Anonymous wrote:I definitely think it is cruel. Accept him for who he is. Take him on a trip to a place where there is something that interests him.

My son would make the same request. I think cruel to not honor this request.

Maybe he is into music and would like to go to a special concert? What about a special museum?

I think what you are doing is unfair and probably very hurtful to B15. He doesn’t like sports. Find something he does like and honor that.

Why does he have to perform to get to spend time with you out of state like the other kids? He’s crying out to feel loved by you. Don’t scree it up and screw him up by not meeting his needs.

Another vote for taking him on that special trip. It’s great that he’s asking to spend time with you and, once he’s a bit older or off at college, that may not be happening as much.

Why does he want to go to LA? It sounds like he is interested in something there so it’s a good opportunity for you to connect over one of his interests

Anonymous wrote:It's about time to get started with college visits anyway, why not plan a trip around that if you're being a stickler for having a "reason".

Travel and new experiences help people bond. He is offering you this time to do something special together. Don't reject the gift because you don't like the packaging.

Exactly. Teens rarely request more time with their parents so take this request seriously. If it’s out of your budget, discuss alternatives with him (maybe within a few hours driving distance).

Anonymous wrote:OP is in the wrong here, but maybe it's just that I'm actual middle class and not made of money...I wouldn't take one of my kids to LA just because he demanded it either. That's a huge trip! My kids don't randomly get to ask for anything costing any amount to make it "even."

Agreed. It’s good to spend time with him, but it doesn’t have to be a big expensive trip.

It's about time to get started with college visits anyway, why not plan a trip around that if you're being a stickler for having a "reason".

Travel and new experiences help people bond. He is offering you this time to do something special together. Don't reject the gift because you don't like the packaging.

I think a teen requesting extended 1:1 should not be turned down. You won't have him home for much longer! Love your son and cherish your time with him. This isn't a reward to be earned. It's a joy to experience together. You don't have to agree to everything he wants, but can you not see that a trip with your son is something to cherish? Some kids need more time to hit their stride, and life isn't about achievements. It's about loving each other.

I think the boy/girl twin dynamic can be so fraught, because all too often the girl is higher performing at least when young, and he's also a middle child! That alone is reason enough to spend more time with him.

OP is in the wrong here, but maybe it's just that I'm actual middle class and not made of money...I wouldn't take one of my kids to LA just because he demanded it either. That's a huge trip! My kids don't randomly get to ask for anything costing any amount to make it "even."

OP, you're getting a rare instance of unanimous response in DCUM. Listen up , and do right by your kid.

He’s right. Don’t ‘middle kid syndrome’ him. Good for him for advocating for himself. Don’t let him down.

Are you are comparing and punishing one of your kids, OP. Shudder. I had a parent like you and I went no contact as an adult. Please reconsider your approach.

This post is super weird. I take my teen son on trips that are unrelated to his extracurricular activities. He and I have zero common activity interests (though I love the kid dearly), so if we only took trips tailored to his extracurriculars, it would not be interesting for me. There are plenty of things we both like (e.g. we took a trip to New York to visit Ellis Island).

So you only pay for kids who show effort. No effort kids get nada. Yeah, start saving for therapy.

OP, I would do a trip on the condition that DS plan the trip around some event or activity that he researches and plans. So if he wants to go to LA, he has to have a reason for it, not just to visit the city. It can be a play, art exhibit, food destination, convention, etc., but he has to find it and figure out things like dates.

Take the money you would spend on his sport and take him somewhere. Why not? Because it isn't tied to him doing something? Your attention shouldn't depend on him doing something. Your attention is because you love him and he is your child. My kid quit all sports and we just continued on with out little trips. Instead of a fencing tournament, we'd go hiking in Harper's Ferry instead and go out to eat in Frederick.