Well! Thanks (I think) for the diversity of replies here!!

Not what I expected. And also I didn’t expect
To start such a big argument. We are going to go ahead and welcome him in; but of course he stays in the guest bedroom in our house

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are real jerks.

This.

He’s probably the “wrong” something (color, race, religion, or social class). Otherwise, OP would be humble bragging about how her DD is bringing a bf home for the holidays.

No, this OP would be bragging about how her DD is "planning to bring a bf with her to visit" for the holidays.

Anonymous wrote:You are real jerks.

This.

He’s probably the “wrong” something (color, race, religion, or social class). Otherwise, OP would be humble bragging about how her DD is bringing a bf home for the holidays.

It is interesting to me that you describe your college-aged child as "planning to come visit for the holidays." Many of us would say "planning to come home for the holidays."

If you see her as an autonomous adult who "visits" you, then I'm not sure you really have the right to decide and weigh in that this is "a bit sudden and everything."

Do you want a close relationship with her, or do you want to be more like distant relatives who share a common past and harbor vague friendly feelings toward each other? You don't sound very welcoming or loving as a parent.

Anonymous wrote:I would throw open the doors and roll out the red carpet for him.

But he sleeps in the guest room.

This is what I would do. And maybe he has no place else to go.

Ok so your house your rules. AND. Do you want a relationship with your adult kid where they make an effort to see you and include you? If yes, start here. This person is clearly special to her. Welcome him warmly. They are adults who have clearly been together awhile let them sleep where they want.

Anonymous wrote:I would throw open the doors and roll out the red carpet for him.

But he sleeps in the guest room.

This

Anonymous wrote:Seems rather presumptuous on her part. Sounds like she’s testing you. Also, if the boyfriend is any kind of man, he’d offer to stay in a hotel.

But, your house, your rules.

What??

This is just insane who thinks like this?

Anonymous wrote:- she informered us she plans to bring along her boyfriend, and to stay at our house!

This is her 1st BF in college; we met the young man on a campus visit earlier this year. He seems nice, but all of this seems a bit sudden and everything. She’s only been dating him since (we believe) this year, though I suspect they may have began dating at the end of last school year in college.

Should we discourage this? Not sure how to navigate this. She’s come home every other year for the holidays (without a bf !), and not this, during her senior year. What would you do?

You are insane what’s wrong with you of course they come to you and you welcome him get to know him

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. My policy is a significant other is to be treated very well and welcomed. You never know who is going to be "the one". I brought my dh home fairly fast, in college. Married 22 years.

+1

10 years ago, our son brought home his girlfriend, who he had started dating first semester freshman year. They are getting engaged this Christmas.

If they know they're getting engaged, they're already engaged. Congrats!

Anonymous wrote:No. My policy is a significant other is to be treated very well and welcomed. You never know who is going to be "the one". I brought my dh home fairly fast, in college. Married 22 years.

+1

10 years ago, our son brought home his girlfriend, who he had started dating first semester freshman year. They are getting engaged this Christmas.

Lol the prudish boomers are clutching their pearls. News alert!! They are having sex while at college!! They can sleep in the same room if you are okay with that op. Welcome him be gracious, kind. You never know if this goes the distance. If there are house rules that are important to you make it known up front - staying out until wee hours? using family car? Pitching in with loading the dishwasher? Help cooking a meal? Shoes off in the house? Grabbing food out of the fridge? Everyone has a trigger or two - What are yours op? It’s a few weeks I assume, so not just 3 days, so be up front regarding expected behavior and you’ll get on swimmingly. I’d be happy that my DC wants their SO to spend time with the family.

She’s a senior so 22ish? I would welcome him assuming it’s not for like a whole month.
She should have asked , not have told you, but if you want her to come and you want to maintain a relationship you welcome them both
And you don’t major them sleep in separate rooms. Good grief. They’re both consenting adults.

Doesn’t he have a family? Are we talking Christmas Day itself?

My husband and I went to each others homes in college for holidays. Thanksgiving was the first time I’d met them actually. Luckily they were more welcoming than you. We did have to sleep in separate rooms.

You never know when your kid will meet their spouse!