Anonymous wrote:My mom is wired to say things about how far you've come without sensitivity for time/place. She is so sincere in her intent but ive seen people (and have been hurt) by it. Imagine on graduation day when you are proud and happy, her sharing a painful and private moment. "Remember when you were going to drop out freshman year!! You did it! Cheers to the graduate!"


No everyone there knows this history. Say what you want to directly, but up there focus on your admiration for him, not the circumstances.

Anonymous wrote:Im giving a speech at my cousin's (massive) wedding soon. He grew up with a dead beat dad that left very early and never had any custody or paid child support, just randomly dropped in to manipulate and restir up abandonment trauma for the kids every so often.

My cousin put himself in therapy at 18, just made partner at his firm, is the BEST dad who constantly researches parenting and studies and learned to be emotionally available and Im just so insanely proud of him from where he came from.

Can I say something like "it has been an honor watching you grow into the person you needed" or "what a feat to put in 20 years of self work to make yourself the person your kid and wife deserve"

The deadbeat dad will be at the wedding.

Anonymous wrote:Not the time/place. Keep it positive with digs at other people's expense, no matter how much they deserve it

Anonymous wrote:1) I recently had the awful honor of speaking at a funeral for someone who put in decades of hard work in therapy. I wanted to honor their dedication to healing without embarrassing the family. I left out the particulars and spoke just about how they always looked for the light and were a marvelous parent.
2) My mom has ruined every happy occasion in my adulthood by reminding me and anyone in attendance of the horrors of my childhood. I would not want that as part of a wedding speech.

Anonymous wrote:You could say “It’s been an honor watching you grow into the amazing person you have become,” but I wouldn’t reference getting help.

Anonymous wrote:Im giving a speech at my cousin's (massive) wedding soon. He grew up with a dead beat dad that left very early and never had any custody or paid child support, just randomly dropped in to manipulate and restir up abandonment trauma for the kids every so often.

My cousin put himself in therapy at 18, just made partner at his firm, is the BEST dad who constantly researches parenting and studies and learned to be emotionally available and Im just so insanely proud of him from where he came from.

Can I say something like "it has been an honor watching you grow into the person you needed" or "what a feat to put in 20 years of self work to make yourself the person your kid and wife deserve"

The deadbeat dad will be at the wedding.

Anonymous wrote:Say as little as possible then sit your a$$ right back down. Nobody wants to listen to a bunch of speeches, especially from a cousin.