK3 next year. He is very verbal and seems to be enjoying his current full-time daycare. I hadn't even considered holding him back until a few people asked me about it, and I see it mentioned here all the time. Are there specific things people look for when deciding to hold a kid (boys, especially) back? He's only 2.5 so there's only so much I can "judge" him on at this point haha but want to be sure I'm not missing or considering something. Thanks!

I'm a fan of redshirting. With what you describe, were it my son, I'd hold him a year.

What???!! There is nothing that OP Ava’s described other than the birth month that indicates she should redshirt. At 2.5 it’s way too early to make that determination. I’m not anti red shirting but seriously OP has not described one thing that says it is indicated. A highly verbal boy could be ready for K APM time!!

And if it is a great school, there is individualization in the curriculum. Redshirting is not solely about limited ability or developmental concern. Personally, it's just giving more time. With a late August birthdate, my son could have somewhere between 10-12 months less time than the oldest. So yes, without question, I would redshirt because I know at that age, school is not only about academics. And any parent knows, there is so much growth that happens between 36 months and 48 months. Precisely why the ASQs exist and are used by pediatricians. But hey, I personally don't care what another family chooses to do with their child. So yes, send your highly verbal boy whenever you deem fit.

Precisely because 2 years is a lifetime of development for a 2.5 year old is why I would STRONGLY recommend that OP not make this decision today. Her 4.5 year old will be a completely different kid than he is now. ESPECIALLY if there are no current signs of delay or immaturity. For some kids redshirting is beneficial, for other kids it is detrimental. It is too early to tell whether redshirting would help or hurt her kid. I would not commit my 2.5 year old to a course that could be detrimental when the decision could be made later.

Why are you so hysterical? OP says she's enrolling him next year in PK3. It's clear she's thinking down the road, thus for making a decision later. Calm down.

why are you so investing in redshirting that you are providing bad advice??

I'm not hysterical - i'm just saying it is a really bad idea to make the decision now.

Bad advice? Read the Op again. You’re not even answering the question.

I did and in previous posts i told OP things to look for and things to consider. In fact my previous posts were fairly favorable to redshirting for immature kids. I did not tell her "without question I would redshirt." That is TERRIBLE advice.

OP isn't even making a decision this year. The kid is staying on track. That's what makes your over the top response bizarre. She's not making any decision right now, so you really just need to calm down because you're not even understanding OP.

I have consistently said it is too early to tell. It is PP who is not reading OP and giving premature advice.

for the pp who are concerned about kids being too old - relative to their child - there are some benefits to being younger in terms of imitating more mature children.

https://www.educationnext.org/wp-content/uploads/2022/02/ednext_xvii_3_schanzenbach.pdf

OP knows it's too early. She's not asking if she should even start preschool next year. OP is obviously talking about the future and what to look for. The decision comes in a few years, she will either repeat PK4 or do 2 years of kindergarten. PPs advice doesn't change the timeline of the decision, this should be obvious. You're clearly against redshirting. But given the choice and having the means, most people will prefer their child being older rather than youngest. Most, not all.

I am not against redshirting. I have said it can benefit the immature child particularly behaviorally immature. If a year will help your kid sit still better and follow instructions and not be the behaviorally disruptive youngest go for it. Evidence is mixed on whether it helps or hurts kids with disabilities who may benefit more from appropriate supports aimed at their disability. It can hurt the child who will be bored which can also lead to behavioral issues. Some kids thrive being the youngest. The only thing I’m against is redshirting all august birthdays without regard to the individual child.