Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve seen a lot of porn. It cannot compete with the real thing. Your husband is unwell if he’s turning you down for make belief cartoons, basically. He needs psychological treatment.

Yeah, I just don’t get it. How bad would the sex have to be for the guy to prefer pron?!?

Porn is always better than sex with an ugly woman.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men are so dumb.

You really think seeing how hideous the person is that your husband is choosing over you is going to make a woman feel BETTER??? No, that is going to make it worse. He's choosing some hideous freak over his own wife? Oh great, yeah that's going to make her feel wonderful. F***ing idiots.

You don’t get it. OP has major insecurities. She thinks she can’t compete with the porn actresses her husband is watching. Why? Why does she feel inferior?
The point was that she shouldn’t. These women aren’t better than her. They are fake. They wear a lot of makeup.

A confident woman doesn't measure herself against another woman who wears heavy makeup.

Yes she has insecurities. Whether she should or not is a different story. seeing your husband choose a bridge troll over you is NOT BETTER than seeing your husband choose a supermodel. In fact I’d wager it might be worse.

Anonymous wrote:Men are so dumb.

You really think seeing how hideous the person is that your husband is choosing over you is going to make a woman feel BETTER??? No, that is going to make it worse. He's choosing some hideous freak over his own wife? Oh great, yeah that's going to make her feel wonderful. F***ing idiots.

You don’t get it. OP has major insecurities. She thinks she can’t compete with the porn actresses her husband is watching. Why? Why does she feel inferior?
The point was that she shouldn’t. These women aren’t better than her. They are fake. They wear a lot of makeup.

A confident woman doesn't measure herself against another woman who wears heavy makeup.

Anonymous wrote:Spin off from the “does your DH watch porn” thread. Long story short, my DH lied very well and hid it for many years. I’m considering staying with him for the kids but I don’t think I can. First the lying and betrayal obviously (I have much higher drive and he rejected me almost daily, would only do it with me once a month when I practically begged him) but the bigger issue is that I’m so jealous of what he’s seen and I can’t get over it. How can he not compare me with those hot girls he was watching. And he was watching some things that I will not do (face and in the butt). Even if I believe that he won’t look at it anymore (long story but he realizes that it has changed him in bad ways), he still can’t get those images out of his head.

How do other women deal with the jealousy? It makes me sick. He can see all the hot women and new variety he wants and I can’t compete with that. And now he has things in his mind that will aways be there. It’s been months and I just can’t get over it.

Your jealousy is perfectly logical, especially if you already feel you aren’t getting the attention you need, but remember all men can and do see beautiful women all around them, on tv, on the street, at the gym, and in advertisements. (except Target... WTH Target?)

The bigger issue here isn’t that he has seen hot women doing things you won’t. (very likely with guys your husband wouldn’t welcome a head to head comparison with)

The issue is that he isn’t meeting your needs and is perhaps blaming porn for this. Porn can absolutely skew a person’s perception of sex, normalizing the rare or abnormal, but the overwhelming majority of men have viewed at least some porn and still maintain a strong libido in their real world relationship and don’t mistake porn for real life.

You clearly have a serious issue in your marriage that has left you feeling unvalued or desired. I would caution you against concluding that porn is the root cause unless his consumption of it appears addictive.

Not all men have the stereotypical high sex drive (as many women here can attest) and in at least some cases men are attracted to porn because they themselves feel inadequate or insecure in real life intimacy. (Porn can allow them to fantasize about being the man in the video, not because of the woman or what she is doing, but because they wish they were more like the man.)

What has he said when you have expressed your concerns about intimacy to you? What does he think of your sex life?

OP If he's open to therapy it would be good to explore why you have been so horny and available and he has been so unhorny and unavailable with you. But you'd both have to be willing to be truthful.

Aside from that, what's 'in his head/images he has seen' is not your business so you have to lose that issue.

If you are both willing to work on it, that is the only way this will continue to work. Unless you decide to stay married and never discuss it again.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Spin off from the “does your DH watch porn” thread. Long story short, my DH lied very well and hid it for many years. I’m considering staying with him for the kids but I don’t think I can. First the lying and betrayal obviously (I have much higher drive and he rejected me almost daily, would only do it with me once a month when I practically begged him) but the bigger issue is that I’m so jealous of what he’s seen and I can’t get over it. How can he not compare me with those hot girls he was watching. And he was watching some things that I will not do (face and in the butt). Even if I believe that he won’t look at it anymore (long story but he realizes that it has changed him in bad ways), he still can’t get those images out of his head.

How do other women deal with the jealousy? It makes me sick. He can see all the hot women and new variety he wants and I can’t compete with that. And now he has things in his mind that will aways be there. It’s been months and I just can’t get over it.

You need to look at yourself.

You are obviously a very selfish person.

You are an absolute goblin. The post is from HER perspective. Did you want her to somehow write it from her DH’s perspective so it would not be “selfish”?

I think you are missing the broader point. Her whole post focuses exclusively on HER perspective. When you are married and have problems as a couple, an unwillingness (or inability) to view the issue from your partner’s perspective is often at the core of the issue, and critical to its resolution.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve seen a lot of porn. It cannot compete with the real thing. Your husband is unwell if he’s turning you down for make belief cartoons, basically. He needs psychological treatment.

Yeah, I just don’t get it. How bad would the sex have to be for the guy to prefer pron?!?

Being with a selfish, lazy starfish gets old real quick.

Anonymous wrote:I’ve seen a lot of porn. It cannot compete with the real thing. Your husband is unwell if he’s turning you down for make belief cartoons, basically. He needs psychological treatment.

Yeah, I just don’t get it. How bad would the sex have to be for the guy to prefer pron?!?

You need to get more fit, creative, and solicitous in the bedroom or get over it. Leave if none of those options are appealing to you.

Hi OP!

I believe you. You have come a long way if he acknowledges pron has bad effect on him.

If you truly are high drive, please try to be self-reflective on what that means: you said you clearly have some limits re: things you won’t try. OK. What other limits do you have? If he’s turning to pron, it may be to stimulate his visual needs. Do you insist on total or near total darkness? Maybe try more lights; how about morning s*x with full natural light? “Display yourself” to him, maybe?

Another thought: besides a woman in those prons, there is a man, too. You understandably focused on the women, due to understandable jealousy. But he may not desire the women at all, but rather seeing two people doing things he’d like to try, but can’t).

Could you possibly bring yourself to maybe watch a few videos which appeal to YOU, and maybe try watching together with him? If that’s too much, then what about written erotica?

There is a site (look it up Literotica ) and if you can get over the advertising pics, then some of the “best of” stories aren’t bad. Maybe read one of those together? (you choose. Or take turns).

Please don’t divorce or separate: your kids will suffer if you do, and your kids are innocent of all of this; please don’t break up your family.

You better start doing the things he watches. Facials and in the butt…

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Spin off from the “does your DH watch porn” thread. Long story short, my DH lied very well and hid it for many years. I’m considering staying with him for the kids but I don’t think I can. First the lying and betrayal obviously (I have much higher drive and he rejected me almost daily, would only do it with me once a month when I practically begged him) but the bigger issue is that I’m so jealous of what he’s seen and I can’t get over it. How can he not compare me with those hot girls he was watching. And he was watching some things that I will not do (face and in the butt). Even if I believe that he won’t look at it anymore (long story but he realizes that it has changed him in bad ways), he still can’t get those images out of his head.

How do other women deal with the jealousy? It makes me sick. He can see all the hot women and new variety he wants and I can’t compete with that. And now he has things in his mind that will aways be there. It’s been months and I just can’t get over it.

You need to look at yourself.

You are obviously a very selfish person.

You are an absolute goblin. The post is from HER perspective. Did you want her to somehow write it from her DH’s perspective so it would not be “selfish”?

What is the rest of his life like? Is a a drinker? How is his health? Does he exercise regularly? How is the career going? Any close male friends? I am guessing he is unhappy and feels powerless. Your needs, (no matter how small or normal) feel like insuperable demands. He is angry and you’re being punished.

Anonymous wrote:Spin off from the “does your DH watch porn” thread. Long story short, my DH lied very well and hid it for many years. I’m considering staying with him for the kids but I don’t think I can. First the lying and betrayal obviously (I have much higher drive and he rejected me almost daily, would only do it with me once a month when I practically begged him) but the bigger issue is that I’m so jealous of what he’s seen and I can’t get over it. How can he not compare me with those hot girls he was watching. And he was watching some things that I will not do (face and in the butt). Even if I believe that he won’t look at it anymore (long story but he realizes that it has changed him in bad ways), he still can’t get those images out of his head.

How do other women deal with the jealousy? It makes me sick. He can see all the hot women and new variety he wants and I can’t compete with that. And now he has things in his mind that will aways be there. It’s been months and I just can’t get over it.

You need to look at yourself.

You are obviously a very selfish person.

Anonymous wrote:He probably started because he had mild ED and self stimulation porn was easier. Men can orgasm without full erection. Now he likely can't do it with anyone but Mr Hand.

Her name is Palmela