See if you can find some local groups for parents of teens to hear about their own "difficult" years.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My older kid was very challenging as a younger kid, and much easier to like as a teen. I think her truest-self just yearned for agency and control in a way that younger kids simply can't have. Once she was old enough to have a little more self-determination, she settled in and was happy.

+1 for my oldest

I have one of these too. Also an oldest.

Anonymous wrote:My older kid was very challenging as a younger kid, and much easier to like as a teen. I think her truest-self just yearned for agency and control in a way that younger kids simply can't have. Once she was old enough to have a little more self-determination, she settled in and was happy.

+1 for my oldest

My older kid was very challenging as a younger kid, and much easier to like as a teen. I think her truest-self just yearned for agency and control in a way that younger kids simply can't have. Once she was old enough to have a little more self-determination, she settled in and was happy.

Yes, love my teens and loved them as younger children. Didn't love the baby days but that's not because of them, but rather I just found it to be sooo boring.

I mean define like. Mostly yes, but there are definitely moments/seasons when I don’t. When the one is in a demanding sport, it’s tough. So overtired and impossible. Then it’s over and I’m back to liking them again. I think that’s normal. Both are good kids.

Mine are girls. I really like mine as teens. One of mine was easy to like as a kid and the other one was difficult and I did not enjoy parenting her most of the time.

But - I generally like teenagers, and didn’t really enjoy parenting little kids.

I have always liked both of my kids, yes. There were phases that were less pleasant (eg, 8, 11). And of course it’s a lot of work when they’re really little, but I see that as unrelated to whether I like and enjoy my kids (I did/do).

Are they over scheduled? Maybe that’s why you feel like their manager.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. This is all interesting and sweet to read.

I feel like the last 10 years haven’t been enjoyable. There are moments of joy but it’s a lot of managing them. I wonder when it’ll switch to…oh, we can sit at cava and have a chat and you’re super cool to be around!

What have you done to change the dynamic? It's much easier dealing with other people's kids than your own, but you are 1/2 the bad dynamic and need to take the lead as a parent. Taking your kids out to eat is a great way to spend time with them. I do it as much as possible. Its $$$ but worth it.

Well I have daughters so maybe not helpful. But yes they were really easy to love - funny, silly, adorable, hijinks, and very little (if any) behavioral issues. They weren’t whiny or spoiled.

They’re teens now and it’s the same - they’re funny, adventurous, push normal boundaries, but always respectful and easy to parent.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. This is all interesting and sweet to read.

I feel like the last 10 years haven’t been enjoyable. There are moments of joy but it’s a lot of managing them. I wonder when it’ll switch to…oh, we can sit at cava and have a chat and you’re super cool to be around!

A lot of this is your own expectation. If you approach your job as mom as "manager," then it is hard to change. If, particularly as you enter middle school, you start approaching your job as "advisor who gives advice only when requested," then your cava days will come sooner than you expect.

I have liked my son more each year of his life. He is 13. He becomes more interesting and less challenging every year. I expect this to continue, honestly, although I know you never know what comes down the next path.

My friends who struggle with their teenagers had very easy going young children so the teen Independence is a surprise. My son has been difficult since day 1, so Im over that; but with age he is really enjoyable to spend time with.