So sorry this happening. You and your daughter are not alone. I don’t know how it ends but hoping there is a light at the end of tunnel soon.

Anonymous wrote:I can bet that some boy is involved in this drama.

OP here. Yes, partly. Maybe you're a parent of one of the girls involved in this drama. lol

I think it's so sad that a boy is coming between what was once good friendships.

Kids need to have friends in school but never ONLY friends from school. The best thing you can do for your kids when you have the influence is to let them have a wide friend (and family if age-appropriate cousins) network.

This happened to my niece. It was painful at the time. She’s now in her late 20s, had great college experiences, and is still friendly with a handful of the imploded group. But, at the time, it was bad.

The worst thing you can do is push your kid to be popular, to hang out with the popular group. They can get really hurt emotionally by those groups.

I think a lot of the friend groups that are carryovers from elementary school were actually created by parents. Once the kids decide they want to lead their own lives, the friend groups split up. Sometimes this happens in middle school, sometimes it takes until high school.

But there are definitely girls deciding who is in and who is out, including boys.

Were these true friends who she truly liked or a friend group formed out of necessity (eg yoi “need to be in a friend group)?

If any are true friends perhaps she should work on repairing with them, but mainly focus on the other friends you mention in other groups or as individuals.

I have a 10th grader who is going through friend group drama, her being excluded — when she stepped away girls freaked out asked “are you leaving out friend group”. In her case this was largely a group formed like picking teams in elementary school (eg we need 5th)

I went to high school around here and my group of female friends was the best one I’ve ever had in my life. No drama, all love and support. Really solidified senior year. (Was not so lucky in college, unfortunately.)

I do remember occasionally girls that had been cast off from the more popular groups would hang out with us and say how envious they were that we were all actually good friends, because things were not at all what they seemed among their groups. That’s stuck with me through the years as I’ve watched my own teen DD navigate high school friendships. Fortunately she seems to have found some likeminded low-drama nice kids.

I went to school around here and other than one friend who tried to steal a boyfriend no one had any drama in my circle. We all stayed friends with her too and the guy had enough respect to just tell her no so her manipulations didnt last long. Most kids at my school had integrity and side activities they were really into plus they had jobs and no tutors or family legacies and most were college bound. Some kids had died from illness, drugs, or car crashes and life felt precious. We all worked hard and enjoyed each other. No cell phones so we only had each other.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Between this and the Halloween group costume thread, I’m so glad I have sons. What is different between now and when I was in high school 30 years ago? Is all this drama driven by social media?

Did you go to high school around here?

Not the PP but responding to PP: I graduated from HS over 30 years ago. In spring of my senior year I chose to completely break friendship with my then two best friends. This has been happening across time.

Anonymous wrote:It is happening with my DD too. One girl in the group is super toxic and the pressure of college admits is proving to be the unwinding of the group. This girl has a lot of issues but also believes she is the smartest person in the world. Her boastful years of telling everyone she is going Ivy with her perfect scores and grades is proving to be years of lies. While I am not sad for this friendship to end- I do have empathy for this girl and my DD is taking it hard.

Oh yes. This is happening to my kid’s friend as well. I don’t say a word, but much of this is predictable.

Anonymous wrote:Between this and the Halloween group costume thread, I’m so glad I have sons. What is different between now and when I was in high school 30 years ago? Is all this drama driven by social media?

Did you go to high school around here?