Anonymous wrote:I think you are asking the wrong questions -- "does she like me? Are we friends?"

The right question is, "do I like spending time with someone who cuts me down?"

It really doesn't matter why she does it or why it offends you or whether you are "too sensitive".

BTW, friends are people you enjoy spending time with, who support you, are comfortable with differences and are kind. Sometimes friends make mistakes and say something hurtful, but that should be a rare occurrence, and there is usually some kind of recognition and repair .

+1
If someone seems uncomfortable around you to the point they continuously make digs and insults, and you feel discomfort around them because you're a kinder more respectful person, you will both be more at peace without each other. Even if at first it seems like you lost friends and feel lonely, respecting yourself by gravitating towards the kinder types you vibe with will bring more peace in the long run.

Anonymous wrote:“ She kept saying over and over again "are you poor? Are you poor? Is that why you don't have any stuff?"

(She was pretty tipsy at the time.)

I might say something like this, in gest. I laugh a lot throughout the day. It’s not for everyone.

If you actually do this in jest and without underlying malice, I suggest that your takeaway from this thread should be that it's time to stop.

OP I had several "friends" like this.

Look up the term "relational aggression" -- this falls in that category. It's something kids do, especially girls (because it's the only form of aggression that is condoned for girls) but many women never outgrew it.

The fact that the other woman said nothing about the behavior is problematic -- the only way to get someone to stop this behavior is if it becomes a liability for her. If other friends are okay with it or do it themselves, she's getting what she wants from it.

I removed myself from a friend group where this behavior was happening, it was the only way.

Oh, wow. Jane is a b****. Shun.

Anonymous wrote:“ She kept saying over and over again "are you poor? Are you poor? Is that why you don't have any stuff?"

(She was pretty tipsy at the time.)

I might say something like this, in gest. I laugh a lot throughout the day. It’s not for everyone.

People who make jokes like this are often testing to see if they can get away with meanness. If people take offense, they say "it was a joke!"

Donald Trump makes jokes like this often. It's a way for him to say mean, cruel things, to attack his critics or the press without being held accountable for the things he says. Or to test drive horrible policies without being blamed if it's obviously awful. Then his minions get up on TV and roll their eyes and say "omg you people have no sense of humor."

It's a bullying tactic.

This interaction happened a few months ago??

But touché!

Anonymous wrote:

I might say something like this, in gest. I laugh a lot throughout the day. It’s not for everyone.

Do you notice that no one laughs with you?

OMG! All the time! It’s about , i don’t know, 50 percent time that I make my kids laugh. Most of the time it’s a half smile or an eye roll!

This give me narcissistic vibes. Not for that one time, but for all the others. She waited until she had an audience that she could sway to make you look inferior. All I can say is beware. In vino veritas.

The answer to are you poor is ALWAYS yes. Followed by a request for money and diamonds from the rich

Anonymous wrote:She is obnoxious and I would limit my time with her accordingly. Is there also a possibility she is an alcoholic?

Also, you could have actually said “Jane, what on earth is wrong with you? Of course I’m not poor. Stop going through my cabinets.”

Great response. Say something like this every single time she says something obnoxious. Also get new friends.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I might say something like this, in gest. I laugh a lot throughout the day. It’s not for everyone.

Do you notice that no one laughs with you?

Do you notice that no one likes you? That's got to be the case, as evidenced by your nasty desperate need to go after PP. NP

Not at all. Anyone relating to OP's anecdote of a drunk friend going through her cabinets and asking "are you poor??", and actually *self-identifying* with that behavior is an adult who never realized what a joke is. If no one around you is laughing, it's not funny. My middle schooler even knows this. Adults who never figure this out are the worst.

I agree - - this person, drunk being no excuse - - was indeed VERY rude to say what she did.

I personally would not invite her into my home again.
In fact, I would stop socializing w/her altogether. 😠

I don’t think she dislikes you. She sounds rude and low class.

Anonymous wrote:

I might say something like this, in gest. I laugh a lot throughout the day. It’s not for everyone.

Do you notice that no one laughs with you?

Do you notice that no one likes you? That's got to be the case, as evidenced by your nasty desperate need to go after PP. NP