Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:$50 is really too little, IMO. I grew up in a wealthy area in NY, and got bat miztvah'd in 1989. I think ONE friend gave me $72, two sisters gave me a gold bracelet, and everyone else gave $90 or $108. So to give $50 NOW, seems way too low.

FYI, if your kid isn't close with the kid who invited them, they don't have to go (and thus, don't have to give a gift).

Sad that you remember who gave what all these years later.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:$50 is really too little, IMO. I grew up in a wealthy area in NY, and got bat miztvah'd in 1989. I think ONE friend gave me $72, two sisters gave me a gold bracelet, and everyone else gave $90 or $108. So to give $50 NOW, seems way too low.

FYI, if your kid isn't close with the kid who invited them, they don't have to go (and thus, don't have to give a gift).

Sad that you remember who gave what all these years later.

Lol, I hadn't remembered but my kids recently got bat mitzvah'd so it came up in talking with my parents. My sister reminded us that my parents had a huge spreadsheet of everyone invited, whether they were attending, how many in their party, what gift they gave, if we sent out a thank you card. My mother keeps score - she's the one who knew exactly who gave the least and the bracelet. She also made me invite about 20 rich relatives I'd never heard of saying "Don't worry - they won't come, but they'll send a big check." I vowed not to do that with my kids. But I do appreciate getting through college without needing to take out loans.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I doubt $54 even covers the cost of the guest giving the cash gift. That's a net loss. I'd guess an average one it costs maybe $125 per guest? I don't know, the last one I attended cost $250,000.

Your gift does not have to cover the host’s cost of having you as a guest. They aren’t inviting you to help pay for the event, at least I hope not. Such a gross attitude. I invited all my child’s classmates because I wanted to be inclusive and because it’s nice to have a lot of people to celebrate with. Not because I wanted them to cover my costs of throwing a bar mitzvah.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yea, $50 is perfect unless you're not comfortable with that much - then give less! I promise the kid is going to get *plenty* of money from family so no one will care. Hope your child has fun!

Oh I forgot to say that it would be an absolutely lovely gesture to give in a multiple of 18 as the number symbolises "chai" which is Hebrew for "life." So $36 or $54 would be perfect. As a Jewish parent, it would mean a lot if a non Jewish family showed knowledge of that tradition!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:$50 is really too little, IMO. I grew up in a wealthy area in NY, and got bat miztvah'd in 1989. I think ONE friend gave me $72, two sisters gave me a gold bracelet, and everyone else gave $90 or $108. So to give $50 NOW, seems way too low.

FYI, if your kid isn't close with the kid who invited them, they don't have to go (and thus, don't have to give a gift).

NY/NJ is a totally different ballgame. Rules are y there. Same for weddings where $100 is absolutely not ok to give. Here, people are cheap, and it’s fine. Op if you are in DC $54 or even $36 is fine.

Anonymous wrote:I doubt $54 even covers the cost of the guest giving the cash gift. That's a net loss. I'd guess an average one it costs maybe $125 per guest? I don't know, the last one I attended cost $250,000.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:$50 is really too little, IMO. I grew up in a wealthy area in NY, and got bat miztvah'd in 1989. I think ONE friend gave me $72, two sisters gave me a gold bracelet, and everyone else gave $90 or $108. So to give $50 NOW, seems way too low.

FYI, if your kid isn't close with the kid who invited them, they don't have to go (and thus, don't have to give a gift).

You sound greedy and ridiculous

You think I'm greedy because I give every kid at least $108? Not sure I follow your logic.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Spin off question - save the date for a bat mitzvah in October for entire grade was sent out in the spring for a girl my son has yet to meet. Outdoor tent pizza event. $36 okay? Do kids give hard cash in a card?

Never give cash as a gift. You write a check. $36 is low, but the people on here from Ohio will say it's fine.

Anonymous wrote:Spin off question - save the date for a bat mitzvah in October for entire grade was sent out in the spring for a girl my son has yet to meet. Outdoor tent pizza event. $36 okay? Do kids give hard cash in a card?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:$50 is really too little, IMO. I grew up in a wealthy area in NY, and got bat miztvah'd in 1989. I think ONE friend gave me $72, two sisters gave me a gold bracelet, and everyone else gave $90 or $108. So to give $50 NOW, seems way too low.

FYI, if your kid isn't close with the kid who invited them, they don't have to go (and thus, don't have to give a gift).

You sound greedy and ridiculous

Anonymous wrote:Spin off question - save the date for a bat mitzvah in October for entire grade was sent out in the spring for a girl my son has yet to meet. Outdoor tent pizza event. $36 okay? Do kids give hard cash in a card?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:$50 is really too little, IMO. I grew up in a wealthy area in NY, and got bat miztvah'd in 1989. I think ONE friend gave me $72, two sisters gave me a gold bracelet, and everyone else gave $90 or $108. So to give $50 NOW, seems way too low.

FYI, if your kid isn't close with the kid who invited them, they don't have to go (and thus, don't have to give a gift).

Sad that you remember who gave what all these years later.

Lol, I hadn't remembered but my kids recently got bat mitzvah'd so it came up in talking with my parents. My sister reminded us that my parents had a huge spreadsheet of everyone invited, whether they were attending, how many in their party, what gift they gave, if we sent out a thank you card. My mother keeps score - she's the one who knew exactly who gave the least and the bracelet. She also made me invite about 20 rich relatives I'd never heard of saying "Don't worry - they won't come, but they'll send a big check." I vowed not to do that with my kids. But I do appreciate getting through college without needing to take out loans.

Yep, my mom is special like that. When I was 12 and babysitting every single Saturday night for one family and they didn't give me anything for Hanukah (they were jewish too) when my mother found out she promptly said, "We'll invite them to your bat mitzvah - they'll HAVE to give you a gift for that." She did the same thing for my high school graduation party - I wanted to invite about 40 friends, figuring around 20-25 would come. She invited like 60 extra people, to get me more gifts. I knew she'd try to do the same thing for my wedding, so to bypass that, DH and I paid for it ourselves so we were in control of who was invited. She gave me a list of people to send baby announcements to, too, for the same reason.

Disgusting. Not something I would be proud of and telling others about.