Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To be clear, you need to get him an attorney to work on a deal.

This.

I would add that my adhd /asd employed husband is also a terrible driver. His level of attentiveness is low.c poor situational awareness and he cannot predict basic things, and he has zero sense of speed. Thus he’s usually speeding. And doesn’t look at the speedometer. On freeways his MO is to jsut pass everyone he sees because…. That’s driving to him!

I minimize him driving the kids at all times. Meaning I do the family driving when we are all together or a nanny does. When his parents visit they don’t want him driving them either, so I have too. He speeds and goes through new red lights, rolling stops, has no sense of direction (gps saved him when it came out).

He really should t be driving.
I’m surprised no one had looked into the correlation between driving “accidents” and who at fault had untreated adhd or asd.
If I were a car insurance company I sure would.

When he kills or maims people your nice little family is going to get sued up the wazoo. You are apparently ok with that so long as it's strangers. And he stays employed.

He needs to be hotten off the road.

Lots of people indeed should be off the roads.

That’s why we need road rules tests and behind the wheel re-tests for age 65+ and for every state to convert an intl license to a state one (talk to you, Maryland!).

If you can find a way to keep people with poor judgement off the roads (mental disorders, risk addicts, impulsive, slow processing, etc.), I’m all for that too.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To be clear, you need to get him an attorney to work on a deal.

This.

I would add that my adhd /asd employed husband is also a terrible driver. His level of attentiveness is low.c poor situational awareness and he cannot predict basic things, and he has zero sense of speed. Thus he’s usually speeding. And doesn’t look at the speedometer. On freeways his MO is to jsut pass everyone he sees because…. That’s driving to him!

I minimize him driving the kids at all times. Meaning I do the family driving when we are all together or a nanny does. When his parents visit they don’t want him driving them either, so I have too. He speeds and goes through new red lights, rolling stops, has no sense of direction (gps saved him when it came out).

He really should t be driving.
I’m surprised no one had looked into the correlation between driving “accidents” and who at fault had untreated adhd or asd.
If I were a car insurance company I sure would.

When he kills or maims people your nice little family is going to get sued up the wazoo. You are apparently ok with that so long as it's strangers. And he stays employed.

He needs to be hotten off the road.

Anonymous wrote:I have a similar kid, OP, so I am incredibly proud for what your son has accomplished.

And I am relieved that the mental health stuff will mean nothing to a judge. Maturity means knowing what you can’t handle - and your son can’t drive safely so he can’t drive.

It will cause logistics and financial problems, yes, as does for people with vision problems and people with epilepsy and others who can’t drive. But HE CANNOT DRIVE.

Surrender his license to the DMV on Monday.

+1

Knowing your limits is wise

Anonymous wrote:To be clear, you need to get him an attorney to work on a deal.

This.

I would add that my adhd /asd employed husband is also a terrible driver. His level of attentiveness is low.c poor situational awareness and he cannot predict basic things, and he has zero sense of speed. Thus he’s usually speeding. And doesn’t look at the speedometer. On freeways his MO is to jsut pass everyone he sees because…. That’s driving to him!

I minimize him driving the kids at all times. Meaning I do the family driving when we are all together or a nanny does. When his parents visit they don’t want him driving them either, so I have too. He speeds and goes through new red lights, rolling stops, has no sense of direction (gps saved him when it came out).

He really should t be driving.
I’m surprised no one had looked into the correlation between driving “accidents” and who at fault had untreated adhd or asd.
If I were a car insurance company I sure would.

Anonymous wrote:OP - Your son is a public danger. Do you need to see someone killed in a horrible accident to understand that his reckless behavior needs to be penalized?

+1

Wake up, OP. He could have killed an innocent person.

If this is Virginia, you do need a lawyer to get it down to basic speeding and out of the misdemeanor realm (which in VA for reckless means a few nights in jail).

To be sure, the lawyer will not add any particualr value. But it is a part of the Commonwealth's lesson teaching. If you pay for the lawyer the CA and judge will see that as "punitive" and suffer the inconvenience, they'll be happy.

OP I know 2 boys who got charges dropped down to speeding with a lawyer - both were in Virginia and driving over 20 mph over posted speed limit. Both 19 and both had no other tickets.
If/ when he does drive get Life360- I can tell when DC drives over the speed limit.

OP never should have let him expect to drive. His disabilities prevent him from doing so with consistent safety for others and himself.
That said, get a lawyer and plea this down to a fine and surrendered license.

is this in virginia? i got that--i believe it was misdemeanor reckless driving over 20 miles of the speed limit--lawyer pleaded it down to a fine

Anonymous wrote:Reading OP’s letter, he HAS STOPPED driving.

The question is if he can avoid jail time, and if not, how it impacts future education and employment.

HAS HE THOUGH? Or has he just told OP that he has, and OP is believing him?

Sorry but in some young men, the yearning for risky behavior is not easily suppressed and he will likely be back at it as soon as he finds a way he thinks he can do it.

Reading OP’s letter, he HAS STOPPED driving.

The question is if he can avoid jail time, and if not, how it impacts future education and employment.

OP, your child should be taking Ubers, public transportation, or riding a bike for the rest of his life. He should NEVER drive again. I am sick of people using mental health excuses for dangerous, life threatening behavior. A car can be a weapon and can kill himself and others. Would you let him have a gun? Then why a car?

I am from Richmond and and OP's situation reminds me immediately of a there a famous case down there from about 10 years ago. A 32 year old man decided he wanted to see what it was like to drive his car as if he was flying an airplane, was going over 100 mph on Grove (where it is 25 mph) in a residential neighborhood and next to an elementary school, He was manic depressive, claimed he was manic at the time, and couldn't help it.

He hit a woman's car from behind, sent her car flying and into a tree, killing her. His own car went airborne too, over the sidewalk and into someone's house. Man comes from a wealthy family, who knew he was mentally ill. But he had a car and drivers license anyway. He was charged with involuntary manslaughter, and got a plea deal where he was found not guilty by reason on insanity, and was committed.

This was preventable. OP's son killing someone this way is also preventable.

The hateful screeds are not helpful - OP has lived with this person for years and knows all of that already.

Get a lawyer, OP. Since it's a first offense, it will likely mean no jail time.

Has he watched driving safety videos where police officers who the remains of fatal crashes? He should. Get the most violent ones possible off the internet. You have a small window where you can scare him straight.

You could also get him a manual car next time he drives- they're harder to find now, but the sound of the motor really alerts you to how fast you are going. Drivers are forced to acknowledge that when they physically change the gear themselves. It's a lot more tactile and connected to the road than automatics. Do not ever let him drive an electric or hybrid - the sound won't let him know how fast he's going. All his senses must come to his aid here, OP.

You all are a bit much. He can drive again. He made a mistake.

You need a lawyer OP. And your son needs to either take ubers or public transportation and plan to live near his school / place of employment.

I know several disabled people and it's what they have to do; your son essentially has a different type of disability.