You are the problem here. You're making excuses for not leaving. Stop making excuses. It's time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What’s up with the dog comments? Clearly OP and her daughter love their dog, geez.

I love my dog too, but I would kill it myself with my bare hands, if that’s what it took, over keeping my daughter trapped in an abusive situation.

+2000000000

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please stop saying people are mentally ill. Especially if you’re using it like a weapon.

It sounds like he has an anger problem and you have an unhealthy communication style in your marriage. Or, he’s been diagnosed as a depressive or has an anxiety disorder or is schizophrenic.

He’s been diagnosed with adhd and depression and anxiety and has prescriptions for both. He does not take his prescriptions except for 2x/day Ritalin. He throws the other meds away because he says everyone is lying about his mental illness and that medication for mental illness isn’t real and if I ask him to take it, he says I’m not a doctor and it’s none of my business.

I only found out recently about some of the stuff that runs in the family, including depression, early dementia, and a sibling in and out of unsuccessful treatment/support for borderline personality disorder. I think that all of these things are intertwined with how he grew up and how his brain works, but I don’t know if it can be unraveled or improved.

And?

Anonymous wrote:Please stop saying people are mentally ill. Especially if you’re using it like a weapon.

It sounds like he has an anger problem and you have an unhealthy communication style in your marriage. Or, he’s been diagnosed as a depressive or has an anxiety disorder or is schizophrenic.

He’s been diagnosed with adhd and depression and anxiety and has prescriptions for both. He does not take his prescriptions except for 2x/day Ritalin. He throws the other meds away because he says everyone is lying about his mental illness and that medication for mental illness isn’t real and if I ask him to take it, he says I’m not a doctor and it’s none of my business.

I only found out recently about some of the stuff that runs in the family, including depression, early dementia, and a sibling in and out of unsuccessful treatment/support for borderline personality disorder. I think that all of these things are intertwined with how he grew up and how his brain works, but I don’t know if it can be unraveled or improved.

Anonymous wrote:What’s up with the dog comments? Clearly OP and her daughter love their dog, geez.

I love my dog too, but I would kill it myself with my bare hands, if that’s what it took, over keeping my daughter trapped in an abusive situation.

Please stop saying people are mentally ill. Especially if you’re using it like a weapon.

It sounds like he has an anger problem and you have an unhealthy communication style in your marriage. Or, he’s been diagnosed as a depressive or has an anxiety disorder or is schizophrenic.

Anonymous wrote:OP forget about the dog. The priority in this situation is your kid.

+1000, the fact that the dog is even factoring into your equation right now really makes me question your priorities as a mother.

What’s up with the dog comments? Clearly OP and her daughter love their dog, geez.

This dog of yours should not be your main concern.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a perfect example of how it is always better to separate/divorce when a marriage is bad - - most especially when children live in the home.

Because sooner or later things affect the kids.
Always.

OP >> plz do not be so hard on yourself. ❤️‍🩹
You are not a bad Mom.
It is entirely your husband’s fault that your husband treated your daughter this way!

Is there any way that you can get him to leave the home so you & your DD can resume life w/o his abuse??

Well- I left my abusive ex in 2018 and now that my daughter is a teen he turned his abuse to her (not my sons). Though I have primary custody he screamed terrible things at her and told her to “go live with mom” then didn’t speak to her for months. I had to go pick up a crying sad scared 16 year old.

So- let’s continue to blame the abusers not the women who are damned if they do and damned if they don’t.

OP and I’m sorry about your DD. Can you think of any advice for me to watch out for under the assumption that DD will have to spend time with DH in the future? She is 10, so she is old enough that she is fully aware of what happened last night and very upset and scared. DH doesn’t seem to get it and texted like “why can’t she spend the weekend with me? This is between us so if we have to be apart why do you get her?”. He doesn’t get it, and doesn’t see that he terrified her last night.

I feel like I am going crazy reading that.

For the others: dog is safe and happy with us and headed to camp with his friends this afternoon.

Call the Women's Center in Vienna, VA (703-281-2657). Tell them what you stated here.

I don't think yelling and insulting is enough to prevent him from getting partial custody, but I could be wrong. I'm not a lawyer.

My take is don't go to a hotel because that is a way to use up all your money fast. And then what?

You are going to need to think outside the box. If he begins yelling and acting up, load your daughter and your dog into the car and go someplace else. Have a few plans in place. Go for a hike now that it's summer. Go to the park and have a picnic. Stay away for a few hours to give him a chance to calm down. When you return home, do not allow him to suck you into another verbal exchange. You know your DH and that will help you step around his buttons. But if he is still spoiling for a fight and gets out of control, call the cops.

For the long run you will need to get your ducks lined up. The Women's Center will help you think things through and get a plan in place. A lawyer will help you with this as well.

Best of luck. Most of us don't enter a marriage thinking it's going to turn into this, but sometimes it does. I wish you a peaceful life once you get out of this.

OK, the abuser is clearly to blame, but please understand, the abuser is not ok in the head. They cannot change easily. They did their best up to now (call it masking perhaps), but now they are dangerous.
You need to get out, put that dog up for adoption or see who could take it. Clearly at some point you were comfortable enough with him to complicate your life with the dog. I never had such time. I was always on guard.
I left and rented a little studio nearby. My ex kept the kid from me, but since he was getting worse and worse (nobody knew about possible ASD), he finally became his worst enemy. Had he been mean to the kid, I would have recorded it and gone to police. He was mean to me, so I left.
He took himself out at some point and life is good now. You have to leave. I was the kid whose mom didn't leave. I suffered another 8 years til I was old enough to attack my father.
2 of you will fit into a studio while you are getting divorced. He will not want the kid even though he will act like he will in court. He can barely manage himself. Whatever his mental problem is, it usually gets worse with age.

Anonymous wrote:This is a perfect example of how it is always better to separate/divorce when a marriage is bad - - most especially when children live in the home.

Because sooner or later things affect the kids.
Always.

OP >> plz do not be so hard on yourself. ❤️‍🩹
You are not a bad Mom.
It is entirely your husband’s fault that your husband treated your daughter this way!

Is there any way that you can get him to leave the home so you & your DD can resume life w/o his abuse??

Well- I left my abusive ex in 2018 and now that my daughter is a teen he turned his abuse to her (not my sons). Though I have primary custody he screamed terrible things at her and told her to “go live with mom” then didn’t speak to her for months. I had to go pick up a crying sad scared 16 year old.

So- let’s continue to blame the abusers not the women who are damned if they do and damned if they don’t.

OP forget about the dog. The priority in this situation is your kid.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good luck op. Just wanted to say that if this ever happens again you can call the police. You can call the police when someone is verbally attacking you and your child.

What do you say to them? I wouldn’t know how to explain it.

You say he is in a rage, he is screaming at us and we don't know what to do, we feel unsafe. When the police come you explain DD asked if he ate her cupcake and he began raging at you with the f word, etc.