I still don’t get it. We’re all supposed to keep processed foods, unlimited pastas and breads, and juices or sodas available at all times? To not offend overweight or obese growing children or have them temper tantrum against vegetables or healthy meals?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My read is that the kid laments her "fat body" and OP focuses on losing weight, which reinforces her feeling that she is, in fact, fat and ugly. And OP restricts carbs, won't let her bake, and frames eating a bagel after school as "sneaking." I think that's totally the wrong approach, especially for a kid entering puberty. Find some non-sport activities that she's interested in. Art is great. My 12yo loved tap dance. Go hiking as a family and get some fresh air. If she likes baking, have her make healthier snacks, and have her help plan and cook meals that she likes. Cutting down on screen time is good, but otherwise, you need to reframe your approach here.

Lol, tell us you never parented a neuroatypical kid without telling us you never parented a neurotypical kid.

Op, get the testing updated on her and get professional help with the Dx and Rx.
Right now you are sandwiched between a husband and tween with the same symptoms. Find a support group as well.

DP. Oh, please. None of the bolded is contraindicated by “mild ADHD.”

Given that my tween has moderate ADHD and anxiety, and likes all of those things (art, tap, and helping cook meals), they certainly are not contraindicated.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:With the elimination of carbs/sweets from the house, the shame you’ve associated with eating, and the fact that she sneaks “bad” foods when she can… she’s at high risk for developing bulimia. Ask me how I know.

Not really, unless they read about it online as a “solution.” Here it isnt about image as much as no self control.

Many adhd or asd kids overeat or impulse eat addictive foods like sweets or junk food if they’re in the house.
Glp-1 for adults is literally for untreated ADHD food noise or diabetes.

Wha are you talking about? OP says her DD “hates her fat body.” Feeling out of control in a household where mom is deeply controlling and critical around body/eating issues is fertile ground for an eating disorder, whether ADHD is present or not.

Seems like the out of control was not being able to stop herself from eating a whole dinner of snacks or bread before dinner when the parents got home from work. Which technically works since simple carbs digest quickly and leave you hungry again sooner. Racking up the empty calories. Protein and fiber are the opposite.

PP here and this is literally the story of my tween years. I was also just a little bit overweight with a critical, perfectionist mom who thought dieting was the answer. I would try to “be good” and eat healthy or restrict calories for a while, but a growing body wants what it wants, and the overcorrection was fierce. It took me over a decade to undo the damage to myself, and my relationship with my mom has never really recovered.

Most people and kids are chronically overweight due to sugar and salt addictions, not a growing body’s needs. That’s acute.

Are you saying PP that once you grew more in height you simply were not overweight? Yes, that is common, but equally common is people with no restraint who always eat too much and too much of the unhealthy, not nutritious foods.

So maybe we’re in agreement.

Maybe we are, I’m not sure. I’m saying that the dietary part is only one aspect of a few complex layers when you’re talking about an adolescent girl with a controlling, critical mother. I did not get a handle on my weight and eating problems until I moved away from home and didn’t feel like I was being monitored and scrutinized.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:With the elimination of carbs/sweets from the house, the shame you’ve associated with eating, and the fact that she sneaks “bad” foods when she can… she’s at high risk for developing bulimia. Ask me how I know.

Not really, unless they read about it online as a “solution.” Here it isnt about image as much as no self control.

Many adhd or asd kids overeat or impulse eat addictive foods like sweets or junk food if they’re in the house.
Glp-1 for adults is literally for untreated ADHD food noise or diabetes.

Wha are you talking about? OP says her DD “hates her fat body.” Feeling out of control in a household where mom is deeply controlling and critical around body/eating issues is fertile ground for an eating disorder, whether ADHD is present or not.

Seems like the out of control was not being able to stop herself from eating a whole dinner of snacks or bread before dinner when the parents got home from work. Which technically works since simple carbs digest quickly and leave you hungry again sooner. Racking up the empty calories. Protein and fiber are the opposite.

PP here and this is literally the story of my tween years. I was also just a little bit overweight with a critical, perfectionist mom who thought dieting was the answer. I would try to “be good” and eat healthy or restrict calories for a while, but a growing body wants what it wants, and the overcorrection was fierce. It took me over a decade to undo the damage to myself, and my relationship with my mom has never really recovered.

Most people and kids are chronically overweight due to sugar and salt addictions, not a growing body’s needs. That’s acute.

Are you saying PP that once you grew more in height you simply were not overweight? Yes, that is common, but equally common is people with no restraint who always eat too much and too much of the unhealthy, not nutritious foods.

So maybe we’re in agreement.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:With the elimination of carbs/sweets from the house, the shame you’ve associated with eating, and the fact that she sneaks “bad” foods when she can… she’s at high risk for developing bulimia. Ask me how I know.

Not really, unless they read about it online as a “solution.” Here it isnt about image as much as no self control.

Many adhd or asd kids overeat or impulse eat addictive foods like sweets or junk food if they’re in the house.
Glp-1 for adults is literally for untreated ADHD food noise or diabetes.

Wha are you talking about? OP says her DD “hates her fat body.” Feeling out of control in a household where mom is deeply controlling and critical around body/eating issues is fertile ground for an eating disorder, whether ADHD is present or not.

Seems like the out of control was not being able to stop herself from eating a whole dinner of snacks or bread before dinner when the parents got home from work. Which technically works since simple carbs digest quickly and leave you hungry again sooner. Racking up the empty calories. Protein and fiber are the opposite.

PP here and this is literally the story of my tween years. I was also just a little bit overweight with a critical, perfectionist mom who thought dieting was the answer. I would try to “be good” and eat healthy or restrict calories for a while, but a growing body wants what it wants, and the overcorrection was fierce. It took me over a decade to undo the damage to myself, and my relationship with my mom has never really recovered.

My spouse had the opposite. He was obese age 12-18 until he moved out for college and had positive peer influences in athlete roommates.

He went from overeating at dinners and eating daily cookies and pies his father brought home from work each day TO working out for the first time ever many times a week and eating only meals. His parents dont know why or how.

That said, since then his weight yo yos around thus he has opted to be on GLP-1s indefinitely.
Maybe some people need a lot of helpful handholding or influences if certain foods are a vice.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:With the elimination of carbs/sweets from the house, the shame you’ve associated with eating, and the fact that she sneaks “bad” foods when she can… she’s at high risk for developing bulimia. Ask me how I know.

Not really, unless they read about it online as a “solution.” Here it isnt about image as much as no self control.

Many adhd or asd kids overeat or impulse eat addictive foods like sweets or junk food if they’re in the house.
Glp-1 for adults is literally for untreated ADHD food noise or diabetes.

Wha are you talking about? OP says her DD “hates her fat body.” Feeling out of control in a household where mom is deeply controlling and critical around body/eating issues is fertile ground for an eating disorder, whether ADHD is present or not.

Seems like the out of control was not being able to stop herself from eating a whole dinner of snacks or bread before dinner when the parents got home from work. Which technically works since simple carbs digest quickly and leave you hungry again sooner. Racking up the empty calories. Protein and fiber are the opposite.

PP here and this is literally the story of my tween years. I was also just a little bit overweight with a critical, perfectionist mom who thought dieting was the answer. I would try to “be good” and eat healthy or restrict calories for a while, but a growing body wants what it wants, and the overcorrection was fierce. It took me over a decade to undo the damage to myself, and my relationship with my mom has never really recovered.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:With the elimination of carbs/sweets from the house, the shame you’ve associated with eating, and the fact that she sneaks “bad” foods when she can… she’s at high risk for developing bulimia. Ask me how I know.

Not really, unless they read about it online as a “solution.” Here it isnt about image as much as no self control.

Many adhd or asd kids overeat or impulse eat addictive foods like sweets or junk food if they’re in the house.
Glp-1 for adults is literally for untreated ADHD food noise or diabetes.

Wha are you talking about? OP says her DD “hates her fat body.” Feeling out of control in a household where mom is deeply controlling and critical around body/eating issues is fertile ground for an eating disorder, whether ADHD is present or not.

Seems like the out of control was not being able to stop herself from eating a whole dinner of snacks or bread before dinner when the parents got home from work. Which technically works since simple carbs digest quickly and leave you hungry again sooner. Racking up the empty calories. Protein and fiber are the opposite.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My read is that the kid laments her "fat body" and OP focuses on losing weight, which reinforces her feeling that she is, in fact, fat and ugly. And OP restricts carbs, won't let her bake, and frames eating a bagel after school as "sneaking." I think that's totally the wrong approach, especially for a kid entering puberty. Find some non-sport activities that she's interested in. Art is great. My 12yo loved tap dance. Go hiking as a family and get some fresh air. If she likes baking, have her make healthier snacks, and have her help plan and cook meals that she likes. Cutting down on screen time is good, but otherwise, you need to reframe your approach here.

Lol, tell us you never parented a neuroatypical kid without telling us you never parented a neurotypical kid.

Op, get the testing updated on her and get professional help with the Dx and Rx.
Right now you are sandwiched between a husband and tween with the same symptoms. Find a support group as well.

+1. Defiant disorder is no joke either.

Sounds like the daughter wants to make a change to get her BMI down to the healthy range. And cutting carbs and desserts plus more activity is a healthy way to do that.

Monitor the excessive moodiness.

Why does she have to sneak a bagel?? And no one in the house can have bread now? That’s nuts and not healthy. Let her bake. Help her find healthier or higher protein recipes (eg, banana oat muffins vs chocolate). After they cool, half go in the freezer for some other time. The family (including your daughter) eats the rest over the next couple of days.

Engage in active family activities on the weekends, such as hiking, biking, ice skating, etc.

We went through something similar although with a boy and it was exacerbated by the pandemic. Now 17yo and still prone to more ups and downs than his sibling but in a great space.

You've gotten some great advice here but I want to footstomp the suggestion keep your own focus OFF the weight and food. Banning bread in the house is kind of insane. Having dealt with a kid in the midst of very mild and short-term eating disorder, I can't emphasize enough how excruciating it is. We were incredibly lucky that our kid managed to pull himself out of that but it can spiral quickly quickly and get dangerous.

Your DD needs friends and activities; that can be harder than it sounds but ultimately the only way through is to keep trying and keep her busy. Sports, classes, camps, hiking, daytrips, shopping, crafting, reading, music, try everything/anything. Minimize screens for sure but we still have shows we binge as a family or go to movies together.

Good luck OP, you're a good parent for getting out ahead of this.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:With the elimination of carbs/sweets from the house, the shame you’ve associated with eating, and the fact that she sneaks “bad” foods when she can… she’s at high risk for developing bulimia. Ask me how I know.

Not really, unless they read about it online as a “solution.” Here it isnt about image as much as no self control.

Many adhd or asd kids overeat or impulse eat addictive foods like sweets or junk food if they’re in the house.
Glp-1 for adults is literally for untreated ADHD food noise or diabetes.

Wha are you talking about? OP says her DD “hates her fat body.” Feeling out of control in a household where mom is deeply controlling and critical around body/eating issues is fertile ground for an eating disorder, whether ADHD is present or not.

Anonymous wrote:With the elimination of carbs/sweets from the house, the shame you’ve associated with eating, and the fact that she sneaks “bad” foods when she can… she’s at high risk for developing bulimia. Ask me how I know.

Not really, unless they read about it online as a “solution.” Here it isnt about image as much as no self control.

Many adhd or asd kids overeat or impulse eat addictive foods like sweets or junk food if they’re in the house.
Glp-1 for adults is literally for untreated ADHD food noise or diabetes.

* I meant take them away and out of sight. Not just in quiet mode or at a charging station.

Anonymous wrote:Is she on ADHD medication?

If not that’s my first stop. Inattentive type adhd tends to be moody and depressed and it’s usually due to low dopamine. Low motivation, slow on uptake, poor social follow through. Often low dose meds work really really well for this. Once she’s more capable of motivation you can work on building better habits.

NP physically also take away screens. Untreated adhd or asd cannot bounce back from that if they turn on the tv or iPad or chat group after school or after dinner to get back to focusing on studies or training.