Anonymous
Post 11/24/2025 17:53     Subject: If your child was self centered / selfish did they grow out of it as adults?
Some people are just programmed like this (like my brother), some people probably became this way because of how they were parented. Who knows! I have one like this and it drives me insane. She’s always been this way and I really have tried everything I can to redirect, correct, whatever. Read books, taken parenting classes, had a parenting coach, etc. but she is who she is.

I’m worried what will happen to her socially when she goes off to college next year but maybe that will have her snap out of it or at least dial it down a notch.
Anonymous
Post 11/23/2025 18:42     Subject: Re:If your child was self centered / selfish did they grow out of it as adults?
Anonymous
Post 11/21/2025 14:48     Subject: Re:If your child was self centered / selfish did they grow out of it as adults?
In my experience, parents are often very bad at recognizing selfishness or entitlement in their kids. Some parents even instill these qualities in their kids via their parenting.

I do actually think this is one of the trickier parts of parenting though -- teaching your kid generosity and fairness without making them a doormat.
Anonymous
Post 11/21/2025 14:40     Subject: If your child was self centered / selfish did they grow out of it as adults?
Anonymous wrote:For those who are posting that their kids are in their teens and twenties and still have this issue, how does it manifest in their young/adult lives? If it's not hoarding toys and cupcakes anymore, what does it look like now?


It manifested as a refusal to compromise about anything. Having to have the best room/side of room/shelf whatever in a shared apartment. Couldn't let someone else decide where the group would eat. Very materialistic. They couldn't see that they were losing friendships in order to have their way on everything.
Anonymous
Post 11/21/2025 12:30     Subject: If your child was self centered / selfish did they grow out of it as adults?
I think maturity helps a ton, but we are who we are when we"re born. I don't think they grow out of it per se, but learn boundaries surrounding it.
Anonymous
Post 11/20/2025 21:18     Subject: If your child was self centered / selfish did they grow out of it as adults?
For those who are posting that their kids are in their teens and twenties and still have this issue, how does it manifest in their young/adult lives? If it's not hoarding toys and cupcakes anymore, what does it look like now?
Anonymous
Post 11/18/2025 14:47     Subject: If your child was self centered / selfish did they grow out of it as adults?
Anonymous wrote:My DD is only 9 / in 3rd grade but since as early as 3, when her little brother was born, has been very selfish and self centered - always bean counting and making sure she gets the best of everything even though she has everything she could possibly need and more. E.g. picking the “best” cupcake and hiding it so no one else gets it, hoarding toys she doesn’t even like just so her brother doesn’t get them, melting down if something someone else got is missing from her goody bag. It’s exhausting and I’m wondering whether this is something she will mature out of or whether this is likely to persist into adulthood. Interested to hear from others who may have had similar kids as to how they are now as adults.


Don't label her as selfish and don't let her accept this label. Think about why she feels the need to act that way? Show her kindness and appreciate her good actions. She isn't a lost cause.
Anonymous
Post 11/18/2025 13:47     Subject: If your child was self centered / selfish did they grow out of it as adults?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Is your DD the family scapegoat? The one who gets blamed? For everything? For existing? The identified patient?


Oh no it's the golden child who acts like this.


But the scapegoat is often incorrectly perceived as being selfish because the bar is set was too high and they are held to a higher standard than their sibling. OP says the bean counting issues started when the younger sibling was born. So, these aren’t inherent personality traits. It could be that the DD was expected to be mature beyond her years because her parents were overwhelmed by a new baby. OP probably fueled the dynamic.


+1
Anonymous
Post 11/17/2025 18:00     Subject: If your child was self centered / selfish did they grow out of it as adults?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Is your DD the family scapegoat? The one who gets blamed? For everything? For existing? The identified patient?


Oh no it's the golden child who acts like this.


But the scapegoat is often incorrectly perceived as being selfish because the bar is set was too high and they are held to a higher standard than their sibling. OP says the bean counting issues started when the younger sibling was born. So, these aren’t inherent personality traits. It could be that the DD was expected to be mature beyond her years because her parents were overwhelmed by a new baby. OP probably fueled the dynamic.
Anonymous
Post 11/17/2025 17:58     Subject: If your child was self centered / selfish did they grow out of it as adults?
Anonymous wrote:My DD is only 9 / in 3rd grade but since as early as 3, when her little brother was born, has been very selfish and self centered - always bean counting and making sure she gets the best of everything even though she has everything she could possibly need and more. E.g. picking the “best” cupcake and hiding it so no one else gets it, hoarding toys she doesn’t even like just so her brother doesn’t get them, melting down if something someone else got is missing from her goody bag. It’s exhausting and I’m wondering whether this is something she will mature out of or whether this is likely to persist into adulthood. Interested to hear from others who may have had similar kids as to how they are now as adults.


I came here to say all children are inherently selfish but you’re not describing a selfish child you’re describing an antisocial child
Anonymous
Post 11/17/2025 17:27     Subject: If your child was self centered / selfish did they grow out of it as adults?
Anonymous wrote:Is your DD the family scapegoat? The one who gets blamed? For everything? For existing? The identified patient?


Oh no it's the golden child who acts like this.
Anonymous
Post 11/17/2025 15:39     Subject: If your child was self centered / selfish did they grow out of it as adults?
Is your DD the family scapegoat? The one who gets blamed? For everything? For existing? The identified patient?
Anonymous
Post 11/17/2025 15:29     Subject: If your child was self centered / selfish did they grow out of it as adults?
My cousin was selfish since she was a toddler and still is. It didn't help that she grew up to be stunning and men were more than happy to give her anything she wanted. A reality check would be the only thing that could change this.
Anonymous
Post 11/17/2025 15:25     Subject: If your child was self centered / selfish did they grow out of it as adults?
Mine is 22. Time will tell but it’s not looking good.
Anonymous
Post 11/16/2025 20:49     Subject: If your child was self centered / selfish did they grow out of it as adults?
OP, you need to explicitly teach her to shift her mindset from “Did I get the most?” To “Did I get enough? Some kids learn this by osmosis, but you’re going to need to be more proactive. I’m working on it with my own third grader, who is also a bean-counter.