Anonymous wrote:I am firmly against assault but I think we’ve swung too far in the opposite direction.

Yesterday my 6th grade son and his friend helped another boy who they know, who they found crying in the school bathroom. As my son told me the story, he told me they gave him a hug to make him feel better and then he asked me if thought that was an invasion of personal space. I felt sad that he had to ask that and it’s not just ok to give someone a hug for them.

Not everyone likes to be touched. Your son was right to ask, but should have asked the kid he hugged if he didn't already know their preference.

I am firmly against assault but I think we’ve swung too far in the opposite direction.

Yesterday my 6th grade son and his friend helped another boy who they know, who they found crying in the school bathroom. As my son told me the story, he told me they gave him a hug to make him feel better and then he asked me if thought that was an invasion of personal space. I felt sad that he had to ask that and it’s not just ok to give someone a hug for them.

Bump

I guess my daughter has a good boyfriend. They have been together since the summer and even though they have some ups and downs, he is good to her and they have a nice balanced relationship. They are both really into their sports, so it isn't like they spend all of their time together.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a not a “me too going too far” — I guarantee you there is still more unpunished sexual assault in HS than false accusations.

It’s not a balancing test. And a criminal going unpunished is far less of a concern than an innocent person being imprisoned. That’s pretty much the driving theory behind our criminal justice system.

Wut?

You're right it's not a balancing test since false accusations are so incredibly rare and it's extraordinarily rare for an innocent person to be imprisoned. In contrast, people get away with crimes all the time. So for you to suggest the exception is a bigger concern than the norm? Wild.

Wut? I know of several false allegations of SA, as do other posters on this thread (I mean ones I know of personally, not ones like the Duke lax false allegations). Not so incredibly rare then and certainly not incredibly rare now.

Several, meaning 1-3 cases. Compared to 25-33% of woman. That is rare

Anonymous wrote:My Gen Z daughter can't wait to go to college to meet new young men. She isn't interested in any boys at her high school.

Good luck to her. There is not much dating in college per my kids - lots of hook ups, though.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a not a “me too going too far” — I guarantee you there is still more unpunished sexual assault in HS than false accusations.

It’s not a balancing test. And a criminal going unpunished is far less of a concern than an innocent person being imprisoned. That’s pretty much the driving theory behind our criminal justice system.

So teach your boys to take precautions so they won’t be victimized. Start with “don’t have sex with someone while you are they are drunk” and move on to “don’t pressure anyone into having sex” and then “don’t have sex with anyone who you haven’t known for long”.

I think a poster elsewhere called it “defensive driving”

The example I know of where a boy was falsely accused (proven by text later) did not involve pressure or alcohol. The girl said as much in the exculpatory text. They’d known each other for a long time.

I’m sure you think it’s still the boy’s fault somehow and that he deserved to have his life derailed.

1. Some girls will text this when they get scared.
2. Even if she did make it up and it’s a terrible situation for the boy doesn’t negate that 1 in 4 girls are assaulted or raped between ages 18-22. And that is just reported. Do you think 1 in 4 boys are wrongly accused and have their lives “derailed”
3. Many girls are too ashamed/ embarrassed to report because of parents like the ones in this thread that victim blame for not being defensive enough. So instead their lives get derailed as they start to think wrong of themselves, cut themselves, have immense PTSD, depression, anxiety and even suicidal thoughts.

But yes, let’s keep talking about the rare story of a boy being falsely accused. Just another reason a girl wouldn’t come forward.

So, in other words, the boy did deserve it and he probably somehow made the girl lie in her text messages that he wasn’t a part of anyhow. And even if he did not do anything at all (other than controlling her text messages remotely with his very powerful mind), some other boy somewhere else did something bad so it’s totally fine to falsely accuse the first one (who probably really did something bad, like maybe he put his arm over her shoulders in the movies without getting signed release from her first).

You people are certifiable.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a not a “me too going too far” — I guarantee you there is still more unpunished sexual assault in HS than false accusations.

It’s not a balancing test. And a criminal going unpunished is far less of a concern than an innocent person being imprisoned. That’s pretty much the driving theory behind our criminal justice system.

So teach your boys to take precautions so they won’t be victimized. Start with “don’t have sex with someone while you are they are drunk” and move on to “don’t pressure anyone into having sex” and then “don’t have sex with anyone who you haven’t known for long”.

I think a poster elsewhere called it “defensive driving”

Ding ding ding! The thread has come full circle with this post! This is exactly what the boys are doing (some taking it further to don’t date or even compliment girls at all) - they are taking precautions to protect themselves. Hence the “lack of romance”.

Yeah if a guy feels like he will accidentally commit something that will be mistaken for sexual assault if he dates, he 100% should not be dating and this is a good thing.

Romance is dead and you think it's a good thing.

Our poor kids. What have we done to them? You know what they say about good intentions, that's what we've done.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a not a “me too going too far” — I guarantee you there is still more unpunished sexual assault in HS than false accusations.

It’s not a balancing test. And a criminal going unpunished is far less of a concern than an innocent person being imprisoned. That’s pretty much the driving theory behind our criminal justice system.

So teach your boys to take precautions so they won’t be victimized. Start with “don’t have sex with someone while you are they are drunk” and move on to “don’t pressure anyone into having sex” and then “don’t have sex with anyone who you haven’t known for long”.

I think a poster elsewhere called it “defensive driving”

Ding ding ding! The thread has come full circle with this post! This is exactly what the boys are doing (some taking it further to don’t date or even compliment girls at all) - they are taking precautions to protect themselves. Hence the “lack of romance”.

Yeah if a guy feels like he will accidentally commit something that will be mistaken for sexual assault if he dates, he 100% should not be dating and this is a good thing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a not a “me too going too far” — I guarantee you there is still more unpunished sexual assault in HS than false accusations.

It’s not a balancing test. And a criminal going unpunished is far less of a concern than an innocent person being imprisoned. That’s pretty much the driving theory behind our criminal justice system.

Wut?

You're right it's not a balancing test since false accusations are so incredibly rare and it's extraordinarily rare for an innocent person to be imprisoned. In contrast, people get away with crimes all the time. So for you to suggest the exception is a bigger concern than the norm? Wild.

Wut? I know of several false allegations of SA, as do other posters on this thread (I mean ones I know of personally, not ones like the Duke lax false allegations). Not so incredibly rare then and certainly not incredibly rare now.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a not a “me too going too far” — I guarantee you there is still more unpunished sexual assault in HS than false accusations.

It’s not a balancing test. And a criminal going unpunished is far less of a concern than an innocent person being imprisoned. That’s pretty much the driving theory behind our criminal justice system.

Wut?

You're right it's not a balancing test since false accusations are so incredibly rare and it's extraordinarily rare for an innocent person to be imprisoned. In contrast, people get away with crimes all the time. So for you to suggest the exception is a bigger concern than the norm? Wild.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a not a “me too going too far” — I guarantee you there is still more unpunished sexual assault in HS than false accusations.

It’s not a balancing test. And a criminal going unpunished is far less of a concern than an innocent person being imprisoned. That’s pretty much the driving theory behind our criminal justice system.

So teach your boys to take precautions so they won’t be victimized. Start with “don’t have sex with someone while you are they are drunk” and move on to “don’t pressure anyone into having sex” and then “don’t have sex with anyone who you haven’t known for long”.

I think a poster elsewhere called it “defensive driving”

The example I know of where a boy was falsely accused (proven by text later) did not involve pressure or alcohol. The girl said as much in the exculpatory text. They’d known each other for a long time.

I’m sure you think it’s still the boy’s fault somehow and that he deserved to have his life derailed.

1. Some girls will text this when they get scared.
2. Even if she did make it up and it’s a terrible situation for the boy doesn’t negate that 1 in 4 girls are assaulted or raped between ages 18-22. And that is just reported. Do you think 1 in 4 boys are wrongly accused and have their lives “derailed”
3. Many girls are too ashamed/ embarrassed to report because of parents like the ones in this thread that victim blame for not being defensive enough. So instead their lives get derailed as they start to think wrong of themselves, cut themselves, have immense PTSD, depression, anxiety and even suicidal thoughts.

But yes, let’s keep talking about the rare story of a boy being falsely accused. Just another reason a girl wouldn’t come forward.

THIS!!!

No one is saying there aren’t random false accusations or that they aren’t a big deal, but the reason it is so crazy to hear when they come out is because of how rare that situation is compared to like 30% of woman getting SA’d before age 21. Which I guess is so common that it is just glossed over as “don’t girls know how to cover their drinks, geez!”

I mean… if over 25% of the female population is actually being sexually assaulted during the brief age range (NB I do not believe this statistic for a second) then YES cover your drinks, dummies!! It’s not safe out there!

I suspect the main disconnect here is the changing definition of sexual assault. Nowadays “assault” covers anything from forcible rape to drunken hook-ups the girl regrets the next day. Or simply this nebulous concept of “pressure”, not of the physical or livelihood variety, but of the girl not wanting to he seen as difficult or a prude and sadly her mother (or father) never taught her to take some GD agency in her life and actually SAY no when she means no, and then maybe leave if the boy keeps trying to “pressure” her after she says no.

So I think that there are probably MANY “false” allegations (from the boy’s perspective) but which the girl fervently believes because this is what girls are being taught these days. They’re always victims.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a not a “me too going too far” — I guarantee you there is still more unpunished sexual assault in HS than false accusations.

It’s not a balancing test. And a criminal going unpunished is far less of a concern than an innocent person being imprisoned. That’s pretty much the driving theory behind our criminal justice system.

So teach your boys to take precautions so they won’t be victimized. Start with “don’t have sex with someone while you are they are drunk” and move on to “don’t pressure anyone into having sex” and then “don’t have sex with anyone who you haven’t known for long”.

I think a poster elsewhere called it “defensive driving”

Ding ding ding! The thread has come full circle with this post! This is exactly what the boys are doing (some taking it further to don’t date or even compliment girls at all) - they are taking precautions to protect themselves. Hence the “lack of romance”.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a not a “me too going too far” — I guarantee you there is still more unpunished sexual assault in HS than false accusations.

It’s not a balancing test. And a criminal going unpunished is far less of a concern than an innocent person being imprisoned. That’s pretty much the driving theory behind our criminal justice system.

So teach your boys to take precautions so they won’t be victimized. Start with “don’t have sex with someone while you are they are drunk” and move on to “don’t pressure anyone into having sex” and then “don’t have sex with anyone who you haven’t known for long”.

I think a poster elsewhere called it “defensive driving”

The example I know of where a boy was falsely accused (proven by text later) did not involve pressure or alcohol. The girl said as much in the exculpatory text. They’d known each other for a long time.

I’m sure you think it’s still the boy’s fault somehow and that he deserved to have his life derailed.

1. Some girls will text this when they get scared.
2. Even if she did make it up and it’s a terrible situation for the boy doesn’t negate that 1 in 4 girls are assaulted or raped between ages 18-22. And that is just reported. Do you think 1 in 4 boys are wrongly accused and have their lives “derailed”
3. Many girls are too ashamed/ embarrassed to report because of parents like the ones in this thread that victim blame for not being defensive enough. So instead their lives get derailed as they start to think wrong of themselves, cut themselves, have immense PTSD, depression, anxiety and even suicidal thoughts.

But yes, let’s keep talking about the rare story of a boy being falsely accused. Just another reason a girl wouldn’t come forward.

THIS!!!

No one is saying there aren’t random false accusations or that they aren’t a big deal, but the reason it is so crazy to hear when they come out is because of how rare that situation is compared to like 30% of woman getting SA’d before age 21. Which I guess is so common that it is just glossed over as “don’t girls know how to cover their drinks, geez!”

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a not a “me too going too far” — I guarantee you there is still more unpunished sexual assault in HS than false accusations.

It’s not a balancing test. And a criminal going unpunished is far less of a concern than an innocent person being imprisoned. That’s pretty much the driving theory behind our criminal justice system.

So teach your boys to take precautions so they won’t be victimized. Start with “don’t have sex with someone while you are they are drunk” and move on to “don’t pressure anyone into having sex” and then “don’t have sex with anyone who you haven’t known for long”.

I think a poster elsewhere called it “defensive driving”

The example I know of where a boy was falsely accused (proven by text later) did not involve pressure or alcohol. The girl said as much in the exculpatory text. They’d known each other for a long time.

I’m sure you think it’s still the boy’s fault somehow and that he deserved to have his life derailed.

1. Some girls will text this when they get scared.
2. Even if she did make it up and it’s a terrible situation for the boy doesn’t negate that 1 in 4 girls are assaulted or raped between ages 18-22. And that is just reported. Do you think 1 in 4 boys are wrongly accused and have their lives “derailed”
3. Many girls are too ashamed/ embarrassed to report because of parents like the ones in this thread that victim blame for not being defensive enough. So instead their lives get derailed as they start to think wrong of themselves, cut themselves, have immense PTSD, depression, anxiety and even suicidal thoughts.

But yes, let’s keep talking about the rare story of a boy being falsely accused. Just another reason a girl wouldn’t come forward.