Anonymous wrote:It sounds like the OP has a 9 year old that will sit quietly in a church. Bravo for you OP. Some parents would be okay with their 9 year old using a device in the church. Sit in the back of the church with your kid and keep him quiet. It will be okay.

It sounds like the OP *thinks she has* a 9 yo who will sit quietly in a church. Her perception may not mesh with reality.

Anonymous wrote:OP here again.

Let me be clear. My son is the youngest cousin. My husband's cousins' children are teens/adults. Everyone is scattered throughout the country so if they do come, he will not know anyone. He will be stuck with way younger kids in a very weird situation. Yes, he ultimately will be fine, but upset that he can't go sit with his cousins. There was a handwritten note from the bride in the invitation asking us to drop him off in the kids room.

We still haven't decided what to do.

OP, you are approaching this in a really strange way. He can hang out with is cousins at the 3+ hour reception, where he can actually talk with them. Not being able to sit quietly with them at a religious ceremony is not a big deal at all.

Also, this may be time for some self-reflection. There is a reason the bride and groom requested this. Is your son sometimes disruptive? There's a big difference between an immature 9 yo and a mature 13 yo. If you take an honest look at this, you may begin to understand.

Anonymous wrote:Go to the wedding. I cannot believe you are upset that they want your kid to stay in the kids' room during the ceremony. I'm sure your son would prefer it.

Seriously. I, a 54 yo woman, would prefer to hang out in the kids room during the ceremony. The reception is the fun part.

Which event would you look back on more fondly? For me, it would be the birthday party, without question. I fully support no-child weddings but a 90th birthday party is much more important. The wedding couple may get divorced. The 90-yr-old may never get another birthday, and they want you there.

The reception is the fun part. What 9 year old will be deeply moved by a wedding ceremony?

All you parents who think your kid’s feelings are more important than the bride and groom getting the wedding they want are part of the reason why kids today are such snowflakes. Be annoyed, fine. But keep it to yourselves and either go and do as bride asks or don’t go. How is this hard?

I also think in this particular instance the op just wants an excuse to not go.

100% go see your cousin and take your son. What DH does is up to him. My great grandfather’s 95 year old cousin just died a few months ago, the last of that generation, and not many left in my father’s or grandfather’s generation’s either. When they are gone, they are gone. Send a beautiful gift and go celebrate at the party.

Anonymous wrote:OP here again.

Let me be clear. My son is the youngest cousin. My husband's cousins' children are teens/adults. Everyone is scattered throughout the country so if they do come, he will not know anyone. He will be stuck with way younger kids in a very weird situation. Yes, he ultimately will be fine, but upset that he can't go sit with his cousins. There was a handwritten note from the bride in the invitation asking us to drop him off in the kids room.

We still haven't decided what to do.

That is not a weird situation. You think he'll be the youngest, but you actually have no idea. You think his older cousins adore him, but they might just tolerate him and be happy that they can hang out without him. My sons are early twenties and late teens, and they have a cousin that age. Yes, they play with him and include him etc, but that they also prefer to hang out within their own age group---just like apparently you are complaining about for your son. Maybe it's time for him to learn.

90th party ^ correction

Skip wedding
Attend deceased family member event

Anonymous wrote:I think it was an inappropriate ask, but who knows why they did it. Maybe they told other guests not to bring young kids? I'd probably still go to the wedding, but make sure he has something fun to do during the ceremony.

I think that's what the kids room is for- they probably have activities and sitters. I think it's fair for OP to send something for her kid as a backup though.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here again.

Let me be clear. My son is the youngest cousin. My husband's cousins' children are teens/adults. Everyone is scattered throughout the country so if they do come, he will not know anyone. He will be stuck with way younger kids in a very weird situation. Yes, he ultimately will be fine, but upset that he can't go sit with his cousins. There was a handwritten note from the bride in the invitation asking us to drop him off in the kids room.

We still haven't decided what to do.

He will be upset he can’t be with his cousins for 20 minutes?!! If you take him to the birthday party, that means he doesn’t get to see them at all. Wouldn’t that be more upsetting?

I don’t know why you think this is a weird situation. A nine-year-old should generally have the maturity to understand they need to go with the flow and adapt in certain situations. Especially if it’s only 20 minutes and means that they get to see their beloved cousins for the rest of the time.

This. OP, you are looking for a reason to do something with your family. Admit it.

+1
You are sounding very entitled OP. "but my kid will be bummed". "He'll be the oldest" "His older cousins want to see him" - do you think this young couple has any effs to give about your whiny son's gripes (or rather yours?). They have graciously provided a fun kid space. Your kid would be happier there on a tablet or something. Give it up- you are looking really bad here.

I think it was an inappropriate ask, but who knows why they did it. Maybe they told other guests not to bring young kids? I'd probably still go to the wedding, but make sure he has something fun to do during the ceremony.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here again.

Let me be clear. My son is the youngest cousin. My husband's cousins' children are teens/adults. Everyone is scattered throughout the country so if they do come, he will not know anyone. He will be stuck with way younger kids in a very weird situation. Yes, he ultimately will be fine, but upset that he can't go sit with his cousins. There was a handwritten note from the bride in the invitation asking us to drop him off in the kids room.

We still haven't decided what to do.

He will be upset he can’t be with his cousins for 20 minutes?!! If you take him to the birthday party, that means he doesn’t get to see them at all. Wouldn’t that be more upsetting?

I don’t know why you think this is a weird situation. A nine-year-old should generally have the maturity to understand they need to go with the flow and adapt in certain situations. Especially if it’s only 20 minutes and means that they get to see their beloved cousins for the rest of the time.

+1. He will be upset hanging out with some kids having more fun? Than sitting quietly in a church? Most kids would prefer the first option. What exactly is the problem with letting him hang with the kids? I'm struggling to see an issue. OP drew an arbitrary line at 6 but maybe the marrying couple drew the arbitrary line at 10 or 12. It's their call.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here again.

Let me be clear. My son is the youngest cousin. My husband's cousins' children are teens/adults. Everyone is scattered throughout the country so if they do come, he will not know anyone. He will be stuck with way younger kids in a very weird situation. Yes, he ultimately will be fine, but upset that he can't go sit with his cousins. There was a handwritten note from the bride in the invitation asking us to drop him off in the kids room.

We still haven't decided what to do.

He will be upset he can’t be with his cousins for 20 minutes?!! If you take him to the birthday party, that means he doesn’t get to see them at all. Wouldn’t that be more upsetting?

I don’t know why you think this is a weird situation. A nine-year-old should generally have the maturity to understand they need to go with the flow and adapt in certain situations. Especially if it’s only 20 minutes and means that they get to see their beloved cousins for the rest of the time.

This. OP, you are looking for a reason to do something with your family. Admit it.