Anonymous wrote:We only have white people in our family, but my parents wouldn't care. Not sure about in laws, but my MIL has very publicly stated being gay is an abomination so I know how she stands on that topic.

My MIL said that too until her son came out as gay. Then she realized her job was to raise the kids god gave her. She’s very close with his husband.

Anonymous wrote:Do your parents treat all the grandkids pretty equally or do they treat their mixed race grandkids differently from the ones who aren’t mixed?

My parents favor the children of their golden child. Nothing about race.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My family treats our children a bit different.

Jokes about hair texture, passing not passing for another race, how hair should be styled.

It’s exhausting.

+1. My in-laws made comments about my "olive" skin color and then about "how fair" our children turned out.

Spoiler.. My family is Black.
We have a child that looks bi racial and another who does not

I checked my parent who favored our lighter skin child.

Absolutely not playing those games.

Good for you, pp. My ILs would have been taken aback to be accused of favoritism since they always said they treated all their children and grandchildren equally.

Its a super common thing in black & brown families.. Colorism.

I noticed it immediately.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My family treats our children a bit different.

Jokes about hair texture, passing not passing for another race, how hair should be styled.

It’s exhausting.

+1. My in-laws made comments about my "olive" skin color and then about "how fair" our children turned out.

Spoiler.. My family is Black.
We have a child that looks bi racial and another who does not

I checked my parent who favored our lighter skin child.

Absolutely not playing those games.

Good for you, pp. My ILs would have been taken aback to be accused of favoritism since they always said they treated all their children and grandchildren equally.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My family treats our children a bit different.

Jokes about hair texture, passing not passing for another race, how hair should be styled.

It’s exhausting.

+1. My in-laws made comments about my "olive" skin color and then about "how fair" our children turned out.

Spoiler.. My family is Black.
We have a child that looks bi racial and another who does not

I checked my parent who favored our lighter skin child.

Absolutely not playing those games.

Anonymous wrote:No, I have fantastic parents/grandparents. They treat all the grandkids the same. And they have 8 grandkids.

Amazing!

Anonymous wrote:Do your parents treat all the grandkids pretty equally or do they treat their mixed race grandkids differently from the ones who aren’t mixed?

Yes but not in the way you mean -- my mom's only white grandkids are my brother's stepchildren and I think my mom tries to be a good grandma to them but doesn't really engage in the same way. Like she's flying to another state for my (mixed-race) nephew's high school graduation this year, she didn't do that for my white nephew last year or the other white nephew 3 years ago.

If your parents are being racist toward your kids you have to talk to them about it and if they don't/can't change, protect your children.

Anonymous wrote:My in-laws treat all the grandkids the same in private. At parties with their friends (all the same race as them), they are much more negative and dismissive when talking about the mixed race grandkids. And they don't even try to hide it. I hate it but it's culturally ingrained and I'm not going to be able to change people who are in their mid 70s.

Why doesn’t your husband call them out on this behavior?

Anonymous wrote:My in-laws treat all the grandkids the same in private. At parties with their friends (all the same race as them), they are much more negative and dismissive when talking about the mixed race grandkids. And they don't even try to hide it. I hate it but it's culturally ingrained and I'm not going to be able to change people who are in their mid 70s.

Wow, I feel sorry for your kids. All of the grandkids on both my side of the family and my husbands are biracial. And all grandparents have strong love/bonds with each kid.

My late (white) grandmother was in her late 80s when she passed and could not of had more love for her half black/half white great-grandkids. I don’t use old age as an excuse for racism.

No, I have fantastic parents/grandparents. They treat all the grandkids the same. And they have 8 grandkids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, because they're a mixed-race couple themselves

Actually, research shows that parents bond less well with kids who look differently. Sad, but probably applies to grandparents too. It’s biological.

Makes sense evolutionarily. Men don’t want to expend scarce resources to raise another man’s offspring. If a kid doesn’t look like you, that was the best way to distinguish your own offspring from that of others in the millennia before DNA testing. We didn’t evolve in places with tons of different ethnicities mixing. If you did live in close proximity to other groups, they were considered enemies

Also, historically, there have been many places where ethnicities mixed because of invasions, migrations, trade routes, etc.

My in-laws treat all the grandkids the same in private. At parties with their friends (all the same race as them), they are much more negative and dismissive when talking about the mixed race grandkids. And they don't even try to hide it. I hate it but it's culturally ingrained and I'm not going to be able to change people who are in their mid 70s.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, because they're a mixed-race couple themselves

Actually, research shows that parents bond less well with kids who look differently. Sad, but probably applies to grandparents too. It’s biological.

Makes sense evolutionarily. Men don’t want to expend scarce resources to raise another man’s offspring. If a kid doesn’t look like you, that was the best way to distinguish your own offspring from that of others in the millennia before DNA testing. We didn’t evolve in places with tons of different ethnicities mixing. If you did live in close proximity to other groups, they were considered enemies

Evolutionarily, humans will bond to anything that they feel needs caring. They are willing to expend resources to adopt children, animals, highways, etc.

My mother treats my sister’s biracial kids MUCH better than my Caucasian kids. Much. It is very obvious and hurtful. I am not sure if it is because she thinks because they’re biracial they will have a harder life and she needs to overcompensate, if she likes my sister more and by that end like her kids more than mine or a combo. Who knows.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What’s your definition of a mixed race kid?

Example
Black mom White dad
Asian dad Black mom

Kids of these families are mixed race

Asian Mom White Dad
Polynesian Dad
White Mom
Etc

Yes.