Anonymous wrote:OP here. The screens in the morning started as a way to keep my 4 year old contained. He’s a swirly madman. He wakes up going 1,000,000 miles an hour and he always needs a ton of things. It was a way to contain his tornado while the rest of us got ready.

But now the older boys sit down and watch TV with him without getting ready so it’s just become a bit of a mess.

There are three of you - or at the very least two of you - who can be with the 4 year old. Switch off and make sure one person is with four year old all the time to address his needs.

OP here. The screens in the morning started as a way to keep my 4 year old contained. He’s a swirly madman. He wakes up going 1,000,000 miles an hour and he always needs a ton of things. It was a way to contain his tornado while the rest of us got ready.

But now the older boys sit down and watch TV with him without getting ready so it’s just become a bit of a mess.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Good ideas.

I like the idea of data tracking. I also need to be up much earlier.

If they don’t do screens, everyone fusses. They are not easy kids especially in the morning. If they sit at the table and eat breakfast, without me there (I’m getting ready) they’ll fight.

I let them watch tv while I’m getting ready.

I think I need to get up earlier and then be able to monitor from 6:45-7:15 and move everyone along. It’s a big anxious, adhd mess.

Yes, get up earlier and shower. If you can quickly change or do makeup, you can leave that for when the kids are changing. Or just bite the bullet and get completely ready before they get up.

Anonymous wrote:No screens whatsoever in the mornings. And yes I would get up, showered, dogs out and fed, before waking children.
Get as much done the night before as u can. Clothes out on dresser, kitchen rustier and ready to go, lunchboxes packed if they take lunch. Shoes by the door. Toothbrush/toothpaste in kitchen to save wasted time going back upstairs.

+1 You get organized for the morning after their bedtime, and nobody turns on a TV in the morning!

I think it sends a good message to kids when you are already dressed and showered when they get up.

It communicates to them that you have been up and getting yourself ready, which sets the right tone for them. There are a lot of silent signals like this for your kids. It's the same reason it's better to sit down and eat with them, it helps them stay on task while eating and understand how meals work, without having to explain anything.

Also: screens in the AM will always make this harder. You think it's helping now but it's a stop gap that becomes a dependency and will only make things worse in the long run. I would suffer the short term consequences of taking screens away now, to get the long term benefit of easier mornings. I promise, OP, it will be worth the effort. I went through this with my oldest, just with screens in general, and shifting a a low screen home environment made life a million times better. Screens are crummy childminders. Resist!

I actually can’t believe you get ready while they’re getting ready for school. My hair would be on absolute fire lol because they would do nothing without supervision. I get fully ready and even try to set out breakfast/snacks/waterbottles for backpacks before they even get up. and they pick out clothes the night before.

I got my 8 year old an alarm clock and that’s worked really well to get himself up and started. I still have to remind him to run back up and brush his teeth or grab socks sometimes. My 6 year old I have to wake up and it’s hands on as she has anxiety and inattentive adhd. All sorts of cajoling to get dressed, eat breakfast, brush teeth, etc.

I also got a visual timer and I set it to now 15 min before the bus comes to pack up backpacks and get winter stuff on. We have a checklist of stuff for packing backpack that I make them look at every morning. We also make them unpack although this is a struggle and it’s a lottery of what winter wear will come home today.

Meanwhile I have a neighbor whose 8 and 10 year old girls regularly get themselves out the door by themselves entirely.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Good ideas.

I like the idea of data tracking. I also need to be up much earlier.

If they don’t do screens, everyone fusses. They are not easy kids especially in the morning. If they sit at the table and eat breakfast, without me there (I’m getting ready) they’ll fight. I let them watch tv while I’m getting ready.

I think I need to get up earlier and then be able to monitor from 6:45-7:15 and move everyone along. It’s a big anxious, adhd mess.

You get dressed when they're getting dressed. Lay out your clothes the night before. No screens in the morning. Tell them now starting in the new year, no screens. No bickering in the mornings - if everyone gets along they get a sticker, five stickers at the end of the week and they get a fun dessert or to pick what's for dinner or something.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Good ideas.

I like the idea of data tracking. I also need to be up much earlier.

If they don’t do screens, everyone fusses. They are not easy kids especially in the morning. If they sit at the table and eat breakfast, without me there (I’m getting ready) they’ll fight.

I let them watch tv while I’m getting ready.

I think I need to get up earlier and then be able to monitor from 6:45-7:15 and move everyone along. It’s a big anxious, adhd mess.

Bad plan. You need to be ready before them- then you assist with them at breakfast and cleaning up. Zero reason for screens. They shouldn’t have enough spare time to be fighting and the older ones should know better

OP here. Good ideas.

I like the idea of data tracking. I also need to be up much earlier.

If they don’t do screens, everyone fusses. They are not easy kids especially in the morning. If they sit at the table and eat breakfast, without me there (I’m getting ready) they’ll fight.

I let them watch tv while I’m getting ready.

I think I need to get up earlier and then be able to monitor from 6:45-7:15 and move everyone along. It’s a big anxious, adhd mess.

No screens before school.

We don't allow this and mornings are pretty smooth. Try this one change and see what happens.

My kids end up reading in the morning when they have extra time, and it's super easy for them to stop when it's time to go.

Anonymous wrote:No screens whatsoever in the mornings. And yes I would get up, showered, dogs out and fed, before waking children.
Get as much done the night before as u can. Clothes out on dresser, kitchen rustier and ready to go, lunchboxes packed if they take lunch. Shoes by the door. Toothbrush/toothpaste in kitchen to save wasted time going back upstairs.

Yes this. Get mostly ready before they wake up. Have bags, lunches done already. Find shoes before bed and put them by backpacks. Toothbrushes/hairbrushes are in our kitchen powder room so no one goes back up. As each kid comes down I check they have what they need (sweatshirt ON and socks ON) so no one has to go back up stairs. If something needs to be fetched, I've found it's easiest if I fetch it because they tend to dig and drag it out.

In our house, kids are up at 6:30 and we are out the door by 7:15. We've been doing this for years so they are pretty used to it.

4 year olds are tough though too. So if it's not great, that's probably why! I remember feeling like it got SO MUCH easier once my youngest was in 1st grade and really understood the drill.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have the 4 year old wear what they are going to wear to school to bed. We had to do that for my DS bc he was just so slow in the morning.

This is a terrible suggestion. Stop making your kid lazy. It takes a couple minutes to put on clothes in the morning.

Agree that's a bad suggestion. Give the four year old two weather-appropriate options to choose from, and tell them to get dressed.

Did OP come back to clarify exactly what's happening or what she thinks the problems are? Here's what I see based on guessing:

It seems like no matter what, we are rushing.
- Really rushing, or do things feel frenzied and stressed?

If I wake them up early, then it seems like there’s more time for them to make a big breakfast mess, start a game that I have to pull them away from, or settle into an activity that I have to pull them away from even if it’s a TV show. - These are easy fixes. Breakfast mess gets cleaned up by the 10 and 9 year olds. 4 year old must be supervised by you to eat. ideally you all eat together, or you at least sit down with them with coffee. No TV, no games, nothing before school. The older ones can read or study.

And no matter what, it seems like it takes the four-year-old about 15 or 20 minutes to get out the door. - Yes, I think this is just the reality. Hopefully the 9 and 10 year olds can help a bit - help get coat on, tie shoes, etc.

I would love to know how people do it. Do you have rewards? Consequences? Do you wake up at 5 AM and get yourself fully ready so by the time the kids get up at 6:30 you can just focus on them? My nervous system can’t take it anymore. I feel like I’m just yelling at everyone for a solid hour. Do you have checklists? If they all need the same items, have a single checklist by the door. They should be able to check themselves. If you add pictures to each item, 4 year old may be able to do some of it himself. Mine is 9 and I still have a checklist. Heck you can also print and put up a checklist in the bathroom to remind them of what needs to be done in what order (Make bed, get dressed, eat breakfast, brush teeth, laundry in hamper, turn off all lightsm head downstairs to pack backpacks).