Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Use the same words you want him to use when you are old and try to move in with him and his family…

That's not really the track he's on... hoping there is a sibling!

We just don’t know enough.
I am a little biased as I am currently seeing not one but several cases where parents are trying to squeeze themselves into their AC’s families as they are getting old, but weren’t all that eager to help their ACs past 18. It’s quite eye opening.

DP and I was/am one of these ACs. Pushed out of the house at 18 and expected to do it all on my own, but now mom is 70 and has no money after a series of horrible financial decisions and now guess where she wants to move in?

This is sad. But also, 18 and 32 are very different ages. I think a softer but still reasonable approach is for OP to initiate a conversation with her son about his move out timing and her expectations about him helping out around the house while he's there.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Use the same words you want him to use when you are old and try to move in with him and his family…

That's not really the track he's on... hoping there is a sibling!

We just don’t know enough.
I am a little biased as I am currently seeing not one but several cases where parents are trying to squeeze themselves into their AC’s families as they are getting old, but weren’t all that eager to help their ACs past 18. It’s quite eye opening.

DP and I was/am one of these ACs. Pushed out of the house at 18 and expected to do it all on my own, but now mom is 70 and has no money after a series of horrible financial decisions and now guess where she wants to move in?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do I tell my 32 year old son who’s living with me for free that I’m ready for him to leave? I let him move in for free three months ago after his wife left him. He can afford a place of his own but still hasn’t

When he's out, move all his stuff on the front porch - he'll get the message when he returns.

That's what my grandfather did to my dad when he turned 18. Guess who never met their grandfather?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Use the same words you want him to use when you are old and try to move in with him and his family…

That's not really the track he's on... hoping there is a sibling!

We just don’t know enough.
I am a little biased as I am currently seeing not one but several cases where parents are trying to squeeze themselves into their AC’s families as they are getting old, but weren’t all that eager to help their ACs past 18. It’s quite eye opening.

Very true!

Anonymous wrote:How do I tell my 32 year old son who’s living with me for free that I’m ready for him to leave? I let him move in for free three months ago after his wife left him. He can afford a place of his own but still hasn’t

When he's out, move all his stuff on the front porch - he'll get the message when he returns.

I think this is bizarre if he has enough money to support himself (even though I’m not generally opposed to multigenerational living). If he fully launched and still has enough money to live on his own, he should go do that. It is bizarre to me that you don’t already know his plans and seem hesitant to even ask. Grownups can say things like “hey, I know you needed to little time to regroup and figure out where you wanted to live. Have you made any progress? What are your thoughts on timeline?”

Is he wanting you to help care for kids? Is he having a mental health breakdown? What is up with this?

What's with the majority of these replies?? A 32 year old man running back home to mommy after a divorce? Unless there are special needs happening here which I feel OP would have specified if there was this isn't normal for a 32 year old. Doesn't he have friends? An apartment he could move into surely? Seems like he hasn't fully attached from his mother and maybe if that's the case his wife made the right decision in divorcing him. If he was like college age going through his first big break up that would make more sense but at 32 you are a full fledged adult.

OP, three months isn't very long. Especially after a sad life change. Sounds like he needs loved ones around him. I could understand that. Why don't you put on the calendar, a year from now, to say it's time. He needs to leave.

Mostly if sounds like you can't even have a conversation with him. Why not?? Why this, "how do I ... " ? It's a conversation, about what you like about him being there and what you find hard. And how he is. Adults have conversations.

I'm with the PPs who advocate for reasonable help post 18.

Family means helping each other... we raise children, take care of our elders, provide temporary moral and financial support while recuperating... For right now, I go all over the country for jobs, then I go stay with my grandmother to check in on her in between positions, and I know the day is coming when I will stay to take care of her until she's gone... because that's what family means to us.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Use the same words you want him to use when you are old and try to move in with him and his family…

That's not really the track he's on... hoping there is a sibling!

We just don’t know enough.
I am a little biased as I am currently seeing not one but several cases where parents are trying to squeeze themselves into their AC’s families as they are getting old, but weren’t all that eager to help their ACs past 18. It’s quite eye opening.

Anonymous wrote:Use the same words you want him to use when you are old and try to move in with him and his family…

That's not really the track he's on... hoping there is a sibling!

3 months is not a very long time. Don’t force the issue. I’m sure he doesn’t want to stay there either.

Now you know why the wife left .

LOL. We have a son (32 yo also) who lives with us and not in any hurry to move out.

Show him some love, OP.