Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve paid for college, grad school and house down payments for my kids. And funded 529 plans for grandkids. However, there’s a line between being generous and overdoing it and taking away ambition. I don’t ever discuss my income or NW with my kids. Someday it’ll be a necessary conversation but until then I want everyone fully motivated.

as a high net worth person you are doing your kids a huge disservice. My DH does our finances and brought our kids into them. when they were juniors in high school. My kids know how much we make, How much we spend, and how much we invest. My oldest is really into it and has his own investment account. it actually kinda freaks my college aged kid out because he’s thinking “holy crap I’ll never make that” They are both well aware now is what having a “working mom” when they were growing up meant and what a huge multiplier that has been for our family.

Finances are not a thing to hide from your children.

I hear you. But, my kids are highly successful, have great families and don’t need money from me. Mission accomplished. I had cousins who amounted to less than nothing by being handed too much and expecting more. That was a big influence for me.

Well i’ve pulled my kids into our finances since they were in high school. Both of my kids started investing in roths in HIGH school because we financially educated them. Of course people can be successful, but are they maximizing their success? Do they truly understand how to manage money? Did they go to college with a fundamental understanding of what LTV means? How to read and understand a Closing Disclosure Statement or HUD1? Do your kids know what a 1031x is and how that’s set up? Do your kids know how to negotiate interest rates and how to float a rate down without fees? Did your kids ask you to set up a custodial account to start investing in their roth when they were making money mowing lawns all spring summer and fall? Didnyour kids know the difference between small-cap bs large-cap before HS graduation? Did your kid when the iran conflict broke out scramble to buy XOM on a hunch?

I’m not enabling my kids I’m empowering them to move early and quickly in the direction away from w2 wage slave dependency. My DH and I did it and we have given them the blueprint to do it too and do it better. My advice to them heading into college has been to follow your passion, but whatever you do carefully put every dollar to work and with a purpose.

Anonymous wrote:If you grew up in poverty, stood in lines at food banks to get powdered milk and expired food, and never got to eat out or take a vacation, then your mindset is different. You don’t want that same childhood for your kid. Generational wealth can help you attend college and move away from the crime-ridden town.

Not always true. I wish people would stop saying this. Rich or poor, investing early and consistently simply seems the thing to do.
I grew up poor. Really wasn't a big deal. There were poorer people in my town and in the world.

If you grew up in poverty, stood in lines at food banks to get powdered milk and expired food, and never got to eat out or take a vacation, then your mindset is different. You don’t want that same childhood for your kid. Generational wealth can help you attend college and move away from the crime-ridden town.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve paid for college, grad school and house down payments for my kids. And funded 529 plans for grandkids. However, there’s a line between being generous and overdoing it and taking away ambition. I don’t ever discuss my income or NW with my kids. Someday it’ll be a necessary conversation but until then I want everyone fully motivated.

as a high net worth person you are doing your kids a huge disservice. My DH does our finances and brought our kids into them. when they were juniors in high school. My kids know how much we make, How much we spend, and how much we invest. My oldest is really into it and has his own investment account. it actually kinda freaks my college aged kid out because he’s thinking “holy crap I’ll never make that” They are both well aware now is what having a “working mom” when they were growing up meant and what a huge multiplier that has been for our family.

Finances are not a thing to hide from your children.

I hear you. But, my kids are highly successful, have great families and don’t need money from me. Mission accomplished. I had cousins who amounted to less than nothing by being handed too much and expecting more. That was a big influence for me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not obsessing over it, but it would give me joy to see my grandchildren have their college tuition paid for like I had mine paid for--by my grandparents.

My dad wants to pay our kids tuition. Nope we are good. He will go to the local cheap state college which we can afford and he will take some student loans.

Why? Put your ego down for a sec and let your dad give your kid the gift of not drowning in debt the moment he gets his diploma.

Anonymous wrote:I’ve paid for college, grad school and house down payments for my kids. And funded 529 plans for grandkids. However, there’s a line between being generous and overdoing it and taking away ambition. I don’t ever discuss my income or NW with my kids. Someday it’ll be a necessary conversation but until then I want everyone fully motivated.

as a high net worth person you are doing your kids a huge disservice. My DH does our finances and brought our kids into them. when they were juniors in high school. My kids know how much we make, How much we spend, and how much we invest. My oldest is really into it and has his own investment account. it actually kinda freaks my college aged kid out because he’s thinking “holy crap I’ll never make that” They are both well aware now is what having a “working mom” when they were growing up meant and what a huge multiplier that has been for our family.

Finances are not a thing to hide from your children.

tax evasion

I never set out to be wealthy. My goal was to be a respected professional, which I was. I get far more satisfaction from my professional success than my wealth. Not even close. I want the same personal success for my kids, and they’re achieving it. When you look back on your life, family, friends and achievement and success in your work are far more important than a bank account.

I had none to acquire. I am blessed and fortunate to have planned correctly throughout my career and my wife in her career to provide for our children.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not obsessing over it, but it would give me joy to see my grandchildren have their college tuition paid for like I had mine paid for--by my grandparents.

My dad wants to pay our kids tuition. Nope we are good. He will go to the local cheap state college which we can afford and he will take some student loans.

Pretty awful of you to start your kids out behind on life when it’s completely unnecessary.

Agree. Why would you KNOWINGLY start them in a financial hole? I paid for my college and grad school. While others were working and saving and investing, I was working and paying off loans. And don't give me BS about "working hard" and "earning it." Two things can happen at once. My DD is exhibit A. Her college and part of grad school is paid for. And she is a grateful kid and hard worker.

Shame on you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve paid for college, grad school and house down payments for my kids. And funded 529 plans for grandkids. However, there’s a line between being generous and overdoing it and taking away ambition. I don’t ever discuss my income or NW with my kids. Someday it’ll be a necessary conversation but until then I want everyone fully motivated.

IMO you have raised your kids incorrectly if by age 20 you are not fully discussing NW with them. If them knowing you are worth something makes the kid unmotivated there is a lot more at play

How many millions are you worth? 20 is pretty young to just reveal it all, especially if you're not a very spend heavy family.

Anonymous wrote:I’ve paid for college, grad school and house down payments for my kids. And funded 529 plans for grandkids. However, there’s a line between being generous and overdoing it and taking away ambition. I don’t ever discuss my income or NW with my kids. Someday it’ll be a necessary conversation but until then I want everyone fully motivated.

IMO you have raised your kids incorrectly if by age 20 you are not fully discussing NW with them. If them knowing you are worth something makes the kid unmotivated there is a lot more at play

I’ve paid for college, grad school and house down payments for my kids. And funded 529 plans for grandkids. However, there’s a line between being generous and overdoing it and taking away ambition. I don’t ever discuss my income or NW with my kids. Someday it’ll be a necessary conversation but until then I want everyone fully motivated.

Anonymous wrote:With so much parental and grandparent support with everything I wonder how self motivated your children are.

I also wonder on their feelings of self- efficacy. It’s so important for young people to develop these things.

Based on my life experience and what I observed among UHNW and poor and middle class, there is no guarantee of outcomes when it comes to motivation. Low motivation kids grow up in all sorts of settings from poverty to mega wealth. Same is true for highly motivated and ambitious kids.

The only thing your wealth ensures is that your kid who is unmotivated has a lot less probability ending in tragic circumstances, on skid row or worse.

Anonymous wrote:Because working sucks for the vast majority of people so why would anyone want to force their family into working if they don't have to?


Is this a serious question? Is there really anyone out there so stupid they can't figure out this incredibly obvious answer?

This. It's really this simple. If you can free your kids from wage slavery just to survive then you can open doors to more opportunities for them, and you can have healthier and happier family spending time together vs. grinding and being stressed trying to make the ends meet. Some kids are even motivated to work to feel independent and to feel like they accomplish something themselves, which is a very different attitude than a poor kid who has to work and hates every day of it.

There is a fear that a child who knows they don't have to grind will always take a road of less friction and would avoid doing anything. It's a real thing, and I observed it with some of the kids of the wealthy people. But I also observed this in middle class families who don't have any wealth to leave to their kids. It's really a toss up. Obviously, your kid will be better off if you have the wealth to support them should they fail and hope they get on their feet or get more serious. If you are a broke family, then your deadbeat kid may have a high chance ending on skid row or stealing from you. It's simply better overall if your deadbeat kid can go to a rehab or get a hook up to work some cushy part time job in a non profit