Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I really knew how much work it took to raise kids, I would never have had them. For me they haven’t been worth it.

Aren’t you a peach.

She might just be realistic. She might have harder to raise children.

Or maybe just struggles with raising children. Doctors go through years and years of training before being allowed to practice, and yet parents receive little to zero parenting training before becoming parents.

Sigh. Your parents are supposed to model parenting behavior. You don't receive formal training with the possible exception of some high school activities. Of course, nothing keeps you from learning. For instance, books continue to exist.

This is the dumbest response I’ve ever seen.

And yet, still accurate.

Anonymous wrote:I work a very part time job so I can be the primary parent in my household. I also do the vast majority of housework and family admin.

I do think my spouse and kids deeply value the unpaid work I do.

I do not think SOCIETY values the work I do.

If I'm society, I certainly do. Not that any of my SAHM neighbors owe anyone any help. They don't owe their neighbors anything. But, when they go to the store, they ask a group of us full time working moms if we need anything. If we run out of anything, they offer it. Sometimes they give my kids a ride. Not because I ask them but because they can and it's convenient enough for them in the moment. I try not to take advantage of the offers too often because I need to be able to handle my life but it's very appreciated.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I really knew how much work it took to raise kids, I would never have had them. For me they haven’t been worth it.

Aren’t you a peach.

She might just be realistic. She might have harder to raise children.

Or maybe just struggles with raising children. Doctors go through years and years of training before being allowed to practice, and yet parents receive little to zero parenting training before becoming parents.

Sigh. Your parents are supposed to model parenting behavior. You don't receive formal training with the possible exception of some high school activities. Of course, nothing keeps you from learning. For instance, books continue to exist.

This is the dumbest response I’ve ever seen.

I work a very part time job so I can be the primary parent in my household. I also do the vast majority of housework and family admin.

I do think my spouse and kids deeply value the unpaid work I do.

I do not think SOCIETY values the work I do.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I really knew how much work it took to raise kids, I would never have had them. For me they haven’t been worth it.

Aren’t you a peach.

She might just be realistic. She might have harder to raise children.

Or maybe just struggles with raising children. Doctors go through years and years of training before being allowed to practice, and yet parents receive little to zero parenting training before becoming parents.

Sigh. Your parents are supposed to model parenting behavior. You don't receive formal training with the possible exception of some high school activities. Of course, nothing keeps you from learning. For instance, books continue to exist.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I really knew how much work it took to raise kids, I would never have had them. For me they haven’t been worth it.

Aren’t you a peach.

She might just be realistic. She might have harder to raise children.

Or maybe just struggles with raising children. Doctors go through years and years of training before being allowed to practice, and yet parents receive little to zero parenting training before becoming parents.

We also did fine until I left. They fell into debt really fast. Their work wondered why they were leaving early and coming late. They were lucky not to lose their job.
They had always been the spender as the higher earner and probably failed to cut spending fast. They underestimated what it takes to get the kid to school and back, do the grocery shopping, run errands, laundry, go to doctor's appointments.
They never said that I was worthless, but they believed they could do it alone. Their mental health went first, then physical.

The article starts with a bit of a misrepresentation although the discussion of child care costs is a real one.

While the need for affordable child care is clear, the definition of affordability is not. The most commonly cited definition is the 7% affordability benchmark from the Department of Health and Human Services (HHS), in which child care is considered affordable if it does not exceed 7% of a household’s income. However, as described in the preamble to the 2016 Child Care and Development Fund final rule and recent testimony to the House Education and Labor Committee, this 7% benchmark was never meant to be an affordability metric for all families. Rather, it is a recommendation for how much a low-income, working family receiving a child care subsidy should pay as a co-payment for child care services. As the current child care market is driven by private pay families, with only 6.4% of children in early childhood education programs receiving public or private subsidies, broadly applying the 7% benchmark overlooks the significant public funding covering the gap between 7% of a family’s income and the price of child care.

The Child Care and Development Block Grant (CCDBG) Act of 2014 requires states to establish a sliding fee scale for parents who receive subsidies in order to share the costs of their child care services. After the bipartisan reauthorization of CCDBG, HHS recommended parental copayments not exceed the benchmark of 7% of a household’s income. HHS chose the 7% benchmark to reflect U.S. Census Bureau data that showed the average percent of monthly income spent by all families on child care stayed consistent at about 7% from 1997 to 2011. Because low-income families disproportionately spend more of their income on child care compared to higher income families, HHS recommended the 7% benchmark in order to achieve parity in child care cost burden. This benchmark only applies to the required copayments required of low-income families receiving a child care subsidy.

Unfortunately, the subsidy scale is based off of FPL limits, up to 200%. And there are glaring issues with the FPL to begin with such as the fact that it has never been updated to reflect 1) modern costs and inflation 2) geographical COL concerns: "never accounted for the explosion in housing, childcare, health care and transportation costs, and it ignores geographic differences that make rent in Jackson, Mississippi a very different reality from rent in New York City or Los Angeles."

This is what anyone who is between the starvation income of FPL limits and an adjusted MC will tell you. Because it doesn't reflect the reality of the current economic markets for housing, food, etc. there is a point where you are better off being extra poor because you receive subsidies compared to making more than the FPL because you are still in starvation limits economically but are expected to pay for everything. Its an abyss.

It also doesnt take into account working household dynamics. A SAHP + working parent making 100k is different than dual working parents making 100k. THe former doesnt pay for childcare nor transport x 1. Couple that with the former living in WV versus DC and its even worse.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d hate to see the bill from my DH for doing the taxes. I don’t think I can afford him.

Good lord, I do the taxes too. DH *definitely* can't afford me.

Good thing DH and I are a team and we work together to make life work.

We were too. Until we weren’t.

Is that because he didn't pay you?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d hate to see the bill from my DH for doing the taxes. I don’t think I can afford him.

Good lord, I do the taxes too. DH *definitely* can't afford me.

Good thing DH and I are a team and we work together to make life work.

We were too. Until we weren’t.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Original blog post from 2015 is gone, but it got a lot of viral commentary.

"I can't afford my wife"

https://www.mindfood.com/article/texas-husband-blogs-that-he-cant-afford-his-stay-at-home-wife/

This isn't new. This a core principle of conservator family values, valuing wives and mothers and aunties and grandmothers.

As a SAHM I find that whole mentality vomit worthy. Yes I work hard but my husband works hard too. We are a team and it works for us. Neither of us is exploited or undervalued.

Nice job missing the point entirely!

I don’t think she missed the point at all. You just didn’t like what she said because she’s right.

I agree. Being paid for being a toilet scrubber or line cook or whatever isn’t really what the “job” is. I am irreplaceable in my kids’ lives. So is my DH obviously, but he really does very little around the house. But it’s not chores or chauffeuring that create the value. It’s that I understand my kids, I know exactly what they need emotionally, physically, etc. Nobody else can do that. If you know someone who never met their mother, or lost their mother when they were young, they would pay you all the money in the world to have her back (assuming she wasn’t abusive). I think we should stop conflating dollars with value. True value isn’t bound by the construct of man made currency.

Haven't read all the posts, but this made me think of what happened when I stepped back from helping my elderly parent. I had been helping for many years and after one passed, it got to be too much because my husband had a serious health issue. I eventually stepped back even more when the parent became more and more verbally abusive. Nobody thanked me for all my free service, but wow did I hear about the costs of case management, aides, drivers, etc. Since all I got was complaints and resentment, I eventually stopped completely. You would think once people realize how much this all costs, they would treat those who do it for free with more respect.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d hate to see the bill from my DH for doing the taxes. I don’t think I can afford him.

Good lord, I do the taxes too. DH *definitely* can't afford me.

Good thing DH and I are a team and we work together to make life work.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I really knew how much work it took to raise kids, I would never have had them. For me they haven’t been worth it.

I think if there was full disclosure (and people listened), there would be fewer children born.

Not every woman has nurturing, maternal instincts; and that's ok. Let them focus on their careers and interests without guilt.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Original blog post from 2015 is gone, but it got a lot of viral commentary.

"I can't afford my wife"

https://www.mindfood.com/article/texas-husband-blogs-that-he-cant-afford-his-stay-at-home-wife/

This isn't new. This a core principle of conservator family values, valuing wives and mothers and aunties and grandmothers.

As a SAHM I find that whole mentality vomit worthy. Yes I work hard but my husband works hard too. We are a team and it works for us. Neither of us is exploited or undervalued.

+1