Anonymous
Post 05/01/2025 10:12     Subject: Anyone opt out of cooking and cleaning?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I’ve realized over the last few months that I absolutely hate cooking and cleaning. I’ve been doing less of them, and the less I do, the happier I feel.

I didn’t mind them when I was single because it was just me and it took maybe 15 minutes a day. But I hate cleaning an entire house and trying to feed 4 people.

I’m heavily leaning towards just hiring a housekeeper and meal delivery services for myself. The kids are picky and I’m happy to spend 5 minutes making a sandwich and sliced veggies. H would have to fend for himself for dinner. I make more money than H and can afford meal delivery for myself but not for both of us (but if he wants to pay for his that’s fine).

Anyone done anything like this? H made dinner tonight, which means I’m on dish duty, but I’m looking at this massive pile of dishes, pots, pans, the blender is out, sauces and spills on the counter and floors, and just thinking….im tired of wasting hours of my life feeding and cleaning up after people.


You should not be a parent.
You should not be a wife.
You should live alone in a reclusive environment. You’ll be happier.


OP. True, I don’t like being a wife. I do enjoy my kids, though.

I think the ideal is if it was just my kids and me. I’d downsize and simplify. But with H we need a bigger house, more food, etc. and unfortunately since H isn’t career focused, it lands on me.

Which is fine. I actually really love working. But I hate working AND having to care for another adult.
Anonymous
Post 05/01/2025 06:52     Subject: Re:Anyone opt out of cooking and cleaning?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Wow, tons of lazy and pathetic people on this post…

It could be put more charitably than this, but +1. What’s next? Are you opting out of jeans for sweatpants because they’re too much work, or bathing because you just get dirty and have to shower again every day? That’s life! Opt out if you dare.

I dare! You wear jeans around the house when you are taking care of family business? Why, exactly?


My dad does and always has. He’d change out of his suit into a shirt and jeans, and start cooking dinner, doing laundry, helping with homework, etc. He only wears sweatpants when home sick.
Anonymous
Post 05/01/2025 06:47     Subject: Anyone opt out of cooking and cleaning?
Anonymous wrote:I’ve realized over the last few months that I absolutely hate cooking and cleaning. I’ve been doing less of them, and the less I do, the happier I feel.

I didn’t mind them when I was single because it was just me and it took maybe 15 minutes a day. But I hate cleaning an entire house and trying to feed 4 people.

I’m heavily leaning towards just hiring a housekeeper and meal delivery services for myself. The kids are picky and I’m happy to spend 5 minutes making a sandwich and sliced veggies. H would have to fend for himself for dinner. I make more money than H and can afford meal delivery for myself but not for both of us (but if he wants to pay for his that’s fine).

Anyone done anything like this? H made dinner tonight, which means I’m on dish duty, but I’m looking at this massive pile of dishes, pots, pans, the blender is out, sauces and spills on the counter and floors, and just thinking….im tired of wasting hours of my life feeding and cleaning up after people.


You should not be a parent.
You should not be a wife.
You should live alone in a reclusive environment. You’ll be happier.
Anonymous
Post 05/01/2025 06:35     Subject: Re:Anyone opt out of cooking and cleaning?
Anonymous wrote:You would seriously buy meal delivery for yourself but not your H and make him pay for it himself? Do you even like him? How do families like this manage?


+1
Anonymous
Post 04/30/2025 23:01     Subject: Re:Anyone opt out of cooking and cleaning?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Wow, tons of lazy and pathetic people on this post…

It could be put more charitably than this, but +1. What’s next? Are you opting out of jeans for sweatpants because they’re too much work, or bathing because you just get dirty and have to shower again every day? That’s life! Opt out if you dare.

I dare! You wear jeans around the house when you are taking care of family business? Why, exactly?
Anonymous
Post 04/30/2025 17:12     Subject: Anyone opt out of cooking and cleaning?
oh hell no. If you cook- you do dishes! DH and I both cook 50% of the time. He makes a massive mess and uses 4 pots every time. I make just as nice of a dinner in a sheet pan or use one pot. I refuse to clean up that mess.

How do you get food delivery? I would order from restaurants but the salt and fat is out of control. I just want regular, home cooked meals delivered to me.
Anonymous
Post 04/30/2025 17:08     Subject: Anyone opt out of cooking and cleaning?
I’ve known people who do this. I can’t imagine it for me, my kids need my support and healthy cooking to focus on their studies. They often help cook and clean, too. Maybe that should be a group effort instead of your job.
Anonymous
Post 04/30/2025 16:59     Subject: Re:Anyone opt out of cooking and cleaning?
Anonymous wrote:You would seriously buy meal delivery for yourself but not your H and make him pay for it himself? Do you even like him? How do families like this manage?


Rip off the bandage and get a divorce!
Anonymous
Post 04/30/2025 16:54     Subject: Anyone opt out of cooking and cleaning?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Your husband is a slob. Everyone I know cleans as they go except one person who literally throws out dirty pots and pans after leaving them to rot for weeks, and buys new ones at Ross or Goodwill multiple times a year.

Also, you can use the aluminum tins that you just toss afterwards. I baked chicken in one today and tossed it out after. Stuffed shells last week and tossed it after. Cuts down on a lot of scrubbing.

Tell. your husband to clean while things are cooking.


He’s ADHD and there’s no way he’d be able to do that. I’d press the issue but he already takes medication, does therapy, and really tries hard. He’s just not gonna be able to multitask like that.


I'm the one who suggested that and I have ADHD. I don't think of it as doing two things at once. I put the chicken in the oven to bake, check the time, and then start washing everything dirty. Then I hang out for a while, get a plate ready, then take the chicken out. Maybe his ADHD is much more severe than mine?
Anonymous
Post 04/30/2025 16:29     Subject: Anyone opt out of cooking and cleaning?
Anonymous wrote:I’ve realized over the last few months that I absolutely hate cooking and cleaning. I’ve been doing less of them, and the less I do, the happier I feel.

I didn’t mind them when I was single because it was just me and it took maybe 15 minutes a day. But I hate cleaning an entire house and trying to feed 4 people.

I’m heavily leaning towards just hiring a housekeeper and meal delivery services for myself. The kids are picky and I’m happy to spend 5 minutes making a sandwich and sliced veggies. H would have to fend for himself for dinner. I make more money than H and can afford meal delivery for myself but not for both of us (but if he wants to pay for his that’s fine).

Anyone done anything like this? H made dinner tonight, which means I’m on dish duty, but I’m looking at this massive pile of dishes, pots, pans, the blender is out, sauces and spills on the counter and floors, and just thinking….im tired of wasting hours of my life feeding and cleaning up after people.


I don't see any problem with outsourcing it but wanting to do it just for yourself is a red flag.
Anonymous
Post 04/30/2025 16:24     Subject: Re:Anyone opt out of cooking and cleaning?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You would seriously buy meal delivery for yourself but not your H and make him pay for it himself? Do you even like him? How do families like this manage?


OP. It’s about $2k a month for me. I do freelance work, so I just have to pick up an extra gig and I’ll be able to afford it.

H isn’t career motivated and is happy with a job that doesn’t pay well. I’m okay with that, but I don’t want to have to pick up extra work to feed him.


If you want a successful marriage, this isn’t the way to go. Sorry but the idea of feeding only yourself, telling husband he is on his own and kids get sliced veggies (!) is just not a realistic solution and will cause a lot of unnecessary strife.

If you need to do a meal delivery or pre made meals, it needs to be for all of you.

Otherwise I’d suggest having you and the kids do cleanup and the husband cook or vice versa, and switch to simpler meals like crockpot, omelets, one pan skillet dinners. There are entire cookbooks devoted to easy meals like sheet pan dinners.
Anonymous
Post 04/30/2025 16:21     Subject: Re:Anyone opt out of cooking and cleaning?
Anonymous wrote:Wow, tons of lazy and pathetic people on this post…

It could be put more charitably than this, but +1. What’s next? Are you opting out of jeans for sweatpants because they’re too much work, or bathing because you just get dirty and have to shower again every day? That’s life! Opt out if you dare.
Anonymous
Post 04/30/2025 16:05     Subject: Anyone opt out of cooking and cleaning?
Yep. I'm in this boat. Feeding the last kid in high school and myself and DH is on his own. He can cook if he wants, nobody's holding him hostage. During the 25+ years I haven't had once an occasion where I sit down and the dinner is served to me (except take-out). I've heard it all: I don't know how, I don't want to, it's too difficult, it takes too much time, my mom didn't teach me how, I don't want to open a cookbook or look for a recipe online. Blah-blah model love and sitting down and women hovering... I'm showing my kids that if you choose to not cook as an adult, absolutely nobody will care whether you eat or not. There is no magic cooking fairy. I'd also rather sit on a couch and read news on my iPad.
Anonymous
Post 04/30/2025 09:15     Subject: Anyone opt out of cooking and cleaning?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Your husband is a slob. Everyone I know cleans as they go except one person who literally throws out dirty pots and pans after leaving them to rot for weeks, and buys new ones at Ross or Goodwill multiple times a year.

Also, you can use the aluminum tins that you just toss afterwards. I baked chicken in one today and tossed it out after. Stuffed shells last week and tossed it after. Cuts down on a lot of scrubbing.

Tell. your husband to clean while things are cooking.


i think the solution here is that the cooker cleans, that way there is incentive not to make a big mess. my husband does "clean" after dinner, but never all the way (leaves things in sink, doesn't get ALL the items used in the sink/dishwasher, etc.).


I’m the husband and do all the cooking. I buy all my dinner ingredients too. And you expect me to do the dinner cleanup on top of all that? And then hear the complaint that it’s never “all the way”?


not in your case, bc you cook all the time.

i cook all the time, too, and i don't complain, i just have to go back and finish cleaning the kitchen. it is not all that helpful for someone else to "clean the kitchen" if the cooker still has to go back and finish cleaning the kitchen.
Anonymous
Post 04/30/2025 09:14     Subject: Anyone opt out of cooking and cleaning?
Anonymous wrote:I’ve realized over the last few months that I absolutely hate cooking and cleaning. I’ve been doing less of them, and the less I do, the happier I feel.

I didn’t mind them when I was single because it was just me and it took maybe 15 minutes a day. But I hate cleaning an entire house and trying to feed 4 people.

I’m heavily leaning towards just hiring a housekeeper and meal delivery services for myself. The kids are picky and I’m happy to spend 5 minutes making a sandwich and sliced veggies. H would have to fend for himself for dinner. I make more money than H and can afford meal delivery for myself but not for both of us (but if he wants to pay for his that’s fine).

Anyone done anything like this? H made dinner tonight, which means I’m on dish duty, but I’m looking at this massive pile of dishes, pots, pans, the blender is out, sauces and spills on the counter and floors, and just thinking….im tired of wasting hours of my life feeding and cleaning up after people.


I can see that you have big problems in your life.