My niece had her stylist do bright pink highlights that washed out over a few months. Maybe that could be a good compromise

watching kids in middle school, they tend to dye it (always non permanent) a couple of times and then get bored. I say it's her hair and its not permanent. Stakes are so low as to be non existent. it's like not allowing make-up or nail polish till age 16 (which was the rule for my mom in the mid 60s).

17:43 again and piercings were a little different for us because we had to time those around sports. I had to have DD understand the care involved and the risk of infection but other than that, I don’t care if she wants multiple (on her ears).

DH and I are pretty conservative too with our values, but not with hair. It’s just hair and it grows. I wouldn’t fight this if you can afford it. Get it done professionally.

During Covid when DD was in 4th grade we bought all sorts of hair products to bleach and color sections of her hair different colors. She had different color streaks for the next two years. Shes in 8th grade and it’s long grown out. It gave us something to do while we were all home. It probably damaged her hair but it all grew out.

She wants highlights now and I told her she can get them this summer when she starts HS. Our conservative values don’t translate to hair!

Just let her do something like manic panic - it lasts 6-8 weeks. https://manicpanic.com/collections/amplified-hair-dye/products/hot-hot-pink-semi-permanent-hair-dye

There is also the Kool Aid method, which my friend's kids did around that age.

Yes this is petty - pick your battles.
However all over pink is a maintenance cost issue so I’d only allow streaks anyway

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with you, I wouldn’t let my kid do that. There needs to be a conversation about why do you feel the need to do this, then find a more appropriate way to express themselves. Honestly, if they start dyeing now their hair will be toast by 18 and they will regret it…” mom, why’d you let me do that!”

+1. I started perming my hair in 10th grade, this was the 80s with big hair, and my hair was straw at certain point.

And guess who I took it out on?

Well you were stupid. Your mother wasn't responsible for your decisions. The fact that you were dumb enough to think she was makes you a person not to take seriously.

Our DD went to Catholic school through 12th grade, so that took care of this itch for a while. But a month after graduation, she absolutely had to die her hair hot pink. She has brown hair so it was a very long and expensive endeavor. A few weeks in, the roots started to show, and then it was constant maintenance, bleaching, dying. To get it done correctly (or fixed after she tried to maintain it herself), it cost hundreds of dollars. She started college in the fall with zero money in the bank and was not able to maintain the hot pink while at school, so it grew out and looked horrible (the pink eventually washed out and she just had bleach blond hair with very long brown roots). The following summer, she died it all back to brown and she’s now very happy to have low-maintenance, cheap hair!

She can do it after she is 18 and also not living in our house and also not living on our money.

DD is a swimmer and I allowed her to get highlights + color once. Never again wanted to again because of how hard it was to maintain

Anonymous wrote:I agree with you, I wouldn’t let my kid do that. There needs to be a conversation about why do you feel the need to do this, then find a more appropriate way to express themselves. Honestly, if they start dyeing now their hair will be toast by 18 and they will regret it…” mom, why’d you let me do that!”

+1. I started perming my hair in 10th grade, this was the 80s with big hair, and my hair was straw at certain point.

And guess who I took it out on?

I agree with you, I wouldn’t let my kid do that. There needs to be a conversation about why do you feel the need to do this, then find a more appropriate way to express themselves. Honestly, if they start dyeing now their hair will be toast by 18 and they will regret it…” mom, why’d you let me do that!”

I’m not saying she will do worse later, but hair dye at 13 is not a big deal. My brother wanted long hair like the 80s hair bands as a kid. My parents would not allow it. He’s now 50 and hasn’t cut his hair since he turned 18. I vote to let her get it out of her system.

Anonymous wrote:I don't know that she'll rebel, but it also seems like a dumb rule to enforce. It's hair. It grows out. The consequences of letting her do it are essentially nothing.

Well, yes it does grow out. But it takes years. Dying hair bright pink means bleaching it first. She already has porous curly hair and is in chlorine. It will trash her hair. If she wants to back to a natural looking color it has to be stripped and dyed again- which again is harsh on hair and needs regular toning or it will fade and get brassy. Even semi permanent pink hair dye, while not as harsh, sometimes doesn’t completely wash out. If you have shoulder length or longer hair, it will take 3+ yrs it grow back out your natural hair color. Assuming you just stop all together and don’t get caught in the dye and tone cycle

I let my 12/13 year old (black hair) dye it with purple streaks. Of course it needed to be bleached first. First time I paid for it at the salon after a successful 6th grade report card. After the purple wore off, the streaks remained and she wanted to dye those blue. I helped her with a store-bought box, maybe $10. After that I warned her that she'd be paying for the store-bought dye if she wanted to do it again. I think she used birthday money one more time and the novelty wore off, along with the color. The streaks grew out over a couple of years and weren't that noticeable.

Hopefully she will remember that I was flexible and fun, at least for this instance. In all other ways I'm a conservative parent and hold a hard line on things that we value as a family. Hair color was an easy win, as were a second set of holes in her ears at 15.

Good luck!