Anonymous
Post 01/13/2026 21:40     Subject: Grandparent legal expectations in mixed culture divorce
Anonymous wrote:Does anyone know anything about the expectations of Chinese grandparents in a divorce? I am a white woman and have stumbled into a situation that I think has more cultural undertones than I realized. My STBX is 1st gen Chinese-American and his parents have become very involved in our divorce and a custody battle that DH initiated. A friend who grew up in China said that typically dads get there get custody of kids in a divorce so that’s why. Is that true? Google is giving me all sorts of answers.


AI generated

All 50 U.S. states have laws allowing grandparents to petition courts for visitation or custody if parents deny access, especially after divorce, death of a parent, or if parents are unfit, though the specific requirements and strength of these rights vary significantly by state and hinge on proving it's in the child's best interest.
Anonymous
Post 01/08/2026 13:31     Subject: Grandparent legal expectations in mixed culture divorce
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Who cares? You're in the USA, right?


I am. Just trying to understand if there is a justification for their behavior!


Because in Chinese culture males are more valuable than females. Also true in middle eastern cultures. A few years ago men in these cultures were having a difficult time finding brides because female fetuses were being aborted because all the women wanted sons.


Stop creating problems where there are not any.
Anonymous
Post 01/07/2026 14:49     Subject: Grandparent legal expectations in mixed culture divorce
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Who cares? You're in the USA, right?


I am. Just trying to understand if there is a justification for their behavior!


Because in Chinese culture males are more valuable than females. Also true in middle eastern cultures. A few years ago men in these cultures were having a difficult time finding brides because female fetuses were being aborted because all the women wanted sons.
Anonymous
Post 12/28/2025 16:16     Subject: Grandparent legal expectations in mixed culture divorce
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Do your children have Chinese passports or would your husband/his parents be able to apply for them? If so the settlement needs to specifically say he cannot do so.


China does not allow dual citizenship.
The kid can't have a Chinese passport unless born there.


Thats not clear, depending on whether OP’s husband is a citizen of the United States which she does not say.

OP discuss with your lawyer. Make it explicit that your husband and his parents may pose an international kidnapping risk.


I can see that everyone here is worried about international kidnapping which I appreciate but I want to assure you that the legal aspects of that have been dealt with, DH does not have a Chinese passport, and my attorney is in possession of the kids’ passports. In addition to that, the other country where the kids could possibly have citizenship or receive a passport has the kids on the list to block any such action. So that part is as much of a legal non-issue as it can be for now.
Anonymous
Post 12/28/2025 15:47     Subject: Grandparent legal expectations in mixed culture divorce
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Why did DH have to initiate a custody battle? You are both parents. Forcing one parent into court and spending money just to see your kids makes no sense.


Because he told me he should have and will have 100% custody.


Barring felony charges and life threatening abuse from OP - fat chance of that.


OP here. I am learning that there’s no rule saying that the motions someone files need to be grounded in reality.


True. But ridiculous motions reflect on the person who filed them.

My ex filed some absolutely crazy motions, but never had them served, so I had no idea until he started telling people (including judges) he filed for this and that. The lay people may or may not have believed him (I don’t really care), but the judge laid into him for that (this was after a long day of his shenanigans).

All of this is to say, don’t worry about what he is filing unless your lawyer tells you to worry.
Anonymous
Post 12/28/2025 15:27     Subject: Grandparent legal expectations in mixed culture divorce
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Do your children have Chinese passports or would your husband/his parents be able to apply for them? If so the settlement needs to specifically say he cannot do so.


China does not allow dual citizenship.
The kid can't have a Chinese passport unless born there.


Thats not clear, depending on whether OP’s husband is a citizen of the United States which she does not say.

OP discuss with your lawyer. Make it explicit that your husband and his parents may pose an international kidnapping risk.
Anonymous
Post 12/28/2025 15:11     Subject: Grandparent legal expectations in mixed culture divorce
The grandparents legal expectations should align with the the legal structure of country in which they reside.
Sorry, but this is not China.
Anonymous
Post 12/28/2025 14:11     Subject: Grandparent legal expectations in mixed culture divorce
Anonymous wrote:This is also how it works in my husband’s non-Chinese Asian culture. The wife moves into the husband’s home and the children are the property of his family. My in-laws hit the ceiling the first time I took the kids for an extended visit to my family out of state. Luckily my husband agrees this is crazy.


OP and this anecdote explains a lot, actually. We don’t live with or anywhere near my ILs, but they’ve always had strong unarticulated feelings about what I’m doing solo with the kids. They wouldn’t leave me alone with them after their births when they came to visit and would try to take them from me, and when I take them on trips for sports tournaments or to see friends who have moved away, my MIL gets very judgey. I thought she was judging my baby care, socializing, and the sports they do, but now I wonder if it was closer to what you’re describing.
Anonymous
Post 12/28/2025 14:03     Subject: Grandparent legal expectations in mixed culture divorce
This is also how it works in my husband’s non-Chinese Asian culture. The wife moves into the husband’s home and the children are the property of his family. My in-laws hit the ceiling the first time I took the kids for an extended visit to my family out of state. Luckily my husband agrees this is crazy.
Anonymous
Post 12/28/2025 13:58     Subject: Grandparent legal expectations in mixed culture divorce
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:In China, children are treated as chattal. As they are considered a source of retirement income, children have traditionally been fought over as an asset belonging to only one divorcing parent. That's why boys are so valued - they stay with the natal family and bring in a bride whereas a daughter is simply going to marry out one day so is a waste of an investment.

Anyway, you are in the States and here the priority is what is in the best interest of the children. The Chinese grandparents probably don't understand that. Most Chinese immigrants still think the world operates like China does.
Don't let them take the kid to China. There are stories where the child is kept there and it's almost impossible to repatriate them.
Otherwise, you will be fine. However, the half Chinese child - well, if he's a boy he will enter his teens with questions about his masculinity and value in the sexual marketplace. Asian men are amongst the lowest tier in dating apps. But maybe not. I know a half Japanese boy who was chased by lots of girls in high school and as a college freshman his high school girlfriend who attends another college races to visit him every single weekend. So what I am saying is that if you have a Wasian son, a relationship with the Asian parent might be good, might be not so good because of this. Adolescence can be a tough period when it comes to this topic.


This is the weirdest take??


OP and I actually understood where this PP was coming from even if it was kind of rambling. My STBX brought a lot of the negative baggage alluded to in this post to our relationship.