Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Become a teacher.

Worse advice ever! Lol

Guess you haven't heard about the droves of teachers who are leaving the profession because it’s so awful?

The pay sucks, but the hours are good. Lots of days off, and low accountability.

Works for me.

Clearly you haven’t taught. I’m always working. Every night is spent planning for the next day. Every weekend is spent grading.

Low accountability? My plans have to be approved every week. I am held accountable to 7 different administrators and 300 parents/guardians.

Plus, the OP said she’s already burned out. How does teaching help that?

Anonymous wrote:I would never not work FT. A man is not a plan so unless you have your own trust fund, you need to make your own money.

IDK, a man is a plan if you are the type of person who would make it a plan, which means looking for specific qualities and ditching mercilessly those who don't meet them. Which also includes divorce and moving on to the next husband. There are women who are incredibly skilled in executing this "man is the plan" plan. I know a couple of them. One of them was also ruthless when it came to her career, but would never date anyone who wouldn't bring financial value beyond her own to the table. Perhaps for her it was "the man is the backup plan"

We are in a similar situation except it is Dh who is unemployed. You have more retirement/college savings. My kids are 5th and 9th. We are thinking he will look for PT work although I wonder how hard it is to find PT. It's great to have him available for the kids

I would never not work FT. A man is not a plan so unless you have your own trust fund, you need to make your own money.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your spouse is willing to bankroll the family from now on, then it sounds like you can afford to retire. I would recommend doing extra around the house and with the kids so your spouse values your role as a stay-at-home spouse. Most people who resent their unemployed partner feel they are being taken advantage of in some way, so if you make your spouse feel that you are taking extra care at home and with the kids, then it's a win for them too.

I agree. My kids became super-achievers at school once I became a SAHM and their journey from K-12 to college to work was super smooth. My DH takes a lot of pride in how our kids are thriving and how well-adjusted they are. My staying home was a huge win for our family and I took away a lot of things from my DH's plate. He encouraged me to also outsource what I could outsource.

Sounds completely made-up. And I stay home too, with a high achieving kid. She'd have done well in school no matter what, can't take any credit.

I believe that. I have one kid who will succeed in life, almost regardless of any parenting. She taught herself math through pre-algebra in early elementary school by reading the Beast Academy comic books that I had lying around for her older sibling. I think she would succeed in almost any circumstances. My other kid needs support, and that support takes time to give and manage. I suppose if your only kid is like my high achiever, your job is easy!

Anonymous wrote:I get it. I’m 48, my DH makes slightly more and we have a kid already though college and another heading off next fall. but we don’t have a mortgage on our primary home, but do carry mortgages on rentals that we’ve never had issues renting but mortgage totals 10k/mo. However I also make around 300k. I still work and simply can’t give up that much money. At this point our financial goals have shifted to creating wealth for our kids and I can’t help but see how life changing that will be for them. Personally my goal is to make it to 55 in the workforce, but it’s a SLOG. I hate working. I’ve always hated working. At this point in time my career goals amount to nothing more than wanting to be a professional dog walker. I’m in Tech and it’s so F’ing boring, soulless, and fake. Im just thankful that i work from home so i don’t have to be nauseated by these people in person.

Ugh, I feel you, I am the previous poster who lost her job at 46. Is there a certain NW you would feel comfortable retiring earlier than 55?

I get it. I’m 48, my DH makes slightly more and we have a kid already though college and another heading off next fall. but we don’t have a mortgage on our primary home, but do carry mortgages on rentals that we’ve never had issues renting but mortgage totals 10k/mo. However I also make around 300k. I still work and simply can’t give up that much money. At this point our financial goals have shifted to creating wealth for our kids and I can’t help but see how life changing that will be for them. Personally my goal is to make it to 55 in the workforce, but it’s a SLOG. I hate working. I’ve always hated working. At this point in time my career goals amount to nothing more than wanting to be a professional dog walker. I’m in Tech and it’s so F’ing boring, soulless, and fake. Im just thankful that i work from home so i don’t have to be nauseated by these people in person.

Anonymous wrote:OP. Thank you all for your kind and thoughtful responses. As some said, this has been a very stressful year and I feel like I need some time to catch my breath. And I will only have kids at home for 7 years, so if I have the chance, I’m tempted to get more time with them. On the other hand, as PPs noted, it will be very hard to get back into the job market as I get older.

So, no clarity yet, but you all have given me a lot to think about, thanks! And today’s decision doesn’t have to be a forever decision.

Enjoy the time with your family/kids. You are correct, you cannot get that time back. But if you ever think you might want to jump back into the workforce in the future, then I'd highly recommend working PT/contracting/etc so you are more readily hirable should you want/need to.

OP. Thank you all for your kind and thoughtful responses. As some said, this has been a very stressful year and I feel like I need some time to catch my breath. And I will only have kids at home for 7 years, so if I have the chance, I’m tempted to get more time with them. On the other hand, as PPs noted, it will be very hard to get back into the job market as I get older.

So, no clarity yet, but you all have given me a lot to think about, thanks! And today’s decision doesn’t have to be a forever decision.

I have stayed home for a long time now and it’s easy now as my husband makes a ton. It is absolutely been great for the family, and especially my husband. He’s able to maintain pretty singular focus because I do (or hire out) everything at home. He shows up when I need him or when the kids have special things going on.
I think there were also benefits for my kids, in terms of stability and flexibility. (But those are deal breakers). The benefits for me have mainly been that I have time to spend with my kids and I can exercise as much as I want to. (Which I was terrible at when I worked full time).

But even though I now work part time, I won’t lie there were some times that I was really bored. Everyone is different, but it’s not as mentally fulfilling as full time work was for me.

In your case I would take time to try volunteering roles and to look for the perfect part time role. No need to rush. I wouldn’t feel guilty if you don’t go back full time. I make my husband’s life so much easier

Part-time for you OP. I work 4 hours a day only during the school year, and it is perfect . My husband makes around $350k, so not a huge amount for this area, but we do fine on that with three kids. The extra money I make (which is only about $40k) we put half into savings and half for summer vacation. I’m glad I have a job and I’m not just a mom, but also grateful I’m home to be with my kids after school and do household stuff. I’ve been doing this for 4 years, and so far so good.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Become a teacher.

Worse advice ever! Lol

Guess you haven't heard about the droves of teachers who are leaving the profession because it’s so awful?

The pay sucks, but the hours are good. Lots of days off, and low accountability.

Works for me.

Anonymous wrote:I’m similar in age. Just going to be honest—if you stop working now it’s going to be hard if not impossible to get hired in your fifties.

I think you can take 6 mos/a year, but if you’re not ready to retire for good, you should aim to get well back into it before 50. In your shoes I would not feel financially comfortable retiring yet. You have good assets but not enough for a comfortable 45/50-year retirement, if something happens to dh’s job or his health.

+1

I am in a very similar, though financially better position. I also just got laid off and I am 46, DH is 50. We have $5M earmarked for retirement across various accounts, and 350K mortgage remaining on the home (maybe 450K equity). Kids are junior and freshman in HS, with a total of $500K+ combined together in 529. DH earns $600K+ depending on stock price for his company.

However the big difference is that, DH hates his job and is in tech (very unstable). I want us to retire together, so I am actively looking for new opportunities, fully aware that it may take more than 6 months to find one, even though I am willing to take a step down. He is fully supportive of my decision to stay home if I want to, but honestly, I would rather work and have us retire at the same time in 5-6 years. For anything extra that we don't use, we are always happy to spend on luxury stuff or pass the money on to kids to get them a leg up. It also comes to priorities and mindset, I have more of a scarcity mindset, so I will have financial anxiety if I retire so early. Being in tech with such a bad job market also doesn't help. I am actively looking for a job, but still enjoying some of my free time for exercise and hobbies. Like they say finding a full time job is almost a job in itself.

Anonymous wrote:$300k is not a lot if you have 3 kids. I would look for work but you have the luxury of waiting for something that is satisfying.

Agreed.