Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What age?

9yo

I am beginning to think that my friends are being a little pushy since they have made it clear that their kids come as a pair or else they will be offended. It seems like that is not the norm.

Yeah that’s weird. Some people are indeed like this but it is still weird.

What? I have twin girls and I don't even expect them to do playdates together all the time!

Anonymous wrote:I think people have a single child think differently from people have more children. It’s ok and people can always decide whether to continue play dates, or find new friends.

I don’t think this is the case at all. We have an only. When she goes to play dates at friends homes there is no expectation that siblings won’t be there. Sometimes her friends parents don’t let the siblings play with the girls but that’s their call and certainly not anything to do with our DD. But when we invite a friend over, the expectation is that it’s a one on one at our house. Siblings are not included.

I think people have a single child think differently from people have more children. It’s ok and people can always decide whether to continue play dates, or find new friends.

If siblings live at the house where the play date is happening, they are going to participate to at least some degree and we emphasize kindness.

Absolutely not the norm for siblings to be invited.

Anonymous wrote:DC has some friends who always come over with a sibling and it bothers her that they don’t get alone time. I’ve said that if she wants to have Larla come over for a play date she should understand that Larla comes with her sibling and if DC isn’t in the mood to play with both of them she should invite a different friend over that day.

That sucks for your kid. Why would you allow this to be the norm and penalize your own kid and their friendships vs having a conversation with the mom? I swear, some people in this area are so passive and secretly just seething and making their life difficult. If it is an invite to your home for one friend of one child, sure a little sibling may be present, but to actually be the parent to send over a sibling as well for a 9 year old play date? That is rude. It’s not great for your kid and it also is not good for the sending child. They can't have 1:1 friendships without a sibling going into tween years? That's messed up.

I have twins so we have navigated this in an adjacent way, but I have always treated them as individuals and never assumed an invite for one was an invite for both. Again, rude.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What age?

9yo

I am beginning to think that my friends are being a little pushy since they have made it clear that their kids come as a pair or else they will be offended. It seems like that is not the norm.

Organize play dates for your child with his or her classmates. Your friends will probably be comfortable enough to bring both their kids. As other mentioned, you can’t control people’s houses so if your child goes there, there is chance siblings may be around. Also, doubt that if you invite a classmate that their parents will drop off a sibling at your house.

DC has some friends who always come over with a sibling and it bothers her that they don’t get alone time. I’ve said that if she wants to have Larla come over for a play date she should understand that Larla comes with her sibling and if DC isn’t in the mood to play with both of them she should invite a different friend over that day.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DC is an only child who would love to play one-on-one with some of their friends but it seems like other parents always expect the younger sibling to be included. We don’t mind including everyone most of the time but there also needs to be some solo time to develop a closer relationship as individuals. It’s sad when my DC expresses a desire to spend time with her peer but the little sibling always ends up dominating the whole play date and the other parents are practically offended if anyone asks to split the kids up once in a while. Is there a good way to approach this situation given the tender nerves of some parents or is this just the way it is with siblings?

It's good for your only child to experience sibling dynamics even in a second hand way. It will help develop her social skills much better than your attempts to curate inorganic 1 on 1 play. Otherwise, just make playdates with fellow onlies.

Absolutely ridiculous. Only children don’t need to experience sibling dynamics. They do need to learn social skills and can easily do that in school, social activities, extracurriculars and many other settings. But sending uninvited siblings on playdates is rude, period.

I think it depends on how close you are with the family and if you do drop off. I have one kid and a friend who has 2 kids. She drops one off at a time- one is my kids age (3) and the other is older. The older one likes to take care of/baby my kid so its kinda like she is a mother's helper despite being 6.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What age?

9yo

I am beginning to think that my friends are being a little pushy since they have made it clear that their kids come as a pair or else they will be offended. It seems like that is not the norm.

Are you and the other mom hanging out while the 9-year olds and the younger sibling play? If so, this may explain it. It's probably easier for one parent to do stuff with both kids and the other parent to have some time to take care of things at home, or maybe the other parent is working or away. That would seem reasonable to me.

If however you're inviting the 9-year old friend to be dropped off and no parent is staying to socialize, and the family is expecting to be able to drop off both kids, you just need to say no. Just say your child really wants to play with their one same-aged friend, or that the dynamic of a group of 3 isn't great (which is true), or that you have some things to do and can leave the 2 girls to their own devices but when there are siblings it makes it too hard for you to manage. Whatever the reason, just say no. You can also try to set the tone by planning things for your child and the friend out of the house, like if you were going to take DD to a movie see if she wants to bring a friend then tell the other family you have 1 extra ticket and would love to bring larla.

Anonymous wrote:If it is at my house, well, I cannot kick away my younger child to somewhere else or lock him/her in the room not to join. If it is at your house, I will only bring the invited child only. If it is outside of any home event and I need to come along, I will evaluate to see if I should bring the invited only or both depends how long, how far away, where, and what that is.

Exactly this. I try to schedule playdates when the younger kid isn't around too.

I feel you mama! I am a parent of an only and friends's siblings are annoying. When they've got an older sibling, you don't know what kind of abusive tendencies they may have, and when they're younger, they tend to get in the way of the kids getting to know each other and playing.

When I was younger, my friend's sibling poisoned me.

Parents of multiples, please schedule play dates for each of your kids so that they each have a friend to play with.

You could also plan playdates outside of the home and this won't be an issue. Especially if you pick up the other child, take the kids to lunch/ice cream and then go to your house. Not saying you should have to do this but if they are sending a sibling along on a play date like this, you need to just stop setting up plans with that family because they are clueless.

You could also say you are working while the kids are playing so need to limit the number of kids. Then they may get the hint.

My kids are both boys and close in age and when the older one has friends over, the younger one will hang out with them and they don't seem to mind. The older one is too cool to hang with the younger kids But I would never just drop both off unless specifically asked to do so. I look at it as an opportunity to spend time one on one with the other child.

No. Mine are really close in age, but play dates are generally limited to exclude siblings. Occasionally, if meeting at a playground or friend coming to our house, they’ll end up all playing together.