Anonymous
12/28/2025 09:19
Subject: If you spend $200 per kid or do want-need-wear- read or something
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Christmas isn’t the be all end all in our house. If anything birthday’s are more important as they are more personal. Our goal is to teach our kids to be appreciative generally so it doesn’t matter if they are getting things randomly throughout the year when needed or wanted or if they are getting them for a special occasion.
We review what’s needed or wanted and then make a determination when/if to get it and when to give.
The bolded. My kids would be considered spoiled because they get pretty much what they want when they want. But they aren't "spoiled" because they are very appreciative, and very kind. They also are pretty disinterested in name brand things. Thank goodness. They are not superficial. Treats my DD likes are thrifting in a new city.
People consider kids who get “what they want when they want” to be spoiled, even if they are appreciative and kind about what they get. I have to wonder how character is built if they always just get what they want easily and don’t have to work for it.
Anonymous
12/28/2025 08:50
Subject: If you spend $200 per kid or do want-need-wear- read or something
Anonymous wrote:Agreeing with the PPs that a lot of stuff is brought as-needed with the seasons, activities, etc vs Xmas. But don't care how others do it.
Who exactly is "judging" though - what are you saying to them? Are you posting all of this on social media?
Yes. OP needs her head checked
Anonymous
12/28/2025 08:46
Subject: If you spend $200 per kid or do want-need-wear- read or something
Anonymous wrote:Christmas isn’t the be all end all in our house. If anything birthday’s are more important as they are more personal. Our goal is to teach our kids to be appreciative generally so it doesn’t matter if they are getting things randomly throughout the year when needed or wanted or if they are getting them for a special occasion.
We review what’s needed or wanted and then make a determination when/if to get it and when to give.
The bolded. My kids would be considered spoiled because they get pretty much what they want when they want. But they aren't "spoiled" because they are very appreciative, and very kind. They also are pretty disinterested in name brand things. Thank goodness. They are not superficial. Treats my DD likes are thrifting in a new city.
Anonymous
12/28/2025 08:27
Subject: If you spend $200 per kid or do want-need-wear- read or something
We did 4 presents per kid but stuff like sports equipment is always around their birthday since my kids’ birthdays line up with the start of the main sports they play.
Anonymous
12/28/2025 08:24
Subject: If you spend $200 per kid or do want-need-wear- read or something
Agreeing with the PPs that a lot of stuff is brought as-needed with the seasons, activities, etc vs Xmas. But don't care how others do it.
Who exactly is "judging" though - what are you saying to them? Are you posting all of this on social media?
Who exactly is "judging" though - what are you saying to them? Are you posting all of this on social media?
Anonymous
12/28/2025 07:57
Subject: If you spend $200 per kid or do want-need-wear- read or something
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:But your kids have more stuff and more expensive stuff than mine, where does the stuff come from?
I feel like we spend a lot of money on Christmas. This is my oldest’s last Christmas before college so he got a laptop, and XL sheets. My next kid has reached a point where he can no longer wear hand me downs from his brother so he needed a bunch of new sports gear to replace stuff that didn’t fit. One kid needed a new bike. Plus I got some stocking stuffers like paperback books and funny t shirts, chocolate Santa. I buy 2nd hand when possible, and we do hand me downs when possible, but it’s still expensive!
I know several people IRL, and I see people here all the time who boast that they only get 4 presents or they spend $100 a kid. But it seems like their kids have all the equipment that mine do, often newer and better brands. So, when do they get it?
Many of the items you’ve described are needs not wants. A laptop (that I’m assuming will be used for school purposes) is a need, so I won’t wait till Christmas to get that. In fact, I don’t even consider it a gift. If they need a new laptop for gaming, thats very different. That’s a want, not a need, and that would be a gift.
Most Clothes are a need as well. Fancy clothes are a want , so if my kid outgrew their sweatpants, I’ll buy them a $20 one. If they really want a fancy pair worth $75, that’s a want and I’ll wait for Christmas or a birthday to get that for them, or they’ll have to work for it to pay the difference.
The laptop and sheets aren't things we waited until Christmas for, because he doesn't need them now, so we weren't waiting. He has a school issued laptop that we'll return when he graduates, and access to a shared family laptop. He has sheets and other bedding the size of his bed at home, but he doesn't have XL twin sheets which is what he'll need in college. So, we got them early, not late.
Anonymous
12/28/2025 07:31
Subject: If you spend $200 per kid or do want-need-wear- read or something
Anonymous wrote:But your kids have more stuff and more expensive stuff than mine, where does the stuff come from?
I feel like we spend a lot of money on Christmas. This is my oldest’s last Christmas before college so he got a laptop, and XL sheets. My next kid has reached a point where he can no longer wear hand me downs from his brother so he needed a bunch of new sports gear to replace stuff that didn’t fit. One kid needed a new bike. Plus I got some stocking stuffers like paperback books and funny t shirts, chocolate Santa. I buy 2nd hand when possible, and we do hand me downs when possible, but it’s still expensive!
I know several people IRL, and I see people here all the time who boast that they only get 4 presents or they spend $100 a kid. But it seems like their kids have all the equipment that mine do, often newer and better brands. So, when do they get it?
Many of the items you’ve described are needs not wants. A laptop (that I’m assuming will be used for school purposes) is a need, so I won’t wait till Christmas to get that. In fact, I don’t even consider it a gift. If they need a new laptop for gaming, thats very different. That’s a want, not a need, and that would be a gift.
Most Clothes are a need as well. Fancy clothes are a want , so if my kid outgrew their sweatpants, I’ll buy them a $20 one. If they really want a fancy pair worth $75, that’s a want and I’ll wait for Christmas or a birthday to get that for them, or they’ll have to work for it to pay the difference.
Anonymous
12/28/2025 04:56
Subject: If you spend $200 per kid or do want-need-wear- read or something
Christmas isn’t the be all end all in our house. If anything birthday’s are more important as they are more personal. Our goal is to teach our kids to be appreciative generally so it doesn’t matter if they are getting things randomly throughout the year when needed or wanted or if they are getting them for a special occasion.
We review what’s needed or wanted and then make a determination when/if to get it and when to give.
We review what’s needed or wanted and then make a determination when/if to get it and when to give.
Anonymous
12/27/2025 13:43
Subject: If you spend $200 per kid or do want-need-wear- read or something
Anonymous wrote:I don't use Christmas as budgeting. I want kids who are old enough to have a budget to manage, even if it’s big. I never want the answer to be “maybe for Christmas” or “combined Christmas and Birthday” because I think that just becomes a way to avoid honest budgeting.
But OP, I would never say something judgmental about you doing it differently.
OP here,
Can you tell me more? I'm not totally sure I understand what you mean. How is it dishonest budgeting to use Christmas as a way to give your kids things.
My kids totally get that Christmas is part of the budget. They understand that we are in a position to provide everything they need, and some luxuries, but that the luxuries aren't unlimited. One of my kids, one of the luxuries we provide him is that he plays high school lacrosse in the spring. He's grown about 6 inches since he last played, so nothing fits, and he's the tallest lacrosse player in the family so there are no hand me downs. So, his big Christmas present is a budget to spend on lacrosse gear. He'll probably look for some used gear, and some new gear, and save some to replace cleats midseason if his feet keep growing.
I'm missing how that's dishonest.
Anonymous
12/27/2025 11:04
Subject: If you spend $200 per kid or do want-need-wear- read or something
Anonymous wrote:My kids get basic needs throughout the year, like clothes and sneakers and sports gear, as they outgrow things. Christmas is for fun extras like a special soccer jersey, a nice sweater, books, board games, fitness accessories, a box of their favorite snacks. We don’t have any living grandparents or nearby family, so I tend to buy more smaller items to stay within budget and have something for them to unwrap on Christmas morning. Luckily, they never ask for anything expensive.
I agree with this. There are some "needs" that can also be a want, like the nicer sports gear or an extra pair of cleats, which I would do as gifts. My son plays hockey and got nice socks and pucks under the tree; he already has socks and pucks but these were fancier and fun, and he will use them.
I stopped wrapping everything like I did when they were little. I used to like the huge pile of stuff to open but now I'd rather they see what is purchased throughout the yeae as a need and that getting a few gifts you like is better than a huge pile just because.
There isnt a right answer here, and it can change based on your family structure and situation year to year.
Anonymous
12/27/2025 10:29
Subject: If you spend $200 per kid or do want-need-wear- read or something
Anonymous wrote:I think people who claim to spend so little on christmas have younger kids or they just buy their kids what they need through out the year so they dont need to go overboard at christmas.
I find they are usually wealthy which means they are getting big gifts all throughout the year anyway.
Anonymous
12/27/2025 10:24
Subject: If you spend $200 per kid or do want-need-wear- read or something
My kids get basic needs throughout the year, like clothes and sneakers and sports gear, as they outgrow things. Christmas is for fun extras like a special soccer jersey, a nice sweater, books, board games, fitness accessories, a box of their favorite snacks. We don’t have any living grandparents or nearby family, so I tend to buy more smaller items to stay within budget and have something for them to unwrap on Christmas morning. Luckily, they never ask for anything expensive.
Anonymous
12/27/2025 09:49
Subject: If you spend $200 per kid or do want-need-wear- read or something
Anonymous wrote:We don't give "gear" for Christmas. If my kid needs a new bat, its part of the cost of playing the sport.
My teen’s idea of what is a need for a new bat (or hockey stick or whatever) is different than what I think of is a need. I’ll have a price point in mind and he’ll want the $250 (on sale) bat or stick. If that’s the case, the more expensive one will be given as a Christmas or birthday present. Either bought early when a stick breaks and is needed for play (then wrapped up for Christmas) or a picture is wrapped up and the item is purchased closer to the start of the season (baseball).
I do think many of the people who give only a want/need/read gift buy a lot more throughout the year than I do. Or they don’t mention they have generous grandparents who buy a lot of Christmas presents. I do what works best for our family and budget and not worry about others.
Anonymous
12/27/2025 08:39
Subject: If you spend $200 per kid or do want-need-wear- read or something
We also do not give practical kid or teen gifts, so the stuff my DD ends up getting is kind of frivolous unless it is something she needs, but is more expensive than what we would normally spend. In our house sheets and broken bikes would get replaced as needed. A laptop for school would also be considered a practical item unless it were a higher end model than needed. That's why we don't spend much on gifts. But you should just do what works for your family. Everyone's finances are completely different.
Anonymous
12/27/2025 08:28
Subject: If you spend $200 per kid or do want-need-wear- read or something
Anonymous wrote:We only do "wants" not "needs" at Christmas and we go a little crazy. I love Christmas and this is also how my parents did Christmas. Needs for sports, clothing, school related things are purchased throughout the year. Neither grandparents are alive and we don't have extended family in the area, so it is just us. I wish it wasn't!
Same here- and I have an only child who very rarely asks for wants during the year. Things are usually tight financially despite both parents working full time and not taking expensive trips/buying designer things all the time, we both drive reasonable cars. We use our Christmas bonuses to top off gifts for DD.