This thread reminded me of how hosting a wedding is how you learn what level of a$$hole all your friends and family are. Like most people will be like "oh thank you so much for inviting me to your wedding, happy for you guys." They will come or not depending on their availability or ability to travel (all reasonable). They might give an expensive gift or a small gift or just a card (all fine). But they will abide by the invitation. If it says plus one, they may bring a plus one or not. If it invites kids they might bring kids or not, but will let you know. Sometimes these lovely people will ask a clarifying question ("thank you so much for including our son in the invite -- will there be other kids his age? we are trying to decide if it makes sense to bring him") and that's welcome too -- good communication is great.

And then some percentage of your invite list will do one of the following:
- ask to bring their kids, and when you kindly say you can't accommodate them because of venue size, bring them anyway, thus pissing off the other four guests who also wanted to bring kids and who you also told you could not accommodate
- not RSVP at all, and show up anyway
- bring a plus one without even telling you they were thinking of doing this
- bring their kids and their kids nanny and then be miffed when you have nowhere for these unexpected people to sit
- call you 14 times the week before the wedding to ask if they can bring someone they didn't originally plan to bring, can they specify vegan meals, can they sit in the front row at the wedding, can they give a speech, etc.
- RSVP yes and not show up
- RSVP yes and show up halfway through the reception, wasted

And so on. Some people are normal and reasonable and know how the world works, and some people are melodramatic idiots with Main Character Syndrome. If you aren't sure yet who is who, host a wedding! They'll let you know.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know this is an old thread... but I really hate when people say no kids and then still invite kids.

If an event is truly 18+ or 21+ that is totally fine! Say that! But dont say "no kids" and then invite other peoples kids. Just invite the adults.

I had an 18+ wedding. No kids were invited, no kids attended.

It's their party and they can do what they want to.

It's improper etiquette and poor hosting.

But sure, they can also charge people a cover fee. It's their party. Doesnt not make it tacky and rude.

So you'd prefer that the invitation say "Jane and Sarah can bring their kids, but Kim and Debbie can not." Would that be clearer for you?

Err no. You'd address the invite Sarah, Jane, Larla and Larlo for one family and Kim and Debbie to the other family. No need to say who isn't invited, only who is.

I think you're being purposely obtuse now though.

If you do this it is almost a guarantee that some people will just bring their kids without asking, and then you'll have
entitled parents complaining that the venue isn't child safe and Larlo fell in the koi pond, or demanding chicken tenders and mac and cheese for Larla. Not to mention seating issues/issues from the venue if you end up over capacity.

I was once at an explicitly adults only wedding where someone brought their kids without asking, and then had the nerve to complain about "inappropriate music" and how drunk some adults were.

I agree that kids in the wedding party is different and can be handled on a case by case basis rather than following blanket invitation rules.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know this is an old thread... but I really hate when people say no kids and then still invite kids.

If an event is truly 18+ or 21+ that is totally fine! Say that! But dont say "no kids" and then invite other peoples kids. Just invite the adults.

I had an 18+ wedding. No kids were invited, no kids attended.

It's their party and they can do what they want to.

It's improper etiquette and poor hosting.

But sure, they can also charge people a cover fee. It's their party. Doesnt not make it tacky and rude.

This is not strictly true -- there is no specific etiquette rule that says if you invite some children to a wedding, you must allow all guests to bring their kids.

We only invited the kids of our immediate family because, for space reasons, this allowed us to invite more friends and also to ensure anyone who wanted to bring a date could (not just people who were married or in longterm relationships). Would it have been more polite invite the kids of our friends who had them, but then not invite 15 more friends we really did want to be there? Or tell our unmarried friends they aren't allowed to bring a date? Sometimes you have to make choices.

Charging a cover or making people pay for their drinks is a totally different matter. That's bad hosting because if you invite someone to a wedding, you should be providing them with food and drink. But not inviting every single child of every single guest is not automatically rude unless you are weirdly targeted about it (which most people are not -- in OP's case, it was only the children of the wedding party who were invited, which makes sense because they have more wedding obligations and also those kids are more likely to be known to, and important to, the bride and groom).

Please re-read what I wrote, I never said if you invite some kids you have to invite all. I said it's improper to write "no kids" or "adults only" when there will, in fact, be kids attending. That's it! Invite who you want, just don't lie on your invitations.

At first I was surprised that you had not encountered this situation before, since it is quite common, as many others have stated. But not anymore. I now understand why you have not been invited to many weddings, and lack the experience.

Lol! Quite the opposite. I love weddings, I love celebrating love and attend quite a few. If you don't know proper etiquette just say so, no need to make up stories about how awful other peoples lives are to make yourself feel better.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know this is an old thread... but I really hate when people say no kids and then still invite kids.

If an event is truly 18+ or 21+ that is totally fine! Say that! But dont say "no kids" and then invite other peoples kids. Just invite the adults.

I had an 18+ wedding. No kids were invited, no kids attended.

It's their party and they can do what they want to.

It's improper etiquette and poor hosting.

But sure, they can also charge people a cover fee. It's their party. Doesnt not make it tacky and rude.

This is not strictly true -- there is no specific etiquette rule that says if you invite some children to a wedding, you must allow all guests to bring their kids.

We only invited the kids of our immediate family because, for space reasons, this allowed us to invite more friends and also to ensure anyone who wanted to bring a date could (not just people who were married or in longterm relationships). Would it have been more polite invite the kids of our friends who had them, but then not invite 15 more friends we really did want to be there? Or tell our unmarried friends they aren't allowed to bring a date? Sometimes you have to make choices.

Charging a cover or making people pay for their drinks is a totally different matter. That's bad hosting because if you invite someone to a wedding, you should be providing them with food and drink. But not inviting every single child of every single guest is not automatically rude unless you are weirdly targeted about it (which most people are not -- in OP's case, it was only the children of the wedding party who were invited, which makes sense because they have more wedding obligations and also those kids are more likely to be known to, and important to, the bride and groom).

Please re-read what I wrote, I never said if you invite some kids you have to invite all. I said it's improper to write "no kids" or "adults only" when there will, in fact, be kids attending. That's it! Invite who you want, just don't lie on your invitations.

Hmm, I wonder which option is easier if you're busy planning a wedding... (A) say no kids and then let the three friends whose kids can come know separately or (B) don't say anything about kids and field dozens of questions as to whether people can bring their kids (or worse, have them not ask and then just bring their kids!).

Proper hosting and invitations aren't something I consider difficult, but I do agree that many people are quite lazy these days and may opt for your method. I disagree that lying to your guests is the better method, and you'll still end up with people like OP who were upset.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know this is an old thread... but I really hate when people say no kids and then still invite kids.

If an event is truly 18+ or 21+ that is totally fine! Say that! But dont say "no kids" and then invite other peoples kids. Just invite the adults.

I had an 18+ wedding. No kids were invited, no kids attended.

It's their party and they can do what they want to.

It's improper etiquette and poor hosting.

But sure, they can also charge people a cover fee. It's their party. Doesnt not make it tacky and rude.

This is not strictly true -- there is no specific etiquette rule that says if you invite some children to a wedding, you must allow all guests to bring their kids.

We only invited the kids of our immediate family because, for space reasons, this allowed us to invite more friends and also to ensure anyone who wanted to bring a date could (not just people who were married or in longterm relationships). Would it have been more polite invite the kids of our friends who had them, but then not invite 15 more friends we really did want to be there? Or tell our unmarried friends they aren't allowed to bring a date? Sometimes you have to make choices.

Charging a cover or making people pay for their drinks is a totally different matter. That's bad hosting because if you invite someone to a wedding, you should be providing them with food and drink. But not inviting every single child of every single guest is not automatically rude unless you are weirdly targeted about it (which most people are not -- in OP's case, it was only the children of the wedding party who were invited, which makes sense because they have more wedding obligations and also those kids are more likely to be known to, and important to, the bride and groom).

Please re-read what I wrote, I never said if you invite some kids you have to invite all. I said it's improper to write "no kids" or "adults only" when there will, in fact, be kids attending. That's it! Invite who you want, just don't lie on your invitations.

At first I was surprised that you had not encountered this situation before, since it is quite common, as many others have stated. But not anymore. I now understand why you have not been invited to many weddings, and lack the experience.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know this is an old thread... but I really hate when people say no kids and then still invite kids.

If an event is truly 18+ or 21+ that is totally fine! Say that! But dont say "no kids" and then invite other peoples kids. Just invite the adults.

I had an 18+ wedding. No kids were invited, no kids attended.

It's their party and they can do what they want to.

It's improper etiquette and poor hosting.

But sure, they can also charge people a cover fee. It's their party. Doesnt not make it tacky and rude.

So you'd prefer that the invitation say "Jane and Sarah can bring their kids, but Kim and Debbie can not." Would that be clearer for you?

Err no. You'd address the invite Sarah, Jane, Larla and Larlo for one family and Kim and Debbie to the other family. No need to say who isn't invited, only who is.

I think you're being purposely obtuse now though.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know this is an old thread... but I really hate when people say no kids and then still invite kids.

If an event is truly 18+ or 21+ that is totally fine! Say that! But dont say "no kids" and then invite other peoples kids. Just invite the adults.

I had an 18+ wedding. No kids were invited, no kids attended.

It's their party and they can do what they want to.

It's improper etiquette and poor hosting.

But sure, they can also charge people a cover fee. It's their party. Doesnt not make it tacky and rude.

This is not strictly true -- there is no specific etiquette rule that says if you invite some children to a wedding, you must allow all guests to bring their kids.

We only invited the kids of our immediate family because, for space reasons, this allowed us to invite more friends and also to ensure anyone who wanted to bring a date could (not just people who were married or in longterm relationships). Would it have been more polite invite the kids of our friends who had them, but then not invite 15 more friends we really did want to be there? Or tell our unmarried friends they aren't allowed to bring a date? Sometimes you have to make choices.

Charging a cover or making people pay for their drinks is a totally different matter. That's bad hosting because if you invite someone to a wedding, you should be providing them with food and drink. But not inviting every single child of every single guest is not automatically rude unless you are weirdly targeted about it (which most people are not -- in OP's case, it was only the children of the wedding party who were invited, which makes sense because they have more wedding obligations and also those kids are more likely to be known to, and important to, the bride and groom).

Please re-read what I wrote, I never said if you invite some kids you have to invite all. I said it's improper to write "no kids" or "adults only" when there will, in fact, be kids attending. That's it! Invite who you want, just don't lie on your invitations.

Hmm, I wonder which option is easier if you're busy planning a wedding... (A) say no kids and then let the three friends whose kids can come know separately or (B) don't say anything about kids and field dozens of questions as to whether people can bring their kids (or worse, have them not ask and then just bring their kids!).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know this is an old thread... but I really hate when people say no kids and then still invite kids.

If an event is truly 18+ or 21+ that is totally fine! Say that! But dont say "no kids" and then invite other peoples kids. Just invite the adults.

I had an 18+ wedding. No kids were invited, no kids attended.

Many people, have a flower girl or two and a ring bearer. In a situation like this would you provide a baby sitter? Let the parents and kids know that the kids won’t be welcome at the reception? How would you — handle it?

Me personally? I had an 18+ wedding with no children in the wedding.

If I had a flower girl or ring bearer who were invited to the reception, I would not specify 18+/adults only/no kids. Because that wouldn't be factual. I would just invite the people who I wanted to invite, and list their names. Ie John and Jane. If they asked if they could bring their kids (several people still did) I just said "sorry, we cant accommodate them, the invitation is just for you and John."

I dont mind the idea of providing a baby sitter, but many parents still wouldn't feel comfortable leaving their kids with a rando, so YMMV with that alternative.

And then Jane comes to the wedding and see your flower girl and ring bearer at the reception and Jane comes onto DCUM and posts about how you're so rude.

Anonymous wrote:Ugh, my cousins married 10 years ago and designated it "no kids." We flew across the country to attend but then my dh had to babysit in the hotel room while I visited with my family at the wedding. I was miffed because we made a big effort to be there, and yet couldn't bring our two kids.
Now they are the parents of two young boys, and I HIGHLY DOUBT they would appreciate someone telling them not to bring those kids to a wedding.
I hate no-kid weddings.

You're insufferable. Just do everyone a favor and skip the wedding next time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know this is an old thread... but I really hate when people say no kids and then still invite kids.

If an event is truly 18+ or 21+ that is totally fine! Say that! But dont say "no kids" and then invite other peoples kids. Just invite the adults.

I had an 18+ wedding. No kids were invited, no kids attended.

It's their party and they can do what they want to.

It's improper etiquette and poor hosting.

But sure, they can also charge people a cover fee. It's their party. Doesnt not make it tacky and rude.

So you'd prefer that the invitation say "Jane and Sarah can bring their kids, but Kim and Debbie can not." Would that be clearer for you?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know this is an old thread... but I really hate when people say no kids and then still invite kids.

If an event is truly 18+ or 21+ that is totally fine! Say that! But dont say "no kids" and then invite other peoples kids. Just invite the adults.

I had an 18+ wedding. No kids were invited, no kids attended.

It's their party and they can do what they want to.

It's improper etiquette and poor hosting.

But sure, they can also charge people a cover fee. It's their party. Doesnt not make it tacky and rude.

This is not strictly true -- there is no specific etiquette rule that says if you invite some children to a wedding, you must allow all guests to bring their kids.

We only invited the kids of our immediate family because, for space reasons, this allowed us to invite more friends and also to ensure anyone who wanted to bring a date could (not just people who were married or in longterm relationships). Would it have been more polite invite the kids of our friends who had them, but then not invite 15 more friends we really did want to be there? Or tell our unmarried friends they aren't allowed to bring a date? Sometimes you have to make choices.

Charging a cover or making people pay for their drinks is a totally different matter. That's bad hosting because if you invite someone to a wedding, you should be providing them with food and drink. But not inviting every single child of every single guest is not automatically rude unless you are weirdly targeted about it (which most people are not -- in OP's case, it was only the children of the wedding party who were invited, which makes sense because they have more wedding obligations and also those kids are more likely to be known to, and important to, the bride and groom).

Please re-read what I wrote, I never said if you invite some kids you have to invite all. I said it's improper to write "no kids" or "adults only" when there will, in fact, be kids attending. That's it! Invite who you want, just don't lie on your invitations.

They just don't want your kids. Get over it. Also parties that say 'no siblings' will also have siblings. Everyone knows how this works because if you don't spell it out people will show up with 6 extra uninvited guests. There will be some kids and some siblings, by design, they just don't want all the others there. Unless you just fell off a turnip truck you know this.

I don't have kids lol. So no, it's not about me or my kids. I just prefer old school etiquette, and lying to guests is not appropriate IMO.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know this is an old thread... but I really hate when people say no kids and then still invite kids.

If an event is truly 18+ or 21+ that is totally fine! Say that! But dont say "no kids" and then invite other peoples kids. Just invite the adults.

I had an 18+ wedding. No kids were invited, no kids attended.

It's their party and they can do what they want to.

It's improper etiquette and poor hosting.

But sure, they can also charge people a cover fee. It's their party. Doesnt not make it tacky and rude.

This is not strictly true -- there is no specific etiquette rule that says if you invite some children to a wedding, you must allow all guests to bring their kids.

We only invited the kids of our immediate family because, for space reasons, this allowed us to invite more friends and also to ensure anyone who wanted to bring a date could (not just people who were married or in longterm relationships). Would it have been more polite invite the kids of our friends who had them, but then not invite 15 more friends we really did want to be there? Or tell our unmarried friends they aren't allowed to bring a date? Sometimes you have to make choices.

Charging a cover or making people pay for their drinks is a totally different matter. That's bad hosting because if you invite someone to a wedding, you should be providing them with food and drink. But not inviting every single child of every single guest is not automatically rude unless you are weirdly targeted about it (which most people are not -- in OP's case, it was only the children of the wedding party who were invited, which makes sense because they have more wedding obligations and also those kids are more likely to be known to, and important to, the bride and groom).

Please re-read what I wrote, I never said if you invite some kids you have to invite all. I said it's improper to write "no kids" or "adults only" when there will, in fact, be kids attending. That's it! Invite who you want, just don't lie on your invitations.

They just don't want your kids. Get over it. Also parties that say 'no siblings' will also have siblings. Everyone knows how this works because if you don't spell it out people will show up with 6 extra uninvited guests. There will be some kids and some siblings, by design, they just don't want all the others there. Unless you just fell off a turnip truck you know this.

Please just skip the wedding. You are insufferable.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know this is an old thread... but I really hate when people say no kids and then still invite kids.

If an event is truly 18+ or 21+ that is totally fine! Say that! But dont say "no kids" and then invite other peoples kids. Just invite the adults.

I had an 18+ wedding. No kids were invited, no kids attended.

It's their party and they can do what they want to.

It's improper etiquette and poor hosting.

But sure, they can also charge people a cover fee. It's their party. Doesnt not make it tacky and rude.

This is not strictly true -- there is no specific etiquette rule that says if you invite some children to a wedding, you must allow all guests to bring their kids.

We only invited the kids of our immediate family because, for space reasons, this allowed us to invite more friends and also to ensure anyone who wanted to bring a date could (not just people who were married or in longterm relationships). Would it have been more polite invite the kids of our friends who had them, but then not invite 15 more friends we really did want to be there? Or tell our unmarried friends they aren't allowed to bring a date? Sometimes you have to make choices.

Charging a cover or making people pay for their drinks is a totally different matter. That's bad hosting because if you invite someone to a wedding, you should be providing them with food and drink. But not inviting every single child of every single guest is not automatically rude unless you are weirdly targeted about it (which most people are not -- in OP's case, it was only the children of the wedding party who were invited, which makes sense because they have more wedding obligations and also those kids are more likely to be known to, and important to, the bride and groom).

Please re-read what I wrote, I never said if you invite some kids you have to invite all. I said it's improper to write "no kids" or "adults only" when there will, in fact, be kids attending. That's it! Invite who you want, just don't lie on your invitations.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know this is an old thread... but I really hate when people say no kids and then still invite kids.

If an event is truly 18+ or 21+ that is totally fine! Say that! But dont say "no kids" and then invite other peoples kids. Just invite the adults.

I had an 18+ wedding. No kids were invited, no kids attended.

Many people, have a flower girl or two and a ring bearer. In a situation like this would you provide a baby sitter? Let the parents and kids know that the kids won’t be welcome at the reception? How would you — handle it?

Me personally? I had an 18+ wedding with no children in the wedding.

If I had a flower girl or ring bearer who were invited to the reception, I would not specify 18+/adults only/no kids. Because that wouldn't be factual. I would just invite the people who I wanted to invite, and list their names. Ie John and Jane. If they asked if they could bring their kids (several people still did) I just said "sorry, we cant accommodate them, the invitation is just for you and John."

I dont mind the idea of providing a baby sitter, but many parents still wouldn't feel comfortable leaving their kids with a rando, so YMMV with that alternative.