Anonymous wrote:My friend is dating a guy she doesn't even really like...except for the "intimacy" which she claims is mind blowing. She also says he's funny. BUT he doesn't have a job, she pays for everything (she's a single mother), and apparently he is some kind of ADHD anxious hoarder. She doesn't see or want a future with him.

BUT YET...she introduced him to her daughter (of whom she is EXTREMELY protective), her family, and lately she has been bringing him along to our outings...which are typically ladies only (like Sunday wine days). She also has brought him to my house, unexpectedly. I thought she was coming by and they both walked in; I was in pajamas.

I want to be supportive and I don't want my extremely judgemental face to ruin this. She obviously told me in confidence all the reasons she doesn't like him. But yet, now I want to scream into the abyss...LET HIM GO!
How on earth do I remain a good friend while watching her go down this path?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Advise her to drop him or get him a job and ADHD meds if she wants to keep him. May be she is lonely and overwhelmed with job, home and parenting and just wants a partner, any partner?

She has told him herself that he needs to change (help her, clean his own house, etc) and he said he not going to change. I actually give him credit for owning up to himself.

He’s not a partner to her…he’s a drag. But he’s company. He’s not even cute hahahah.

Anonymous wrote:You aren't her mother, even if you were, there isn't much you can do so hold your peace and manage your boundaries.

Anonymous wrote:Obviously she does like him. Why can’t you be friends with her bc she’s dating someone you don’t like? I think the only thing your judgy face will ruin is your friendship, but you don’t seem like you like your friend that much anyway.

Anonymous wrote:I saw a little bit of my last relationship in this post. I was dating a guy who had some issues, including inattentive ADD and some minor hoarding. In my case, I stayed in part because I'm concerned that his issues stem from grief over his mother's death. I also worried that I was an important social outlet for him and he didn't have many. Ultimately it wasn't enough and I dumped him. Your friend may have complex reasons for sticking around. She may also be codependent. Either way, if you don't want him showing up, you probably need to stop inviting her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. The whole situation makes me sick. So many red flags (he has kids who all have very serious issues). I didn’t want him in my house or to know where I lived!

That's just genetics, OP. Your friend's kid can't catch ADHD or autism! But your friend needs to be careful about any boyfriend she brings home, regarding pedophilia. It has nothing to do with the ADHD/autism thing, it's just an added worry.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. The whole situation makes me sick. So many red flags (he has kids who all have very serious issues). I didn’t want him in my house or to know where I lived!