My mom and my brother both have passed- my dad goes to their graves (buried next to each other) a few times a week. His mother and father are also in the same cemetery (different part) and he visits them, as well. In face, lots of friends and extended family members are buried there so he visits them all.

I live about 3 hours away and go a couple times a year. I always run into someone I know there- must be our culture!

Anonymous wrote:I’m life planning and want to be buried out of the state where I am a present resident. My DD who’s a teenager expressed that she would want to visit me and being out of state would be difficult to make that work out for her.

I realized that as a family, I was not raised in a home that visited the deceased family members grave sites. I remember visiting once or twice the gravesite of my grandmother and great-grandmother and never since. All recent family deaths have been the same. No one visits once the person is in the ground.

FWIW my kids have never visited the gravesite of my father after he passed either. I do wonder would I want my kids to come visit or would I want them to go on as my family members have always done and not visit.

I haven't visited my grandparents graves since their burials. I do visit my father's when I travel to my hometown, and I travel 5 hours once a year for the birthday of close friend who passed. It will vary by family though. If your child expressed a desire to have a place to visit and grieve, it's worth taking into consideration when you make your decision.

Anonymous wrote:Does anyone go to a grave and wonder about the current state of the body? That always goes through my mind and is maybe behind my preference for cremation.

I do that but not necessarily when I visit the grave.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I never met most of my relatives as they lived across the world. It was very meaningful to visit their graves since I never met them when they were alive.

However, not sure how often I would visit a grave of a family member if I lived nearby. I would probably prefer to just remember them.

I visited my great grandparents' graves on a trip home across the world. I don't think anyone had been there for 80 years or more. They died before
their grandkids were born. The graves were in a massive cemetery (thousands of old graves) and I didn't see any other visitors in the whole place. It made me wonder if the value of these burials. It reminded me of the movie Coco where you disappear when the last living person who remembers you dies.

In France you only lease your spot and it gets recycled once there's nobody willing or alive to pay.

What do they do with the remains?

Does anyone go to a grave and wonder about the current state of the body? That always goes through my mind and is maybe behind my preference for cremation.

Anonymous wrote:I never met most of my relatives as they lived across the world. It was very meaningful to visit their graves since I never met them when they were alive.

However, not sure how often I would visit a grave of a family member if I lived nearby. I would probably prefer to just remember them.

I visited my great grandparents' graves on a trip home across the world. I don't think anyone had been there for 80 years or more. They died before
their grandkids were born. The graves were in a massive cemetery (thousands of old graves) and I didn't see any other visitors in the whole place. It made me wonder if the value of these burials. It reminded me of the movie Coco where you disappear when the last living person who remembers you dies.

In France you only lease your spot and it gets recycled once there's nobody willing or alive to pay.

No. My parents are buried in a huge perpetual care cemetery aside my grandparents and great uncles 250 miles away.

I have no interest in ever visiting; it’s too painful and emotional. My mom died in 2023 but always insisted that I take her to visit the graves anytime we were in the area (we used to regularly visit her few remaining friends).

My mom also (a year before she died) changed her preferences for her headstone: everyone else has simple name/birth year-death format but she opted for a bigger and noticeably more elaborate piece. She was incredibly narcissistic and remains so! Maybe in a few years I’ll see the humor and visit but not now.

My faith reassures me that none of my relatives are there…always thought it was odd to “visit” the cemetery.