Anonymous
Post 11/17/2022 13:44     Subject: Is it a status symbol to marry young?
Anonymous wrote:I honestly don't get the debate around this, except to say that it sees to be a lot of harpies trying to justify their own decisions/struggles.

Divorce rates aren't near as common as people like to say on DCUM. For example, for people with college and graduate degrees, divorce rates are pretty low, actually. I'd assume this is most of DCUM.

Fertility obviously benefits from getting married before 30 (in a traditional sense).

And financial - the BIG REASON on DCUM - is senseless to me. For a 25 year old young professional making $50K, it makes MORE sense to pool your resources: apartment rent, one (or no) car, share food, take trips together, etc... than it goes to try to do this alone or with a roommate. Most young professionals are trying to grow their wealth over time: wouldn't it be more enjoyable to do that with a partner you love, eating in and saving money instead of constant dating?

The biggest objection I can see to marrying "too young" is if a young adult is obsessed with marriage or to immature/inexperienced to see the world as it is and is settling or making a very bad decision. But for most 25-28 year olds who have been to school (sometimes for a grad degree), are tired of nightlife, and have a stable partner whom they love (perhaps one they didn't meet at 12) then why wouldn't you wish them the best and be happy they found "the one" in good time?

I hope my 13 year old DS has an enriching teen and young adult life, and can meet and be with his life partner on the closer side of 30 and they can work together to build whatever it is they choose to build, as opposed to grinding relentlessly toward some emotionally void, ever-moving made up goal post alone until he's 36 or 40.

But your mileage may vary.

A lot of sour grapes/closeted grass-is-greener stuff here.


Yep, totally. I'm encouraging my daughter to marry younger and to be open to meeting someone in college if it works out. Most middle class people can build more wealth pooling their resources.
Anonymous
Post 11/17/2022 13:40     Subject: Is it a status symbol to marry young?
Anonymous wrote:I honestly don't get the debate around this, except to say that it sees to be a lot of harpies trying to justify their own decisions/struggles.

Divorce rates aren't near as common as people like to say on DCUM. For example, for people with college and graduate degrees, divorce rates are pretty low, actually. I'd assume this is most of DCUM.

Fertility obviously benefits from getting married before 30 (in a traditional sense).

And financial - the BIG REASON on DCUM - is senseless to me. For a 25 year old young professional making $50K, it makes MORE sense to pool your resources: apartment rent, one (or no) car, share food, take trips together, etc... than it goes to try to do this alone or with a roommate. Most young professionals are trying to grow their wealth over time: wouldn't it be more enjoyable to do that with a partner you love, eating in and saving money instead of constant dating?

The biggest objection I can see to marrying "too young" is if a young adult is obsessed with marriage or to immature/inexperienced to see the world as it is and is settling or making a very bad decision. But for most 25-28 year olds who have been to school (sometimes for a grad degree), are tired of nightlife, and have a stable partner whom they love (perhaps one they didn't meet at 12) then why wouldn't you wish them the best and be happy they found "the one" in good time?

I hope my 13 year old DS has an enriching teen and young adult life, and can meet and be with his life partner on the closer side of 30 and they can work together to build whatever it is they choose to build, as opposed to grinding relentlessly toward some emotionally void, ever-moving made up goal post alone until he's 36 or 40.

But your mileage may vary.

A lot of sour grapes/closeted grass-is-greener stuff here.


I have to agree with this. Not saying it can’t work out later on, too, but I wouldn’t want my kids scrambling in their mid 30s to find a partner if they can help it
Anonymous
Post 11/17/2022 12:02     Subject: Is it a status symbol to marry young?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:25-27 isn't actually that young to be married. 31-36 is on the older side depending on how many kids you hope to have and how quickly you want to pop them out.


Women who have good, professional jobs tend to marry later. Girls who don't have much going on marry younger.


My VP's DD just joined NASA after graduating at top of her engineering class and getting a pilot license. She is marrying her college BF (works in Boeing) in January '23. Both are white, atheist and super ambitious.


I got married to my college BF at 23 -- I was doing TFA, he was working at a non-profit in NYC. We both went to grad school post-marriage, have professional jobs in DC (lawyer, economist), had kids later (I was 33 for first, 36 for second).
Anonymous
Post 11/17/2022 11:54     Subject: Is it a status symbol to marry young?
With Instagram, Pinterest and Facebook, everyone wants to put romance, vacations, food porn, wedded bliss, picture perfect kids etc on their timeline, no matter she is 17 year old virgin or 47 year old thrice divorcee.
Anonymous
Post 11/17/2022 11:51     Subject: Is it a status symbol to marry young?
Most of these young couples are ambitious and both are pursuing professional education or lucrative careers.
Anonymous
Post 11/17/2022 11:48     Subject: Re:Is it a status symbol to marry young?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:The obsession so many women have with marry is pathetic


It really is.


Marrying and procreating (heirs, legacy) is literally the point of life; it’s how you leave a mark. Sorry sweetie, nobody is going to remember your projects and spreadsheets at work.
Anonymous
Post 11/17/2022 11:11     Subject: Is it a status symbol to marry young?
Yes, it’s a flex. They have the money to step into that picture perfect life with the big home, nice cars, expensive vacations and a cute kids at a young age. They probably went to good schools but they didn’t have to spend 10 years grinding in the workforce to be able to afford the trappings of the lifestyle that they have.

There is a romance in marrying someone you met in the real world and while young.
Anonymous
Post 11/17/2022 10:35     Subject: Is it a status symbol to marry young?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I always wished my mom was educated, not for earning a pay check but for her own sake and to help educate us.


??? Marrying young is not mutually exclusive with having a good education. Did you read the thread? We are talking about young adults graduating from top college and grad programs. Your mother has nothing to do with this.


PP's post emphasizes on how value of education isn't limited to having some paper pushing job outside the house. Its good for self, kids, spouse and community. Also gives flexibility to join workforce if life throws a curveball.
Anonymous
Post 11/17/2022 08:48     Subject: Re:Is it a status symbol to marry young?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:The obsession so many women have with marry is pathetic


It really is.


Is it just what I see or is a woman who is very much not obsessed with getting married (but still cultivates an active social life) more likely to get married on the younger side?
Anonymous
Post 11/17/2022 08:10     Subject: Is it a status symbol to marry young?
Anonymous wrote:I always wished my mom was educated, not for earning a pay check but for her own sake and to help educate us.


??? Marrying young is not mutually exclusive with having a good education. Did you read the thread? We are talking about young adults graduating from top college and grad programs. Your mother has nothing to do with this.
Anonymous
Post 11/16/2022 23:17     Subject: Is it a status symbol to marry young?
Anonymous wrote:I’m in healthcare, often see kids of wealthy docs marrying right after undergrad, specially if they are going to med school themselves, probably because they have about 10 years before they’ll be done and don’t see a point in waiting.


This is how it was for my husband and me. We married right after I finished my undergraduate and he was entering medical school.
Anonymous
Post 11/16/2022 19:59     Subject: Re:Is it a status symbol to marry young?
Anonymous wrote:The obsession so many women have with marry is pathetic


It really is.
Anonymous
Post 11/16/2022 17:11     Subject: Is it a status symbol to marry young?
Anonymous wrote:Marrying young is like a tattoo, bad judgment. Neither position people for a good future.


Thanks, Aunt Nancy! Good advice!
Anonymous
Post 11/16/2022 17:10     Subject: Is it a status symbol to marry young?
I think being employed and loan free with financially supportive family can open doors not available to others.
Anonymous
Post 11/16/2022 17:07     Subject: Is it a status symbol to marry young?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:25-27 isn't actually that young to be married. 31-36 is on the older side depending on how many kids you hope to have and how quickly you want to pop them out.


Women who have good, professional jobs tend to marry later. Girls who don't have much going on marry younger.


My VP's DD just joined NASA after graduating at top of her engineering class and getting a pilot license. She is marrying her college BF (works in Boeing) in January '23. Both are white, atheist and super ambitious.