OP do you have an executive functioning issue? It’s not hard if you use a venue. And just text a few close friends’ moms and see if they can commit and build the party around that date. Why is this so onerous?

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I think my biggest point of stress is attendance. How many people will RSVP and even then how many of them will actually show up? How much food should I get? Will my child be sad if only 2 people show up? Is this even worth it? We’ve moved around a lot, so maybe other people here have a strong social network and don’t have this anxiety?

We have thrown a lot of parties and they have always been well attended. Even when we were brand new, my shy quiet kid had a well attended event. My kids birthdays are in Feb and March.

The only very poorly attended party I have been was when it was on a holiday weekend and another kid in the class had a party the same day.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I think my biggest point of stress is attendance. How many people will RSVP and even then how many of them will actually show up? How much food should I get? Will my child be sad if only 2 people show up? Is this even worth it? We’ve moved around a lot, so maybe other people here have a strong social network and don’t have this anxiety?

I have that anxiety, and we once attended a preschool birthday party where my kid was the only one who showed up, although others had RSVP'd yes and there was tons and tons of food. The birthday kid and my kid had fun and were little enough that it didn't really matter to them so no harm done. My kids are older now so we usually check with a couple close friends on date/time beforehand for my tween, and my teen coordinates with her friends on her own. So it gets better with less angst but I still don't like doing them.

Anonymous wrote:The onerous part of kid part venues is the $500-1000 price tag.

As someone who could not afford that for years, that is in fact the onerous part. It was really stressful for a few years there when it seemed like everyone else was doing these venue parties and we couldn't afford it. We would host smaller parties but I can tell sometimes the kids have very specific expectations (because they are so used to doing the venue parties so a party in a backyard or at a park without that level of entertainment doesn't seem right to them). We would also feel guilty letting our kid go to the venue parties when we could never host one. The whole thing sucked and I hated it, so I was really glad when the venue parties died off and instead kids do small group parties, usually with some kind of outing (roller skating, movie, etc.). That's generally less expensive than the venues because you are just hosting a small group of kids.

I wish the default for little kid parties was: local park of backyard, pizza or other easy and simple food, cake, kids run around and play. The venue parties are such a burden when you are on a tight budget. I don't care what rich people do but we are in a middle class neighborhood and I resent that this is where the culture has gone.

We have never done a big party at a venue for our 8 year old. We have done small group parties this way (2 or 3 friends at the children's museum, for instance). We've done a couple park parties, and we've also done family only parties a few times.

I always ask my DD what she wants and we try to make it happen. We've never done an all-class party.

I think kids' birthday parties are kind of a racket, tbh. We've been to many, many kids parties over the years, some with venues and/or entertainment and lots of decor and effort, and others low key in homes or at parks with more minimal offerings. I do not think the kids care. Really, I don't. They care about having time and space to play, getting cake and other fun food (pizza or similar), feeling special that it's their birthday.

I think the main appeal of venue parties is that it's easy -- you pay and the venue handles everything or tells you explicitly what you need to bring.

I have an only and he loves having a big birthday party. He has a large group of friends and he is invited to all of their parties so all these kids get invited to his party. I do a venue because we live in a row house in the city without a usable backyard. I've done a couple of Skyzone type parties and for the last two years he has wanted a sports themed party. He has a March birthday so I needed to find an indoor sports field, which I found out in MD.

He tells me what he wants and I provide it within reason.

Anonymous wrote:I feel really bad if my party doesn't look pinterest worthy. Like it was a gift grab. We always do at home birthday parties since I have a large yard, sometimes hire entertainers, massive water slides, and a large basement party room (1000 sq ft that's almost empty).

I spend a lot and I think it's a great party, but I think people see a home birthday party invite and don't want to come. We invited the whole Pre-K class for my dd and only 3 came. She was pretty devastated. I definitely felt burnt out after that and she cried when her friends didn't show.

💩 💩

The onerous part of kid part venues is the $500-1000 price tag.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your post title is asking about "too much work" re: bday parties, but youre not asking about a conventional kid party at your house or the nearby Sky Zone.

You're talking about a formal bday party for your kid??
"Formal" as in a quincera?

Skyzone, bounce house, etc. not just in your backyard with mostly family and two neighborhood kids. Clearly everyone else knows what I was referring to.

NP. I didn’t know because I don’t know anyone who throws “formal” bday parties.

Another NP. Yes, the OP's post was extremely unclear; no, "everyone" did not know what she was referring to at all. Most people would not describe Skyzone or similar kid-venue parties as "formal" like she did, so that was confusing and misleading. And kid-venue parties are not onerous because other than making a guest list and sending out some evites, the venue usually handles most everything. I thought she meant something else too.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your post title is asking about "too much work" re: bday parties, but youre not asking about a conventional kid party at your house or the nearby Sky Zone.

You're talking about a formal bday party for your kid??
"Formal" as in a quincera?

Skyzone, bounce house, etc. not just in your backyard with mostly family and two neighborhood kids. Clearly everyone else knows what I was referring to.

NP. I didn’t know because I don’t know anyone who throws “formal” bday parties.

OP here. I think my biggest point of stress is attendance. How many people will RSVP and even then how many of them will actually show up? How much food should I get? Will my child be sad if only 2 people show up? Is this even worth it? We’ve moved around a lot, so maybe other people here have a strong social network and don’t have this anxiety?

My mom did birthday parties for us in early elementary, but later on we'd just select a few friends and my dad would take us to play pool, go bowling, watch a movie, etc. I have great memories of those outings.

Our kids are still at the age when we need to invite most of the class (mostly because everyone is invited to every birthday), but we just go to a playground, and most of the effort revolves around picking up a cake (and coffee for the adults) and preparing the food. We try to avoid hosting at home because of the huge amount of cleanup involved.

The headcount gets smaller as the kid gets older until it's just the core group of 3-5 friends by upper elementary. Just don't be like the parent who let her DD hand out invitations to every kid in the class, except mine. That was brutal and made my early elementary student want to stop going to school back in the day. And if you're a teacher, please don't let students hand out paper invitations in class if that's still a thing. Don't be a bully.

Anonymous wrote:I mean… having kids is work.
Mine is 13 now and still has a friends party. The last few years have been at our community pool. I just buy pizza from dominos and cake from Costco.

You should buy the pizza from Costco too and have them double slice it. Our party guests love it so much more than dominos/pizza hut/papa johns.

Yes. It's not always big but always special. We did one venue party for each kid and no more as they found it chaotic. They like a home party. The summer birthday kid usually has a bigger party as she's younger and bouncy house and playing in the yeard is still fun. The winter bday kid has about 8-9 kids over, a craft activity, or cooking etc. I go all out and organize and make it fun with food and decor - not for Pinterest just for us. We have a lot of parents stay as they are friends. I love birthdays and the planning so it's a lot but I truly enjoy it.