Anonymous wrote:WRT to “this is what we do”, I mean we go to Mass when we can, wherever we are and don’t give ourselves a bye week bc there’s hockey or vacation or we are just not feeling it. Just like the “this is what we do” families feel about teaching kids to brush their teeth, pick up trash, vote in every election or count to 3 when they’re mad. The anti Mass people will poke holes and say it’s Bronze Age fairy tales but the Catholic moms here posting seem to get it. But this has all been very humbling and helpful. Thanks all

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Each of you is your own person.
How dare you push your indoctrination on him?

He is an adult. If he doesn't want to go, he doesn't have to.

And you changed the rules.

You, by your own omission, decided to become more religious. Well, that is your right, but you have no right to force that on another adult.

I basically agree with the above, but also I think I see your point of view. You wish your husband felt the way you do about religion, but he doesn't - and you won't change him. He didn't change you, right? Give it up.

By the way, growing up, my father took us to mass every Sunday while my mother stayed home and read. She said it was her only peaceful time of the week. She also was raised Catholic and practiced in the sense of going to confession and communion once a year.

Eventually, we kids grew up. My brother is a self-professed "nothing', after staying Catholic for a while, to make his wife happy. My sister is an evangelical Christian and I'm an atheist. You never know how kids are going to turn out.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get where you are coming from, OP. It sounds like your husband is willing to participate in your family faith life but not willing to take the initiative when on his own with the kids. Honestly, since you are the one who has begun to embrace your faith more seriously, you kind of need to meet him halfway. The participation level you describe is more than most Catholic families anyway. If it was me, I would accept that it's not going to happen if you aren't the driving force but try to minimize that reality in front of your kids. Go to regular Sunday Mass and Holy Days, but you bring them to Confession- the things you describe are not a hill to die on and as others have said- you cannot control other adults. Be grateful he is willing to go, pray that he becomes more active and if he is not actively bashing the Church, continue to make the faith a part of your home life too. My own kids are almost raised but I recently came across the statistic that children raised in households where the father led the faith life are four times more likely to practice Catholicism as adults. My husband was always willing to attend Mass but not as enthusiastic about praying at night or going on Holy Days. Our kids are varied in their levels of involvement now that they live on their own. I wish I had encouraged my husband to take on more of the faith formation role. I think he would have been willing because he wants our adult children to be practicing Catholics but we never really discussed it. I had that role because it meant more to me. Be patient with your husband, have a heart to heart and ask him to take some leadership in this area and lay off if it's not exactly the way you would do it. Praying for you, OP.

Realistically, it is unlikely the OP's kids will believe in the Catholic faith, much less continue to practice, into adulthood. The OP's own path demonstrates you don't need to indoctrinate children before they can think for themselves, and attempting to force it as the OP has described would seem to be counterproductive to her long-term goals.

You’re right. Ouch. I’m not forcing anything by the way. When I pray the Rosary, I never force anyone to sit with me. I don’t force Confession. In fact my kids will say I’m good, Ma and just sit in the pew and wait for me. I’m fine with that. What I am more searching to establish is that this is what we do. Faith and ritual are powerful anchors in this world and when the SHTF in life, prayer is there. That’s all. But you’re very right.

There's a spectrum, and it's obviously hard for anyone else here to know where your actions are falling. But I find the "this is what we do" statement confusing, as it seems to downplay the motivation and beliefs behind it. I could understand for young children who aren't yet in a position to really understand those beliefs, but from the way you talk about them, it sounds like they're already teenagers (or close to it). They seem to be at an age where they are forming, and may have already formed, their beliefs. Doesn't forcing them to go through the motions devalue the practices?

Anonymous wrote:I love the fact that some posters tried to encourage you to bribe your kids to "choose" to go with you to church.

I'm with your husband. At least he hasn't told you to stop trying to indoctrinate your kids with bronze age fairy tales. You should give him more credit for trying to be respectful of your differences.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get where you are coming from, OP. It sounds like your husband is willing to participate in your family faith life but not willing to take the initiative when on his own with the kids. Honestly, since you are the one who has begun to embrace your faith more seriously, you kind of need to meet him halfway. The participation level you describe is more than most Catholic families anyway. If it was me, I would accept that it's not going to happen if you aren't the driving force but try to minimize that reality in front of your kids. Go to regular Sunday Mass and Holy Days, but you bring them to Confession- the things you describe are not a hill to die on and as others have said- you cannot control other adults. Be grateful he is willing to go, pray that he becomes more active and if he is not actively bashing the Church, continue to make the faith a part of your home life too. My own kids are almost raised but I recently came across the statistic that children raised in households where the father led the faith life are four times more likely to practice Catholicism as adults. My husband was always willing to attend Mass but not as enthusiastic about praying at night or going on Holy Days. Our kids are varied in their levels of involvement now that they live on their own. I wish I had encouraged my husband to take on more of the faith formation role. I think he would have been willing because he wants our adult children to be practicing Catholics but we never really discussed it. I had that role because it meant more to me. Be patient with your husband, have a heart to heart and ask him to take some leadership in this area and lay off if it's not exactly the way you would do it. Praying for you, OP.

Realistically, it is unlikely the OP's kids will believe in the Catholic faith, much less continue to practice, into adulthood. The OP's own path demonstrates you don't need to indoctrinate children before they can think for themselves, and attempting to force it as the OP has described would seem to be counterproductive to her long-term goals.

You’re right. Ouch. I’m not forcing anything by the way. When I pray the Rosary, I never force anyone to sit with me. I don’t force Confession. In fact my kids will say I’m good, Ma and just sit in the pew and wait for me. I’m fine with that. What I am more searching to establish is that this is what we do. Faith and ritual are powerful anchors in this world and when the SHTF in life, prayer is there. That’s all. But you’re very right.

Anonymous wrote:You need to find a church with a younger community. The parish we live in is a sea of elderly people so we drive to one where there is a school (and now send our kids there.)
There are a lot of podcasts by youngish men who are Catholic. I sent some of these to my husband (it helps that they are extremely funny and match his political views.)
Long story short he's completely invested now. I never would have believed it 10 years ago.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get where you are coming from, OP. It sounds like your husband is willing to participate in your family faith life but not willing to take the initiative when on his own with the kids. Honestly, since you are the one who has begun to embrace your faith more seriously, you kind of need to meet him halfway. The participation level you describe is more than most Catholic families anyway. If it was me, I would accept that it's not going to happen if you aren't the driving force but try to minimize that reality in front of your kids. Go to regular Sunday Mass and Holy Days, but you bring them to Confession- the things you describe are not a hill to die on and as others have said- you cannot control other adults. Be grateful he is willing to go, pray that he becomes more active and if he is not actively bashing the Church, continue to make the faith a part of your home life too. My own kids are almost raised but I recently came across the statistic that children raised in households where the father led the faith life are four times more likely to practice Catholicism as adults. My husband was always willing to attend Mass but not as enthusiastic about praying at night or going on Holy Days. Our kids are varied in their levels of involvement now that they live on their own. I wish I had encouraged my husband to take on more of the faith formation role. I think he would have been willing because he wants our adult children to be practicing Catholics but we never really discussed it. I had that role because it meant more to me. Be patient with your husband, have a heart to heart and ask him to take some leadership in this area and lay off if it's not exactly the way you would do it. Praying for you, OP.

Realistically, it is unlikely the OP's kids will believe in the Catholic faith, much less continue to practice, into adulthood. The OP's own path demonstrates you don't need to indoctrinate children before they can think for themselves, and attempting to force it as the OP has described would seem to be counterproductive to her long-term goals.

Anonymous wrote:I get where you are coming from, OP. It sounds like your husband is willing to participate in your family faith life but not willing to take the initiative when on his own with the kids. Honestly, since you are the one who has begun to embrace your faith more seriously, you kind of need to meet him halfway. The participation level you describe is more than most Catholic families anyway. If it was me, I would accept that it's not going to happen if you aren't the driving force but try to minimize that reality in front of your kids. Go to regular Sunday Mass and Holy Days, but you bring them to Confession- the things you describe are not a hill to die on and as others have said- you cannot control other adults. Be grateful he is willing to go, pray that he becomes more active and if he is not actively bashing the Church, continue to make the faith a part of your home life too. My own kids are almost raised but I recently came across the statistic that children raised in households where the father led the faith life are four times more likely to practice Catholicism as adults. My husband was always willing to attend Mass but not as enthusiastic about praying at night or going on Holy Days. Our kids are varied in their levels of involvement now that they live on their own. I wish I had encouraged my husband to take on more of the faith formation role. I think he would have been willing because he wants our adult children to be practicing Catholics but we never really discussed it. I had that role because it meant more to me. Be patient with your husband, have a heart to heart and ask him to take some leadership in this area and lay off if it's not exactly the way you would do it. Praying for you, OP.

Anonymous wrote:I’m no longer practicing BUT my grandparents were the most religious people in my family. (My parents were moderately religious meaning we went to church once a month.) Grandma took me to mass when she watched me on Wednesday evenings and she participated in all sorts of ministries in the church.

However, even grandma and grandpa didn’t go to mass when we had our annual beach week family vacation. I’m having a hard time faulting your husband for not going to mass while traveling. It sounds like you’re hyper focusing on this one thing because you’re sad that he’s not as religious as you are. You know you can’t get mad about that so you’re looking for smaller things that you can project all your disappointment, sadness and frustration. Not a great look.

Anonymous wrote:How old are your kids? Is your husband just not interested, or actively hostile to going?

Growing up, my dad actively complained about going to church when my mom was trying to get us ready to go, and he would mock parts of the service under his breath. That definitely fed my resentment of going and colored my feelings about religion in general. My mom would have been better off letting him do his own thing than asking him to participate in something he didn't want to do.

If your kids are young enough still, I'd recommend trying to make Mass something special for them. We used to go out to brunch with my grandparents and my aunt after church and I still associate those brunches that I loved with church, even though I didn't love church. Even better if you can make their experience AT church joyful and something they will want to repeat themselves. Can you arrange to go and sit with their friends from school or Sunday school? Or set up a play date with those friends to help build ties to friends from church?

If they're teens, you might need to let them make their own decisions about church attendance. They're old enough by then to make decisions about their priorities and forcing them to go will likely just cause resentment. You can try to make your home practice inviting to keep them engaged. Do you say grace before meals? Can you make that fun by allowing your kids to lead, or ask them to share their favorite moment of the day, or the funniest thing they saw? Or let them choose at what volume you say the prayers (whisper it, shout, normal volume).