I think it’s very easy to say what one might do in a particular situation, but until one lives it, one cannot know.
It’s difficult that say whether he’s clinically depressed or what’s going on without an evaluation by a qualified person.
In this situation I don’t know that kicking him out of your home is going to help him get started on his way. Somewhere there a happy medium between throwing him out and allowing him to stay while setting reasonable expectations, setting and maintaining boundaries with him and holding him accountable.
How about a career coach who can write him a professionally done resume, cover letter template and linkdin page? I can understand why someone with his educational credentials may feel worse working in food service or retail. He probably already feels bad about himself as he’s seeing his peers buying homes, and doing things he had anticipated doing by now. I applaud him for not agreeing t have children and for leaving a marriage where he was being mistreated.
Would he be open to at least agreeing to meet with a counselor a couple of times to see if it’s someone he is comfortable being open and honest with?
Agree on having him be a contributing member of the household as far as helping with tasks and contributing something financially. It doesn’t need to be $1,000 per month, but something that would be enough to be meaningful-the point isn’t dollars, it’s about learning responsibility.
I would consider putting some type of time frame on this as well, something reasonable.
This is not at all uncommon and not anything you have or haven’t done. At 37, he still has a lot of time in front of him. This can be worked through. Try to focus on the things he has done right and that you are proud of him for.
This can be isolating for you and your spouse as well, as you’re seeing other people with similar age kids in a different place than yours.
But that doesn’t mean they’re any better than your son. This place he is in, and you are always in is not the place you or he will always be in.

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. He has a masters degree from Georgetown and wanted to go to one of the Fed agencies. He was not able to get in and has been trying different things. Most recently he attempted self employment and became discouraged when his work dried up. He was also in an abusive marriage where his wife was upset with him for lot being ready to have children which also brought him down I think.

He feels very depressed and doesn’t know how to obtain gainful employment and thinks he is too old now.

Her being upset with him for not "being ready" at 37 (!!!!) to have children is not "abusive."

Stop making excuses. He sounds like a complete loser.

He could at least do substitute teaching.
A lot of people with unmarketable masters degrees are teaching things like AP Government. The fed job market might pick up again in a few years, but he needs to find some employment in the meantime. If he can get a nonprofit job, he should jump at it just to have the experience and connections. There are jobs but he needs to want to find one, and not just look for his ideal job.

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. He says with his education he cannot obtain employment in the private sector as he is not a business major. And he doesn’t want to work at non profits as they don’t pay enough.

I have an MA from Georgetown and work in a business services field. So do several other people at my firm. I feel like there are lots of private sector jobs for our sort in the DC area (though maybe not right now with the tough job market). Agree with others that he should get on do something... the longer the unemployement period the bigger the red flag for employers.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell him starting December 1 he needs to start paying $1,000 in rent to you each month. The idea he's too old to get a job is ridiculous! Go work at Costco or Trader Joe's. He just can't get what kind of job he WANTS. He needs to get over his ego. Time for tough love.

DP. I think people need to stop using Costco or TJ as examples of jobs that are readily available. These are coveted jobs and have a lot of competition for them now.

But you get the point I'm making - he needs to humble himself and be willing to do physical work.

Yes, physical or clerical work.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Make him get a job and go on antidepressants. Do not enable and coddle him.

Agree. He needs to clean up after himself, dishes, laundry, make dinner, help with yard work, etc.

Most of all he needs those antidepressants, first - so he can start finding a job and get back on his feet.

Agree 100%. My early 30s single DS moved home recently after finishing a two year DC fellowship. He's looking for work and helping a lot around the house. This week, he drove his dad to a recent surgery, did the grocery shopping, changed out light bulbs and helped out with his SN sibling. It's a really tough market out there. We covered room, food, and cell. He covers all of his other expenses including health care/insurance and auto insurance/gas/maintenance. Fortunately, he has money in savings from frugal living.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell him starting December 1 he needs to start paying $1,000 in rent to you each month. The idea he's too old to get a job is ridiculous! Go work at Costco or Trader Joe's. He just can't get what kind of job he WANTS. He needs to get over his ego. Time for tough love.

DP. I think people need to stop using Costco or TJ as examples of jobs that are readily available. These are coveted jobs and have a lot of competition for them now.

But you get the point I'm making - he needs to humble himself and be willing to do physical work.

Anonymous wrote:Tell him starting December 1 he needs to start paying $1,000 in rent to you each month. The idea he's too old to get a job is ridiculous! Go work at Costco or Trader Joe's. He just can't get what kind of job he WANTS. He needs to get over his ego. Time for tough love.

DP. I think people need to stop using Costco or TJ as examples of jobs that are readily available. These are coveted jobs and have a lot of competition for them now.

Does he really get a choice of what pays enough is he is living in your basement at 37. Cut the apron strings. I can see why his wife dumped him.

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. He says with his education he cannot obtain employment in the private sector as he is not a business major. And he doesn’t want to work at non profits as they don’t pay enough.

HILARIOUS op. I have a "liberal arts" degree that people crap all over and also a nice corporate job. I am starting to see why this 37 year old is "still finding himself." (Spoiler alert I think it's your fault)

Well obviously you buy whatever story he tells you, which isn't the truth...

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. He says with his education he cannot obtain employment in the private sector as he is not a business major. And he doesn’t want to work at non profits as they don’t pay enough.

Lol. Ok.

This is where I begin agreeing with the aggressive kick-him-out!-charge-him-rent!-blah-blah-aggression-blah! posts above.

Anonymous wrote:Who would want to be a man in our society today? Men are giving up. He isn't an outlier. He's right on trend. Many men are packing it in and calling it a day, gone fishing. Forever.

Yeah, well ... nice job if you can get it (aka if your mom will enable it).

Anonymous wrote:I’d make him get a job. Anywhere. I had a friend who lost his ceo job at 39. He took a job in a pizza shop. One day he started talking to a customer about economics and voila it was the headhunter for a major company and he became a ceo once more.
Just get out there and do something!

This did not happen.

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. He says with his education he cannot obtain employment in the private sector as he is not a business major. And he doesn’t want to work at non profits as they don’t pay enough.

Non profits pay more than NOTHING, which is what he's earning now. NOTHING.