Anonymous
05/04/2025 15:24
Subject: Re:DS smoking cigarettes WWYD?
I would ask him about it and respond based upon the answer. It may have been a posed photograph. It may have been something that he tried once, didn't like, and won't try again.
Either way, it's his life and his health, and, unlike most illegal drugs, tobacco isn't likely to cause harm to others (secondhand smoke aside). If it becomes a habit, you can and should refuse to allow it in your home and refuse to support it financially.
Either way, it's his life and his health, and, unlike most illegal drugs, tobacco isn't likely to cause harm to others (secondhand smoke aside). If it becomes a habit, you can and should refuse to allow it in your home and refuse to support it financially.
Anonymous
05/04/2025 14:22
Subject: DS smoking cigarettes WWYD?
He's almost 18 let it go. Why did you send your 16 year old away if you wanted complete control over him?
Anonymous
05/04/2025 14:06
Subject: DS smoking cigarettes WWYD?
Anonymous wrote:When you send a teenager away to a foreign country, I think you should completely assume they will drink and smoke. They are less supervised and social norms are really different. You also have no idea if this picture is a one off or he is smoking daily. Honestly, I think you need to simmer down.
Let him come home. Be happy to see him. Give it a week and then bring up that you know he was smoking and want to discuss how much he was doing it and whether he needs some sort of help in quitting.
Add me to the list of people that smoked socially a bit from age 13-22. It was completely stupid. I am appalled with myself. I was also a kid with super high grades that finished at an Ivy League law school. Luckily, I never had a trouble quitting because it was just a social thing and apparently I’m not someone that easily gets addicted to nicotine.
There’s really no reason to be appalled with yourself. All of my friends except for two smoked in high school and/or college. Except for one person we all quit after college. Many people smoked 20 years ago.
Anonymous
05/04/2025 14:00
Subject: DS smoking cigarettes WWYD?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:You have a conversation and approach it from a place is empathy.
Give him the homecoming you want. Then at a separate point, sit down, show him or don't show him the photo, but say "hey, I saw a photo of you smoking on your trip. What's going on?" And open the conversation from there.
This is the best advice in the thread.
This.
I truly can't believe some of the insane responses.
Anonymous
05/04/2025 12:47
Subject: DS smoking cigarettes WWYD?
Hopefully it's just a phase before he gets hooked. At his 6 month dental checkup his dentist will most likely give him a lecture about his stained brown teeth and bad breath.
Most people will not want to kiss someone who smokes so that makes dating difficult. Good luck.
Most people will not want to kiss someone who smokes so that makes dating difficult. Good luck.
Anonymous
05/04/2025 12:43
Subject: DS smoking cigarettes WWYD?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Make him smoke a whole pack at one time when he gets back.
I literally came here to say this. This approach actually works.
Stupidest comment yet. He’s 17 not 12. You can’t “make him” smoke a whole pack at once.
Some kids take up smoking. It’s disappointing but not the end of the world. He’s close to being an adult now and probably at some point will drop the habit. Don’t harp on it. Don’t try to control every decision he makes good or bad.
Anonymous
05/04/2025 11:02
Subject: DS smoking cigarettes WWYD?
Anonymous wrote:Make him smoke a whole pack at one time when he gets back.
I literally came here to say this. This approach actually works.
Anonymous
05/04/2025 10:52
Subject: DS smoking cigarettes WWYD?
Anonymous wrote:When you send a teenager away to a foreign country, I think you should completely assume they will drink and smoke. They are less supervised and social norms are really different. You also have no idea if this picture is a one off or he is smoking daily. Honestly, I think you need to simmer down.
Let him come home. Be happy to see him. Give it a week and then bring up that you know he was smoking and want to discuss how much he was doing it and whether he needs some sort of help in quitting.
Add me to the list of people that smoked socially a bit from age 13-22. It was completely stupid. I am appalled with myself. I was also a kid with super high grades that finished at an Ivy League law school. Luckily, I never had an trouble quitting because it was just a social thing and apparently I’m not someone that easily gets addicted to nicotine.
+1
Anonymous
05/04/2025 10:50
Subject: DS smoking cigarettes WWYD?
One good thrashing is needed.
Though, how a 17 year old thought that this would be acceptable?
Though, how a 17 year old thought that this would be acceptable?
Anonymous
05/04/2025 10:48
Subject: DS smoking cigarettes WWYD?
Make him smoke a whole pack at one time when he gets back.
Anonymous
05/04/2025 10:32
Subject: DS smoking cigarettes WWYD?
Anonymous wrote:You have a conversation and approach it from a place is empathy.
Give him the homecoming you want. Then at a separate point, sit down, show him or don't show him the photo, but say "hey, I saw a photo of you smoking on your trip. What's going on?" And open the conversation from there.
This is the best advice in the thread.
Anonymous
05/04/2025 10:26
Subject: DS smoking cigarettes WWYD?
Tell him he must quit for employability and dating marketability. It's not accepted anymore.
Anonymous
05/04/2025 09:41
Subject: DS smoking cigarettes WWYD?
When you send a teenager away to a foreign country, I think you should completely assume they will drink and smoke. They are less supervised and social norms are really different. You also have no idea if this picture is a one off or he is smoking daily. Honestly, I think you need to simmer down.
Let him come home. Be happy to see him. Give it a week and then bring up that you know he was smoking and want to discuss how much he was doing it and whether he needs some sort of help in quitting.
Add me to the list of people that smoked socially a bit from age 13-22. It was completely stupid. I am appalled with myself. I was also a kid with super high grades that finished at an Ivy League law school. Luckily, I never had an trouble quitting because it was just a social thing and apparently I’m not someone that easily gets addicted to nicotine.
Let him come home. Be happy to see him. Give it a week and then bring up that you know he was smoking and want to discuss how much he was doing it and whether he needs some sort of help in quitting.
Add me to the list of people that smoked socially a bit from age 13-22. It was completely stupid. I am appalled with myself. I was also a kid with super high grades that finished at an Ivy League law school. Luckily, I never had an trouble quitting because it was just a social thing and apparently I’m not someone that easily gets addicted to nicotine.
Anonymous
05/04/2025 09:30
Subject: DS smoking cigarettes WWYD?
Don’t worry. With the cost of a pack of cigarettes in the US, your kid won’t be able to afford smoking here (unless you’re one of those ridiculous parents giving your teen an allowance).
Anonymous
05/04/2025 09:28
Subject: DS smoking cigarettes WWYD?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Better than vaping.
Honestly, I agree with this. My response to vaping would be worse than an actual cigarette.
I wonder if OP's son was in an international program? That would make sense to me if he started smoking since cigarettes are more prevalent there.
+1. If he’s an international program, it may be weird not to smoke. Learning how to socially smoke can be important depending on the context. It’s like learning how to drink socially. If I’m on a job interview and everyone is ordering drinks, I know how to order and drink in a way where I stay absolutely sharp during the interview, but look like I fit in. If your son wants that skill, it’s a good one to learn. Some people don’t want those skills, and that’s fine too. But really, it should be his decision.