Anonymous
Post 02/26/2026 18:51     Subject: Re:Dad Wants to Spend All His Time with Me After Recent Divorce - How Do I Balance It?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here. My dad is second gen Italian, but he’s very traditional and believes cooking isn’t for men, so he’s decided not to cook. I clean more as a favour than as a need.

Hes clearly not that traditional if he's mowed through four wives.


*plowed through four wives.
Anonymous
Post 02/26/2026 18:50     Subject: Dad Wants to Spend All His Time with Me After Recent Divorce - How Do I Balance It?
So the issue isn't really him wanting to be around or have long phone calls, it's that he's using you as a replacement wife. Wildly inappropriate. You need to shut that down yesterday.
Anonymous
Post 02/26/2026 18:49     Subject: Re:Dad Wants to Spend All His Time with Me After Recent Divorce - How Do I Balance It?
Anonymous wrote:OP here. My dad is second gen Italian, but he’s very traditional and believes cooking isn’t for men, so he’s decided not to cook. I clean more as a favour than as a need.

Hes clearly not that traditional if he's mowed through four wives.
Anonymous
Post 02/26/2026 18:48     Subject: Re:Dad Wants to Spend All His Time with Me After Recent Divorce - How Do I Balance It?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here. My dad is second gen Italian, but he’s very traditional and believes cooking isn’t for men, so he’s decided not to cook. I clean more as a favour than as a need.


Uh, no. Dual citizen Italian and American here.
https://www.wetheitalians.com/news/desire-good-food-flips-gender-roles-only-nation-where-men-cook-more-women


I know Italian culture very well. My grandfather is 87 now, and cooked and so do my uncles, except for one and my dad. -OP
Anonymous
Post 02/26/2026 18:48     Subject: Dad Wants to Spend All His Time with Me After Recent Divorce - How Do I Balance It?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Why does he need help at home??? He’s able-bodied and retired while you’re raising 5 kids. I would look closely at your mindset. It sounds to me like you’re co-dependent and that’s not healthy for him, you or your family.


This. Weird codependency. He is healthy, retired and lives alone. Why does he need any help from you at home? He should be helping you. Why can’t he cook or bring your family dinner once a week. Can he pick up groceries for you or dry cleaning? Can he drive your kids around or help them with hw?


He can clean but just asks so I do it, but he doesn’t cook. He can drive kids around or help them with things, or do errands. -OP

It's actually disgusting that you have 5 children at home but choose to scrub your fathers floor instead of spending time with them.
Anonymous
Post 02/26/2026 18:45     Subject: Dad Wants to Spend All His Time with Me After Recent Divorce - How Do I Balance It?
You are neglecting your children to care for a fully capable sexist adult.

What is wrong with you?
Anonymous
Post 02/26/2026 18:43     Subject: Re:Dad Wants to Spend All His Time with Me After Recent Divorce - How Do I Balance It?
Anonymous wrote:OP here. My dad is second gen Italian, but he’s very traditional and believes cooking isn’t for men, so he’s decided not to cook. I clean more as a favour than as a need.


Uh, no. Dual citizen Italian and American here.
https://www.wetheitalians.com/news/desire-good-food-flips-gender-roles-only-nation-where-men-cook-more-women
Anonymous
Post 02/26/2026 18:38     Subject: Re:Dad Wants to Spend All His Time with Me After Recent Divorce - How Do I Balance It?
Anonymous wrote:OP here. My dad is second gen Italian, but he’s very traditional and believes cooking isn’t for men, so he’s decided not to cook. I clean more as a favour than as a need.


Maybe your real problem is that your dad is lazy and sexist, and that you are a pushover.
Anonymous
Post 02/26/2026 18:27     Subject: Re:Dad Wants to Spend All His Time with Me After Recent Divorce - How Do I Balance It?
OP here. My dad is second gen Italian, but he’s very traditional and believes cooking isn’t for men, so he’s decided not to cook. I clean more as a favour than as a need.
Anonymous
Post 02/26/2026 18:20     Subject: Dad Wants to Spend All His Time with Me After Recent Divorce - How Do I Balance It?
Anonymous wrote:I am from a culture where in the previous generation, and even in this current one in my home country, women are expected to care for their in-laws and/or parents, and clean and cook for them.

Are you part of this group, OP? You're in the US now. Break the cycle. I would never do this. When my MIL suggested one of her sons take her in (which also implicitly meant that the DIL in question would be responsible for her care), every single one of them bailed.

STOP IT.




This. He's divorced, not disabled. And it's rich to be past wife #4 but claiming traditional family values. And to monopolize your daughter's time to the detriment of your own grandchildren.
Anonymous
Post 02/26/2026 18:16     Subject: Dad Wants to Spend All His Time with Me After Recent Divorce - How Do I Balance It?
I am from a culture where in the previous generation, and even in this current one in my home country, women are expected to care for their in-laws and/or parents, and clean and cook for them.

Are you part of this group, OP? You're in the US now. Break the cycle. I would never do this. When my MIL suggested one of her sons take her in (which also implicitly meant that the DIL in question would be responsible for her care), every single one of them bailed.

STOP IT.


Anonymous
Post 02/26/2026 18:12     Subject: Dad Wants to Spend All His Time with Me After Recent Divorce - How Do I Balance It?
Anonymous wrote:If he doesn't cook, he doesn't eat. It's not your job to help your dad launch. You're literally enabling his incompetence. Get out of there or he'll never be a functional adult... hence 4 wives. Who wants to deal with this!


This. No cooking and no cleaning.... And no wife. Surprise!
Anonymous
Post 02/26/2026 18:05     Subject: Dad Wants to Spend All His Time with Me After Recent Divorce - How Do I Balance It?
If he doesn't cook, he doesn't eat. It's not your job to help your dad launch. You're literally enabling his incompetence. Get out of there or he'll never be a functional adult... hence 4 wives. Who wants to deal with this!
Anonymous
Post 02/26/2026 18:01     Subject: Dad Wants to Spend All His Time with Me After Recent Divorce - How Do I Balance It?
Tell him to hire a cleaning service and sign up for cooking lessons!
Anonymous
Post 02/26/2026 17:59     Subject: Dad Wants to Spend All His Time with Me After Recent Divorce - How Do I Balance It?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Why does he need help at home??? He’s able-bodied and retired while you’re raising 5 kids. I would look closely at your mindset. It sounds to me like you’re co-dependent and that’s not healthy for him, you or your family.


This. Weird codependency. He is healthy, retired and lives alone. Why does he need any help from you at home? He should be helping you. Why can’t he cook or bring your family dinner once a week. Can he pick up groceries for you or dry cleaning? Can he drive your kids around or help them with hw?


He can clean but just asks so I do it, but he doesn’t cook. He can drive kids around or help them with things, or do errands. -OP


OMG, grow a spine! Tell him no! You don't have to do something that he's perfectly capable of doing. Stop complaining how busy and stressed you are, start saying the word "no", and you'll feel a lot better.