Anonymous wrote:Meds make a pretty big difference....

We also had to hire tutors and a "cognitive skills coach" who has helped with self-awareness and executive functioning. The schools aren't really equipped for this; 504 plans and IEPs haven't done anything. We had to pay for private coaching and tutoring. It's expensive, but working.

In our case, the EF coach and tutor were a waste of money UNTIL we started the meds. In fact, the EF tutor wasn't teaching anything different from what I had been trying to instill since birth, but he couldn't learn it. Only with the meds can he access what the tutors are trying to teach.

I do not understand why you will not use medication that will save your kid.

We also have a late diagonosed boy who was "a joy to have the classroom" but "not very bright" and "extremely shy." In fact, he was very bright (1450 on first SAT), but was literally missing half of the conversation going on around him in the classroom due to extremely low attention. As soon as the converstations in class became a part of what was being tested for grades, he started failing.

Medication saved his self esteem, his social life and ability to have conversations and follow nonverbal cues, his academic understanding and grades. He is so much happier and thriving now.

Anonymous wrote:Hire an educational advocate to help you in these meetings. The teachers are using the meetings to pressure you into medication, which is none of their beeswax which med you might be trying at the moment (or taking a break entirely). They need to provide services regardless of medication status du jour. Medication is not the handy scapegoat of every IEP meeting.

Consider a non-stimulant (such as Strattera). That will have fewer side effects. Again, this is not the choice of your child's teachers.

OP didn't say the school was pressuring them. They said it was recommended to talk to the pediatrician. It sounds like they are providing a high level of support at school, and it is not really improving his kid's ability to focus and pay attention, which it wouldn't because you can't really teach something like that when it's beyond your control. If a kid is "zoned out" during instruction so they miss some or all, they can't perform to the level of their non focus-deficient peers. And this accumulates over time to lots of missed instruction. Teachers sound like they are doing what they can but at the end of the day ADHD is a medical condition that benefits from treatment.

Have you considered changing the educational environment? Our ADHD fifth grade boy benefited from an all boys private school with lots of recess.

That said, he eventually hit a wall and needed meds Junior year. I can completely understand not wanting to mess with puberty, but you have to make some change to help him out. Kids in fifth grade should (ideally) feel smart and like school.

My DD was diagnosed in 6th grade and is now in 8th. We tried therapy and an accommodation plan at school which helped slightly but the problems were still there. 6 months late we started on a low dose of Ritalin (5mg) which i could tell helped but only for a couple of hours. Over the course of a few months we found a dose that worked all day, DD now takes it on school days and the change is amazing.
I think you need to be more open minded to trying meds to help your kids brain function better.

Hire an educational advocate to help you in these meetings. The teachers are using the meetings to pressure you into medication, which is none of their beeswax which med you might be trying at the moment (or taking a break entirely). They need to provide services regardless of medication status du jour. Medication is not the handy scapegoat of every IEP meeting.

Consider a non-stimulant (such as Strattera). That will have fewer side effects. Again, this is not the choice of your child's teachers.

OP, the low self confidence is a side effect, too — it’s a side effect of untreated ADHD.

ADHD clearly runs in our family. The difference between those who got the help they needed, and internalized less shame, vs. those who didn’t — and who internalized only shame over and over and over again — is astounding.

Shame gets woven so deeply into a person, and it seeps into every aspect of a life, including parts of life that ADHD alone doesn’t touch.

Yes, there are sometimes side effects to medicating. But consider that these might be far less than the side effects of non-treatment.

I wish you and your son the very best.

Anonymous wrote:Homeschool or medicate. I’m not sure what else you can reasonable expect teachers to do while having a whole classroom to manage.

I agree with this. Your son will struggle in traditional school settings until he is medicated. You can change the environment if that is in your ability. But making him go to the same school unmedicated isn't going to change anything.

Another vote for meditation

I did not want my kids to have ADHD, although I expected they did. I did not want them to take ADHD meds. They hit sixth grade and they suffered. Really lucked into finding a psychiatrist for first kid, later diagnosed and treated second kid. They take the meds electively on days they have school or school work. School is easier for the, but does not eliminate all problems. They really have no side effects, but are on the right medication for them. It is hard to put them on it, especially if you have seen people who don’t have ADHD taking the medication because they look to ‘wired’, but it works paradoxically in people with ADHD. Will still need executive function training.

Anonymous wrote:You say things like "nosedive" and "very low self confidence and often feels frustrated with himself" and are worried about side effects?? That MIGHT come up? And might not?

You are setting your kid up to fail. And to eventually self medicate the wrong way.

Get the kid some meds, for the love of god. IF there are undesirable side effects - try another med, or try to mitigate them, and TALK TO HIM about what he prefers.

+1. Don’t make your kid suffer because you want to be all “natural” about his health when better alternatives exist.

The thing about adhd meds is if they're working you'll know within a few days. Try them for a week.

Just do a trial run of meds. I think OP is too fearful. Sure can have bad effects but it’s often manageable.

My kid had unbelievable depression from stimulants many years ago and we stopped immediately. I wish we could use stimulants.

Anonymous wrote:Homeschool or medicate. I’m not sure what else you can reasonable expect teachers to do while having a whole classroom to manage.

+1

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:If he had leukemia would you be against chemotherapy because of the side effects?

NP. But we are facing a similar situation. DC refuses to take medication for a variety of reasons.

PP here, everyone with harsh, judgmental tones should keep in mind that it is BEYOND difficult to find a good psychiatrist and even if you find one you may not be able to get in within a year or two or be able to afford them. Also keep in mind that parents of kids with adhd are very l ikely to have it themselves so on top of working and childrearing and house responsibilities, it becomes really incredibly hard to find a care provider and have patience for the months and months of trials with meds. It’s just so hard. Just wanted to throw some sympathy out there for OP.

Huh? That is just not the case. a) we're talking about ADHD meds, which any pediatrician will prescribe. b) you can find a psych NP very easily. c) expensive? Again, if you use a psych NP, they're covered by your health plan.

Dunno what planet you’re on but that has not been the case for us at all.

I'm on a planet where each of my kid have different Psych NPs. Easy to find. Want a list? Let me know what insurance company.