Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t mean something big. More like a postcard, a hotel one, a unique local candy, etc.

DH always used to being DD something on trips. Recently he’s stopped. DD is really hurt. He’s also stopped texting or FaceTiming during trips. He’s argued that there isn’t time and he’s too busy.

I traveled extensively for work until DD was in K and there was never a time that I couldn’t at least get a cute cocktail stirrer from a lounge bartender or a postcard from the hotel stationary drawer. FaceTime was sometimes hard when the time difference was weird but when I knew it would be really off I would leave a note to open for each day.

I think DH needs to step it up. These are 7-8 day trips that include weekend days and he’s missing a lot. He’s flying in business and first fwiw.

What do you think, traveling parents?

I think he’s too busy at the hotel’s gift shop getting a bathrobe for someone else.

Yup. Either there or at a local lingerie shop picking something out.

Anonymous wrote:Wake up and smell the coffee. He’s having an affair.

Precisely ..

When my dh travels he always makes time to FaceTime the family. It can be 2-3 minutes.

How is he at home?

Anonymous wrote:I’m a mom and don’t like FaceTiming while traveling either, and I’m definitely not having an affair. My workaround is to send/receive video messages. I do always bring them something.

But this guy isn't sending messages either or bringing them something. Why do posters -- and this isn't just on DCUM -- always feel the need to bring up scenarios that aren't even that similar.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He needs to make time to FaceTime her. Even if it's five minutes. He needs to connect with her, and she needs to feel he's thinking of her while he's traveling. My dad used to only sometimes bring us something - we were as excited to get a t-shirt as we were to get a pen or palm-sized pad of paper he took from the desk in his hotel room. If he left before we woke up in the morning, he'd leave us a note.

OP and I think you really understand. I wish you and your dad could sit my DH down and give him a parenting come-to-Jesus.

The last straw for me was the most recent nothing trip was one where DD sent an emoji laden text about the first day of school. DH never replied. I asked him about it and he said that he couldn’t text back and there are times when he is going to be with new partners and clients that he can’t talk to us.

24 hours a day he’s so busy that he can’t even give an emoji back?

And anyway, what clients or partners are going to fault a man who steps away for 30 seconds for his DD? A woman, sure, but a man would be lauded.

So flimsy of an excuse.

My dad called us every single night when he was traveling. And that was in the 80's! The only exception in my entire childhood was the time he went to China for two weeks because the time change was so difficult. Tell your DH he can even lead the charge with colleagues and say "Can we all take a five minute break to go call our families or use the restroom?" I'm sure they'll all be happy for the reminder/break. They can all spare five minutes from their happy hour or whatever. Your DH could have taken fifteen seconds to write back "Sounds like the first day was exciting - can't wait to hear all about it when I get home Thursday! Love you!" Your DH is making a choice and this will affect the relationship your daughter wants to have with him when he's retired and she's the one who's busy. Play your DH the song Cat's Cradle.

Anonymous wrote:He needs to make time to FaceTime her. Even if it's five minutes. He needs to connect with her, and she needs to feel he's thinking of her while he's traveling. My dad used to only sometimes bring us something - we were as excited to get a t-shirt as we were to get a pen or palm-sized pad of paper he took from the desk in his hotel room. If he left before we woke up in the morning, he'd leave us a note.

OP and I think you really understand. I wish you and your dad could sit my DH down and give him a parenting come-to-Jesus.

The last straw for me was the most recent nothing trip was one where DD sent an emoji laden text about the first day of school. DH never replied. I asked him about it and he said that he couldn’t text back and there are times when he is going to be with new partners and clients that he can’t talk to us.

24 hours a day he’s so busy that he can’t even give an emoji back?

And anyway, what clients or partners are going to fault a man who steps away for 30 seconds for his DD? A woman, sure, but a man would be lauded.

So flimsy of an excuse.

He needs to make time to FaceTime her. Even if it's five minutes. He needs to connect with her, and she needs to feel he's thinking of her while he's traveling. My dad used to only sometimes bring us something - we were as excited to get a t-shirt as we were to get a pen or palm-sized pad of paper he took from the desk in his hotel room. If he left before we woke up in the morning, he'd leave us a note.

We try to FaceTime or trade videos a few times during trip. Sometimes there are more coming from home. He gets really homesick and it helps. Time zones can be problematic. To be fair I fall even less when away. I’m usually at a professional training, studying, overstimulated and need to rest.

As far as gifts. Maybe 75% of the time maybe more for kid. A bit less for me. He tends to not have much personal time when on travel so it’s often something from the airport. It’s often a T-shirt or stuffy, sometimes a neat local souvenir.

On longer trips sometimes I request specific things, like Turkish towels or fabric from the market. Sometimes it’s nice hand cream or tea if it’s a place known for that. He can’t alway get them- and is legitimately busy/on fumes most of trip unless we can get him a weekend or rest day built in.

Absolutely not.

I travel a lot and I can't take away the fact that work takes me away from my kids, but I can not spend one dollar more than I have to on a trip buying useless crap. I spend my $ on things they actually want/need at home.

DH will buy things for them if he sees something special, but he doesn't travel as much as me and his days are not as long/he has more time to eat/wander sleep on his trips.

The gifts I wouldn't care about- the change in facetime/daily check ins-especally with kids, I would. But based on the title of your post the 'things' bother you more than the 'time'.

I really hate trinkets and clutter and I have never brought my kids anything from my business travel (it’s not like I go to exotic locations…most recent trip was Huntsville Alabama).

But the change in behavior and your kid being upset about it makes it different. My kids don’t expect a trinket but yours does, and that would be enough to convince me to do something on at least most trips.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He should bring some freebies like hotel pens, pads, airplane socks, snack. And then mix it up with postcards or a small trinket. He should spend 4 minutes so that his kid knows he loves her and thinks about her.

OP and that was my argument. And he still said he didn’t have time. They literally hand you half that stuff on the plane. Give the kid a pad of paper with a foreign city on it and she’d be happy for a week.

Like everything with men:

If he wanted to, he would.

He doesn’t think your kid is worth the effort.

No, free or cheap junk is crap that I don't want around the house, I'm sure OP's husband doesn't either. Stop being ridiculous.

A short call maybe, but depending on where he’s traveling to, it may be too late on his end by the time the kids are back from school.

I traveled a lot, called when I could, sometimes the time difference was too big, their mornings would be busy for them to talk and their afternoons would be too late on my end.

I used to travel for 2-3 weeks at a time. So longer than your dh.

When kids where under 8, I knew where the local toysrus, hamleys and equivalents were in all my business trip locations and always brought gifts. As they got older, the options of toys became more limited and they were more interested robux / xbox gift cards so we did that for a while, where they’d get gift card when I got back.

Now, I still bring small souvenirs or candy if there is anything unique or interesting.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He should bring some freebies like hotel pens, pads, airplane socks, snack. And then mix it up with postcards or a small trinket. He should spend 4 minutes so that his kid knows he loves her and thinks about her.

OP and that was my argument. And he still said he didn’t have time. They literally hand you half that stuff on the plane. Give the kid a pad of paper with a foreign city on it and she’d be happy for a week.

Like everything with men:

If he wanted to, he would.

He doesn’t think your kid is worth the effort.

My husband always brings back little trinkets for the kids. If there’s a local food he’ll bring some and he always gets a magnet. He brought gingerbread from Germany and almond candy from Morocco.

Their grandfather is at the top of his field and travels constantly. He always brings little presents. He tried tshirts one year but it was comical how badly he recalled the kids sizes. He always brings something though, because the grandkids always ask about what country he’s visited since they last saw him. 90% of the time I can tell it’s something he bought in the airport.

I think a man putting up a wall between his family and travel time is indicative of an affair. He doesn’t want to think about his daughter while he’s banging his side piece.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He should bring some freebies like hotel pens, pads, airplane socks, snack. And then mix it up with postcards or a small trinket. He should spend 4 minutes so that his kid knows he loves her and thinks about her.

OP and that was my argument. And he still said he didn’t have time. They literally hand you half that stuff on the plane. Give the kid a pad of paper with a foreign city on it and she’d be happy for a week.

Is he really going where he says he’s going?

Based on boarding passes that drift through the house, yes. He’s a paper hoarder.