Anonymous
Post 03/15/2026 20:32     Subject: First wives v second wives
Anonymous wrote:Our neighbor traded up if you measure by youth (15 years younger), physical attraction (she's much prettier than the first wife was even at her prime), level of education, family money, or finances. The real head scratcher is why the second wife went for him. He is a high earner, fit and charming, but she's the whole package and didn't need to settle for a divorced dad.




Huh? He happens to be a divorced dad. So? If he's got a lot going for him, it's no wonder she went for him
Anonymous
Post 03/15/2026 20:09     Subject: Re:First wives v second wives
I’m married to my husband, who was previously married. I don’t think of myself as a “second wife”—I’m his wife now and his partner in life. He has three children from his prior marriage (ages 23, 20, and 19), and together we have three younger kids (6, 3, and 1).

My husband is 54 and I’m 33. We met after he had been divorced for four years, dated for about a year, and have now been married for eight years. His ex-wife and I don’t really resemble each other. I’m also educated and work in the legal field.
Anonymous
Post 03/15/2026 19:58     Subject: First wives v second wives
Anonymous wrote:My ex’s new partner (they are not married) is ten years younger, was barely scraping by financially, did not graduate college, got expelled from high school. She looks a lot like me, however.

Is this typical of second partners? I did not get an advanced degree (ex discouraged me and held me back professionally which is one of the reasons we eventually divorced). I think he wants power over a woman and chose someone more dependent.


OP: I forgot to add: she also has 2 kids from 2 of her previous relationships.
Anonymous
Post 03/15/2026 19:51     Subject: First wives v second wives
I do not think it is typical for getting married IME. Usually they upgrade. This could just be for funsies.
Anonymous
Post 03/15/2026 19:48     Subject: First wives v second wives
No, all the women my ex dated were around my age and with a similar education level.
Anonymous
Post 03/15/2026 19:48     Subject: First wives v second wives
Our neighbor traded up if you measure by youth (15 years younger), physical attraction (she's much prettier than the first wife was even at her prime), level of education, family money, or finances. The real head scratcher is why the second wife went for him. He is a high earner, fit and charming, but she's the whole package and didn't need to settle for a divorced dad.
Anonymous
Post 03/15/2026 19:46     Subject: First wives v second wives
Anonymous wrote:My ex’s new partner (they are not married) is ten years younger, was barely scraping by financially, did not graduate college, got expelled from high school. She looks a lot like me, however.

Is this typical of second partners? I did not get an advanced degree (ex discouraged me and held me back professionally which is one of the reasons we eventually divorced). I think he wants power over a woman and chose someone more dependent.


My ex's wife is 15 youngers. She is 50 and she is 35. I don't know where they find these women.
Anonymous
Post 03/15/2026 19:45     Subject: First wives v second wives
Anonymous wrote:My ex’s new partner (they are not married) is ten years younger, was barely scraping by financially, did not graduate college, got expelled from high school. She looks a lot like me, however.

Is this typical of second partners? I did not get an advanced degree (ex discouraged me and held me back professionally which is one of the reasons we eventually divorced). I think he wants power over a woman and chose someone more dependent.


He is an idiot and is proof that most are very stupid when it comes to finances. I am divorced and will never marry a woman who makes less than me. Either she makes as much as me or better more. And do you know why? Should I divorce a second time I don't want to be at a financial disadvantage because I make more.

When was the last time you heard a woman married a guy who makes less than her and is a HS drop out lol ? Men should learn from women. Women are smart. They don't marry broke men.
Anonymous
Post 03/15/2026 19:44     Subject: First wives v second wives
Anonymous wrote:I’m a second wife. Both contributed to their failed marriage. She wanted to be a SAHM, he wanted her to work. She went back to school once kids were school aged, got a job, decided she didn’t like working and quit. He left. I met him 3 years later. I make more than him. For the first 6 years of our marriage until his youngest turned 18, 66% of his paycheck went to her.


Why did you settle for him, then? Obviously, you could've done so much better.
Anonymous
Post 03/15/2026 19:42     Subject: First wives v second wives
My first wide is a professional woman in her late 40s and so is my second, but neither look anything alike.

I did date a lot of women in their 20s between wives but knew I would eventually marry a successful professional woman. DC is great city for meeting all kinds of women.
Anonymous
Post 03/15/2026 19:40     Subject: First wives v second wives
^friends' (plural). Autocorrect strikes again.
Anonymous
Post 03/15/2026 19:40     Subject: First wives v second wives
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Hi OP - I’m going to be the lone kind opinion. Yes it’s common for middle aged men who no longer feel attractive or desirable to look for young, unsuccessful women to make them feel good in comparison. It’s a sign of the man’s insecurity and need to feel fatherly toward a young helpless female. Be grateful you are no longer attached to such a man


Extremely common. This is why so many second wives are 10 years younger and 10 IQ points lower than the first wife. The man needs someone to look up to him, after experiencing how things went down hill once the first wife either 1) became far more successful than him, or 2) was clearly over the the fact that he is a bit of a loser.


My friend's husbands traded down.

One of them did have a married AP who looked like a younger version of his wife. He got her pregnant so two marriages broke up. He married the AP and took in all her kids since they were both religious and there were tons of consequences to all the kids from this mess.
Anonymous
Post 03/15/2026 19:34     Subject: First wives v second wives
Why do you care? Don't
Anonymous
Post 03/15/2026 19:24     Subject: First wives v second wives
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Move on, OP. Your desperation to put your ex's new partner down is all about you and your insecurity and says nothing about her. It's ugly. Get some therapy if need be.

Why is this striking a nerve with you?


Lol, it didn't "strike a nerve." There's just such an extreme amount of bitterness on display that it's remarkable. And the only thing for that is therapy.
Anonymous
Post 03/15/2026 19:22     Subject: First wives v second wives
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My ex’s new partner (they are not married) is ten years younger, was barely scraping by financially, did not graduate college, got expelled from high school. She looks a lot like me, however.

Is this typical of second partners? I did not get an advanced degree (ex discouraged me and held me back professionally which is one of the reasons we eventually divorced). I think he wants power over a woman and chose someone more dependent.


Is what typical of second partners? My husband and I were each married before and his ex-wife and I do look quite a bit alike. He is dark-haired like my ex and they both have very kind faces but they're different heights and builds.

We both traded up in the professional area though - she was a paralegal and I'm a lawyer and my husband makes a lot more than my ex did (completely different industries).

Your ex sounds like a loser if he wants to be with a woman that he can have power over so I guess it's good you're rid of him.


Anybody want to bet on whether or not this PP's DH traded down in the looks department? Because I bet he did -- hence this "I'm a lawyer and she's a paralegal!!!" stuff.