It's taboo to talk about but it's very common for mothers to favor sons over daughters - especially if the son is the youngest child. I've seen this in my own family and in friend's families. All you can really do is be there for your granddaughter. Talk to her, show interest in her, make sure that she knows that she's loved because she can probably sense that her mother is disengaged now that her little brother is here.

It also could be that DIL is stressed whenever you visit. She’s focused on the younger child, cleaning up the house, cooking and overall busy because of your visit. I have that dynamic and I’m the one that invites her over! DH wouldn’t care if the house was a mess and would offer cereal for dinner so it falls on me to do everything.

It also could be something entirely else. DH’s stepmom would always comment how we were too bonded, always hovering and always had a hand on DD. She thought it was strange we didn’t just let her run around their house so we all could chat without a kid around. Well DD was two years old and they had a 120 lb dog. DH as a young teen had been bitten by one of their Chow dogs and they laughed it, said it was DH’s fault. They also had a pool steps from their family room where they kept the sliding glass door open all the time. Yeah, we hovered and only went once.

My mother in law would say the same thing as you and it's because she wants to spend time with and direct what my kids do, so when she is around, I hand the kids over and take some time for myself. That way, I avoid conflict, she gets alone time with her grandchildren, I get some much needed downtime.

I’m going to go against the grain and give you the benefit of the doubt.

I was the unfavored child and here are things my aunt and grandmother did that helped-

- they treated us all equally
- they were kind and loving and maternal with me in the way that another female mother can be, but not as a mother as these shoes can never be fulfilled by another (this will be the child’s burden to bear and heal in the future)
- they have me appropriate encouragement and proportional praise when deserved
- they made me food when I visited and took me out for activities (that my mother never did but I don’t think they did it for this reason. They did it simply because I was a child and they were loving)

As an adult when I sought validation I did speak to my aunt, grandmother and other family members about the way my mom treated me. They validated my experience and said they saw it too and their hearts hurt for me at the time. They said they are proud of the woman I am and that I am a good mom.

There is nothing you can do. We are all dealt the hand we are dealt in life. My mother was cruel to me - she abused me physically, verbally, emotionally - often in front of my favored siblings. It was awful. I am so glad I had kind people in my lives during my childhood. I don’t think it would have helped for them to voice their observations to me. I do know my grandmother at one point did say some things to my mother about treating us equally. It did not help and my mother for very defensive. I also know people outside of our family expressed concern to my dad. He did nothing. He probably could have done something but was too afraid of my mother’s domineering personality.

You see your granddaughter once every so often and are surprised she wants tk be affectionate to you over her mother who she sees every day?

Anonymous wrote:Offer to adopt the unwanted and neglected child.

+1
Many grandparents have done this.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re drawing a LOT of conclusions here. My sister was my mother’s favorite child, received endless maternal love and affection, and still had a favorite stuffed animal she didn’t like to leave behind.

Some people are better parents to four year olds than six year olds. Some are better with tweens. Be the best grandparent you can, and stop judging something that is out of your lane before you create an estrangement.

This is so sad (no sarcasm or condescension intended). I always just get sidetracked when people share their own stories on here, so sorry for the derailment. Did your mother still show you some affection?

Yes, my point was that even a favorite and beloved child could easily still exhibit the behavior OP finds so “worrying”— wanting to be with a stuffed animal


My mother loved me very much we just didn’t have the specific bond she had with my sister, my dad and I are especially close.

PP glad to hear that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re drawing a LOT of conclusions here. My sister was my mother’s favorite child, received endless maternal love and affection, and still had a favorite stuffed animal she didn’t like to leave behind.

Some people are better parents to four year olds than six year olds. Some are better with tweens. Be the best grandparent you can, and stop judging something that is out of your lane before you create an estrangement.

This is so sad (no sarcasm or condescension intended). I always just get sidetracked when people share their own stories on here, so sorry for the derailment. Did your mother still show you some affection?

Yes, my point was that even a favorite and beloved child could easily still exhibit the behavior OP finds so “worrying”— wanting to be with a stuffed animal


My mother loved me very much we just didn’t have the specific bond she had with my sister, my dad and I are especially close.

You don’t address it. You also have to realize that even though you think you see them all the time, you really don’t. You are a guest at their house or you are somewhere out of their home. You are not seeing their day to day life when they aren’t hosting or visiting.

I hope this is a troll. You think a 6 year old loves her stuffies because her mom is cold?

I could read this as the opposite: this child's bond with her mother is so strong the child feels confident enough to explore and deepen relationships with people who are not her primary caretaker (ie: you).

The granddaughter is “attractive”? Would OP have different opinions if her granddaughter were ugly? WITW!

This grandmother sounds insufferable

Anonymous wrote:My granddaughter is 6, and by most accounts she’s a pleasant, attractive child. She and her cousins play well together but she and her little brother can both be a little hyper and show off sometimes. But I have some concerns about my DIL and her daughter’s bond.

Ever since she had her second who is now 4, my DIL has been seemingly disengaged with her oldest. The oldest before was an easy baby but to me isn’t very affectionate with her mother at all. I don’t think I’ve seen her pick her daughter up or play with her ever and we spend a good deal of time together. Granddaughter is a very affectionate kid but always goes to her dad, myself, or DH. She plays very well with her cousins but is very attached to stuffed animals still and always has the favorite one with her and sometimes a few others, even brings them on the school bus, and gets sad when you say she can’t take it with her. I worry that this is due to my DIL ignoring her.

I have a lot of grandkids the same ages who are much more attached to their mothers and to be clear I don’t suspect that granddaughter is being abused, but I do suspect she’s being ignored but I don’t want to seem like the mean MIL! How would you address this?

Did trump write this?!

My sister openly favors her middle son - her eldest was the second coming until the second came along following a string of miscarriages… eldest now acts and looks like his father (who my sister divorced) and he is no longer in favor. I try to be extra nice to him and my mother texts him and checks in on him, but it’s not really our business.