Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thou shall not covet. You can think someone is cute, but don't engage with the thoughts too much.

This. It's normal to notice attractive people, but going out of your way to obsess/fantasize about them crosses a line.

Anonymous wrote:To me a crush is where you are sexually and emotionally entangled with another person you know - but only in your head. I do think it is problematic as it is quite possible to idealize those fantasies and compare them to reality.

I don't think I would call it cheating but if my husband's mental energy is going towards picturing himself having sex and being in a relationship with another person (and a real person he knows), that isn't okay with me.

And if he starts drawing hearts and writing Billy + Suzie on his notebooks, then it has really gone too far.

Anonymous wrote:Wow, I am genuinely shocked at how many people think work crushes are wrong, considered cheating, etc.

I have them. Would have thought anyone with eyes and a functioning libido also gets them. Harmless if you don't act on them. I find them to be part of the fun of going to an office!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh please. Everyone has eyes and encounters attractive people from time to time.

Encountering an attractive person isn't the same as spinning a narrative fantasy in your head about said person. You can see pretty people/things without wanting to fsck them, right?

Directing your sexuality outside of the bounds of your relationship is problematic for most people in monogamous relationships. The real test is easy: Did you tell your spouse the whole truth of it? Or are you hiding it from your partner? If the former, you're fine. The latter, you're cheating.

You’re speaking about an EA or emotional affair. There’s a gray area here. It’s not all black and white. Spouses can know the crush and truth and not be bothered by fantasy. The depth of the fantasy is more problematic. telling a spouse doesn’t always relieve anything at all

Nah, it's pretty straightforward. You're just splitting hairs to justify your bad behavior.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh please. Everyone has eyes and encounters attractive people from time to time.

Encountering an attractive person isn't the same as spinning a narrative fantasy in your head about said person. You can see pretty people/things without wanting to fsck them, right?

Directing your sexuality outside of the bounds of your relationship is problematic for most people in monogamous relationships. The real test is easy: Did you tell your spouse the whole truth of it? Or are you hiding it from your partner? If the former, you're fine. The latter, you're cheating.

You’re speaking about an EA or emotional affair. There’s a gray area here. It’s not all black and white. Spouses can know the crush and truth and not be bothered by fantasy. The depth of the fantasy is more problematic. telling a spouse doesn’t always relieve anything at all

Anonymous wrote:I also think it is a bit disrespectful to the crush that you are mentally undressing them and having sex with them and doing whatever. I get they don't know as its in your head but it still feels kind of disrespectful. I don't like thinking that the people I work with are doing that while I sit there working.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, I am genuinely shocked at how many people think work crushes are wrong, considered cheating, etc.

I have them. Would have thought anyone with eyes and a functioning libido also gets them. Harmless if you don't act on them. I find them to be part of the fun of going to an office!

Gross

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh please. Everyone has eyes and encounters attractive people from time to time.

Encountering an attractive person isn't the same as spinning a narrative fantasy in your head about said person. You can see pretty people/things without wanting to fsck them, right?

Directing your sexuality outside of the bounds of your relationship is problematic for most people in monogamous relationships. The real test is easy: Did you tell your spouse the whole truth of it? Or are you hiding it from your partner? If the former, you're fine. The latter, you're cheating.

Anonymous wrote:Wow, I am genuinely shocked at how many people think work crushes are wrong, considered cheating, etc.

I have them. Would have thought anyone with eyes and a functioning libido also gets them. Harmless if you don't act on them. I find them to be part of the fun of going to an office!

Anonymous wrote:Oh please. Everyone has eyes and encounters attractive people from time to time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thou shall not covet. You can think someone is cute, but don't engage with the thoughts too much.

This. It's normal to notice attractive people, but going out of your way to obsess/fantasize about them crosses a line.